MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!
Behold, the Princess Twilight's second coming to the microphone;
There's a dimension beyond Azarath: you're entering my zone!
Though I'm the mare here, it's this gray bitch who ain't what she used to be;
The girl's stark Raven mad, her future holding naught but lunacy!
I need no help to win the rapping crown when I deliver flows:
There's no way you could be my equal; even Starlight Glimmer knows!
I'll school this wack witch like the Mad Mod; send her back down to her maker!
Soaring high as I attack a Titan, call me Eren Yeager.
The prime princess's prized protégé, prodigiously artful;
Hatching verses like…
Spike: Fuck yeah, sparkle, sparkle, sparkle!
Twilight: Why should I be wary of your powers, let alone your waffles,
When your glut of episodes makes Generation Three look thoughtful?
Besting me takes more than luck, and you aren't Jinxed; you simply suck!
Come right on at me with them legs, and still I'll break you when I buck!
Tell Puffy AmiYumi their song needs rewriting on the double,
For I'd sooner call on Beavis and Butt-Head to solve my troubles!
This day is going to be perfect, so forever hold your peace,
'Cause you're out of your element; disharmonious with these beats!
No form of friendship you could forge can match my magic when we duel,
And keep your prestidigitation, too; by tricks, I won't be fooled!
It's striking Midnight for you, Sparkle; your defeat's a certainty:
This wroth Roth's your worst Nightmare, putting out your lights eternally!
No Shining Armor can protect when I project my astral raps,
Igniting you like Rapidash, until your rancid asshole's ash!
I mean what I say, and your fans might think that it's a crying shame,
But I'll force your cessation more abruptly than your fighting game!
Write to Celestia and tell her that today, you learned what happens
When you diss someone who's earned their cred, unlike those wings you're flapping!
This mutated Mary Sue's just sprung my verbal booby trap:
Straight-shattering your Crystal Heart, I'll wipe you off the Cutie Map!
Your future self ought to have warned you facing me would spell disaster,
For I'm Tara Stronger than you, Twi; the Garnet to your Jasper!
Well, I'm made of love and tolerance, but that ain't funny, Raven;
You're a Mumbo Jumbo-spewing, useless little bunny, Raven!
Wanna reignite the flames from when they gave me wings like Red Bull?
That card's been almost as overplayed as you on C.N'.s schedule!
Shutting down your whole reboot for good, I spit it truly raw;
My words will sweep you up and leave you stranded on the moon!
Twilight: I bet you would marry a Changeling; yeah, you've got that beastie fetish,
But the only horse you're beating is your series' long-dead premise.
Man, you're just like your balloon: filled up with nothing but hot air,
And just as well, I'll effortlessly burst your bloated derriére!
Read my revision of Rapunzel, and you'll know I'm tough as nails;
Even your cutie mark is telling you: screw destiny, and bail!
I'm Dazzling as any siren, stepping up to stick it to ya';
Hear demonic hallelujahs, and I'll blast you with a…
Raven: Launching shooting star-style rhymes, more hot and fiery still than Kori,
At this not-so-pretty pegasus who'd dare dispute my glory!
I'll unlock the rainbow's power, trap you up inside some prism,
Then take on all five of you produced by your emotions' schism!
You just can't be serious; not even when you claim to try!
I told Owlowiscious about your cause, and he says…
Owlowiscious: Let it die!
Though I was once a fan of yours, that spinoff makes me wonder why,
Your whole crew looking like some freaky-ass dropouts from Monster High!
My words will bring you to a standstill like "Klaatu barada nikto";
Check it, now: Azarath to the Metrion to the Zinthos!
Azarath Metrion Motherfucking Zinthos!
I'm sick of this bastardization; that's right, bub:
Get ready to battle yourself like it's Fight Club!
Your ilk's cartoon-cancer; the cure comes today:
I won't let you dub over what I've got to say!
Don't deny that you fear me; you'd better surrender:
I call your atrocities out like John Enter!
I fought Trigon's will; put my true family first,
While you've gone and embraced a dark path even worse!
Watch this spellcaster master put her soulless self right out to pasture,
'Cause as far as psychic Ravens go, you're less legit than Baxter!
Starfire: Oh, snap!
Raven: I'm dressed in white, but my mind's red with righteous rage;
I've more maturity than you when a decade's knocked off my age!
Twilight Sparkle: Um, yeah, I'm in this battle, too, so can I have that micro back?
Raven: Shut up and let me rant, you overused, recycled nag!
I brought the New Titans together, but I'm tearing you apart,
And I'd go Kano on your ass, but it's apparent you've no heart.
It's daytime T.V., and you've had your due five seasons and a film:
You and your fans should let it go; let your successor take the helm.
You may be modeled after me, but you were never my successor;
You're too Young to do me Justice, let alone become my better!
Whatever! I'm well-aware I make you want to flip your lid,
But quit clowning around, now, silly Raven: cartoons are for kids!
Well, keep your critic-trolling, wack morals and nonsense plots galore,
But you'll be always in my shadow, to be lifted nevermore!
MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!