5A/N – I've had this sitting on my computer for quite a while, not sure if I should ever actually upload it or not. But I figured that I've spent time writing this, so may as well share it.
Felt like calling these two stories 'The Rehabilitation of Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani.'
She switched off the vidscreen with a sigh. The news just kept getting worse and worse. Worlds continued to fall. Billions were now dead. The Reapers continued their inexorable march across the galaxy. Any hope anyone had was starting to run thin. And now there were rumours of what happened on Horizon, a supposed sanctuary. If the rumours were true, then Cerberus were responsible for the most reprehensible crime in human history. Out-matching anything which they had done previously. Absolutely nothing could compare if the rumours were true.
Millions were now flooding the Citadel, looking for safety, if anywhere in the galaxy could be considered safe, but somehow life on the space station carried on, trying to remain as normal as possible. The wards were now jam packed with survivors. Every race had suffered losses, some far more than others. She had interviewed some of them, and each story was more heart-breaking than the last. Even she had to eventually just stop asking. Turning the camera off and walking away. It seemed almost pointless continuing to report the news. There was nothing else except death and slaughter.
Her small apartment was a sanctuary away from it all. She sat back on her couch, curled her feet underneath herself and simply read a book. Tried to just stop thinking about anything happening out there. May as well enjoy the last days and weeks of peace. Everyone knew something big was happening, and would happen soon. As quietly as possible, the remaining fleets of the galactic races were converging, ready for a final onslaught. If it failed, then life as she knew it was over.
A quiet knock at the door startled her, looking up to notice it was now dark outside. She placed the book down on the small coffee table and walked to her front door, wondering who would be visiting her at this late an hour. She opened the door and gasped.
"Shepard," she said quietly.
He looked at her. Or looked through her. She recognised the eyes in an instant. The thousand yard stare. She'd first seen it in the bar, all those days and weeks ago. It already felt like another lifetime. His face was otherwise impassive. But his eyes… They almost chilled her. She dreaded to think what he had seen since they had last met. She could only guess that he had been on Horizon. Witness to the horror of what man is capable of doing to his fellow man.
She didn't know what else to do except step forward and wrap her arms around him. She didn't expect him to break down and cry. She expected him to say something. But he didn't say a word. She only felt him wrap his arms around her in return. She lost track of how long they simply held each other in her doorway.
"Do you want to come inside?" she eventually asked.
She could only feel him nod his head. Keeping hold of his hand, she turned and walked back to her couch, sitting down. He sat down next to her, visibly sagging. He sat forward and put his head in his hands for a moment. She didn't know what else to do except wrap an arm around him. He had the look of a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.
"Was it… bad?" she asked.
"Like you wouldn't believe," he said quietly.
"The rumours are true?"
He was silent for a few moments, as if pondering what to say. "What have you heard?"
"Plenty of rumours. If true, it's…" She trailed off, shaking her head.
"Off the record?"
She smiled. "I'm not a reporter. Not with you. Not anymore."
He looked up and seemed to look at her for the first time since knocking on the door. A slight smile appeared, obviously at the same memory of that night at the bar. He sat back and took a deep breath. Grabbed her hand and pulled her close. And then he spoke. His voice was quiet. But what he spoke about… It was ghastly. Appalling. Inhumane. A war crime. She ran out of adjectives to describe what he told her. Eventually he just stopped talking, drained. Physically. Psychologically. Visibly exhausted. Clearly in need of some form of comfort. Mostly she was just left questioning. Why come to me? Does he have no-one else?
"Shepard, may I ask something?"
"Sure."
"What are you doing here?" She paused a beat. "That sounded worse than I meant." She heard him chuckle for the first time since walking in the door. "I never really asked when we met that night but is there no-one else? Has there ever been anyone else?"
He shook his head. "There's always ever only been the mission. Saren. The Collectors. Now the Reapers. There's never really been enough time just to connect with someone. I mean really connect." He looked at her again. A slight smile. "At least until I met you in the bar that night."
"So why are you here now?"
"I have a week until I have to go again. My ship's being fixed. I figured…" He trailed off and shrugged. "I guess… Well, I was wondering…" He sighed. "I was hoping to spend my last few days with you," he said quietly. She thought he almost sounded embarrassed. Or perhaps he was just unsure of how she would react.
She was mostly just surprised. "You want to spend them with me? But… why?"
"I can't think of anyone else I'd rather spend them with." He paused a beat. "That didn't sound right. I mean I want to spend them with you."
She opened her mouth to reply but no words came out. He looked at her again and just smiled. She could only lean forward and kiss him in reply before pulling back. "But what about… your friends? Your crew?"
"They're around doing their own thing. I'm hosting a little get together at my apartment in a few night's time. One last hurrah before we head off." Another slight grin. "I was hoping you'd be my date."
"What on earth are they going to think when I show up with you?"
"I don't really care. You'll be my guest. Because I want you there."
She found herself speechless again. "I still don't get it. I know we had a nice time together…"
"Only nice?" he interrupted, a slight grin on his face.
"You know what I mean… But…" She sighed, "I guess I'm still just confused."
"Why?" he asked simply.
She shrugged. "I thought we were just two lonely people who just happened to find each other that night. I never expected you'd be back on my doorstep. And certainly not saying that you want to spend even more time with me."
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Because of who I am. What I do. How I've treated you in the past. I know people think I'm…" She sighed again, "Well, that I'm a bitch," she finished, not without some bitterness.
He grabbed both her hands, looking her right in the eyes. "As I said that night, you were just doing your job. I'm not going to judge who you are as a person based on a couple of tetchy experiences. I didn't really know you. You didn't really know me. We talked. A lot. I liked what I heard. A lot more. As I said, I was with an intelligent and attractive woman that night. I'm looking at her again right now." Then he cleared his throat, another slightly embarrassed look. "I've actually been thinking about you while I was away. Something or someone to look forward to seeing again."
She felt her cheeks heat up again. She didn't really know what to think. What she'd done to have him sitting with her right now. But he was clearly interested in her. She noticed he was still looking at her, waiting for a response. "So what do you want to do?"
"I really don't mind. All I know is I have seven days."
"It is rather late. Any ideas?"
"Honestly?" She looked at him, expecting a suggestive remark or look in reply. Instead he just sighed himself. "I'm exhausted. This is going to sound cheesy as hell, but I just didn't really want to go lie alone in my cabin tonight."
She stood up and extended a hand, which he accepted immediately. She felt his presence close behind as she opened the door to her bedroom. She thanked herself for having the sense to keep her apartment clean and maintained. She turned to face him. She could sense his exhaustion. He was almost asleep on his feet, but already completely comfortable in his surroundings. She leaned forward. He responded. She started to unbutton his uniform as they kissed. First she removed his jacket. Then his shirt. She noticed one or two new scars, running her hands up and down his arms then his back as he pulled in her in close. She felt him jig about as he removed his boots and socks without letting her go, before her hands found his belt, button and fly. Soon he stood in just his briefs. Her clothes joined his relatively quickly, leaving her in just her underwear, again thankful that it was at least matching.
She was then startled as he swooped her up in his arms and carried her the few steps to her bed, laying her down gently before he just climbed in alongside. She just watched him as he lay beside her, his eyes already hooded. He was clearly fighting exhaustion. "Go to sleep, Shepard," she said quietly as she gently brushed his cheek. He smiled, kissing her palm before he closed his eyes. She turned around and scooted back, feeling his arms wrap around her, pulling her close. He felt incredibly warm. She heard his soft snoring within seconds.
Sunlight filtered through the window, waking her up. She opened her eyes, facing him. He was still fast asleep. She thought he looked at peace, though she could see his eyes move behind his eyelids. Clearly dreaming. She wondered what it was about. But it was the first time he seemed at peace since she'd seen him since that night in the bar. She quietly got out of bed and padded to the kitchen. She didn't have much in the way of food but thought she'd be able to assemble something legible for breakfast. A blood-curdling yell from her bedroom made her almost jump out of her skin only a few minutes later, dropping the nearly full coffee mug she was holding on the tiled kitchen floor. She completely ignored that, running to the bedroom to see him sat bolt upright in bed, covered in sweat, breathing in deeply, his eyes darting left and right.
She was at his side in a moment later. "Shepard," she said quietly. His eyes focused on her. Then he reached out and grabbed her, holding her tightly to him. She heard his deep breaths. Then the dam he was holding in appeared to break, just for a moment. She just held him in the silence as he regained and composed himself. She lost track of time again.
"Nightmare," he eventually said, no more than a whisper.
"You have them often?"
"Nearly every night. I don't really sleep much. That… was a bad one though. A really bad one."
No wonder he's exhausted, she thought. She hesitated to ask what they were about. What that one was about. She could only guess at the inner turmoil he experienced. What he had seen. What he had done. People he had saved. People he had lost. Little wonder he didn't sleep. She wondered how he managed to keep going, day after day.
"Do you want to have a shower? Then we'll go out for some breakfast." He nodded. "I'll have one after, then we'll go. Sound good?" He nodded again.
He swung his legs out of bed, got up and stretched before he walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. She walked back out into the kitchen, grabbing her omni-tool. She needed to make a call. She dialled a number, waiting impatiently for someone to pick up.
"Westerlund News."
"Karen, it's me."
"Khalisah? You're late! Where are you?"
"I'm at home. I'm not coming in, and I won't be in for the next few days."
"What? Why? The boss is going to kill you if you don't come in."
"What the hell for? What is there to report apart from the Reapers tearing up the galaxy? Added to that, I don't care. What I'm doing now is important."
"Important? Why? What's going on?"
"I can't say. No, I won't say. Just… Tell him I'm sick or something. I'll call you again when I'm ready to come back in."
"What are you…" She turned off the call before her colleague could finish her sentence. She walked back into her bedroom and sat on the bed, waiting for him to finish. He appeared a few minutes later, only a towel wrapped at his waist. She couldn't help but run her eyes over him as he used another towel to dry his hair. He looked at her and just smiled. The first genuine one she'd seen. He looked better after his shower. He had slept most of the evening it seemed, and while he still appeared exhausted, he looked good. More like the Shepard she knew. Had seen in other newscasts. She stood up as he approached. A finger placed under her chin. Fingers brushing her cheek. Their lips meeting again. His intentions were clear as he pulled back. She could see it in his eyes. She grabbed the towel and unwrapped it, falling to the floor. She found herself on the bed underneath him not long afterwards.
Her own shower was delayed for quite a while.
The Presidium was the last truly peaceful place on the Citadel, the refugees filtering in from the galaxy being kept on the wards. They had managed to find a table at a small café by the lake. She thought that supplies should be running short, but the cafés and restaurants were still carrying out a roaring trade. They sipped at their coffees as they sat side by side, gazing out across the lake. She guessed they were both just people watching.
They conversed about anything possible that was inconsequential to what was happening in the galaxy. She knew that neither of them could forget, but as he had said that night they first met, he just wanted a few hours of normalcy. She knew he had seven days with her before he left, possibly for the final time. She was already dreading that last time. Already feeling that connection. And more. She felt giddy at times. She wondered how he really felt about her. He clearly felt something for her. She still couldn't believe it at times. Life really was strange.
They walked hand in hand around the Presidium, sometimes talking, other times in silence, simply enjoying the presence of the other. She noticed stares as they walked by. Whispers and mutterings. 'Is that Commander Shepard with that reporter?' they'd say. She could only smile in reply. He'd just look at her with a knowing grin. Sometimes he'd stop and kiss her. Deeply. Then she'd hear further comments. Some made her blush. Others made her angry. But she was with him. So it didn't matter what anyone had to say.
He disappeared for an hour in the early evening to get ready, stating it was his intention to take her out that night for a nice meal and a good time. He gave her the address for his apartment, suggesting she could go home first to change if she wished as he was going to wine and dine her that night. She took his suggestion, selecting what she would consider suitable attire for dinner at a nice restaurant and only he knew what else afterwards, appearing at the door to his apartment a couple of hours later. He noticed his jaw drop wide when he opened the door. She ran her eye up and over him. An Alliance officer, through and through. She noticed that look in his eyes again as his ran over her in return.
"Control yourself, Shepard. We're going out, remember?"
He put on his jacket, hooking his arm as they walked out his apartment block. She hooked her arm through his and leaned into him. All she felt was butterflies in her stomach. What on earth was she feeling about him? This was just the wrong time to… fall for someone. For him. She wondered if he felt the same.
They found a small restaurant nearby. Human food was becoming rarer, the home-world having now been cut off for months, the majority of colony planets now cut-off from the rest of the galaxy. It was simple, but she wasn't worried about that. His company was enough. A bottle or two of wine may have disappeared as they dined. Conversation continued to flow. Again they avoided the topic looming over the Citadel until there was a lull. Then she had to ask one question.
"Shepard?" He looked up from his plate expectantly. "What are our chances?"
He wiped his mouth with a napkin as he considered his response. Took a sip of wine from his glass. She looked at him expectantly. She needed to know he was confident of success. If he was confident, then she could maintain her hope. "Have you heard of the Crucible?"
She nodded. "Rumours. Some big secret project."
"If we complete that, we can win."
"Can?"
He reached across the table and grabbed her hand. "We will," he stated confidently.
That was all she needed to hear.
She watched him sleep. Or, at least, she thought he was asleep. It was still only the afternoon. She knew he fought the exhaustion. She couldn't help but smile at how comfortable this already was. She still couldn't believe what was happening. They hadn't been apart for more than an hour since he'd turned up at her door. She still didn't know what to think. What she was truly feeling.
She had to lean forward and kiss him. He obviously wasn't fast asleep as he responded immediately, his arms wrapping around her in a moment. She broke off, leaning back ever so slightly as he ran a hand up her right cheek and over her ear. He just gazed at her, a slight grin on his face. And those eyes. She'd never seen anyone look at her the way he did just then. "I could get used to being woken like that," he said quietly.
She could only lean forward and kiss him again before she snuggled into his side, his arms holding her tightly at they lay in silence.
"Shepard?" she eventually asked quietly.
"Yeah?"
"What's to become of us? I don't mean the galaxy. I don't mean humanity. I don't even mean the Citadel. I mean you and me."
She heard him clear his throat. Shuffling slightly as he turned on his side to face her. "Honestly?" She nodded. "I don't know." He cupped her cheek, wiping away the tear. "But I don't plan on dying anytime soon."
She just nodded silently as she buried her head in his chest, just feeling his arms around her, holding her.
She'd never felt safer.
She watched him as he gazed out over the lake. The thousand yard stare. She'd already grown used to that look in his eyes. Wondering what he was thinking. Or what memories were bubbling under the surface. She was already used to his extended silences, the faraway look in his eyes. She figured she understood why. He never spoke in detail, but there were mentions of previous missions, both before and after his disappearance.
She was surprised he had opened up about his own life, knowing that he was with her to escape the events of his life, even if only for a few days. Apart from the refugees, you still wouldn't think the galaxy was on the precipice, the way life carried on as normal on the Citadel. She found it quite annoying. She knew he also did.
She grabbed his hand as they leaned against the railing, giving it a shake to grab his attention. He looked at her and blinked, focus returning to his eyes. A slight smile.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Everything. Or nothing. I'd rather nothing. But it's impossible. I still remember what's going on out there. I still remember… Earth. I wasn't born there, but it's still home. Mine. Yours. Theirs. Ours."
Silence again. She didn't mind. He pulled her in close and wrapped an arm around her. She just leaned against him, resting her free hand on his chest. Already comfortable. Such a strange feeling.
"Any regrets?" he asked.
"Just the one."
"I hesitate to ask…"
She sighed. "I've been thinking… These last few days… What if?" He looked at her, trying to assess what she meant. It didn't take long. He just nodded his understanding. She guessed he may be feeling the same way. "At least we had this time together. I just…"
Another sigh as she trailed off, the pair sitting in silence once again.
She wiped at her eyes as the elevator ascended. The days had gone by far too quickly. They had spent nearly every minute possible together. If they were not out on the Presidium, they were in her apartment. Or in her bedroom. She still wondered if it was just something physical. No, there was more to it than that now. Certainly to her. Obviously to him. There was only one thought in her mind. What a stupid time to fall in love. She knew that is what she felt for him. She would have laughed at any other time. A man she'd once thought of as a Council stooge. A violent thug. A terrorist. She knew she'd been completely wrong.
The elevator doors opened. She composed herself, clutching her small bag to her side as she strode forward, heels clicking on the floor, head held high. She stopped at his apartment door. Pressed the button. She waited for a few seconds. Then the door opened.
"Khalisah," he said quietly, stepping forward. She practically melted into his arms as they kissed. She didn't know how long they did. It was only a couple of cleared throats behind him that eventually interrupted their embrace. He broke off, looking slightly sheepish. "Guess I should introduce you."
He turned slightly, an arm around her waist. She didn't miss the silence that descended as she appeared through the doorway. She didn't miss the looks of surprise from his other guests. She recognised one or two faces but mostly she only knew names of his crew. His arm tightened as he guessed at her worry. She was more than aware of her reputation. She knew they would have plenty of opinions about her.
Silence. It wasn't uncomfortable. Mostly they just glanced between her and then Shepard, then back to her. She could feel her cheeks heat up. She knew she'd worn a near continuous smile since that first morning they woke up together.
"Khalisah, meet the crew of the Normandy," he finally said, "I believe you already know Joker. Next to Joker is EDI. She's an AI."
Now that surprised her. "An AI? But aren't they, you know…" She leaned in closely to whisper "Illegal?"
He glanced at her. "It's a long story. Once you're a reporter again after all this is done, I'm sure I'd be allowed to explain some things."
He introduced her to all his crew and friends. She was amazed at the network he had built. There were those she remembered meeting on the Citadel before his disappearance. She remembered the asari quite well. She knew of the turian from his time in C-Sec. The quarian was a surprise, though to hear she was an Admiral, not as much. He seemed to have plenty of friends in high places.
He'd either warned them to be on their best behaviour, or she just incorrectly assumed the worst. They were friendly and warmed to her after only a few minutes of slight suspicion. He explained how they met which seemed to put minds at ease. A drink was soon placed in her hand. She listened into the conversations. The adventures of the crew. Stories of how they came together. Stories of their missions. Their victories. Their losses. She listened in silence, enraptured by this tight-knit group of people. Little wonder they had been as successful as they had, she thought.
She spoke to Tali about what was happening with the quarians and geth. Liara seemed to have a plethora of information about current events, leaving her perplexed as to how she knew so much. She observed with amusement at the dynamic between Shepard and Garrus, amazed that a human and turian could be so close. The two giant krogan said little, though she knew who Urdnot Wrex was. She mostly heard him complain about the constant breeding. He left little to the imagination in some of his descriptions. She watched at the dynamic between Miranda and the tattooed biotic, Jack, thinking there may be something brewing, though she figured that her assessment was probably wrong. Then there was Alenko, the second human Spectre. Softly spoken, she watched as he and Shepard shared a long conversation. There was no missing the friendship between the two.
Soft music was playing. This wasn't a raucous get together. But they still danced. She couldn't help but look at the stunned faces as they danced slowly to the music. Apparently he couldn't dance. Could have fooled me, she thought as he twirled he across the floor. She just closed her eyes and lay her head on his chest as they moved slowly around the living room floor.
The women lined up to dance with him. She stood back and watched, Garrus sidling up beside her. "Never seen him like this," he stated.
"How do you mean?"
"He's always been about the job. Ever since the first day I met him. When we were chasing Saren. Then when we took on the Collectors. No-one every approached him directly, but there was clear interest from others on the ship. Particularly from women in this very apartment. But it was only the mission. And for most of this war, he has simply been about the Reapers. Bringing peace. Gathering forces. I always wondered what he was fighting for. For a long time, I think he did it simply because he had to. Stop the Reapers. That was it. But something changed before Horizon. He was… different." He turned, placing an elbow on the bench. She just turned her head to look at him. "Now it's obvious. And it's obvious how you feel about him. We can all see it."
"Has he said anything?"
"No. Shepard never talks about himself. His private life is exactly that. Private." She just nodded. "Still, one hell of a surprise."
"That it's me?"
He nodded. "I remember those interviews and the stories you ran. We've all seen them. You weren't exactly… endearing."
"I'm just as surprised."
"He's a good man. Just don't…" He trailed off, obviously not wanting to offend.
"I'm not a reporter tonight. I haven't been for seven days."
He nodded. "Good."
The party wound down. She noticed one or two couples disappear. Others simply passed out where they were sitting. Shepard closed the door behind them as they entered his bedroom. They danced again in silence. She just enjoyed the feeling of being in her arms. Neither had drunk too much. Both wanted to remember this night. Their last night. He undressed her slowly, taking his time, enjoying every moment possible. She followed his example, making sure to remember how he felt. Then he stopped for a moment. He gazed into her eyes. He smiled ever so slightly.
"I…" She cut him off immediately, holding a finger to his lips, shaking her head.
"Please, don't say it," she said quietly. She looked him in the eyes. "I know. I know. And I feel exactly the same way. But…"
"Stupid time to fall for each other, right?"
She nodded. Blinked rapidly. She couldn't stop them trailing down her cheeks. "All I think now is what if…"
He reached forward, wiping them away with his thumb. "We still have tonight."
They made love. It wasn't just sex. Or fornicating. Or any other rude adjective you could think of. They put everything they felt about each other into it. But there was also an air of desperation about the act. Knowing this may be the last time. Their lips barely parted. Fingers interlocking. He made her gasp. Moan. Left her breathless. Touched her in ways she didn't think possible. She wanted to say those words. She knew he wanted to. But neither of them did. They would be left unsaid. His eyes, though. They said it all. They said everything.
She watched him as he slept. Trailed a hand down his cheek. Kissed it gently. Shuffled closer, his arms automatically reaching out to hold her.
She closed her eyes and dreamed.
She knew this was the worst day of her life as she stood with the group in the waiting bay. The Normandy had been overhauled and was now ready for the final battle. She wasn't aware of the details, but she knew he wouldn't be back again. Not until it was all over. If he survived… She didn't even want to contemplate that. Not now. Not after the past seven days.
The crew appeared sincere in their farewells, even sharing a hug with a couple of the females. Soon they were alone. No words were required. He simply held her in his arms. She just closed her eyes, wishing it not to end. She lost track of time. It could have just been seconds. Perhaps minutes.
She just didn't want it to end. Because she knew this was probably it.
"Commander," someone called from behind.
She heard him sigh as he leaned back slightly. Looked her in the eyes. The kiss they shared spoke volumes of their affection for each other. Part of her still couldn't quite believe it. That she was dreaming. He brushed her creek. He smiled. Then he turned. What else could he say? This was goodbye. She hoped she'd see him again. She hoped…
"Khalisah!" she heard him call out. She looked up to see him stride back towards her. He cupped her cheek. "I love you," he said quickly. Their lips met. Everything in the background disappeared. It was the greatest kiss of her life.
She broke it for just a second. "I love you too." He just nodded before they connected again. She felt him pulled her tightly again him, lifting her up slightly. At that moment, there was nothing else. No-one else in the docking bay. No war. No Reapers. He wouldn't leave. There was just him. And her. It was an illusion. A dream. But something she could hold on to.
"Commander, we really have to go," a voice called out.
He ignored it for a few minutes more before he finally broke the kiss, lowering her to the ground, fingers interlocked as they held hands. Foreheads touching. "I have to go," he said quietly. She just nodded looking down. A finger under her chin. She looked into his eyes, her vision blurring slightly. His own shimmered as he looked at her. He slid a thumb across her cheek, a gesture she already knew so well. "I will see you again."
She believed him. Absolutely. Wholeheartedly. She could only nod her head, incapable of words. Of saying anything. Not without breaking down completely. She let go of his hands. He turned and walked away. She watched him go. Disappeared through the docking bay doors. She walked to the window, laying a hand against the glass, watching as his ship prepared for departure.
She didn't just hope. Not any longer. She believed. She believed in him. Believed he would be successful. He would defeat the Reapers. He would bring peace to the galaxy.
And, at the end of it all, she would see him once again.
A/N – Yeah, this will be a trilogy…