Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Alice in Wonderland.
Blunderland by E.
Harry blinked in confusion. For some reason, the Wizengamot had summoned him at 2:30 a.m., and it appeared Luna Lovegood was now Chief Warlock. He was certain she hadn't been last week as they left Hogwarts for the summer. Harry was also certain that Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom, Charlie Weasley, and Cho Chang were not on the Wizengamot, and that Professor Snape was not the court scribe. Strangely enough, that was what they appeared to be, if the plum-colored robes and furious scribbling were anything to go by.
"Harry Potter, you have been summoned before the Wizengamot to be tried for the crime of stealing the King of Heart's tarts." said Luna in a dreamy voice, gesturing towards Lucius Malfoy, who was sobbing over an empty plate.
"The prosecution is Rubeus Hagrid, and the defense is Tom Riddle Jr." she continued as she pointed to Hagrid, who was wearing an enormous pink flowered housecoat, and Tom, who was wearing an orange poncho and a bright yellow fake mustache. "Don't worry, this trial is completely unbiased." Several members of the Wizengamot promptly booed Harry.
"Your Honorable Wrackspurt, I protest!" shouted Tom, jumping on his chair and waving his arms around. "You accuse my beloved son, when it is obvious the Jack of Hearts took the tarts; look he's eating them right there!" he said, pointing at Draco, who did indeed have his mouth stuffed full of tarts, with more in his arms.
"Yer Honnerable Wrackspert, I move teh prosecute the Jack instead of Tom's son!" Hagrid yelled as he grabbed Draco in a massive bear hug.
"Bellatrix, why did you not put the Jack on the evidence table? He is obviously evidence to prove Harry's innocence!" demanded Luna, folding her arms with a disappointed look.
"I apologize, My Lady! He was to heavy to lift onto the table! Plus, as the real culprit, he needed to be tried!" screeched Bellatrix.
"Very well! But, Tom, you'd better take your son home. It's teatime already." Luna chirped with a smile.
"Teatime! Already? But it's only..." Tom snapped as he yanked a fluorescent purple pocketwatch out of nowhere. "TEATIME! Come on, Harry, or Nagini'll be furious!" he exclaimed, dragging Harry out the door.
Approximately two point eight three one zero seven repeating seconds later, Tom screeched to a halt in front of an enormous dead rat. Jerking open the door in its side, he shouted, "Honey, we're home!" A half-human half-snake creature walked out of the kitchen. It seemed to be wearing a maid's uniform.
"You're late! Put Harry down for his nap at once!" hissed Nagini.
"Of course, Nagini. I'm sorry. I'll not let it happen again." Tom said in a chastened tone as he yanked Harry up the stairs. When they reached a room that reminded Harry way too much of Umbridge's office - in that it had way too much pink and kittens - Tom shoved Harry into the giant basket stuffed with pillows and pushed a card into his hand. "That's to let you come home again." he said with a bright smile.
"What -" Harry tried to ask, but everything dissolved into a neon, multi-colored swirl of light and sound. When he opened his eyes, he was back in his bedroom at the Dursleys'. "Thank goodness! It was all just a dream!" he said, not noticing the card that had fallen from his hand to the floor.
It read, "For our beloved son Harry. So he may always find his way home to Blunderland."
So, this is the first fanfic I ever completed. I honestly don't know what I was thinking. Whatever it is, it's nuts. And apparently prepared for a sequel. Which may or may have 668 words already written. That's more than this entire story. And I haven't even really done anything plot-wise. Not that there's any plot, really. Let me know if you'd like to see that at some point. I'll post it when it's done anyway. Toodles! - E.