19Hey everybody, I'm a local chuckle buckler and I'm here to provide you with an average quality fanfiction.
Disclaimer: Fuck em'. Who needs em'. Disclaimers, that is.
David was having a great day. All the campers seemed to actually be having fun as they played in the lake. Even Max was getting involved. Sure that involved sitting on the dock as he kicked water into everybody's faces, chucking rocks at Space Kid and nearly drowning David with the help of Nikki and Neil, but at least David could safely say that the kid was actually having fun. After the near drowning experience, David decide to take a break. He sat by Gwen who was currently relaxing under a large umbrella and catching up on her favorite trashy magazines. He was glad everyone was just having a normal relaxing day for once. Sure they could be off doing another great camp activity, but sometimes you just needed to slow down and just relax in nature. David gave a content sigh as he watched the campers play with a smile on his face.
"You know David, this was a pretty good idea." Gwen turned towards David, "After Nikki caused that fucking wild bee attack yesterday, I'd say everybody needs a break from causing chaos."
David softly rubbed at the remaining bumps the bees had left on his arms and gave Gwen a wide grin.
"Thanks! It's been a pretty crazy week after Neil nearly blew up the Mess Hall and Ered tried to skateboard over the campers," he shook his head fondly at the memories, "Everybody just had to take their minds off of their camp activities and just have a good ol' swim!"
Gwen gave a small smile and punched David lightly, making him fake a wince of pain, "You'd know best, wouldn't ya, nature freak?" David laughed and was about give her a light jab back, but jumped a little when the sound of screeching tires pierced the air. Everyone seemed to stop and looked in the direction of the camp's entrance. As far as David knew, no new campers would be coming in. He hoped it wasn't anyone looking for Campbell. Those encounters usually ended badly. Then, he felt it. A small chill ran up from his feet to his head. He knew that feeling too well and knew he had to deal with it before who ever this was got to the campers. David quickly stood up and aimed a friendly, reassuring smile at the kids.
"Um... don't worry about that kids. I'll check out who our new guest might be!" David promptly went towards the entrance, feeling the unease growing stronger. It wasn't a particularly bad feeling for him per say, but he knew this feeling and knew it would be bad if whoever this was met the campers. Not just for their safety, but for his own secrets that he wasn't keen on revealing anytime soon.
Once he reached the entrance, he saw a man fiddling around with his phone, excitedly pointing it in every direction until it landed on David. The man, who wore a dirty, torn black trench coat and sported a shirt that had many different demon summoning circles set up like the periodic table on it, with the words, "The Periodic Table of Demons" written underneath it, jumped when his phone started beeping. The guy looked up from his phone, locked eyes with David and, like any excited fan boy, ran over to him screaming his name.
"Amdusias!"
David visibly shuddered at hearing his title and he took a step back. He hadn't heard that in a while, at least not from a human, and hoped this wouldn't become a big deal and he could get this guy out of here before anyone noticed.
After David ran off, everyone eventually got back to what they were doing, except for Max. He was beyond suspicious. The way David left so quickly and that nervous look in his eyes told him something was up. He kicked some water in Nikki and Neil's direction to get their attention. Neil glared daggers at him as he wadded over to Max.
"Will you stop with the slapping already? It's hard enough surviving in this lake with Nikki circling me like a shark!"
Nikki swam over, baring her teeth, "Need meat!" She vainly tried chomping down on Neil's arm as he held her back with it. Max snickered at Neil's suffering, but got back on track with what he wanted to ask.
"Did you guys see how weird David was when he ran off? He looked like he saw a fucking ghost."
"Ooo! Maybe he did! Maybe those were ghost tires!" Neil scoffed at Nikki's theory and let go of her head as he walked back onto land. Nikki happily let her head splash onto the water.
"It was probably just somebody from town or the government looking for Campbell, it usually is." Neil squeezed the water out of his hair and grabbed his towel off the dock. Nikki soon flopped onto land too and shook the water off herself like an excited dog, hitting Max and Neil with stray water. Neil cringed and tried to block the water while Max ignored it and glared off in the direction David went. He huffed and decided to just drop the whole thing for now. He could easily corner the guy and get the info he wanted later. Besides, with David gone and Gwen literally paying no attention, he could really fuck shit up.
"Hey, you guys wanna-!"
"Amdusias!"
Another interruption struck the air and it only confused everyone even more.
"Amdu- what the fuck?" Max said incredulously.
"I think I read that name in one of my magic books," Harrison said.
"That's a level 25 demon! We must slay it!" Nerris shouted out as she pumped a fist into the air.
Gwen instantly shot up and stumbled over to the kids, "Uh… o-okay, you little shits, time for lunch," she started ushering them to the Mess Hall, telling the campers the shouting was probably from some crazy man starting shit and not to worry about it. She knew when she heard that name, that this was a strictly "David's problem" kind of deal and that meant no nosey kids snooping around. Unfortunately for her, Max was sneaky. He easily slipped around her while her attention was on the others. He gave Neil and Nikki a thumbs up, grabbed his hoodie and ran off to investigate. He ran over to the, now much quieter, shouting and hid behind a tree. In front of David was some guy on his knees who seemed to be praising him. Max raised an eyebrow and hunkered down so he wouldn't be seen.
David looked around nervously, hoping no one heard that. He started to lightly tug on his scarf as he looked down at the man.
David thought to himself, "Ok, no need to panic. Obviously the guy really likes demons. He's clearly a worshipper, so he'll most definitely listen to me. Just gotta muster up the old confidence." David straightened up and cleared his throat, "You can stand."
The strange man stood back up and had stars in his eyes as he gazed at David. David took his eyes off the man's face and eyed his phone instead, "How exactly did you find me?"
The man excitedly presented the phone to David, "It's because of this app! I was surprised it worked too, but every time I typed in a demon's title, this thing would lead me right to them! I've met so many of my idols because of this thing. Now I'm meeting Amdusias! Ugh, this is so amazing! Of course, you'd be living in nature and - Oh my Satan - is that the faint buzz of music I hear! Is it because of me?! Oh man, I feel so honored! I love your music! Can I get your autograph?"
At this moment in time, David had never wanted to crawl into a corner and die more than he did right now. That Satan part was enough to make him cringe and the rest just made him more embarrassed and upset every second. Sure, he loved complements but this certainly wasn't the right time nor place to be getting them. Not to mention that app. He was gonna have to write a strongly worded letter to someone down in Hell to somehow get that app to be less effective. It could easily endanger them all and he really didn't want this happening again. David placed his hand on the fanboy's shoulder and they nearly melted at his touch. David sighed, "If I give you an autograph, will you please leave and never come back?"
"Yes, my Dark Lord!" The man seemed to be vibrating with excitement as he pulled out a copy of the Pseudomonarchia Daemonum and a pen. David noticed that there were a couple of other names on the book's cover and wondered how the guy survived getting them in the first place. He shrugged it off and neatly signed Admudias in lovely cursive. Then, he flipped the book opened and landed right on his page, quickly skimming over it.
Duke Amdusias
The Sixty-seventh Spirit is Amdusias, or Amdukias. He is a Duke Great and Strong, appearing at first like a Unicorn or as a human with claws instead of hands and feet and with the head of a Unicorn, but at the request of the Exorcist he stands before him in Human Shape, causing Trumpets, and all manner of Musical Instruments to be heard, but not seen nor soon or immediately. Also he can cause Trees to bend and incline according to the Exorcist's Will. Amdusias is associated with thunder and it has been said that his voice is heard during storms. He is a spirit of the Earth, who may bring one close to the spirits of nature. He guides in dreams the sorcerer to the great forests, from which the trees are flowing in beauty and ancient wisdom. He gives Excellent Familiars. He governs 29 Legions of Spirits. And his Seal is this:
Underneath the text was his summoning symbol and instructions on how to put the circle together and conduct the summoning ritual. David was pleasantly surprised that this version of the book had the various other info about himself. He flicked his eyes up to the man, who was still as excited as ever, and forced a smile on his face as he asked, "Would you mind if I took this page?"
The demon worshipper shook his head and shoved the book further into David's hands, "Of course I don't mind! Take whatever you want! I have backup books anyway!"
David's right eye twitched as he swiftly ripped the page out, "Of course you do…" He shoved the paper into his pocket and began motioning towards the road, "Now, if you wouldn't mind, please leave?"
"Of course! Of course! It was great meeting you! I'll definitely summon you!" The guy gave the finger gun motion as he jumped back into his car and sped back down the road. After David was sure he was long gone, he dropped his smile and smacked his hands over his face as he groaned in agony. That was probably the single worst, most embarrassing and horrific moment in his long life. He was glad that no one had seen that, but also terrified that he'd probably end up seeing the guy again. Is this how the more popular demons felt? Always being fanboy-ed over by a bunch of edgy teens? Heck, that guy was a grown adult and he still acted like that. He was glad he didn't have much to offer people now: less of a chance for something like that to happen again. His hands finally fell limp as he looked at the paper sticking out of his pocket. He had to hide it. Nothing much could really destroy it except for stuff he really didn't want to be in contact with either. He could just hide it in his room with his trusty trumpet. He's sure none of the kids would be able to reach it and it would be safe and sound. With that in mind, he jogged over to the cabin.
Once David was inside, Max finally poked out from where he was hiding. He was even more confused and suspicious than before. During that whole thing, Max couldn't really hear what David was saying, but he sure as hell could hear that crazy guy screaming. Yammering about loving David's music and summoning him and calling him Dark Lord and shit. What, was David in some edgy alternative rock band and played some shitty angst music. The guy drooling over David sure looked like someone that would be into that kinda stuff. Max rolled his eyes at his own thoughts. No way could David, of all people, sing about anything remotely sad. The guy was too unbearable cheery and even though he'd seen David at seemingly his lowest during the whole Sparrow thing, he knew he'd just bounce back after a little help. Max slapped himself, not liking that he was basically complementing David. Hearing the door to the cabin open, Max hunkered back down and watched David walk away. He had to get his hands on that paper. It was obviously important to figuring this whole thing out. Max knew he only had a little bit of time on his hands, knowing once David realized he wasn't with the rest of the kids, he'd come searching for him.
Once he was sure David was far enough away, Max ran up to the cabin. He jiggled the knob. Locked. He pulled a bobby pin that he had hidden in his large poofy hair and started picking the lock. After a few seconds, he popped the door open and then got to working on David's bedroom door. He easily opened it too and quickly started rummaging around. Doing his best to make sure when David came back he wouldn't know someone was ever in his room, Max made sure to put everything back that wasn't important. He was starting to get frustrated, not seeing a single hint of the paper around the room. Already he was starting to think of another plan to get what he wanted, possibly stringing David up to the post outside of the Mess Hall and chucking rocks at him until he gave in, until something caught his eye. He looked up to the closet and saw a suspicious, large, black chest sitting on the top shelf. A smirk crawled onto Max's face. It had to be in there. Looking around, he tried to find something tall enough to knock the chest down with. His eyes landed on the Sparrow Staff, lovingly put back together with some wood glue and duct tape. He snatched it and started smacking the chest closer to the edge. When it finally did drop, it almost crushed Max and left a deep indent in the ground. No way to hide that. Eyeing the lock, it looked a whole lot sturdier than any other lock he had ever picked. He pulled out another bobby pin, "Let's do this."
After ten broken bobby pin and a long string of curse words, Max finally popped the lock opened.
"Fucking finally," he swung the chest open. Inside was a beautiful silver trumpet, some ancient looking coins, amulets, chalks, candles, books of varying sizes that he couldn't read the title of and the paper he'd been looking for.
"Bingo." Without really looking at it, Max shoved the paper into his hoodie pocket and locked the chest back up. He couldn't really put the thing back on the shelf, so he just shoved it behind some shoes and closed the closet. After putting the staff back, he locked all the doors behind him and jogged back to the Mess Hall. Max wanted to look at whatever was on the paper, but knew if he ran into David along the way he'd fuck it all up. Once Max reached the Mess Hall, he was ready to nonchalantly walk in and mix back in with the kids until the door suddenly opened and there stood David.
David was surprised to say the least when he opened the door and saw Max. He was just about to go looking for him, "Max! I was just about to come looking for you. Where have you been?"
"None of your fucking business, Camp Man," Max shoved passed David's legs and went to take a seat in between Neil and Nikki.
David gave a disapproving frown, "Language, Max."
Max just flipped him off and went back to talking with his friends. David sighed, but brightened back up at the idea of Max getting closer to his friends. He took a seat next to Gwen and aimlessly twiddled his fingers. After that little hiccup today, David was still a little frazzled. He didn't like it when these sorts of situations reared their ugly head. Of course, it didn't happen often, but whenever something demon related happened to him, particularly at camp, his life changed. Ever since that fateful day he was summoned here years ago. Something always changed. He had changed. David flinched when Gwen place her hand on his arm.
"Hey man, you gonna be okay?" Her face showed concern, which just made him feel guilty.
"I'm fine, Gwen. Just... thinking."
"You gonna tell me what happened back there?"
"Later. I don't want to talk about it in front of the kids."
With that reassurance, Gwen went back to watching her shows on her computer. David smiled. He was pretty glad Gwen knew what and who he was, honestly. She was great at covering for him when he would have to disappear for a performance in Hell or for those rare summonings. Sure, it was a little rocky the first few days after she found out. He remembered when she made a cross out of a couple of sticks and shoved it in his face whenever he got close for a whole day, only stopping when she saw how sad it was making him. Gwen came to understand he wasn't really out to hurt anyone and they were best friends now! She would even let him perform for her sometimes and she'd give him tips. It was great! All these positive thoughts got his mind off his troubles and he finally started cautiously eating the food in front of him.
"So, what did you find out, Max?" Neil asked.
"Yeah! Was it ghost tires?" Nikki excitedly chimed in.
The three kids were in a small huddle, two of them curiously eyeing the third. Max quieted them down, "There was some weird guy praising David for some reason. I don't know what the fuck that was about, but David ripped this from the guys book," he showed a little bit of the paper, "I broke into his cabin and stole it. I don't know what it is, but it seems pretty important if David took the time to hide it."
"Woah! Let me see!" Nikki reached for Max's pocket, but just shoved her away.
"You can see it later. Don't want any of these other chuckle fucks poking their noses into this," Max pushed the paper back into his pocket. His eyes shifted over to David, who seemed to be humming a happy tune now. Max averted his eyes to the empty tray in front of him. He had a feeling he was about to dig into something he really shouldn't, but he had to figure this shit out. If David was keeping secrets, he could hold it over the guy or maybe it'll show he isn't as good a person as he tries to act. Max shrugged. It was probably something lame though. He'd already seen how fucking boring David was during a day off. Shit couldn't be worse than that.
There it be. I've done did it. Welp, bye.