Disclaimer: I do not own Mystic Messenger or the characters, I just own this story.

Rated: T

Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Angst

Notes: Someone once told me that they could write better than me as a five years old kid. English is my second language, but I tried my best, and at least my grammar mistakes are not too confusing that could make anyone dizzy.


I was happy when I met you for the first time. You trusted me, and tested the game I made. There was not a single doubt given to me. Every time I visited you, it was the best moment of my life. To see your dazzling figure, and innocent attitude every day. Surely, I don't take you for granted. There was this horror inside me, haunting every seconds. What if you started to doubt me? What if you suddenly decided to leave me? What if you get bored of me? I knew I probably don't deserve you, but I want to be with you. Somehow I felt motivated around you, I thought that I can overcome so many things as long as I am with you. You made me stronger. I knew. Yes, I knew I was wrong when I tried to give you the ceremony drug. But that was the rule I had to obey, and there was nothing I could do about it. The only thing I want was for you to be happy. Nothing more.

Please tell me. What should I do to make it up to you? To earn back your trust. Please don't disappear, I need you... so much. Then again, all I could think of was gathering more flowers for you. I wanted to see your smile again. The smile you made and I wanted to be the reason behind that smile. But then, all of those hopes were lost the moment I saw you again on that day. The smile on my face vanished.

"I finally found you."

"V! Run, don't come here, this place is not safe!"

It's not fair.

I was furious. The flowers I gathered for you had fallen to the ground. I couldn't believe you sided with him. You trusted him eventhough you just met him, everything else was just chats. How could I be any different? I was there for you all day and night. I was afraid I might lose you, I contacted the security guard in a jiffy. I was glad that I could save you from him. But you... think otherwise. You cared for him, you asked her everytime what are we going to do with him. Why?

I met you first.

He is a stranger, isn't he? Why does it bother you so much? Why won't you love me? I cooked your favorite food for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I showed you my work room to impress you. I thought about you every single time I was away from you and asked how are you doing in your room. I kept taking pictures of the flowers and the garden because I wanted to be there with you. There's no point if you are not there. Please... don't leave me.

"Here drink this." I gave him the drug of salvation.

"No." He refused.

"If not, I am sorry but I must force it to you." I gave him the water until it was half empty. He coughed harder and became weaker. Nothing worries me when I took him down, I was really relieved that I could stay with her without him interupting.

Yet, you chose him.

You left both of us behind. You ran away with them. Am I... not good enough? Am I ugly? Am I not loveable? Am I not deserve to be loved? Tell me... what was it that you don't like about me..? I can change myself. I can be how you wanted me to be. Please come back. I missed you. Did you miss me as well?

"Did she abandon us?" Tears were flowing from my eyes. "Is it... over?" I tried to calm myself down but the weird lump on my throat gave me the sad feeling I couldn't just ignore.

"Ray..." she said with a soft voice. "Calm yourself, don't let Saeran take over you." But my sadness and anger at one time really hurt a lot. It was suffocating and my heart was cold.

Why are we bound to a relationship without love?

I called you so many times to apologize if I had done anything wrong that made you hate me. But you said that you weren't mad at me. Then what made you leave me? Am I the bad one, after all the things that I had done to you? Did V trick you? But you simply said no. I wanted some answers but you just told me to snap out of it. I didn't want to hear anymore. Everytime I called you, you told me not to call again and not to come for rescue, you wanted to stay with V and the RFA. Tell me the reason why. I've waited so long for you, please don't take your heart away. My thoughts were spinning like crazy until I had a headache, but it hurts me more in the heart. I couldn't take it anymore, I had reached my limit. I passed out.

I am willing to suffer, as long as you will be mine.

HAHAHAHA... I would go there to pick you up! No matter what, I would make you mine! If I ever noticed that you got your eyes on him, I would've drugged him until not a single drop left in the bottle! But Ray was just too weak and scared! He was so pathetic, he said he had a heartache and headache, how hilarious! I even had fun destroying his plants and the pot. Am I a monster? Yes! The social life made me a monster! I was going to take my revenge! Ah, your voice. It's soothing. I wanted to see you again. I wanted to hear your voice again. I wanted to touch you again. Ray said those disgusting things, didn't he? Stupid.

"Ray..." I worked on my computer day and night aggresively.

"Ray!" Such a disturbing voice. Go away!

"Saeran!" The moment she uttered the name, I finally stopped for a sec.

"Saeran you should eat and get some sleep." She begged.

"No." I refused. "Get out!"

Then she touched me. It's almost as soon as that happened I was perished.

My heart can not be divided,

"Sorry... I let him take over me."

"It's okay now." She said. "Listen, I want you to do my last favor. Free the believers. I am going back to the apartment." She explained.

I did what she told me. I let all the believers ran away from the Mint-Eye building. The weather was nice, but there was nothing else I need to do. I called you. I told you that, after all of these incidents are over, I wanted to go get an ice cream, walk with you in the garden, stay forever for each other. But, I am sorry... they all turned into some sweet lies... unrequited love... I thought... I didn't have any purpose to live...

until I died. My feelings for you remains.

Goodbye. My first and last love.