(MASH 4077. One week after the promotion).
Max and Fang laid in their shared bed, wearing nothing more than their army regulated blanket.
Iggy and Nudge were the same way, with Nudge waking first. Then.. Immediately going back to sleep.
Things seemed peaceful until Angel went inside. "Guys, we got wounded! Wake up!" She goes to pull off the covers. to get them up fast. Big mistake.
Max quickly used her hands to cover her ample breasts. She yelled "Angel!"
Fang grabbed onto whatever was left of the covers, to hide his 'vast region.'
Angel quickly covered her eyes and ran out. She yelled "Just get up!"
Iggy wakes up. "Can someone here get two minutes of shut eye?"
"Not while there are wounded coming!" Said Angel before going out of the tent.
Nudge sighed, remembering the joy of last night. "One night of fun, Hell the next day." Nudge grabbed her uniform, but saw a bra, clearly Max's, as it was too big for her. She said "Max.. Keep better track of your stuff. "
Max sighed, "Let's just get dressed and help."
They got dressed quickly and headed down just in time to hear the truck coming down the road.
Hawkeye commented "Trouble in paradise, Colonel?"
Max said "Shut up and tell me what you know about the wounded."
"We got ourselves a mixed bag today, some North Koreans and some of ours. One of them we got in time to save the leg. No thanks to Frank. But one of the Koreans seems to be a doctor."
Max said "Really? Well, after he gets patched up, I'd like to talk to him. "
Iggy commented "Maybe we can make a trade with North Korea. Their surgeon for Major Jackass."
"Maybe." Speaking of Frank, the second Max came in, she saw Frank and the recently engaged Margret bickering over the Korean Doctor.
"Excuse me, can we get on with it?" He asked.
"Shut your mouth!" Burns snapped at him.
"Good to see you bedside manners are in top form as usual." Said Iggy.
"That goes for you too!"
"Have you been eavesdropping on our conversation?!" Asked Margaret angrily.
"I've tried not to." Said Iggy and the Korean Doctor Paik in unison.
Iggy chuckled "So.. You're a doctor."
He nods. "Yes. University of Chicago."
"Get back to your patient!" Frank snapped.
Iggy yelled back at Burns "You want to trade with me, Ferret ass?! You take the American with a belly wound, while I take the Korean?
"Alright then hot shot! If you want him so badly, you can have him!" He said storming off.
Iggy said, "Sorry about him."
The Korean said "It is fine. Shall we get this over with?"
Iggy, with aid from Nudge, put him under
BJ, after getting Iggy's belly wound patient, goes over to Iggy. "Nice work."
(After the Surgery)
The Flock, Hawkeye and BJ gathered at the table where the Korean laid
"Impressive work today, all of you." Said Max smiling. Fang and Hawkeye had managed to fully repair one of the wounded legs without having to remove the damn thing. Iggy and BJ for covering for Franks temper tantrum, and Angel, albeit begrudgingly, for waking them up to do all of this. And of course Gazzy and Mulcahy as usual for being amazing council and support for everyone.
Fang said, "Thanks, Max."
Max whispered to him, in a sultry tone, "You can thank me, later tonight."
Iggy said, "Always nice to put Major Burned in his place."
Nudge said, smirking, "And you do it, so well."
Angel said, "Happy to do it.. But next time you four are all naked.. Please tell me, before I pull off the blankets."
Gazzy said, "Only spreading the love of The Lord."
"I've always been a good study for tests like these." Said Hawkeye.
"And it's nice to have your student give some people a swift kick in the keister." BJ said.
Max said, "Okay then." She turned to the Korean, "So.. May I ask your name.. And why do you seem so comfy around us, Americans?
"Dr Syn Paik, and I believe the little ones are French." He said, still dizzy from the anesthetic.
Gazzy said, "Qui. nous sommes tous deux nés en suis de Paris, ma soeur de Normandie."
He nodded. "I see." He seemed strained to remember what he had learned. "Je... suis allé à... l'université de Chicago...j'avais un ami français... qui m'a appris la langue."
Angel said, "Oh. Nice."
Max said, "Uh.. For those of us who don't know as much French.. How about you tell us.. If you like capitalists, like us.. Why are you with North Korea?
"It is... WAS my home, my family, my wife was there... I was no patriot, but... I was a family man... Until they showed up..."
Fang asked, "The Russians, Chinese and North Korean armies?"
Paik said, "Yes. The ones.. Who take everything from you.. And force you to fight."
Angel said, looking down, "Wow.. I'm.. Really sorry."
Paik said, "As am I, little one. As am I."
Iggy moved his head to the highest officer in the room, Max. He said, "Anything we can do for him?"
Max said, "Well.. It's a long shot.. And we'll need Radar's help"
"We'll have to ask him tomorrow." Said Angel, he is too tired to wake up right now."
"In the meantime, we all need some rest."
(Next day. Mess tent.)
Radar sat at his usual table, eating his food.
Angel, Iggy, Fang, and Nudge walked up, quickly followed by Hawkeye and BJ.
"Radar, you look pensive." Hawkeye said.
"No sir, I'm just thinking." He said looking down at the mystery meat they called roast beef.
"You seem to be picking at your food." Said BJ sagely.
"Just being cautious."
Hawkeye smiled. "Radar you are a remarkable person. Naive yet wise. Gentle yet strong."
"No more nurses shower pictures, my camera's rusty." Said Radar, earling Hawkeye a glare from Nudge.
"What? We made sure you weren't in them specifically."
"How?" Asked Nudge, Iggy looked away trying to seem innocent since he made sure by making them have a rondevu in the supply room.
BJ said, "Your boyfriend will tell you later."
Nudge looked at her boyfriend, and said, "I'll expect EVERY detail."
Iggy said, "Yes dear."
Angel said, "Anyway.l that's not what we're here for.
*Here it comes.* He thought.
"Suppose there was a doctor who wanted to join this outfit?" Said Hawkeye.
Radar seemed almost surprised. "Well that's easy, all he'd have to do is get in touch with the I Corps and request ."
"Problem, what if this doctor was from the other side." Hawkeye added.
"Other side of what?"
"The war." Said Iggy.
"You mean like supplies?"
Nudge said, "No, Radar. He's from North Korea."
Radar laughed, "That's crazy."
Fang said, "So's the whole war.. But here we all are
"W-Wait, your serious?!" He asked as his eyes widened. "Hey that's a real problem, I Corps disapproves of the enemy!"
"But it is possible, isn't it? I mean you have low friends in high places." Pointes out Hawkeye.
"Be persuasive." Said BJ.
"Be charming." Said Hawkeye.
"Use force." Said Max.
"N-No, I don't think I could do that."
Hawkeyw sighed. "Max, Nudge, Angel, cover your ears really tight, and keep your telepathy to yourself. I am about to pull out the big guns."
Iggy said, "Hawkeye.. What are you doing?"
The three females did as Hawkeye asked, and Angel turned her telepathy off. (Besides.. Hawkeye's mind was NOT somewhere she wanted to be)
Hawkeye leaned in. "You know the nurses annual physical is coming up soon."
"That's right." Said BJ. "And we are gonna need an assistant for those of us who are non Avian Americans."
Radar looked at them for a moment before leaning in. "Is it the uhh... Complete physical, like last year?'
Fang, who knew about this, said, "their heads, their toes and everything in between." They all looked at him, "Iggy and I won't be joining you.. We have our own females to.. Examine thoroughly."
"And not a word to Angel either."
He takes a deep breath before nodding. "I think I can get Sparky to help us, but he is gonna need something big.
The women looked to their men.. Fang signaled that it was okay, to take their hands off their ears.
Angel said, "If sparky needs something.." She looked to her blind (sort of) brother
"Already got that covered." He pulls out a golden watch. "How about a genuine golden Chinese watch, coming right off a North Korean Officer, with permission of course."
Radar takes a look at it. "It's nice. But I don't think he will be able to read the time. It's got Chinese numbers."
"It reads like any other watch." Said Max. "Top is 12, bottom is six."
"They stole that from us." Said Radar.
"We stole waffles from them." Said BJ.
"And in exchange, we need a set of orders, I.D., Dog tags, and a uniform."
"For this... He'd transfer his own mother." Said Radar smiling.
Angel snickered at that. Knowing how far sparky would go.
She said, "I told Klinger about this plan, and he's willing to help."
Max said, "But., in return.."
Angel said, "We have to buy him a new red dress, Total peed on his other one."
Max sighed, "Of course."
(Later.. The evacuation bus came)
Mulcahy was outside, walking Paik to the bus. "Have a safe journey, good luck, and God be with you."
Burns said, "Communists are often also atheists, Father. Your words are more than likely wasted on him."
Mulcahy said, "I believe... The Love of The Lord is never wasted, Major, not even on those who don't believe in him."
After Paik was on the bus.. Radar and Klinger quickly snuck him off.. A certain barking dog, provided them a distraction.
They brought him to the supply room for a bit of a makeover.
Meanwhile.. Burns yelled at the dog, "Shut up." The dog bot Burns, and started running away.
As Paik got his disguise.. The Flock had been called to Colonel Potter's office.
All of them went to his office. "You wanted to see us?"
Potter said, "News from HQ.. All personnel physical examinations are coming up soon." He looked up from his paperwork, "In order to keep the secret that you six are part bird.. Myself and the CIA made it possible for you six to be examined tomorrow."
The Flock looked a little confused and nervous. Not knowing who would examine them. Knowing that, as Radar had been told.l it was an examination of their heads,their toes, and everything in between.
Potter said, "Don't worry.. By order of the CIA.. The six of you, have to examine each other. No one else. Figure it would be good for you. Practice what you've learned about medicine, on each other.. And you get to keep your secret." He got up, "And.. Let the little ones go first."
Max asked, confused, "Why?"
Potter replied, "Because I know.. The two little ones, won't do anything 'explicit' to each other
"We are good children." Said Angel, acting innocent with a cute smile.
Potter said, "uh, huh. Well.. You all have to examine each other, head to toe.. And do it one at a time." He whispered to the oldest four, "And.. If the four of you MUST.. Mate.. Make sure the little ones are clothed, and have left the room by the time you do, please."
Max said, "Will do, Colonel. Will do."
Needless to say. . As soon as the little ones examinations were done. . The older ones were. . Up to something
While the sexually mature members of the Flock were... Getting busy. One Dr. Cho wan ho was. Being introduced to Potter by Radar and Angel.
Potter read his file, "Captain Cho-wan-ho. Army of South Korea
He was, according to his file, a board certified doctor to Chicago as of 1949. And with his credentials, it was amazing to get someone who was actually helpful from Icorp without them having to fuss about it.
Angel said, "What do you think of him, Mon Colonel?"
"I think he will be a perfect fit. Welcome aboard." He extends his hand and Cho shook his hand.
"Thank you Colonel."
Houlihan walked in, "Colonel, we need you to sign-" she noticed Cho's presences
She first goes up to him. "Oh! Hello." She shakes his hand before thinking about something. "Haven't we met before?'
Angel worried that this whole thing would blow up, she went to use her metal ability, but before she could.
"I was thinking the same thing. There's a little gin mill in Seoul called The Pink Pagoda. Didn't we tango?" Asked the Korean.
"Certainly not." Said Houlihan firmly. "I must be mistaken."
"As am I."
Angel's mental abilities kicked in. She read Houlihan's thoughts, and motioned her down to her level. Margaret kneeled
Angel whispered to Margaret, "Oh.. So you just assume because he's Korean.. He must be from the northern part?"
"Wha?! Of course not! I mean... It was just a mistake."
Cho said, "It's fine, Major. Aside from the uniform, North and South don't seem very different"
"I see. Again, my apology."
"If we are done grilling Margret, how about Radar and Angel find you some quarters to settle in." Said Potter.
"Permission to move him into the Swamp sir?"
"Oh... Very well. I must warn you though Doctor. At first your roommates will seem like lunatics. A few will seem a little young as well."
He smiled politely. "I am used to living with Americans Colonel."
Angel smiled, "You're not allergic to dogs or anything, are you?"
Cho said, "No. Why?"
Angel shrugged, "Just asking."
As they left Margaret stared
That bugged her quite a bit, so much so that she told Frank about it and it carried on even in the OR.
In OR, Frank said to Hawkeye, and the surrounding Flock, "Major Houlihan and I think there's something sketchy about your Korean friend."
"Frank, you think there was something funny about Albert Schweitzer." Said Iggy.
Burns replied, "There is! If he were a good doctor, he'd be in Beverly Hills, helping the rich."
Gazzy, despite being chaplain, walked by.. And punched Frank on the knee
He nearly buckles before glaring Gazzy. "Watch it you little brat! I have a patient here!"
Gazzy said "Don't be racist and maybe I won't."
"Listen here you little-"
"Is there a problem here?" Asked Mulcahy.
"W-Well I..." He didn't want to argue with the army Chaplin over his students discipline, nor did he really want to argue with Mulcahy since if he really did make him mad by dealing with his student, he could knock his jaw off.
Hawkeye said sarcastically "Frank REALLY needs help speaking French." They looked at him, confused, "He tried to something in French wound up saying something completely different."
"I'm sure he'd end up with more slaps across his face than you after too much to drink at Rosy's." Said Max jokingly.
"Alright, cut the chatter." Said Potter before Houlihan whispered for him to check on the patient that Cho was working on.
Nudge, who was helping her boyfriend with a patient whispered "Can't give a guy one break, can they?"
"Frank's a dumb ass. As in he's as stubborn as he is stupid. And Houlihan is just stubborn." He knew Max was just as stubborn as both of them combined, but that didn't mean he was gonna say that with her next to him.
As per usual each patient was saved
(But they had to go back and work on Frank's patient again because Frank's an idiot)
However, later that day..
Later that day, a jeep came to the 4077. Two Koreans inside. Klinger stopped them.
And much to Klinger's irritation.. He had to have the dog with him.
Klinger asked, "What's your business?" As he did, Total sniffed the two men. Their scent was very similar to Pak's. But he couldn't bark about that, because they were heavily armed.
One or the Koreans said, "We are from a hospital. We need supplies
"Are you... A nurse?" Asked one of them, especially concerning his outfit.
"No, I'm corporal Klinger, I don't mean to brag, but I made this outfit myself. What do you think?" He asked.
"... Most becoming." Was the response. "Anyway, those supplies." He hands him the list.
"Plasma, Penicillin, Morphine, .achromycin.. Sounds like you're opening a drugstore." Said Klinger smirking
Total sniffed the jeep. He found weapons being concealed. He ran back into the supply room, wanting to warn Radar, who had been making note of the supplies.
Paik himself was in there. He noticed the two men.
Total said, "Those guys are North Koreans."
Radar asked, "How do you know?!"
Total said, "I'd rather wait, until that big nose comes back in here."
Klinger got into an argument with Burns over this. Before being sent into the supply room.
Klinger said, "Have we got these supplies?"
Total said, "Careful. They're North Koreans. I know because they have the same scent as Paik. The smell of leftover Chinese food."
Paik came in, "He's telling the truth. They are soldiers from the North."
Radar said, worried about what could happen, "How do you know, Sir?"
Paik answered, "They were among the soldiers I fought beside. It is regulation in the North Korean army, to change uniforms and infiltrate the enemy medical units. A way to steal supplies, without ever being noticed. "
Klinger said, "Why don't you go stop them?"
Paik answered, "I feared they may have recognized me. Action against them is ill advised. They are heavily armed and desperate."
Klinger asked, "So, what do we do?"
Paik answered, "The best thing we can do is give them what they want. After that, one of you tells your Colonel and he takes it from there."
They quickly scrambled, as Total ran off to tell Colonel Potter. Klinger and Radar quickly put the supplies in the back of the jeep.
Burns was trying to make small talk with the two disguised North Koreans. He finally said, "Hey! A crazy idea just came to me. Why don't I come with you guys to your hospital?!"
One said, "That is not necessary."
His friend said, "No. Why not? We could. . Use some help."
Burns got in the back. Radar tried to convince him not to, but he didn't listen.
Total said as the jeep drove off, "Idiot." He barked three times. The signal that something was wrong.
Potter rushed to the door.
Houlihan had an argument with Max.
Max said, "Margaret. . He's a capable surgeon, I've seen him work."
Margaret said, "Ma'am, I assure you, he's odd! He's always looking at things. Particularly, at me. Last night, I stepped out of the shower and, sure enough, there he was!"
Hawkeye, who happened to be in the room, sarcastically said, "That is odd. Last night was supposed to be MY night."
Max said, "Houlihan. . Any time someone in this camp does something you find 'unmilitary.'.. You think it's weird. Because YOU grew up in the army. The rest of us did not." She looked Margaret in the eye, "I spent the first three years of my life, in a dog crate. I have freaking wings on my back! If anyone knows anything odd. . It's me. And nothing Cho does is different than the rest of us. "
Houlihan said, "I understand that. And I am sorry for everything you have been put through. . But I'm not asking much, just check up on the man!"
Potter said, "Can we save this for later?" He looked at Total, "What's the problem?"
Total said, after drinking from a bowl, "Burns just left in a jeep with two men, they were the enemy!"
Potter asked, "What men, what jeep, what enemy?!"
Total said, "You know that North Korean doctor we had a prisoner, a few days ago? I sniffed him. These two had the same smell. That's how I knew they were the enemy."
Potter said, "Nothing like a dog's nose."
Radar rushed into the room. He said, "Colonel!"
Potter said, "I already know, Radar. Call the MPs, and let them know about that jeep."
While everyone else went off to solve this. . Angel flew over to the Flock's tent, to find Gazzy sleeping in the bed they had to share.
She went inside and poked her brother in the arm.
Gazzy said, "What is it, Ang? I have to help Father Mulcahy with a sermon in an hour."
Angel said, "God doesn't mind if. . We take the punishing job for one day, right?"
Gazzy said, "Where are you going with this?"
Angel replied, "You remember General Wolford, right?"
Gazzy said, curious, "Yeah. Flagg's boss. What about him?"
Angel said, "Follow me and I'll show you."
They took a quick walk to the swamp and looked under Burns bed.
Gazzy asked, "What do you think you'll find?"
Angel said, "Trust me." She found a book. She opened it, "Jackpot!"
Inside this book was records. Paper documents about each of Burns transgressions. In both military and civilian life. Illegally purchasing the answers on his final medical exam. Stealing a patient's gun. Everything.
Gazzy said, "There's enough here to get Burns away from us forever."
Angel smirked "And we're going to send it."
They took the evidence and left quickly. Getting to the mailbox and dropping it in. Making sure Dusty will get it.
Later, Hawkeye, BJ, Pak and the Flock gathered in the swamp.
Pak said, "I should have done something to save Burns. But I feared what would happen if those men recognized me."
Hawkeye said, "Honestly? You did a great service to our side."
Fang said, smirking, "Maybe they'll keep him. The war will end quicker."
Iggy said, "Yeah. But who knows?"
Potter came in.
Max sighed, "Our goose is cooked, I take it?"
Potter said, "Overdone." He turned to Pak, "I know all about you. I know what you were trying to do, and between you, me and the Great Piano. . It wasn't a bad idea. But, dammit! I could lose my pension for this, wind up in the stockade!"
Hawkeye said, "There's got to be SOMETHING we can do."
Potter said, "Nadda. It was Houlihan and Burns who put the B on him." He shrugged, "If those two could do it, any one of us could!"
Pak said, "Ladies and gentlemen. . I knew it couldn't last."
Angel said, "Well. . I actually did something. . That Burns and Houlihan can't change." Everyone looked at her in curiosity, "You'll know soon."
Later on, a group of MPs came to collect Pak.
One of them said, "Doctor Syn Pak, North Korean defector?"
Pak said, "I believe I am."
The MP said, "Doc, by order of General Dusty Wolford, you are brought into the US Army and transferred to California."
Potter walked out and said, "What?"
Angel giggled, "I told the General about this and he told the higher ups, Pak was a defector. You know, someone who came from the other side and. . Flips over to ours."
Potter said, "And they believed that." He started laughing, "If there's one thing I know about Ol' Dusty. . He can convince anyone to do. . Whatever he wants." He patted Pak on the back, "Good luck, Doctor. Please, enjoy California."
Pak chuckled, "I will try, Colonel. I will try." He got in the Jeep and left.
Max smirked, "The army sent my Mom to California, when the war began."
Angel sarcastically said, "Yeah. What a coincidence."
(Later that night).
Somehow. . Burns had annoyed the two North Korean soldiers into letting him go. He walked back to camp. He, and the other notable members of the 4077 were in the mess tent.
Potter said, "Burns. . Where's the Jeep?"
Burns asked, "Jeep?"
Hawkeye said, "The car they took you in. Big green thing. Looks like an unfortunate turtle."
Iggy said, "Government property."
Burns said, nervous, "Uh. . I let them keep it. It's a humanitarian thing."
Potter said, not amused by Burns words, "Well. . If you like being humanitarian, we have a few prisoners who need treatment."
Burns, disliking that, said, "Prisoners?"
Max gestured to a small building in the distance. She said, "Two quarters of them are North Korean. One quarter are Chinese. And the last quarter. . Are Soviets. In total. . Four thousand prisoners, until someone from HQ, comes to get them." She put on a fake smile, "And you get to treat them!"
Burns asked, "All by myself?!"
Hawkeye said, with much sarcasm, "Hey, you said you're a humanitarian."
They got up and went to their tents. Going to sleep.