Golden Fantasy VIII

Part 3: Isaac the Tour Guide, and Meeting "Ifrit"

Speech format:

name of character, underlined (how they're speaking/writing in brackets next to the character name)

speech Thoughts and whispers in (brackets) Speech from someone who is as of yet unnamed to your character in "speech marks"

Stuff flashing across the middle of the screen will be centered

What's happening in [straight brackets]

Author *cough*programmer*cough* comments in {fancy brackets}

FMV sequence {yep, on a GBA. don't ask how.} in italics

Clickable and stuff that in the game had [brackets] around them in bold

Everything in between the * * * * * start * * * * * and * * * * * end * * * * * signs are part of the story

{On that note, my centering isn't working, the text seems to have made my browser screen REALLY REALLY long, and my story seems to have uploaded in two different fonts…}

* * * * * start * * * *

Feizhi I'll be waiting… Voices From Off Screen That Sound Suspiciously Like the GS Authors Who Have Played FF8 here… For what? I'll be 'waiting'…here…for you…so… Feizhi …at the Front Gate. So, if you go to the Front Gate… Voices From Off Screen That Sound Suspiciously Like the GS Authors Who Have Played FF8 You'll find me. I promise. {Hands up who actually understood that…} [The Player falls over.] Feizhi …we'll start your prerequisite. See you later. [Feizhi leaves.] [Isaac strolls leisurely down the 2floor hallway, and as he turns to go to the next hallway, he is bumped into by Jenna, who promptly falls over.] "This thing really makes fun of my clumsiness… It's not my fault I almost fell off the platforms in Sol Sanctum…" [Four options appear on Isaac's dry erase board: "HAHAH, look at your hair!" "You look good in the T-Garden uniform." "You OKay there?" "" Isaac circles the first option.] Isaac (already written for him) HAHAH, look at your hair! [Jenna pouts.] "Not my fault!" "I was in a hurry.. You just came from that class, is registration over?" Isaac (written in Girl Guide 'aqua' {I'm telling you, that's pure green!}) Registration? What registration? "Ohhhhh nooooo…" "I just transferred here from Vale Garden, this place is so much bigger! Could you show me around?" [Options on Isaac's dry erase board: "What's with the scar?" "OKay" "" Isaac circles the first and second options.] Isaac (already written for him) OKay. What's with the scar? "Thank you so much!" "Scar? Oh, you've got one too… Had a training session with this guy called Alex Glaven. He ripped my face open. The Sanctum dude told me I was the second one this week. Selfish little…" Isaac (Note to self, look out for more people with scars across their foreheads.) [writing in lavender] C'mon, let's go. We'll take the lift to the 1F lobby and I'll show you the directory. Player And once again the characters go overboard on the bold. Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like Akiko The only thing bolded in the game was directory… Eep, now I'm starting! [Jenna sort-of joins Isaac's party. You know, the way Kraden did/does in Sol Sanctum and in GS2: TLA.] [They run down the hallway together. Since Isaac apparently doesn't have a huge back pocket when in buildings and cities, Jenna follows him around like a lost puppy.] Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like the Rain Child Heheheheh.. Valeshipping goodness… Voice From Off Screen That Doesn't Sound Like Anyone In Particular So Jenna following Isaac around equals Valeshipping? Sheesh, you could make up whole new yaoi couples if you're going by that kind of reasoning… "I really resent this game.. I really do… Why can't I just magically fit in your backpack like in Sol Sanctum?" Isaac (written in wood stain golden brown) Don't know, I don't seem to be allowed to shove people in my back pocket while in buildings and the like. It's kind of strange… [Isaac and Jenna walk up to someone and start 'talking' to them.] Girl Who Told Garet About the Karagol Sea Hi there! Apparently I'm supposed to be nice to the main characters and give them seven cards that I supposedly got from my imaginary brother. (I don't even have a brother, I've got a sister who runs the ticket office, but no brother…) Before you ask, I'm giving them to ya whether you like it or not, I don't know how you play, you should look in the Tutorial, you play with someone by pressing L, not everyone's a card player, and I don't play. Here ya go. Received 7 Cards! "Oh, the kindness of strangers…" [They head to the lift to the 1F lobby, and Isaac shows Jenna the directory.] Isaac (writing in Wise Elder Student Black) Bla bla bla. Move cursor with +, select with A. Bla bla bla. Quick Explanation my foot. Bla bla bla. Dormitories to North. Rest and change there, STAY OUT OF MY DORM. Bla bla bla. Cafeteria North-West. Big rush for hotdogs. Watch out for crazy hotdog obsessed kung fu people. Bla bla bla. Car Park North-East. Garden car for missions. Bla bla bla. Front Gate to the South. Must meet Instructor Chang there. Bla bla bla… [Jenna has stopped reading.] Player So THIS is where the 'over a hundred hours of gameplay' comes from… Isaac (writing in Wise Older Student Black) Bla bla bla. Quad directly East. Event being planned there. "What? Oh. The Garden Festival, I'm on the Committee, wanna join?" Isaac (writing in Wise Elder Student Black, and obviously ignoring her) Bla bla bla. Infirmary South-West. Advice, injury treatment. No one knows the doctor's name. Just call him GH for Great Healer. Bla bla bla. Training Center directly East. Only facility open at night. Real monsters, but most of them are push overs. Watch out for couples making out in secret area. Bla bla bla. Library South West. Highly boring books there, but the Restore Draw Point and refreshing Occult Fan Is are worth a visit. Bla bla bla. Headmaster Kraden's office 3F. Permission needed to get up there. Bla bla bla… (hurriedly) "Thanks for the help, but I gotta go! See you in the KerneL exam!" Isaac (writing in indigo denim blue) Ungrateful little…

[Isaac sighs silently, and wanders into the Cafeteria…]

Alex (who is sitting at a cafeteria with Sheba and Felix)

I refuse to get my hair bleached! I REFUSE!

Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like lucius

Look! There's my idea! ^_^

[Sheba, sitting across the table from Alex, looks verrry menacing…]

Alex (meekly)

I'll get it spiked…

Felix (who's sitting in between them)

's too long to spike, unless you want to look like Garet.

[Everyone in the Cafeteria who's from the GS universe cringes.]

Felix

Hey! Isaac! Over here!

[Sheba directs her Evil Scowl at Felix, who pales, and huddles into his seat.]

Sheba (whispering)
(RAGE…)

Isaac

(How do you whisper shouting? This game's full of contradictions…)

Hsu (who has just wandered in and cast Mind Read on Isaac)

I believe it is called hissing.

[Hsu walks to the cafeteria people, also known as the cooks from the GS universe inns.]

Hsu

Any riceballs left?

Cook From the Imil Inn

Sorry, we're all out… The Xianese cook left on his breakfast break, and for some strange reason, nobody else knows how to make rice, let alone riceBALLS. But we do have some Imil Super Hot Pepper Soup!

Pay 100 coins for some Imil Super Hot Pepper Soup

Hsu

No thank you…

[Hsu starts crying and running around the Cafeteria.]

Player

And once again the programmer goes overboard on the boldness.

[Car, not tiptoeing or standing on anything, holds a mallet in hitting position right over the Player's head. Impressive feat, considering she's about five inches shorter than him/her/it.]

Hsu

NOOOOOOO, my precious riceballs! There are none of the precious riceballs left! NO, MY PRECIOUS RICEBALLS! YOU SHALL BE AVENGED!

Isaac

(Avenged for what… nonexistence?)

Alex

Oh look, he's screaming and running, thus breaking several of the Garden rules.

[He does nothing.]

Isaac

(Some Head of the Diciplinary Committee… This is why I have to listen to him…)

Player

Look at that, he's a moron AND he just pulled off an oxymoron!

[The various Isaac fans in the room do as Car did. There are now around ten people holding mallets above the Player's head.]

Sheba

GO! ARREST! GIVE DETENTION!

Alex, Felix

Don'wanna.

Sheba (menacing expression again)

GO… ARREST…

Felix, Alex (sounding slightly scared)

Don'wanna…

Sheba

NOW!

[Alex and Felix look scared, and run off after Hsu, Sheba directly behind them, even though she left at least twenty seconds after them.]

Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like Whoever's Currently Reading This

Must be the speed of Jupiter…

Isaac

(And none of them stop to think that THEY'RE breaking the rules as well. Running in the halls indeed.)

[Isaac shrugs, and starts playing Triple Orion with some of the Changies.]

Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like Triad Orion

Now, if only they'd kept the "Triad" in it… [Various off screen voices mutter darkly about the evils of parodies and the GS section.] Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like Car Tone it down, will ya? If you don't like GS OR parodies, then why are you here, anyway? [The owners of the off screen voices point to the various GS styled parody writers in the room, including the likes of Midnight C, Griffinkhan, and the writer of "Not Another GS Style Harry Potter Parody" whose name Car has forgotten, not to mention Triad Orion, Elena, and Akiko. Said writers, plus the ones Car doesn't currently remember, fall over.] Player (gritting teeth) Must… Ignore… Idiots… Surrounding me… [Isaac, finished playing Triple Orion and having won quite a few cards, wanders over to the Quad.] "Hey, you! Yes, you! Get over here and join the Garden Festival Committee!" "Oh, and it doesn't matter what you say or don't say, coz I'm gonna ask you again at the KerneL auguration party again anyway, so HAH!" [Options on Isaac's dry erase board: Make me! OKay …whatever] [Isaac wisely rubs everything on the dry erase board out.] "Don't IGNORE ME, you JERK!" "I HATE YOU! MEANIE!" Player Hey hey hey, looks like Jenna learned her insults off Mia as well. [Without even thinking about it, Muse Mia uses the Evil Eye on the Player, mutters several dirty insults under her breath in Imilian, sticks Muse Isaac behind the Player, and joins the Mallet Brigade.] [Isaac wanders back out of the Quad and into the Training Center.] Vermin Roar. [Isaac calmly skewers it with his Gunblade. This happens to a lot more of the Vermins {who are playing Grats, by the way}, until Isaac runs into a…] Feizhi Storm Lizard! Isaac, sometimes it's better to run! Player What's she doing here? I thought she was at the Front Gate? [Feizhi blinks, and walks back out of the Training Center and to the Front Gate.] Isaac (That was very strange.) [Isaac shrugs, and Summons Thor onto the Storm Lizard {who's actually playing a T-Rexaur}, doing very little damage.] Storm Lizard Ohh, that hurt SO much. [The Storm Lizard casts Wind Slash, its substitute for Aero para-magic.] Isaac (somehow managing to scribble it in neon lilac, even though he's in the middle of a battle) Likewise, ol' Stormy. I've beaten you ten times, and I'll beat you again. Storm Lizard Such big words from such a little teenager. Isaac (written in blood red, with a very calm expression on his face) WHAT did you say? Storm Lizard I said… [Isaac Summons Boreas. Far too quickly for their Compatability measurement, but he/she/it manages to one hit wonder kill the Storm Lizard.] Isaac (in happy orange) Who says Storm Lizards are weak against Venus instead of Mercury? Welcome to Golden Fantasy VIII, where Ice magic kills them…] Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like the latest newbie in the GS section If only Storm Lizards were weak to Mercury… [Isaac draws from the Frost Draw Point, then exits the Training Center and heads out to the Front Gate.] Feizhi Ready to go? Oh, I'll have to remind you about junctioning GFs… Bla bla bla Junction Menu bla bla bla Junction GF bla bla bla get GFs from bla bla bla… Player NOO! Where's the cancel button on this?! Voices From Off Screen That Sound Suspciously Like the GS authors (as if it's incredibly obvious, and some with "Are you TRYING not to think?" expressions) *cough*B BUTTON*cough* [The Player hurriedly hits B.] Feizhi OKay, let's go. Altimer Cave is North West from here. [Feizhi joins Isaac's party, and they make their way to Altimer Cave, fighting off various Rats, Worms, and Gnomes on the way. Inside said Cave, Isaac looks around quizically.] Isaac (written in Bic "blue" {really a kind of purplish blue}) And there I was thinking the Fire Cavern, or its subsitute, was meant to be straight forward? Feizhi Actually, the Djinni Summon you are looking for is just at the end of the first floor, thank the Gods. Pick a time limit. 10 minutes 20 minutes 30 minutes 40 minutes Isaac (written in neon pastel yellow, simply because the neon pastels are the only colours visible in Altimer Cave) Half an hour. Feizhi OKay. [They start off down the cave, fighting off Red Bats and Bombs. Isaac manages to get hold of a Bomb Fragment, thinking it'll come in handy.] Feizhi Y'know, sometimes when the boys come here with me, they choke up… Must be my charm, huh? Voices From Off Screen That Sound Suspiciously Like Elena and Akiko Weirdshipping! ^_^ Isaac (….whatever. it's probably just because you're part Jupiter.) [They get to just before the Djinni Summons' Chamber.] Feizhi Well, this is it. Are you ready? Isaac (If I weren't, would I be here?) [Isaac nonchalantly steps forward. Kirin's rider leaps out of the lava pit, lava dripping off her dress.] Kirin's rider WHO DARES DISTURB MY-hang on, wrong line. What's my line again? Feizhi You don't have one. You just roar then jump straight into battle. Kirin's rider OKay then. By the way, could I have a better name? Player And Griffinkhan's influences begin to show. Feizhi Maybe later. [They battle. Isaac continuously summons Boreas, much to the dislike of Kirin's rider. Feizhi hangs round casting Cure and Frost {she drew it from the monsters around the cave}. With about twenty seconds left on the clock, Kirin's rider is beaten.] Isaac (written in icy blue – methinks he's been summoning Boreas too much) I thought Meteor was supposed to be with you? Kirin's rider Oh, he only shows up when you summon me/us. Antisocial old loner. Hurry up and name me already! [Feizhi thoughtfully puts in "Meilyn and Meteor" for her, ignoring the character limit.] Meilyn Meilyn? Well, I suppose it's better than Bernie… [The group snickers.] Feizhi Well, you do look kind of Xianese, and your costume does remind me of Meilin in Cardcaptors. Meilyn O_O YOU WATCH CARDCAPTORS?! Feizhi (embarassed) Well, where do you think I learned my para-magic? Isaac (Hmph, I learned my para-magic from those books in the T-Garden Library…) [They leave the cave, Meilyn and Meteor as of yet un-Junctioned.] [At the Front Gate…] Feizhi I'll tell you how to take care of a DS. Isaac (written in glow-in-the-dark green) What's a DS? Feizhi (ignoring him) Bla bla bla- [The Player hits B.] Feizhi Go to the Front Hallway at 1600 hours for your Field Exam. You have free time until then, but try to keep in top condition. [Feizhi leaves.] Isaac (still confused, writing in the super-happy-lots-of-names-that-Car-forgot rainbow sparkly marker) What's a DS? * * * * * end * * * * * And for you couple-phobic people, a quick, handy *cough cough* list of all the couples you will see in this parody fic… Isaac Says Booga's name (if applicable) for the couple and the couple style *has no idea how to explain that* with nothing round it, the characters in (brackets), the FF8 equivalent of the couple in in {fancy brackets}, and my own reactions in *stars*. Mudshipping (Isaac/Mia) {Squinoa – Squall/Rinoa} one sided, confused Weirdshipping (Feizhi/Isaac) {Quall – Quistis/Squall} implied Imilshipping (Mia/Alex) {Seinoa *?* - Rinoa/Seifer} Puretortureshipping, one side real, one side acting (Ivan/Mia) {Julia/Laguna} forced acting Ivan/? {Laguna/Raine} implied Burnshipping (Jenna/Garet) {Irvine/Selphie} forced acting Kraden/Karst *snicker, snicker* {Cid/Edea} implied Hsu/Xianese Water Carrying Girl Who Also Needs a New Name {Zell/Library Girl with a Pigtail} I'm pretty sure that's everyone… *walks off to consult the FF8 script she found on the Net*