This piece takes place before All I Ever Wanted and almost directly after the the first scene of The Thing with Wings, where Will touches Matt's wings for the first time.


"What the hell was that?" Matt was in his room, arms wrapped around his body protectively. What had just happened? She had touched his wings. That was it. But the sensation had evoked such a physical response of fear and nausea that he didn't know how to explain. Powerful lust, yes, but it was tinged with such a dark feeling Matt didn't know how to explain it.

He shook himself. He felt bad. He had probably terrified Will. As if he hadn't given her enough to worry about.

It was that night, just under a year after his initial capture he finally remembered. He had been working on math homework when the first memories had come back.

All of the sudden, the memory was just there. The memory of skeletal hands pressed against his chest, his face, his… and invisible weights pressing him down and being unable to fight and this intense wrong…

I'm going to be sick… and then the bile rose in his stomach as his breathing turned jagged and his heart thudded in his chest.

Cold and hot in such a wrong place…

You should be thankful Dear Heart. Very few mistresses take such good care of their slaves…

His body wouldn't move. He was frozen in place as everything sort of slid into place. The bruises on his chest-

Biting, riping, tearing…

Throat, sore from-

Screaming, begging.

Pity your little girlfriend didn't get around to fucking you. Luckily that means I get to be your first…

"No!"

"No!" Matt had cried out before he even knew it. "No, no, no no no no no…"

He was on the ground. It was carpet-

-ice-

and he couldn't breathe, felt like there was massive weight on his chest and he had had flashbacks before to the torture but this was worse…

Sweat beaded all over-

It was so cold…

he couldn't get small enough…

you're not going anywhere Dear Heart…

Will's face… and he thought she was there and then she grabbed him by the throat and forced him to the ground-

Pain…

It was hard, violent; pleasure being wrought from his body through a cacophony of agony-

Stop, please…

His wings, making his body betray him, over and over and over and over and over and over…

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…

And he couldn't control his shivering, his body seemed so out of his control-

Just like before, like always…

"No!" Matt shouted, and then, he was back in his room, on the carpet, fully clothed…

Safe.

"Fuck… Jesus…" His hands were wrapped around him, his clothing adhered to his body because of the sweat that had broken out everywhere. The shivering, previously violent, lessened as he slowly rooted himself back in reality, trying to control his breathing in a way that suddenly felt familiar.

In… out… in… out…

"Fuck," He whispered, quieter this time, as his mind slowly wrapped around everything that had happened, everything he had forgotten until now…

He had known that it was a thing, known that it happened to people, but not guys, not, not him… and not by a woman…

Tears broke out in his eyes. How could she? He knew Nerissa was evil, clearly, but this was just… He remembered her laughing at him, at his attempts to say no, struggle against the bonds, and then keep his body from reacting to the touch, because if he didn't comply, she couldn't do it again, if he just didn't react…

But he always did. She always got what she wanted, leaving him helpless to her whims and however many times she wanted him to come…

And he did, always enjoyed it on some base level, while just wanting to scream…

And Will…

Will with a hand against his throat, Will yanking his hair back and riding him while electricity coursed though his body.

Once again, Matt felt that deep sense of violation that he had just realized was there. She hadn't just tainted his body, but his relationship with Will too.

They had been so young… they had just gotten comfortable going down on each other, and he had been so excited the first time he had gotten Will to orgasm on his own, watching her face glow-

Twist in cruel pleasure as she watched him beg…

Somehow, he ended up pressed against the side of his bed, not knowing what to do. He couldn't tell Will, couldn't, and if he couldn't tell Will, then he didn't know who he could tell? Not his mom, not without giving everything away, same with Nigel. Not the girls…

Will would… But then he remembered Nerissa's harsh words while wearing his girlfriend's face, and shivered all over. No… he couldn't. Not right now. He was still too raw, still wasn't sure how he was going to be able to face her tomorrow at school.

Nigel liked to think that he was pretty good at reading people. He also liked to think that he was one of those guys who would be the first person a friend of his would reach out to in a bad situation. He and Matt were best friends, had been since they were both kids. So when Matt disappeared for two days, Nigel was pretty sure he would be the first person to hear about it.

Except he wasn't. Matt came back different, and he couldn't get his friend to talk about any of it. Even Will, who Nigel knew to be the closest person to Matt, seemed to be off. Nigel thought at first they had broken up, but then he could see the looks Will gave Matt when he wasn't looking, and Matt's behavior didn't line up with that either.

It was like he was a whole different person.

And then, after battle of the bands, everything seemed to be back to normal. Matt and Will were affectionate again, all if the girls seemed to relax, and Matt was pretty much back to normal.

Except that he wasn't.

Sure, he wasn't the constantly angry, sardonic asshole he had been, and a normal person probably thought he went back to normal. But Nigel could see little things that were off. The way Matt would flinch when someone touched him unexpectedly. The way he was always tired in class, as though he weren't sleeping enough. The way Matt would seem to just go into his head sometimes, and the first reaction upon coming back to himself would always be fear.

Then, about two weeks ago, everything suddenly got worse. Matt showed up to class, but he was never there. Sudden noises and any sort of unexpected contact made him jump, and he was even worse at trying to hide it.

"I'm fine," Matt would always insist with a smile that was just a little too forced when Nigel tried to ask him about it. "Don't worry about it."

Except he did.

The girls were no help either. Hay Lin, Irma, and Cornelia would always skillfully avoid the question, even when he tried to surprise them with it. He knew he would get the best information from Will, but whenever he asked her, she would go stony faced and force out a "he's fine" before finding some way to either escape the conversation or his presence all together.

Even Taranee, his beautiful girlfriend, wasn't forthcoming with information.

"He's just, something's wrong," He tried to express to her one night over dinner. "He hasn't been the same since he went missing…"

Taranee's face was apologetic, but she wouldn't meet his eyes. "It's not my story to tell," She said.

"But something did happen?" She just smiled sadly and wouldn't answer.

It wasn't until a movie night just under a year later later that Nigel started getting some answers. Matt confessed that he had never seen the Tarantino classic Pulp Fiction, so he dragged Matt over to his house on a night his parents decided to go out. Armed with popcorn and copious amounts of junk food, Nigel booted up the movie.

At first, everything was fine. Matt and Nigel chuckled at the iconic lines, with Matt full out laughing at the gore, commenting under his breath in a way that he probably didn't mean for Nigel to hear, "That's not what it looks like at all…"

They both appreciated Uma Thurman in her prime, grinning through the iconic scene, and Nigel was glad that this time with his friend was going so well. It was nice to see Matt smiling without that haunted look he got on his face sometimes.

That was, until, the scene in the pawnshop opened. Nigel glanced away uncomfortable as that scene proceeded, preferring not to watch. He turned to Matt to apologize, but his eyes went wide at the look of panic on Matt's face, and he could see his friend's breathing starting to pick up and that haunted look in his eyes. "Matt, are you…?"

And then they could hear the sound of the character being raped, and Matt's face went white. Without a word, he tore out of the room, and Nigel could hear sounds of Matt retching over a toilet before he even really registered his friend had gotten up. "Matt? Shit." Nigel chased after his friend.

The door to the bathroom was closed when he got to it, but he could hear sounds of hyperventilating through the closed door. "Matt, you okay dude?"

Matt didn't answer, and Nigel continued to hear shuddering gasps through what he could now tell were sobs. "Shit, Matt, talk to me."

"I'm fine," Matt called back, but his voice was so garbled that Nigel didn't believe it for a second.

"Uh huh, bullshit," He called back, leaning against the door. He paused for a moment, listening to Matt sound like he was about to choke before he tested the handle, finding it unlocked. "Hey, can I come in?" He asked.

No answer. Just hyperventilation and heaving. Nigel waited as the sounds slowly tapered off, and was half considering just walking in when the door cracked open. Nigel took it as permission to slowly poke his head in.

Matt was sitting, half bent over the toilet, and as Nigel walked in, Matt pressed the button to flush the toilet. "Sorry," Matt said, but his voice was empty, devoid of any emotion.

"Why are you apologizing?" Nigel demanded, but backtracked quickly when Matt flinched violently. "I mean…"

"I'm scaring you," Matt said flatly, falling back against the wall behind him. "I hate scaring people."

"You're…" Nigel started, but had nothing really to say. He sighed, kneeling down next to his friend. Matt didn't react when Nigel put his hand on Matt's shoulder, just staring into space.

"Matt…" Nigel had nothing to say. "Did you eat something…"

"I don't like to talk about it," Matt said blankly, seemingly unprompted, and Nigel looked at him, not exactly sure where the words had come from.

"Talk about what?"

Matt was silent for a moment, before he asked, "Remember when I went missing?"

Nigel nodded, and then his mind starting to race in a million different directions. Was this Matt finally opening up about what had happened to him?

"I uh… I didn't run away," Matt said, wrapping his arms around himself.

Well, duh, Nigel had known that. He squeezed his friend's shoulder, encouraging him as he continued, "Uh… because of the nature of the situation I can't say too much specifically but uh…"

Nigel held his breath.

"I was kidnapped and uh… some pretty fucked up stuff was happened." Matt's voice was quiet. Nigel's stomach twisted. "They hurt me and…" He jerked his head in the general direction of the TV, "That…"

It took longer than it should have to register.

"They raped you?" Maybe it was harsh and sudden, but Nigel was too shocked to think clearly. A void had opened up in his stomach and he was spinning down into it. Sure it made sense with all of the symptoms he had seen, but he couldn't have imagined…

Matt only nodded faintly in response. "Yeah." He twisted his hands together in his lap, knees pulled up to his chest. "I uh… haven't told anyone yet… I've been… too raw…" For the first time since this whole thing started, Matt looked at Nigel. "I'd prefer to keep it that way."

He hadn't told Will? "Not even Will?" Nigel asked.

Matt shuddered, looking down at his knees. "I can't." He said weakly, but didn't elaborate further.

Nigel got a sinking feeling in his gut. What had they done to him that he couldn't tell Will?

"What um… what do they know?" Nigel asked, as it was clear to him Taranee knew something had happened to Matt.

Matt shrugged, staring back off into space. "They know I was kidnapped and tortured. I didn't tell them the other part because I didn't remember it at first, and…" He paused, "It just doesn't do them any good to know."

"What do you mean you didn't remember it all at first?" Nigel asked.

Matt shrugged again, repeating that sad little motion. "Just that. I didn't remember it all at first. Guess I couldn't handle it at the time and my brain blocked it out."

"When did you remember?" Nigel held his breath.

Matt stared into space. "About two weeks ago."

"Shit…" Nigel slowly fell back against the wall that Matt leaned against, absorbing all this information. "And the person that did it?" He asked.

"Locked up for good," Matt answered hollowly. "She-they… shouldn't be able to get to me again…"

She? Nigel didn't miss Matt's pronoun slippage. Had his kidnapper been female? The person who had…?

"So yeah…" Matt shrugged, briefly stopping Nigel's thoughts. "Now you know. Now…" He seemed to fold in on himself more. "Now someone knows."

Nigel just sat there, in complete shock that something this awful had happened to his best friend. Matt turned to look at him, and his dark eyes were so haunted Nigel felt his heart break just that little bit more. "Don't tell anyone, okay?"

Nigel bit the inside of his lip. He nodded, before verbally replying, "Okay."