Hunger Pangs

Pit wants a grilled cheese, but Viridi won't help him. So, he resorts to more creative methods of persuasion.

Characters: Pit, Viridi

Rating: K+

Genre: humor

Length: ~900 words.

this is nothing short of ridiculous. pit is a dork

Also, this is a rewrite of an older oneshot of mine! Now if only I could post something new!

… … …

Pit let out a sigh, slumping in his chair like melting ice cream. This was literally the most boring thing ever.

Lady Palutena had some super important Goddess duties to do today, so she sent Pit to Viridi's place for the day. Which was totally fine!- Pit understood completely. Super duper important, couldn't be interrupted, he got it.

But then his 3DS ran out of batteries, and now his phone was about to die too. And the Nature Goddess didn't have a single outlet in her temple to plug into. Not one. Not even attached to a nature friendly power source!

Which was, in Pit's frank opinion, absurd.

Apparently Viridi didn't know the meaning of fun, because instead of doing something normal, like video games, she was in her workshop, brainstorming new ideas for troops. Pit was there, too, for lack of anything better to do.

He slumped further in his chair with a groan. This was so not fun.

Then his stomach rumbled, and Pit was slightly relieved, because eating something yummy for lunch was better than sitting in a chair being bored out of his mind.

The angel piped up, "hey, Viridi?"

The Nature Goddess barely looked up as she asked, "what is it, Pit?"

"I'm hungry," he said.

There was a beat of silence as she fiddled with a pinecone, then, "what do you want me to do about it?"

"Hmm…" Pit looked up in thought, wondering what would sound good for lunch. "Make me a grilled cheese," he decided finally.

"Go make it yourself, I'm busy," Viridi groused. She was more irritable than usual today, Pit noticed. Probably because of being asked to watch over him on such short notice.

But he grinned in spite of that, because making his own lunch would be way more fun than waiting for someone to make it for him. Maybe he could even make something for Viridi!

With that in mind, Pit sprang up and made for the door, but stopped himself short.

"Uh, Viridi?"


"Where's the kitchen?"

She huffed, "why don't you go be independent and find it yourself?"

"That would take too long! This place is huge!" Pit argued. "And plus, what if I get lost?"

"I can just warp you back here," she said, still playing around with the pinecone.

Pit groaned; she made a good point. But he didn't want to spend an hour wandering around her temple! He just wanted lunch, was that too much to ask?

With a huff, the angel returned to his seat and plopped down again. His stomach grumbled again and he groaned. How would he get Viridi to show him where the kitchen was? "Can't you just show me to the kitchen? Or make a map or something?"

"I'm busy."

"Okay, fine, I guess I'll just starve to death."

"Go for it."

Her last response left Pit completely unamused, but it did give him a brilliant idea. If he couldn't get her to show him to the kitchen with words alone, then maybe a bit of...theatrics would do the trick.

So the next time, Pit's stomach rumbled, he made a show of it.

The angel gripped his middle with his best cry of anguish. "Augh, woe is me!" he wailed. "My stomach is empty, and yet no food is in sight! If only some kindly goddess would show me the way to the kitchen!"

Viridi did not react, although Pit couldn't see her eye twitch from where he was sitting. So he decided to step it up.

"Oh, dear!" he cried, sagging in the chair with an arm draped dramatically over his forehead. "I may be too weak to make it to the kitchen! I'll have to be carried, lest I meet my demise…" Pit trailed off dramatically, as he'd seen characters in movies do when they were dramatic.

Viridi still didn't respond.

Pit continued.

"Oh, the hunger pangs! Oh, the unbearable pain! I fear that not even a grilled cheese could save me now!" With his best wail, Pit leaned to one side and let himself fall out of the chair. Unfortunately, the chair didn't fall over with him as he planned, so he kicked it, and it toppled with a clatter. "It's gone too far, this is the end of me!" he cried, and rolled onto his back with one hand extended dramatically upwards. "But, lo! My suffering shall end soon, for I can see the light!"

"I bet that's your goddess putting you out of your misery."

Completely unamused, Pit glared at the back of Viridi's head, from where he was splayed out on the floor like a starfish. He couldn't let her get to him, he was getting so close!

"Oh no! The hunger!... It's too strong! It's uncontrollable! I might have to eat my boots!"

"That should be interesting to watch."

"Tell Lady Palutena that my sacrifice was not in vain!"

"I'll text her later."

Seriously? Viridi didn't even have a phone!

Pit let out his final wail. "It's gone past the point of no return! I can feel my stomach eating itself!" He rolled onto his side in fetal position. "Oh, the pain! I can feel my stomach acid eating me! Consuming my-"

"ALRIGHT ENOUGH!" Viridi roared. "I'll take you to the kitchen, just please shut up!"

As the Nature Goddess stormed out, Pit hopped up with a cheer and followed her, on his way to finally get his grilled cheese.