This is an idea I got while I watched the anime Shimoneta. And well, I just couldn't stop laughing when thinking about it. So, I decided to make this fanfiction crossover. I'm also sure I'm the first to make a crossover with Shimoneta with Itachi as MC. Anyway, in this story Itachi will be unable to use chakra, that means no ninjutsu, genjutsu, sharingan. He will only be able to use his taijutsu skills.
Anyway, let's get on with the story!
In the realm of the dead were two spirits, and one of them was crying. "Would you stop it." The spirit that wasn't crying said.
"But he lived such a sad life!" The second spirit cried. "I feel sorry for him!"
"He did what he had to do, get over it." The first spirit said.
"I can't! I know we shouldn't, but please let's give him a new life!" The second spirit cried.
"…Seriously? A new life? Isn't that kind of unfair to the other dead people?"
"Well this one deserves it more!"
The first spirit sighed. "If it will shut you up then fine. I will give Itachi Uchiha a new life. But, maybe we should place him in a different world. Hmmm, this one seems fine."
"That one? Really? Why?" The second spirit questioned.
"Because I think it's hilarious." The first spirit said and pulled out a soul from a river that looked like a ghost of Itachi Uchiha, with his long hair tied into a black pony tail, his eyes closed looking like he was sleeping, he had tear lines that really brough out his handsome face. "Okay, make him a new body."
"Roger that!" The second spirit formed a tornado out of what looked like to be blood, as the tornado vanished and then, what stood in its place was a lifeless body that looked exactly like Itachi. "This one is in the same shape as his old one, although since he's going to a world where there is no chakra, his chakra network is not in him. But should we just place him there, or give him a new family?"
"We just place him there, it's funnier thinking about the current time period of this world." The first spirit said as he placed the soul in the body. "What about his clothes?" The first spirit questioned as Itachi was naked.
"Oh yeah." The second spirit clapped a pair of hand that came out of nowhere, and suddenly Itachi's body was dressed in a black hoodie, with a white shirt underneath, dark blue jeans, and black shoes. "There we go."
"Okay, off he goes." The first spirit said as Itachi's body vanished in a flash of light.
New world, Itachi pov
"Ugh… my head…" The Uchiha grunted feeling a as if his head was banging. "Wait, where am I?" Itachi looked around as he stood in an alley and heard the sounds of people, and some loud noises, as well as what sounded as something moving at high speed. 'What happened to me? Did someone bring me back with the reanimation again?' Itachi thought and then looked at his hands.
'No, reanimated people are not alive. And I feel very much alive. Did someone with special abilities bring me back to life? I haven't heard anything of a jutsu capable of bringing people back to life.' Itachi then noticed what he was wearing. "These aren't my clothes. What happened to me? Last thing I remember I was showing Sasuke the truth and biding my final farewell to him as I undid the edotensei."
Itachi walked over to the end of the alley and peeked. He saw people dressed in strange clothing, some of the males were holding briefcases, and everyone looked like they were in a hurry. Itachi widened his eyes in shock seeing such tall skyscrapers. These skyscrapers were even taller than the ones in the hidden Rain village. He also looked in surprise seeing strange large metal boxes on wheels moving around on the road. They were like carriages, only that they didn't seem to need any animals to pull them.
"What are those things?" Itachi questioned as he saw another thing that looked like a metal cart attached to some metal bars as they moved at even faster speed than the metal carriages. He then noticed that several people wearing matching uniforms that consisted of a grey blazer, white long sleeved shirts underneath, red ties, for the males it was navy blue pants and for females it was long skirts. They all looked to be in their teens, and they all went to a certain location.
"Wherever I am. I need to keep a low profile." Itachi said and placed his hood over his head covering his face. "If I am still in the elements of nations I need to be careful, I'm still a criminal after all." Itachi said as he began moving out from the alley and followed the crowd of teens to the whatever location they were going to. He followed them until they arrived at some place called "Train Station" Itachi looked as everyone were gathered in front of some tracks, and on the other side were multiple metal carts attached to each other with people boarding them. And then the cart would move along the tracks.
"Man, looks like the trains will be crowded today." A teen male said.
"Yeah, but they mostly are." A teen girl sighed.
'These trains are for more advanced than the ones I have seen before. Whichever land this is, it seems to be highly advanced in technology.' Itachi thought as he saw people looking into some bracelets that had a screen like thing popping out from it. 'Really highly advanced.'
"Hey, that terrorist was at it again, Blue Tundra. She really is a danger to the society." An adult male said to another adult male.
"Yeah, the Decency Squad better capture her soon."
'Blue Tundra? A terrorist, huh. And this Decency Squad seems to be the law force around here. Blue Tundra must be really dangerous if a whole squad is needed to capture her.' Itachi thought.
He then felt someone pulling on his sleeve. He looked behind him and saw a young girl with long messy green hair, her eyes were purple with deep bags under her eyes, she wore a long white coat with the same uniform as the other teen females underneath. "Can you do me a favor?" The girl asked.
"Depends, what is the favor?" Itachi asked.
"Could you please tell me how babies are made?" The girl asked with a straight expression.
"You want me to tell you, how babies are made?" Itachi questioned as the girl nodded in response. 'Strange, someone her age should know how children are made. Yet she is asking me… I can't see the harm in telling her.' Itachi thought. "Okay, here's how it's done…"
After a long embarrassing explanation on how babies are made.
"That's how babies are made." Itachi said with an unfazed expression.
"Yes! It all makes sense! That's what my research has been pointing towards! Thank you so much." The girl bowed.
"No problem." Itachi said when suddenly he spotted two men dressed in a white uniform gaping at him.
"What?" Itachi questioned in confusion.
"Arrest him!" One of the men shouted.
"Huh?" Itachi questioned in confusion. Did he do something wrong, did they see his face? In that case, he should run. Itachi ran through the crowd of people as several people dressed in the white uniform came after him. Itachi faced a wall and placed his feet on it trying to run up it, but then he fell down onto his back. "Wh-What the?" Itachi questioned as one of the people in the white uniform tried to grab him. Itachi kicked the man in the gut sending him flying back at incredible distance.
"I can't feel my chakra." Itachi muttered he tried and focus his sharingan, but nothing happened. "My sharingan is gone. Itachi turned around and performed a few hand signs. "Fire Style: Fireball." Itachi said but nothing happened. "I can't use ninjutsu either. Damn I have no chakra what so ever." Itachi muttered and began running away.
Itachi ran and then bumped into a beautiful young girl with silver hair, aqua eyes, and she had quite fully developed breasts. She wore the same uniform as the other teen girls. "Oh, I'm sorry." The girl apologized.
"Miss Nishikinomiya! That man is a criminal!" One of the men in uniform said.
"I see." The silver haired girl said and swung her leg towards Itachi's cheek. Itachi blocked the kick with his hand, but the force of the kick was so strong that he was sent back a few steps.
'What ridiculous strength!' Itachi thought in shock.
The girl charged at swung her fist at him, Itachi caught the fist and pushed the girl back. "Take of that hood, let's see your face!" The girl said.
'They haven't seen my face? Then why are they chasing me?' Itachi thought.
"Arrest that man! He spoke of something improper to a young girl!" A man in the white uniform said.
'Wait? What I said to that green messy haired girl is the problem here?!' Itachi questioned with a sweat drop.
"He's a terrorist! Take him!"
'Seriously? A terrorist?' Itachi thought as he began to discover that he was cornered. "This is bad…" Itachi muttered when suddenly he heard a female laughter that caught everyone's attention. Itachi sweat dropped at what he saw, a young girl from the looks of it, with long black hair, she was wearing a white cloth over her body, and a pair of white panties over her face.
"Big dick!" The girl screamed.
"Big dick! Oh yeah, big dick inside some pussy! Dicks are the best!" The girl said with no shame what so ever as she moved her fingers around in a very lewd excited way.
"It's the Blue Tundra! Capture her!"
"Here are some gifts!" The girl known as Blue Tundra threw some pictures in the air. Itachi caught one of the pictures which was of a girl bending over showing off her rear and white panties.
"Don't look at those! They are poison!" The men in white uniform shouted at everyone whom had caught a picture.
"You better get going." Blue Tundra leaped down to him and jumped around as she was cornered by two men. "Watch it! Underneath this I'm completely naked! Attack me and I will be left in nothing but my birthday suit!" The girl said making the two men back off a little as she ran away throwing pictures around.
Itachi took the opportunity to slip away and ran outside from the train station. "I don't usually use this kind of language, but what the fuck was that?" Itachi ran back into the alley where he started off from.
"Okay, calm down, calm down. I am positive, I am not in the element of nations. For some reason, I have ended up in a strange new world, for whatever reason. I can't use chakra, I can only fight using my taijutsu skills and shuriken skills, if I ever find one that is. And now, I am a wanted terrorist for telling a young teenager, how babies are made…. Why me… why, oh why me. Is this some kind of divine punishment?" Itachi fell to his knees. "I am no longer a shinobi… I am… no longer a shinobi? I am no longer a shinobi…" Itachi said as he gained a small smile. "I am just a normal person… with a little superhuman strength and speed… but other than that, I am just normal…" Itachi pulled the hood back and walked back out on the streets.
'Question is, what to do now? Do I just keep running away from those men in uniform? Or do I try and begin a new life? Well, let's find out how this world works.' Itachi thought.
Itachi had managed to gather some information at this place called "Library" and now had enough knowledge to understand how this world works. He also knew now that it had been forbidden in this country known as "Japan" to speak of anything indecent, such as sex, dirty words, and everything that was looked too much "sexual" became illegal. Sex was something only for those whom were married, and no one else until they got married. Itachi at first found this to be very strange, he didn't really care for such things himself, but to go so far as to brand it illegal just talking about those kinds of things. Itachi learned that the reason for this was that the government wanted Japan to be a moral country, so they got rid of anything that was considered to be immoral. He also learned of these things called Peace Makers or PM for short. Whom everyone was forced to wear.
So, Itachi decided that in order to not end up in trouble with the law. He needed to get these Peace Makers. He went to something called tech support where he had heard he needed to go if one had a problem with PM.
"Pardon me, but my PM suddenly broke. I was wondering if I could get a new set?" Itachi asked a man at the counter.
"Really? It broke? How odd, well do you have the broken model with you?"
"No sir, it malfunctioned and exploded once I finally managed to take it off." If there was one thing Itachi was confident in, it was his ability to lie.
"Huh, how strange it shouldn't happen. Well I guess I can give you a new set." The man browsed through a small locker under his desk and brought a pair out. "Here, they should work just fine."
"Thank you very much." Itachi bowed and quickly without anyone noticing knocked the man at the counter out by pushing a nerve on the man's neck. He snuck quietly into the back room and woke the man up. Itachi had a thread with a coin attached to it and began swinging it back and forth in front of the man's eyes. "Your eyes are getting heavier and heavier… you're falling into a deep slumber." Itachi chanted as the man began looking drowsy and suddenly fell asleep. "Once you wake up, you will forget ever meeting me, or giving me these PM's. It will be as if everything was nothing but a dream, you will go on about your day as normal. Now wake up!" Itachi flicked his fingers and quickly vanished before the man could wake up.
"Ugh… What happened… did I fall asleep? Oh, man I better get back to work." The man said and went back out to the counter as Itachi snuck out the back door.
"Hypnosis really does work. This will come in handy." Itachi said and placed the thread with the coin in his pocket. Itachi also had grabbed with him a handbook on PM's. "Okay, then let's see…" Itachi browsed through the book. "I will need these tools here to reprogram the PM."
After a few hours Itachi had completely reprogramed the PM by switching a few wires inside the PM and putting the PM back together. He then put the PM on his wrist and the other around his neck. "There, now I won't be suspected." Itachi then closed the handbook and quickly sneaked the handbook back inside the tech support store. Itachi went back outside. "Okay, time to test this out."
"Penis." Itachi said.
"…" No reaction from the PM.
"…" No reaction.
"And I really don't want to say this… I will ram my dick inside your pussy so hard, you won't be able to walk in the morning." Itachi said with a small faint blush of embarrassment.
"…" No reaction.
Now came the real problem, he needed money. And to get money he needed a job, and to get a job here you needed an education, well for the ones that gives a lot of money anyway. He also needed a place to stay.
"Hey you there! In the black hoodie!" A female voice that he heard from earlier reached his ears. "Yeah, you! Over here!"
Itachi turned around and spotted a girl with black hair tied into a ponytail, she wore glasses over her light brown eyes. And she wore one of those uniforms he has seen several teens wear. And beside her was a young man with the male version of the uniform, the man had short brown hair and brown eyes, he also had a confused expression on his face. Itachi just sweat dropped at the sight of Blue Tundra whom was dressed in civilian clothes to most likely to hide the fact that she's Blue Tundra. Itachi sighed and walked up to them. "Can I help you?"
"This way!" The girl dragged both him, and the young man into a little café. "This place doesn't get many costumers right now, so we can talk in private." Blue Tundra turned to the young man. "I have to admit Mr. Okuuma that was brilliant!"
"She totally bought your heroic little speech! Just as I thought you're a boy who really knows how to squeeze out the bullshit!" She said and then Mr. Okuma whom was taking a sip of water spitted it out on her. "Oh, wow ejecting all over my face after 4 seconds of talking?! You really are eager! Now I'm soaking wet."
Itachi patted the boy on the back as he was coughing, the boy then stood up from his chair and looked at the girl in shock as she had put the panties over her face again. "Argh! It's you!"
"That's right! Blue Tundra the dirty joke terrorist, aka. Ayame Kajou. Nice to wank you." She said showing a certain hand gesture.
"Hello! Decency Squad!" Okuma was on his PM.
"Hey! What are you doing! Stop!" Ayame jumped Okuma preventing him from contacting the Decency Squad while holding him in a choke hold.
"So, are you ready to order?" An old man with a mustache, and his white hair tied into a ponytail asked them lazily.
"Help this girl is a terrorist!" Okuma shouted.
"Yes, I am aware of that. Can I start you off with a drink?"
"Umm, green tea…"
"I will have the same as him." Itachi said.
"Yeah, by the way. Who is this guy?" Okuma asked.
"He's a guy I helped like you. He got in trouble for telling a girl how babies are made." Ayame replied. "He described it in such detail to."
"I didn't really see the harm in it." Itachi said with a deadpan expression.
"Are you crazy?! You could get arrested for that!" Okuma shouted.
"I am from an isolated village so I didn't really know this law was a thing." Itachi calmly said.
"Really? And isolated village?" Ayame questioned.
"Yes, far, far, far away from this country." Itachi replied with an emotionless expression.
"Well I guess that's an excuse at least. Although I doubt they would believe it." Okuma said.
"What's more, you were able to fight evenly with Anna Nishikinomiya! Not too shabby!" Ayame complimented.
"Wait?! Fought?! With Anna-senpai?!" Okuma questioned.
"Oh, that ridiculous strong silver haired girl. Anna Nishikinomiya, huh?" Itachi said making a mental note of that name.
After a long talk about Okuma trying to convince Ayame the only reason he enrolled to the academy was because he admired Anna, and that he has no interest in dirty jokes like his father was whom was a famous dirty joke terrorist. "Well I can't possible let you go now as you have unmasked me!" Ayame said with a laughter.
"You unmasked yourself!" Okuma pointed out.
"What about you Mr. Pervy Hood?" Ayame turned to Itachi.
"First of all, my name is Itachi, Uchiha Itachi. Second of all, I don't care about the dirty joke thing." Itachi said.
"Well then I can't let you go either!" Ayame declared.
"And how are you going to keep us from leaving?" Itachi questioned. And the very next moment him and Okuma were tied up in a secret floor beneath the café, with panties over their heads. "I had to ask."
"Untie me! I promised Anna I would fight for public morality!" Okuma said trying to break free.
"And I don't really care." Itachi said motionlessly.
"Well I have an alternate proposition, help me establish a dirty joke organization, called SOX. Instead of following the law, we will tear it down!" Ayame said.
"Are you out of your mind?! I will die before I sink that low!" Okuma declared.
"Why are you so against the idea? Is it the name SOX? Not catchy enough?"
"That's not the point dummy!" Okuma said annoyed.
"I think it's a great name. Look…" Ayame brought forth a chalk board with the word "SOX" written on it. "The O, looks just like a butthole."
"My God, you really are a stick in the mud. You've got a total amazing name like Tanukichi but it is a waste, because you let society emasculate you."
"Leave my name out of this you wierdo!" Okuma said.
"Question, how can you speak that kind of language without effecting the PM?" Itachi asked.
"That's easy, it's because I have this!" Ayame held up a pink flip phone that had a clock counting down.
"A flip phone? I didn't even know they still made those." Okuma said.
"When I punch in a secret code it neutralizes the surveillance, and once open I can say what I want for 3 minutes a day. Got 50 more seconds of invincible. This was used to fight against the law for public morals and healthy child raising. It' the only effective weapon my father Masashi Endo left me" Ayame said with a slight sad expression.
"By the way I love to slurp cock tales, if you know what I'm saying!" Ayame quickly returned to her normal self.
"Stop it! Wait, Masashi Endo?" Okuma questioned as Itachi himself recalls that name from a library book he read.
"Yes, the man jailed 10 years ago, for messing with a high school girl prematurely ending his political carrier. But in fact, my father was innocent. The PM's had some thugs frame him so he'd no longer be a threat to their power." Ayame said.
"And you trust your father?" Okuma questioned.
"Yes, after all daddy preferred gmilfs." Ayame declared with a sense of pride.
"What kind of father tells his daughter that?!"
"I'm confused, what is gmilfs?" Itachi questioned, then Okuma whispered it into his ear. "… That's just nasty."
"He gave me the phone the day they took him away. And he told me, to love dirty jokes is normal, and to use this phone to express my dream." Ayame declared passionately.
"That is so messed up!" Okuma said.
Later on, things took a turn for the worse. Ayame blackmailed both of them, saying that she would report them both to the Decency Squad. And that it would be pointless to reveal that she's Blue Tundra as since she was a part of the student council at the academy, revealing that a member of the council will reflect badly on Anna. And she offered to Okuma that if he did what she said neither he nor Anna would get hurt.
"And what is to stop me?" Itachi questioned.
"Like you said you don't really care. You never said you really cared for the current morality system. You just simply don't care what system this world has." Ayame said.
"But what makes you think I will side with you?" Itachi questioned.
"Do you really think this system is better than another system where the concept of dirty jokes exists?" Ayame asked.
"What exactly is so good about the dirty joke system?"
"Well for one thing young people will be healthily taught in the ways of sex, and they will have a free will to pick their own path." Ayame explained.
"Pick a path huh?" Itachi thought about all the different paths he has seen people walk down, including the path he walked down… But despite the many poor choices he has seen people make, there were certain people like a blond-haired shinobi he used to know whom walked down a good path.
"Besides, even if your report me you would still get arrested yourself." Ayame pointed out with a smirk.
"…" Itachi let out a sigh. "You win."
"Oh yeah! Anyway, this weekend we have a job to spread the truth at the assembly! Although we need to find a method on how to spread the truth." Ayame pondered.
"Well since I am not a student I can't really go, now can I." Itachi said.
"… Oh yeah, if people see you at the school grounds you will be under suspicion. We need to find a way you can help us… Hmm, what to do?" Ayame began walking in circles, thinking. "What are you really good at?"
"Fighting, lying, spying-"
"That's it! You can infiltrate the Decency Squad and supply us with information! And when needed you can fight off Anna if she becomes too much of a trouble!" Ayame said.
"And how do I join the Decency Squad?" Itachi questioned.
"Well, there is a certain test that needs to be taken. But you must be able to determine what's moral and what's immoral." Ayame said.
"That's it? Doesn't sound that difficult." Itachi said.
"So, are you with us or not?" Ayame asked.
Itachi thought about it, and the Decency Squad should still be looking for the so called "Pervy Hood" and the best way for him to avoid getting eventually arrested, was to infiltrate the main base where he can stay updated on the information they gather on "Pervy Hood". That way he would be easier able to erase any info they gather on him or mislead them away from suspecting him. Plus, he couldn't really care if the society continued the way it is now, or change into the one Ayame envisioned. "I guess… but I will need a place to live, and a job in the meantime."
"I got the perfect solution!" Ayame declared.
"What is it?" Itachi questioned.
"You can work here at the Café and the manager can supply you with an apartment!" Ayame replied.
"But I got no qualifications to work here. Besides, what makes you think the manager will just accept it just like that?" Itachi asked and the very next moment they were back in the café in front of the old man that was the manager.
"Give this guy a job, and an apartment old man!" Ayame said.
"I think you're asking too much, Ayame-" Itachi said but was interrupted.
"Sure, he can start tomorrow. And I have an apartment he can rent for a while." The manager replied with an emotionless expression as if it wasn't that much big of a deal to him.
"Thank you very much." Itachi said.
That's it for now!
Now I'm not expecting everyone to like this. I just thought it was a funny story idea and thought why the hell not. But yeah, Itachi doesn't have his old abilities all he has is his physical abilities which is already far beyond normal human limits. The only person in this entire story that will be able to compete with Itachi in terms of strength will be Anna.
Anyway, leave a review.