3Love...love is a series of complicated emotions. Each stranger than the last. They all mesh together and form this swirling tidal pool that drags me under. It drowns and chokes me, I cant help but swallow all that engulfs me. Im lost in the blinding, binding hands that drag me farther down. I lose myself in the madness that follows.
When was it beautiful and when did it morph into an uncontrollable mess. It should have been more, why could it never work. Why couldn't I be happy? Did I hope you for too much? Yearn for something I didn't deserve?
I imagine tears leaking down my eyes as all the anger and sorrow I feel go with them. Falling to my knees I just stay there thinking back to what happend, I killed him, that makes me unredeemable, something that should be cursed and burned. How could I do that, why wasn't I the one to have died instead. Why did I have to love him?
!I'm sorry, I'm So sorry I wanted to belong and yet because I couldn't understand. That what might have and what may have been couldn't happen, not anymore. I was selfish I'm sorry". I imagine the tears as they slide down my face, can hear them as they dropped on his face. I fought and fought to hide and forget. To fight and hope It'd work out. What a fool I've been, did I tempt fate to much. Was I never meant to have a happy end, I was trying to live in a world that no longer needed me, I should have left when I still could, before you found a place in my jaded heart, before you resurfaced again, trying to mend what was long since shattered. Trying to help a monster, that should have died. I was playing with fire and instead burned someone else. I should of ran when I could, before it got to out of hand.
All the unfixable and undeniable things I've done, The people I hurt and let down. I'm sorry, so sorry Maybe I shouldn't try to belong any more, maybe its better I left before I hurt another...It's funny...how something so pointless now can cause such, A maelstrom of things to happen. I didn't want to hurt him, There isn't even a understandable reason as to why...I was angry that's it. Yet in that one instant My temper got the better of me. His life paid the price, why why couldn't I resist him he was the only bright thing in my life and I destroyed it...him so easily beyond repair. How could he have ever loved this disgusting monster...and who will ever love me now. I want to destroy myself so thoroughly, I'd deserve every ounce of pain I'd have to endure to make up for what I've done.
Yet here I am still clinging on to some hope...maybe this is a dream and maybe I'll wake up to see his beautiful smile and his eyes so full of love. He'd be holding my hand like some cliché romance movie, we'd kiss and marry, adopt a kid maybe...Maybe I would stil be Human...I can dream and try to pretend but I know that here now is my reality,I'm a monster.
I sit there and look at the limp and lifeless eyes that stare back, why couldn't those eyes show me the hatred that should be there. No why are you smiling I don't deserve your smile. I want you to hate me to look at me and for there to be no love in that silver gaze. I wish I could cry, cry for you show all my remorse and pray that someone will strike me down and end this miserable existence. Picking up and carrying his body Over to the bed, I begin to write my letter, I shouldn't be here and I should have never tried to stay. No...Harry potter is dead and he should have stayed dead, he died fighting the dark lord. I take one last look at him, placing a kiss on his temple "Goodnight my love, may we meet soon and when we do please don't hate me..." a small brittle smile makes its way into my face. dropping a letter on the nightstand, I run to the window and jump, with a plan to finally see what the next great adventure is.
~Ehhhhh this is mainly a filler...so basically I'm too lazy and stuck with no inspiration as to how I could have transitioned Into the next chapter and how to even write this one so yes it's like so bad but I will talk about how harry is handling all this or rather isn't handling it, in future chapters... bye~