They rode for days in order to reach Solitude, which was the other end of Skyrim. On the way they encountered numerous bandit camps which they either ransacked like angry Vikings or made an alliance with the inhabitants and blooded any willing volunteers. Their group was slowly getting bigger and this made Serana very proud; no longer were they merely misfits, they were an army and they had a cause! Skyrim would belong to the Rebels of the Eternal Night!
Baron Blutmeister von Tusk had grown substantially since the Battle of Windhelm and had discovered new and exciting powers that he previously did not know he possessed. He had managed to telepathically summon an army of horkers which now bolstered Serana's army and slowly arfed along after the horses, ready to die at Baron von Tusk's command. He had also discovered the joys of sharpening his tusks on the bones of mortals.
They knew that they were reaching Solitude when they saw many guardsmen standing around aimlessly and discussing the rumors coming from Eastmarch about a horker attack in Windhelm's marketplace. They set up camp a little way from the city and searched for the main gates. Getting into Solitude proved very difficult. Serana ignored suggestions from her inner circle that they blow holes in the walls of the city, assault it with catapults or try to sneak in dressed as bards. She knew that none of these would work - mainly due to the fact that they lacked the resources to build siege weapons or make bardic clothing.
Suddenly a Breton vampire named Orla came running down the hill towards where Serana stood,
"There are many people entering the city! I overheard them talking and it seems they are all attending a wedding!" As the woman finished speaking, Serana was hit with a bolt of inspiration. They would enter the city undercover by dressing as wedding guests! She laughed as she embraced her vampiric sister, Orla, and exclaimed,
"You are a genius! We have a plan! Let us move further down the road and kill the wedding guests and steal their clothing and gift-trunks! We can hide our weapons in the trunks and..." Her jubilation ended abruptly as she realised they would have to do something drastic about the horkers. She motioned to Voldemort who drifted closer to her side,
"Voldemort, my brother, stay here with the horkers. We will return to regroup when we have the fine clothing and gift-trunks." Voldemort honked in sorrow. How he had wished to join the massacre of the wedding guests! Ever since Windhelm, livers had been multiplying exponentially within his body and he needed to expell them to alleviate the pressure they were putting on his bladder. He was already urinating all over his horse when they were riding. Now he was reduced to a mere incontinent stable-boy for horkers...
The vampires me their way stealthily towards the wedding procession. The guests were adorned with jewels and furs and large horses pulled carriages full of gifts. As Serana's army attacked, the people screamed and began crying over their expensive outfits,
"No! My tiara!" Yelled one horribly posh girl as a group of twenty vampires dragged her to the floor and feasted upon her. Blood went everywhere and stained her dress, which was now painted a wonderful shade of crimson. Serana chose this to be her dress. After the massacre was over, all the vampires stripped and got changed into wedding garb; some got into fights because there were far too many dresses and some of the men realised they were going to have to wear them. They butchered the horses for meat which they would sell to passing merchants to fund their war effort.
Upon returning to Voldemort, Serana shoved a blue dress at him and told him to get changed from his urine-stained robes. He cried in a honking manner as he laced up the corset of the dress and draped a scarf over his bald head. The horkers had been decked in decorative tablecloths that had been meant as a wedding present...however their appearance had not improved much and now they looked like disfigured mammoths draped in lacey lingerie. Serana and her army attached the horkers to the carts - some vampires hiding inside them to disguise their true numbers - whereas the others walked in a procession behind the carts.
It took two hours for the horkers to reach the main gate as they flopped their way along the road, arfing all the time. Passing guards either laughed or looked terrified as they passed by, but they were allowed entrance to the city and soon they found themselves at the wedding reception. The bride, Vittoria Vici, was radiant in her beautiful white dress and she encouraged them to eat, drink and be merry. They tried to act nonchalantly and mingle, but they found it boring and there was nothing at the buffet that appealed to their tastes. Soon it was time for the ceremony to begin and they all took their seats in the courtyard, Voldemort standing at the back as he looked to weird to be allowed into the actual reception. Vittoria stood to give her speech...and instead let out a scream of pain,
"ARRRRRGGGGGGH NOOOOOOO!" An arrow protruded from her chest and she fell to the floor with blood and diarrhea spurting from every orifice. Her groom was covered in it and died alongside his beloved of toxic shock syndrome. The vampires were shocked! What on Earth had gone on?! Serana saw a flicker of black as someone jumped from the rooftop and sprinted away. It was an assassin! Probably from the Dark Brotherhood... If they could assassinate someone in well-defended Solitude then they posed a threat to the vampires indeed. It only solidified Serana's resolve to kill the Dark Brotherhood next.
"This is perfect!" She whispered, "It's a diversion! Now, to Castle Dour and General Tullius!" As the real wedding guests fled in terror to the marketplace and the guards began to mass, the vampires quickly made their way to Castle Dour. They killed the guards in the courtyard and stormed the keep! Inside, General Tullius exclaimed as twenty bedraggled 'wedding guests' burst into the room with weapons drawn,
"Rikke! What the hell is this?! To arms!" He hollered as he ran into an adjacent room and left Legate Rikke alone to face the vampire hoard. As she drew her sword and steeled herself for battle the door flew open once more and strange mist appeared from nowhere,
"NYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAGGGGH!" It was Voldemort! He had come to help the final attack on the keep! Serana felt her heart surge with pride as she recalled his heroic actions in Windhelm. Voldemort land-surfed towards Legate Rikke at great speed, his hand outstretched, and she lost her balance as she was pushed away from him by the sheer speed of his movement. The back of her knees hit the balcony railings and she tumbled to her doom below,
"For the Empire!" She screamed as her body fell into the blacksmith's forge and ignited instantaneously. Voldemort watched and cackled as she began to spew fire out of her anus as she died, and her armor melted to form pool of diarrhea-laden slag at the bottom of the forge.
Meanwhile, Serana had pursued General Tullius into the other room and was ready to fight him. He drew his sword and challenged her to a duel. She laughed at him as she ranted,
"You can never defeat me, Tullius. Give in now and let me blood you as a vampire and I will let you live. You can be a Rebel of the Eternal Night and I'll even install you as Jarl of Solitude..." He cut her short,
"You idiot girl! I would rather have sex with a horker than join you and your silly little band of rejects!" Serana raised an eyebrow as she picked up a sword she found lying on the floor,
"That can be arranged, old man, but I'd rather just kill you here and now!" She hissed as she clashed swords with the General, feeling that he was physically much stronger than she was...despite her vampiric powers. He repeatedly parried her blows and struck out at her viciously, cornering her in no time; she began to regret accepting the duel, especially when he knocked the sword from her hand. He laughed as he spoke to her vampire associates,
"This pathetic worm is your leader? You are destined to fail! A vampire could never defeat the Imperial Legion!" Serana let a twisted smile run across her lips as she began to glow inexplicably,
"But Tullius, I have bested you... For I am not merely a vampire, but I am also...THE POPE!" A spectral mitre appeared above her head and the glow around her intensified until she was oscillating visibly with the power of it. Tullius felt himself beginning to ignite as holy fire scorched every inch of his being. He floundered around on the floor in a puddle of his own diarrhea and vomit, as it came out of his mouth and nose at an alarming rate. Voldemort expelled flammable napalm-livers at him which caused little organ-induced explosions all around Tullius's now still corpse, and caused the floor to become slippery with liver goo. The spectral mitre began to fade from above Serana's head and she returned to her normal state of vampiric being. The vampires all bowed their heads to her in respect and fear.
"Our mission..." She began, "...is complete." And a great cheer rose up from the Rebels of the Eternal Night. Just then the drunken Nord vampire, Jurgen Trollsmasher, came bursting into the castle.
"Serana! It's the Baron! He's doing stuff in the marketplace again! And the horkers are massing to assault the Blue Palace!" Everyone was shocked and they quickly began making their way to the marketplace to observe. Serana floated down the steps of the Castle feeling weak and tired, her Papal-Powers exhausted for one day.
Chaos reigned in the marketplace. Baron Blutmeister von Tusk was goring people to death and inducing plague and diarrhea in anyone who passed by. All of Solitude was succumbing to his masterful powers! Him and his own private army of fifty other horkers were arfing around the marketplace enjoying the bloodbath and flattening stalls with their sheer girth. It was beautiful. Serana was overcome with joy when she looked at the Baron - he had developed into such a wonderful and productive member of society! The horkers began to form ranks and arfed up the stairs of the Blue Palace until they headbutted the main gates in an attempt to gain entrance; the guards had barricaded the doors well, but when Baron Blutmeister von Tusk threw his massive weight against the door...it splintered like matchsticks. The horkers were through! They split into groups of two and mad their way up the stairs to where the Jarl would be. Some went to the kitchens however, to feast on the lowly kitchen staff in a depraved and plague-filled orgy.
Elisif could not get up. She was rooted to the spot with fear and her guards had either abandoned her or had been flattened and eaten by...by...my God... It couldn't be... Horkers! If only she had paid more attention to that book her nursemaid used to read to her as a child "When Horkers Attack"! Suddenly the mass of horkers gave way to one humongous specimen who reared up with all of his might...and came crashing down upon Elisif and the throne. She died smothered beneath many layers of blubber and having atrocious, fear-induced diarrhea. The fecal matter bathed Baron von Tusk and he wore it as some sort of terrifying war-paint as he bellowed his victory for all of Solitude to hear. The God of all horkers also heard the cry of one of his most favored children and so granted him a boon; he conglomerated seven horkers into one gigantic horker which could be used to assault entire towns on its own...or could be used as a blubbery battering ram in dire circumstances.
Serana hovered into the Blue Palace to see Baron Blutmeister von Tusk sitting atop the throne amidst the blood, guts and diarrhea of the old Jarl. She gasped and exclaimed,
"Von Tusk! You are truly worthy! I name you the new Jarl of Solitude!" Everyone cheered except Voldemort, who was heartbroken that he had not been named Jarl. The emotion was too much for him and the livers that had been multiplying within him spontaneously erupted out of his ears and coated the whole room in a film of liver goo. Serana looked on in horror as she shook her head,
"You were doing so well, my friend. Maybe we need to conduct surgery on you to find the root of this problem?" Voldemort honked as he backed away, slipped on a liver, got up again, and said,
"No, please Serana! I can be to our advantage...I will show you..." He carefully tip-toed between the livers towards the window and opened his mouth wide... Livers spewed out of him at Mach 2, like diarrhea out of someone with gastroenteritis. They pelted the remaining inhabitants of Solitude and caused them to explode in piles of livery wrongness. Serana was impressed as was the rest of her army.
"Very well, my friend, we will leave you intact and conduct no vivisection upon you." She turned to her army, and to the horkers,
"We have won a victory here today, but the war is far from over! The Dark Brotherhood has shown its face here today and they are a DANGER TO OUR KIND! Let us now scatter to the four winds to find the location of their hideout! And never forget that you are Rebels! Rebels can never fail!" They all roared in agreement and ran from the city, hoping to find a lead as to the location of the Dark Brotherhood's sanctuary.
Darkness was coming for the Dark Brotherhood...