So yeah...hello again hahaha, this is for those HonoKoto fans out there :) slight angst here people but it's a happy fic altogether (0~0) Please read the end note, it really would help us both (0~0) (07/08/2017) I removed and added a few things.
Honoka sighs for the nth time since she left Otonokizaka High premises. She didn't have anyone to accompany her, Kotori said she'll wait for her mother to finish work while Umi had her kyudo practice. Days like this, walking home alone, gave the energetic leader of μ's time to think about random things that happened for the past few months.
Eli and Nozomi started dating each other, they're pretty much inseparable (as if they weren't when they were still best friends) but this time they're really~ inseparable. Maki and Nico are still at each other's throats but lately, it seems like they're just playfully annoying each other. Rin and Hanayo are still the same...while me...
She looks ahead of her. The leaves swayed to the dance of the wind, the sun's heat tickling her skin, the weather's nice today. And sadly she cannot share it with her beloved.
She shut her eyes, the memory of Kotori and her walking down this street became vivid. They were laughing, talking about things. Even after ten years of being each other's best friends they never ran out of topics to talk about. But that wasn't the best part yet, all this happened while their fingers were interlocked with each other. Her heart flutters at the thought of Kotori's soft hands touching hers. Having Kotori's warmth spread throughout her being, it made her feel secure and comfortable as if God made their hands like puzzle pieces, they perfectly fit the other. She opens her eyes and stares at her hand. Right now, Kotori's warmth is not with her, Kotori's not with her.
Honoka shook her head and slapped her cheeks, "Wake up Honoka. It's not as if you two are together." she mumbles to herself and almost immediately she felt pain in her chest. We're not together. We're not together. repeated in her head like a mantra. She thought of herself as a masochist, she loved to hurt herself emotionally, in exchange to not hurting Kotori.
I was not like this before. But that was before the Kotori crisis. She thought. Is it really alright to consider others feelings first? In exchange of considering my own?
It wasn't fair. How Honoka hoped (and at the same time not hope) that she was still that high school girl who couldn't care less about the world, of other people's feelings. It was a selfish wish but almost losing Kotori once opened her eyes for the better. Probably now, it's for the worse.
"I want to do something that won't make anyone sad." she remembers saying that once, and she is doing her best to fulfill it. Or am I? she thought. Loving Kotori, it was full of surprises but also full of jealousy. and Hurt. It's funny how Honoka's making herself an exception to her own words. Just to keep herself from going insane from loving Kotori so much.
Things like this Honoka thought, Why can't I be straightforward again? It was a pointless question. She knew the answer, she always knew it. And it hurt her.
Yeah, if I did confess...Kotori and I might not be friends anymore...Honoka knew she had no chance. Kotori was like a lone star in the midnight sky. She shone brightly, so beautiful and elegant. Yet she was out of reach, no matter what that star will leave, no that star is already gone it's too far. That's what Honoka thinks.
Kotori, even though she's near she seems so far away. Even if she's near, it doesn't mean she'll always stand by Honoka. She'll leave, find someone worthy of her and gets married. And Honoka will be left behind, watching her back disappear into the light. Watching her unrequited love leave her behind.
Honoka stopped walking, she couldn't. Her eyes were blurred and she felt something warm cradle down her face. Are those tears? she touches her face. She cannot count how many times she had cried for Kotori. Her dear Kotori. Her best friend. Her oblivious best friend.
"I, I need to talk to her," she says to herself and dug into her bag to get her phone. It became a habit, wanting to hear Kotori's voice to calm herself. While still cutting the wound in her heart deeper.
"W-What?" she kept on digging for the rectangular shaped object but alas, her phone was not there. Oh. She wiped off her tears and turned around, going back to Otonoki.
It didn't take her too long, she wasn't that far from school anyways. She hurriedly ran up the stairs and went to her homeroom. She takes her pink cellphone from her desk before placing it in her bag. Honoka smiles, having momentarily forgotten about her sadness.
She went out of the building and as soon as her eyes landed on the gate her eyes widened. It was Kotori, leaning against the gate pillar. The girl was constantly looking at her watch and eyeing something in front of her, whixh was in this case in Honoka's right.
She smiled, it was a reflex whenever she saw Kotori. She took a step forward and was about to wave and call out her name when she saw someone else approaching the ash-brunette.
Honoka didn't know why but she hid behind a tree. She peeks one eye out and saw Umi who had come from kyudo practice. On the sight of the bluenette, Kotori seemingly stood up straight and waved at her.
Honoka chuckles at herself, they're my friends, why am I hiding? She was about to leave her hiding spot when she heard Umi spoke, her words making her freeze in place.
"Did you wait too long?" Honoka's brows furrowed. What? Kotori said...
"Honoka-chan, you can go on ahead, I'll be joining oka-san on the way home."
Was she lying to me? She grits her teeth to contain the ache in her heart that came from Kotori's possible lie.
"No," Kotori shook her head, "Let's go?"
Umi nods, "Sure, I'll just tell oka-san I'll be home late. Is there anyone at your house, Kotori?"
"Mm, oka-san went home earlier."
So she was lying. I, I could've joined them, I could've stayed late as well. Why didn't they invite me? What are Kotori and Umi-chan doing without me? Honoka shut her eyes, no, if it was that I'm pretty sure they would've told me. I'm their friend after all.
Still, the thought of Kotori and Umi, holding hands and being all lovey dovey made her hurt more. No, she would've preferred being kept in the dark if it means that...or not, she would want to know so she won't get her hopes up whenever Kotori does something sweet towards her. No, Honoka's at a lost. She doesn't know what she'd want in this.
She glances at the two again and the sight broke her heart. The hand, the one she thought was only for her, was intertwined with Umi's, all the while smiles plastered on their faces. Yeah...I'm not a special case, Kotori-chan does these things to others too, not only me. I'm just Honoka, her best friend.
And like that, the two of them walked off. When they were safely out of her reach, Honoka left her hiding spot and looked at their backs and just like that she felt it again, Kotori was leaving her, disappearing with someone else. Only this time, it was real.
All the way home, Honoka dwelled into self-hate. I knew sooner or later Kotori-chan will fall in love. Someone who's great and all. I'm just Honoka. If she were to choose between me and Umi-chan...the answer is too clear. I cannot compete with her. She's everyone's favorite, everyone's role model. I'm just...I'm just me, little old Honoka.
Her tears were freely flowing again, she didn't care who saw her. The weird school girl crying. Yeah, that's just who she is.
"Honoka?" Oh, I'm home. "Tadaima," she mumbles, loud enough for her mother to hear. The concerned Mrs. Kousaka called her name out again but she didn't respond and went straight upstairs. She heard her sister, mother, and father talking downstairs, she didn't even notice them.
"Is she alright?"
Honoka's bag landed with a thud and she slid her door quietly. She brought her palms up and rested them on the door. "I'm not," she whispers.
"You're not what?" her eyes widen and she turned around quickly. On her bed was a woman, probably in her mid-twenties. She was wearing a black fedora hat with a brown lace, black aviator glasses over her eyes, a white sleeveless dress that was above her knees, donned with a blazer. To finish it off was a gray tasseled scarf that was loosely wrapped around her neck. She didn't know this girl and only one thought was on her mind: shout.
"WH-mph!" Before she could scream bloody murder, the shady intruder's palm smacked on her lips, preventing her from speaking. She had forgotten the events from earlier, well she didn't mean to but this was a pretty good distraction...at the same time probably dangerous.
"I won't hurt you I promise...just, don't shout please?" the woman whispered nervously. Honoka didn't know what to do, she didn't know this person who's in her room. Wait, how did she get in her room?
"Please?" the woman repeated. Honoka had no choice, who knows what this woman would do if she continued resisting. She nods.
"Good." the woman smiled and stood back. "Don't worry I'm not a thief or rapist," she said, hoping for the younger girl to trust her a bit.
Honoka eyed her up and down, your get up proves otherwise...um...
"You know it's kind of sketchy to wear sunglasses inside the room." Honoka scratched her nose lightly.
The woman tilted her head sidewards, rather cutely. Honoka noticed a few locks of blonde hair sticking out.
"O-oh," she chuckles dorkily, "Sorry I forgot I was wearing one in the first place." the woman brought a hand up and removed her sunglasses. "Better?"
Honoka's mouth hung open. The woman, she's downright beautiful. Her eyes were dark brown, her nose was pointed and cute, her lips were plump and pink. In other words, this woman was flawlessly beautiful. Before she could utter anoter word, the woman beat her to it.
"Wah~ this room's so cute!" the woman fawned over Honoka's room, while the owner stood dazed in place, "God, I missed these mangas- hey, hey you wouldn't mind if I read some of these right?" she took a bunch of books and showed them to Honoka. This woman, despite looking so mature and elegant, is childish. Honoka smiled, she's not entirely shady, is she...
"U-um...may I ask who you are?"
Honoka scratched her cheek and looked everywhere except the blonde girl, "I mean, I came home...feeling sad about..." she paused, "something and there was this woman lying on my bed so comfortably...I'm kind of a loss here...um..."
She looked at Honoka as she trails off, "O-oh! I'm sorry I forgot to introduce myself. I'm..." she stopped. What am I supposed to tell her?
"I'm Raise Kou." she says with a smile.
Honoka blinked. "That name-"
"And you are?"
"U-Uh...Kousaka Honoka." Honoka extends her hand out which the woman gladly took. Honoka looked deep into her brown eyes, it seemed familiar and at the same time foreign. Who could she be?
"Honoka...chan? Can I call you that?" Kou asks to which Honoka slowly nodded, "Then I'll call you Kou-senpai?"
Kou shook her head, "Please call me...Kou-chan...I guess?- That is if it's okay with you...I- uh...oh gosh." Kou's face glowed bright red and she turns away from Honoka. She's also not good with her words...huh? Wait I got too carried away!
"May I ask what are you doing in my room and...how you got in...?"
Kou looks at her for a second before her eyes widened, "O-Oh! That uhm...I," her eyes dart across the room, "There!" she points at the closed window. Honoka's face crunches into confusion, "Eh? There's no way I left that open earlier..." Kou pales at Honoka's words.
"W-Well! You did Honoka-chan. Ahahahaha!" she forces out a laugh as she hits Honoka's shoulder a bit too hard.
"I-Is that so...okay." Honoka nods unsurely.
"Anyways Kou-chan, what are you doing in my room?" Honoka whispers to her. For a moment, she saw the blonde's face contort into sadness. That was when Honoka noticed the tear-stained face of Kou. How did I not notice that earlier-
"Are you alright Kou-chan?" she asks out of worry. She didn't know why she asked that. This woman meant nothing to her so why is she so concerned? Why did she feel a tug in her heart when this woman looked sad?
"Honoka...would you believe me if I said that..." she trails off, her eyes dart off to the side. Honoka saw she was hesitating. Hesitating to tell me what? Oh yeah, we're strangers.
Honoka did her best to smile, "If you don't want to tell me it's okay Kou-chan."
Honoka expected her to nod and say 'thank you for understanding' or something. The older woman shaking her head and staring at her surprised her.
Honoka looked back at her dark brown eyes innocently and Kou gelt the urge to push the thought back, "Nothing."
Honoka's shoulders visibly slumped down, is she serious giving all that build up for nothing?, "Eh? Kou-chan you big meanie! Tell me!" she pouts. The older woman chuckles dryly. She places a hand on top of Honoka's head and pets the girl a bit. Honoka liked it, it brought her comfort.
"Maybe next time Honoka-chan."
"Tell me now!"
"Please?" she used her puppy dog eyes. The older woman sighs. She knew this was going nowhere, she was pretty much persistent. She removed her hand that was on Honoka's head and used it to flick her forehead.
Honoka groans in pain, "Owwie~" she pouts again, not noticing the gloomy aura Kou emitted.
"Hm?" Honoka continued rubbing her forehead to ease off the sting.
"Do you have anyone you...like right now?" Honoka froze. And just like that, everything from earlier replayed in her mind.
"Honoka-chan, you can go on ahead, I'll be joining oka-san on the way home."
"Mm, oka-san went home earlier."
She shut her eyes. She had forgotten it earlier and now the painful feeling was back and it hit her like a truck.
Kou noticed the painful look on Honoka's face. She knew it was insensitive but she'd have to convey her thoughts to Honoka properly. This was the only way.
"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked," she said nonetheless, her face showing concern and sadness. It tugged a small part in Honoka's heart and she knew that somewhere deep inside her she felt the want to tell Kou about it.
"No, it's okay..." Honoka walked to her bed and sat down. The older woman could only look at the girl. She badly wanted to say it but she didn't know how...what would she do in these situations?-
"Why do you think so?" Honoka whispers.
The blonde girl joined her, seating beside her, "Well...earlier when you arrived I saw you crying...and I thought that maybe it had something to do with your love life?" Dang it, that's a pretty lame excuse Kou.
Honoka chuckles, having bought Kou's explanation. "Really?"
"Of course! And you're at the age of having crushes and girlfriends so yeah..."
"Girlfriends? Do I not look like someone who'd date a guy?" Honoka pouts playfully. It's kinda cool how I can act like this when I feel like dying.
Kou nods her head quickly, "O-Of course you do! I mean, you could..." But I know you won't...you've fallen hard.
"I don't. I'm lesbian." Honoka confirms.
"Oh." I know.
"How about you, do you like anyone?" Honoka returns the question, not even staring at her. There was a beat and another, and another before Kou answered.
"I'm fine." she managed to choke out before silence embraced them. Both of them had different things on their minds. Kou was trying to keep herself from saying something at the same time trying to make herself say something. While Honoka, a masochist that she now was kept on imagining Kotori and Umi together.
Honoka hummed a response.
"I know this is out of the blue but...I'll help you." she looks at Honoka, blue met brown and Honoka saw the fire of determination evident in her eyes.
"Eh?" What did she say now?
"You're crying." Kou took out a handkerchief from her pocket and dabbed it on Honoka's wet cheeks. Honoka sniffed. It smells like Kotori-chan...
"You didn't notice you were crying?" Kou asks curiously to which Honoka nodded.
"I don't know what's the difference anymore. These tears? They're my new norm." Honoka smiles but the slight quiver of her lips gave her real emotions out to Kou.
"Sorry, sorry...what were you saying earlier?"
Kou didn't know what to do. She was hesitating again, seeing Honoka so heartbroken, she didn't know but she has to try. "...I said I'll help you...I'll help you get the girl you like." she stares straight at Honoka's eyes. She searched for any hint, even just the slightest hint that Honoka approves.
What Kou didn't expect was Honoka breaking out into a fit of laughter. Kou knew. It was forced. Hurt. Hopeless. "Kou-chan, don't joke like that." she smiles sadly, "There's no chance for me."
"Why is that?" Kou asks.
Honoka looks at her study table particularly at the frame hanging above it. It was a collage Kotori made and gave to her during their 10th-year friendversary. It showed pictures of them, from those stolen pics of them playing, sleeping beside each other, their middle school graduation picture, them in their first live and lots more.
"I can't risk it. This friendship means so much to me. If ruining it means me getting these feelings off my shoulders then I'd rather let it push me down."
"Plus she likes Umi-chan." Honoka's peripherals saw a slight change of movement from Kou but she waved it off.
"Are you sure?" Kou asks and Honoka nods sadly.
"Who would not like Umi-chan? She's smart, beautiful and athletic...I," she stares down, "cannot compete with that."
Kou grits her teeth. She didn't like where this is going. She stands up and pushes Honoka down. "Kou-chan?" Honoka squeals in surprise.
Kou shuts her eyes, "Listen Honoka! You're just as amazing, talented and beautiful as Umi!"
"They might hear you downstairs," Honoka warns but Kou continued nonetheless.
"Don't ever think of yourself like that!...or else..." Kou chokes and her tears finally left her eyes as she slumped down in front of Honoka. The ginger head didn't know what to do or say. She didn't know why Kou was so affected by her love life.
"Just try...don't think about anything just try."
Honoka frowns, "But-"
"This is not you Honoka! You used to be straightforward remember? That's who you are. You don't stop, you don't quit until you get your feelings across. Why are you holding back now?!"
"Because I love Kotori-chan!" Honoka admits, "I love her so much that I don't want to tell her! What if she doesn't feel the same and-"
"Or what if she does?!" Kou fought back, effectively silencing Honoka. "You and Kotori have been together for God knows how long. Do you really think that no one is capable of loving you? Do you really think that no one loves you for you?"
"Even so, Kotori-chan maybe not one of them..."
"What if she is?" Honoka didn't answer and she let silence take over the already heavy atmosphere. Today's really not Honoka's day but at the same time, it might be a turning point for her and Kotori. Kou-chan's right...I won't know what Kotori-chan really feels unless I ask her...I've been making these guesses all along, not even considering that possibility. Maybe...maybe there's a chance Kotori-chan likes me.
And like that, hope returned to Kousaka Honoka.
Woooo! So this is not some long running fic like Vampires vs Wizards :P maybe around five chapters, six at most :) Also Kou is no 'OC' ;P that's why I didn't put an OC tag xD. I know there's a lot of questions here but this chapter is mainly directed to Honkers. Review and follow!