Shrek Ultra Curious Knight Made Yellow Double Inconvenient Clothing Knowledge
sHREK was sleeping. Suddenly, he awoke cause he heard a weird noise. He got out of his bed and looked through his window at his beautiful swamp. Shreak really loved his swamp. His swamp was the best. His swamp was his home. Then, he realized that an owl was trying to get into his lovely swamp. He immediately felt angery. He opened the door to his house and screamed:
"THIS IS MY SWAMP!''
Owl was really scared, so it left a letter on the road to Shrek's swamp and left in hurry. Shrek went to see the letter, and read it. It said that he was accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Weed. So, he went to the school because why not. He cried a bit, since he didn't want to leave his swamp, but he left a note with a picture of his angery face and a note saying that this was his swamp. He was sure it was safe.
Hogwarts was a cool castle with towers and stuff. Shrek liked it, but it seemed that children didn't really enjoy his company. When he was on a train leading to school, he ate some kids when he got hungery, and nobody wanted to sit with him after that. He got a bit angery at that, because he never knew the racism in the wizarding community was so big. He went to the castle with some little kids he didn't really like, mainly because they tasted awful. They proceeded to the Great Haul, when some weird ass hat sang a song, and sorted them into houses. Shrek didn't get sorted, because Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Nibba Dumb And Door, the headmaster of the school didn't like ogres. When it was time to sort Shrek, that nibba stood, waved a stick in the general direction of Shrek and said:
Green light shot from the headmaster's wand and Shrek died on the spot. When he died, a silent scream escaped his mouth:
"THIS IS MY SWAMP!"
Albus Brian Percival Wulfric Doubledoor, shocked and very angery vanished the ogre's body and said:
"NIBBA THIS IS MY SCHOOL AND I DON'T WANT ANY OGRES IN MY SCHOOL!"
After that incident, the sorting continued as if nothing strange ever happened.