Author's note: This is a request from PinkieScootalooSweetieDash which I think will be at least 8 chapters long. Hope you enjoy.

Serana had been running for days. She had only gone to buy some new clothes in the market and had already been recognised as a vampire. The people of Windhelm did not like this and so they had raised a mob to try to 'kill the vampire'. Why were her people so hated? It wasn't as if she'd bitten anyone in the city... Yet. And if she did, she would be sure not to leave any witnesses. She thought that she would've gotten away from the mob by now but they were persistent and now she had developed chronic diarrhea from all the exertion. Plus she had run out of stamina and also supplies of skooma, to which she was addicted.

She gasped for breath and began hobbling along with poop spraying out from beneath her vampire armor and serious withdrawal shakes setting in. Now she had another problem, the sun was rising and a bear had run off with her hood so she could no longer cover her face from the it's burning touch. As she tried to scramble away she heard the mob hollering and running. They seemed to be running in the opposite direction. How odd, she thought.

Suddenly something knocked her to the ground and she felt her hands being tied behind her back. She struggled in vain as she was unable to use her necromancy due to the lack of dead bodies in the area and also because diarrhea negates one's ability to use magic. A voice shouted, "She's one of the Stormcloaks! Take her! General Tullius will want her executed with the rest." Then they all covered their mouths as she stank of poop and they used a large shovel to put her into the cart.

There was so much diarrhea. So much that she had no strength to run away or even to move. She was stuck with a bunch of filthy Nords who kept glaring and spitting at her - all except the man in the fur cloak who was gagged for some reason. She too had been gagged to prevent her from biting anyone, as the Imperial soldiers who had captured her had recognised her as a vampire because of her eyes. They did not want her using her 'red magic' on anybody. She kept trying to mumble to the others in the cart to ask where they were headed, but they ignored her and just talked amongst themselves about typically Nordish things: death, Sovngarde, glory and ear-fluid.

A day later she was so hungry that she felt as though she could eat her own arm. She was also burned badly by the sun and the Nords kept laughing at her and kicking out at her when she tried to move. She kicked back, and that seemed to terrify them. They stupidly believed that just touching her could cause them to develop vampirism. She threw up again, as she was very travel sick, and vomit spurted everywhere out from the corners of her gag; the Nords retreated to the far end of the cart, fearful that it was infectious vomit and that somehow it would cause them all to become vampire thralls or develop toxic shock syndrome. Soon the cart came to a stop and they were all dragged out. She could see a chopping block nearby and she knew what was going to happen. The man with the gag was dragged away to one side, people referring to him as 'Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak' - she guessed her was the leader of the Stormcloak rebels.

The first man was dragged to the chopping block and his head sliced clean off by the headsman's axe. His head rolled across the courtyard like a homeless watermelon and came to rest at the feet of General Tullius. He was promptly sick and vomited all over his second in command, who then vomited also due to the shock and humiliation of it all. Vomit coated the courtyard and soon the heads were floating in it.

The second in command called forth Serana, only addressing her as 'the Stormcloak vampire'. The General was shocked to see a vampire fighting for the Stormcloaks and even more shocked by the amount of poop still pouring out of her colon and mixing with the vomit in the courtyard like some sort of horrific stew. As she laid her head on the block, she rolled her eyes. This would not kill her! Only a stake through the colon could do that, but nobody knew that as it was her deepest secret. Everyone else thought it had to be a stake through the heart. She stopped thinking as her nose was pressed into the vomit/shit stew and she vomited herself.

The headsman raised the axe but suddenly there was a roar from overhead. A dragon had appeared! Dragons hadn't been seen for centuries! What could this mean?! But centuries were a long time to go without a poop and suddenly the whole area was covered in the biggest, smelliest dump that could ever be imagined. It killed three of the Imperial soldiers with the impact, and thirteen more with the stench. It was...a dragon poop! Panic ensued and everyone forgot that there was a vampire waiting to be beheaded as now the dragon had started to attack the town. To attack Helgen. She stood up, shook the vomit off her face and began to run through all the burning, poop-covered buildings. Dragon poop, it seemed, was like napalm...especially when mixed with vomit.

She refused help from a Stormcloak man covered in poop named Ralof, then later refused aid from an Imperial soldier named Hadvar too. She hated both sides and just wished someone would show kindness to vampires. Slinking away into the wilderness she vowed that she would take revenge on both sides in this silly civil war. The Empire considered themselves inclusive of everyone...but this courtesy did not extend to vampires it seemed. The Stormcloaks were racist bigots who loathed those who were different...they would not be friends to her people. She raged inwardly and felt a strange power rising in her chest. She vomited again, and as she did so a loud Shout emanated from her mouth; vomit shot everywhere.

"FUS RO VOM!"

Serana had just discovered her Dragonborn powers by accident! Whilst vomiting! Yet she did not understand them. She would need to return to her people to seek guidance and to rally help for the war that was to come.