how are you all doing? Missing pll? :(( It feels like it finished ages ago but at the same time just yesterday. Sashay & Emison withdrawals are real :((. Anyways this a new story. #Emison will be endgame of course just a rough ride. Not sure how many chapters though. Depends on your reviews I guess. Also new & different character relationships/cracks ships are present at the start. Like it or lump it but Emison will be endgame! Enjoy.
Sometimes Emily wonders how she might be doing. Would they still be together? She still thinks about her & lord knows she shouldn't. She's her ex girlfriend for crying out loud. It just wasn't meant to be. Emily misses her along with their years long friendship before everything went sour. Perhaps one day when she's better and up to having contact with her again they could press the refresh button and start again. Best friends like before.
I am in a new relationship with a woman I adore completely. I admit I never saw myself being with anyone other than Alison. She was my everything. Alison & I, we fought all the time. We challenged each other, drove each other crazy! Being with her was what I believe to be the closest thing to heaven and hell at the same time. We loved each other like we were each other's oxygen. We couldn't breathe without each other. I guess looking back on it we were somewhat toxic together. I never thought about us like that before. Maybe what they say about love is true. Love is blind. I must of had rose coloured glasses on throughout the entirety of our relationship. My guess is she probably did too but man alive I moved heaven and earth for her. She did the same for me but that's all in the past now. My current girlfriend is amazing. Honestly I don't know how she puts up with a basket case like me? I was a complete wreck when our paths crossed again.
I was such a mess during mine and Alison's rough patch but she was there for me. Mona was there for me. I don't even remember what happened but I'm pretty sure tequila was involved. My worst enemy, her's too if I remember correctly. At the time she was having troubles with Mike. We didn't mean for anything to happen it just did. Ali & I had recently decided to take a break and Mike broke up with Mona. It wasn't strictly cheating but the haze of alcohol probably masked our abilities to think straight.
When things went south with Ali & her friends Spence, Aria & Hanna were no longer in Rosewood Mona was there every night letting Emily crash on her couch. Feeding her decent meals instead of letting her drown her feelings in copious amounts of pizza and ice cream like she wanted. She guessed all that cancels out when you add it to the numerous shots of tequila they shared.
I remember her making me laugh. I laughed a lot! Mona Vanderwaal of all people getting me to laugh not mention fall in love again. It's so strange to think about. It's crazy. I Emily Fields fell for Mona Vanderwaal.
Emily's mouth curls upward. Just thinking of Mona makes her smile but as the memory of Alison once again invades her her heart to feel 10 times heavier making it harder to breathe like she's been swallowed by a black hole. Alison. She remembers how she used to kiss her. The softness of her skin, the slight fruity taste of her lips and those eyes.
Damn those blue eyes. Every time she touched her it sent shivers up her spine but fuck those blue eyes had the power to make you want to spill your most deepest & darkest of secrets. Luckily Emily didn't have any secrets damaging enough to instill such fear. The type of fear that hits when you can sense someone watching or following you as you're walking home in the dark of night. The type of fear that makes the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up.
Thankfully Alison hadn't used that power since high school when she terrorized their classmates. Those eyes were the very thing that drew her to the blonde. The way Alison would gaze in her direction made her weak at the knees.
Once again her mind had circled back to the blonde. She shouldn't be giving herself permission for this. She's dating someone else now & Alison is miles away. Emily has tried so hard to move on from her but it remains a challenge. It's like she has no say, no control over her own thoughts. She hopes that one day things will be better. Alison deserved a full, happy life like everyone else. It had taken Emily quite some time to get her life back on track after Alison but somehow she had managed it.
"Babe, your dinner's going to get cold if you don't get in here."
Emily was in the living room chilling out after a hard day's work when her girlfriend peered into the room wearing an apron and a spatula in her hand.
"Yeah I'm coming," she called back rising to her feet.
"Honestly Em. Sometimes I wonder where your head goes. It's like you're away with the pixies or something." Mona laughed tossing her hair back behind her ear retreating into the kitchen. Emily gave a grim smile. A part of her felt extremely guilty for thinking of the blonde so often but it seemed she couldn't stop.
"Yeah sorry about that just work stress." She lied "What's on the menu?" upon sitting down a familiar aroma filled her nose- a french dish she couldn't pronounce without getting tongue tied. Emily's smile disappeared. It was a dish she'd had many times before - with Alison. The other woman busied herself serving each of them a plate full.
"Mmm smells great," Trying hard to sound enthused even though the aroma and the vision of Alison cooking it for her in this very kitchen made her head feel whoozy.
Mona chuckled "Do I need to remind you of the time you almost burnt the house down?"
"It was just toast." Emily corrected shrugging her shoulders
The shorter brunette smirked "Exactly babe. How does one screw up cheese on toast?"
Emily shifted uncomfortably Rubbing her exposed arms as goosebumps appeared on her skin.
"Are you alright babe?"
"Yeah, it's nothing Mona. Just..." she paused, scratching the plate with her fork.
"Just what?" Mona asked sweetly. "You can share anything with me Em. You know that," sipping her wine.
Emily swallowed, ignoring the lump in her throat "Ali used to make this for me." She paused studying Mona's expression.
"Oh sweetie I'm so sorry. I wouldn't have made it if I'd have known. I can make you something else if you like?" Jumping up from her chair Emily caught her wrist.
"It's ok it doesn't matter. I don't mean to bring you down but I've been thinking about her a lot lately." she confessed. Emily expected Mona to look a little more surprised but instead she took her hand giving it a light squeeze.
"It's fine. Actually I'm kind of glad you brought it up. I've wanted to talk to you about this for a while but I've been wracking my brain as to how I should approach this with you."
Mona cleared her throat "Well, the Rosewood Wellness Centre called earlier this week. Alison's family have allowed her to have visitors now. Jason also called today while you were at work. He thought you'd want to know. Actually when he called here he was confused when I picked up the phone. He told me he didn't know you were seeing anyone."
Emily hung her head "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell them but they were in such a state after Ali was admitted that it never felt like the right thing to do, rubbing my happiness with you in their faces."
"It's fine. Honestly I probably would have avoided the whole 'I've got a new girlfriend talk' with my ex girlfriend's family too if I were in your position."
Emily took a bite of her food "What did they say exactly? The doctors at the centre?"
"They said she's doing better. She's really improved a lot. She's still got a few more therapy sessions with Doctor Sullivan. She's very good. She helped me so much when I wasn't doing so well." she informed recalling the phone conversation from earlier.
"Are they having her released?"
"I didn't ask. Maybe you should call Jason. I'm sure he'd be happy to tell you."
The rest of their meal passed by smoothly with random small talk. Later that night Emily's mind was elsewhere- again with Alison. She was now well enough to start seeing visitors outside her family. Which meant she was on the home stretch to return to her life in Rosewood. Turning down the covers of their bed she climbed in next to Mona whom was currently engrossed in her favourite book.
"You know how much I care about you dont you?" Emily asked bluntly
Mona sighed in defeat placing her book on her lap realising her goal of finishing her book tonight wasn't going to happen. "Must we keep rehashing this Em?...is this about Ali?"
Emily nods hesitantly
"Hearing she's about to be released has really shaken you up hasn't it? I should not have told you. I knew it would weird you out."
Emily shakes her head "No not at all. Ok well maybe a bit but it doesn't change the way I feel being with you. I just need you to understand that." Mona hugged Em tightly fighting her tears. "I'm not niave Em, I knew this day would come-"
"What day? What are you talking about?"
Mona finally released the brunette "You still love her don't you? I think I knew that even before we moved in together. Honestly I get it. She was your first love & nobody forgets their first love-even if they wanted to. To tell you the truth if Mike expressed wanting me back I'd do it in a heartbeat. Alison was your epic love. I know I can't compete with that".
"Don't do that Mona." Emily spat crossly
"Do what? Be honest?" Her voice gaining volume, her bottled frustrations bubbling to the surface. She had never really gotten over how insecure Alison or the memory of being tortured by her made her feel.
"Don't put yourself down like that. You came into my life when I really needed someone to talk to. When Hanna, Spencer and Aria all moved away from Rosewood I had nobody. No one but you was there for me." She said in low whisper connecting their foreheads. "None of what I feel for you is going to change just because I want to see her. I swear."
Mona's face cracked a smile, though behind her glasses her eyes were misty.
"You should go back to her. She'll need you when she gets out of there. I'm betting you're the reason she even admitted herself to that wellness centre in the first place. Now let's get some sleep. You'll need a good nights rest if you are to drive all that way" Mona suggested snuggling down on her side of the bed making herself a cacoon out of Emily's warm embrace.
The taller brunette gently squeezed Mona kissing her shoulder blade in an effort to silently thank & reassure her of her feelings. Closing her eyes she drifted off leaving Mona to lay there awake.
"I wish I didn't have to lose you." Mona whispered to her girlfriends sleeping form. Ultimately Mona knew the second she and Emily became official that she shouldn't get so attached as it was inevitable that Emily would return to Alison again one day. She had just hoped it wouldn't have come so soon.
Thanks for reading. Did you like it? Now I'm just experimenting with this fanfic with characters etc just for a bit of fun as life has been a bit stressful lately & somehow this chapter just kind of happened. It is possible that this fanfic will jump between past & present just FYI. :) reviews are appreciated.
Ideas , suggestions are welcome.
Until later xxx