14Marcie cries for like a solid day, and begs forgiveness Buffy isn't sure she can give. Pity she can give, mercy she can give, understanding and a lack of retribution, sure, but she doesn't know if forgiveness can be part of the package. (Giles talks up the virtues of compassion and how forgiveness isn't about you it's about them, but he's not a forgiving person either, not really, and she remembers the feeling of him jabbing a needle into her arm and how he hasn't asked forgiveness for that.) But she still pats Marcie on the head and tells her it's all over now, and Marcie says whatever college she goes to will be far, far away, and Buffy says it's good to have a new start. (And after she says it she thinks it's something Giles said once, but maybe it was what Marcie needed to hear.)
Anyanka (or rather, Anya) stays at Sunnydale High. Buffy isn't entirely sure why, because even if she is trapped as a human (oops? but also totally Anya's own fault) why would she ever want to stay on a Hellmouth? Or in any place where she has to dodge around Wesley's interrogations, because apparently the guy is making up for being out on super-secret Watcher business (Giles says it was report-writing) for the duration of the invisi-Buffy extravaganza by trying to pick holes in her cover story. (Everyone involved came to the unanimous decision to not tell him a thing, and Buffy catches Giles practicing his innocent face in his office.)
"I hope you're not holding it against us," says Willow, of course. "Making you a person again." They may need to have a girl talk about things you maybe possibly shouldn't use as conversation starters.
"I do," says Anya, then shrugs. "But I'd have done the same thing. Humans don't usually manage it." (Anya talks a lot of trash about humans, which is why it's so funny to see her tagging along with Xander. Xander, Buffy thinks, is the most intensely human person she knows.)
—
Valentine's Day is lame when your vampire sorta-boyfriend's in another country. It's not the sort of thing you can openly complain about, though, even to your friends who know about the vampire sorta-boyfriend, so she decides she's just going to ignore the whole thing until it goes away (and not think about Angel-kisses or curses or destinies-with-a-capital-D). Willow arrives in the library with a gigantic box of (not-evil) chocolate bars and and anti-Valentines for everyone. Willow is kinda sorta the best sometimes.
—
In the hospital where Allen Finch is recovering from being stabbed, Buffy runs into Mr. Trick. In an elevator. The vampire looks at her sideways.
"Come to visit someone?" he asks. It would be very easy to stake him then and there, she thinks, but he's not doing anything. (And she thinks of Trick bailing on the fight in the sewers and of Spike crying like a teenage girl on Ms. Calendar's shoulder, so she keeps her hand on the stake in her pocket but doesn't attack.)
"Slayer business," she answers. Finch says he's got information on the Mayor's evil plot. More information, anyway. Trick nods sagely.
"See, I'm here to eat the deputy mayor," he answers. "Seems like he's getting loose-lipped."
"Really," says Buffy, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Trick smiles, all teeth.
"I thought about it though, and you know what? It's not my Ascension to worry about." He fishes a plane ticket out of his pocket and holds it out to her. "Give Finch my best, Slayer," he adds.
The elevator pings open on the fourth floor, and Buffy gets out but the vampire doesn't. She should stake him, she thinks, but instead she stands there considering it with Finch's plane ticket in her hand while Trick waves a friendly goodbye and the doors close.
Finch tells all there is to tell (invulnerability, rituals, the whole thing, but not times and dates) and Giles drives him to the airport, and then that's done.
"And Trick?" Faith asks, later. Buffy smiles and stabs the air with a pencil.
"Dust," she lies. The lie comes easily enough, and tension she'd barely noticed in Faith's shoulders eases. (The last of Kakistos's men gone, then, she's safe, then, the nightmare's over.
"Good," says Faith. "Hope it hurt."
"He squirmed, so maybe?" says Buffy, and Faith laughs. (It's just as well, because she doesn't see him again. Mr. Trick of the inconsistent loyalties has apparently skipped town with a small fortune in municipal funds and a very fast car with tinted windows.)
And the rest of February is normal enough. Hellmouth-normal, anyway. Buffy splits patrols with Faith, Willow goes back to studying magic but under Ms. Calendar's watchful eye, Marcie fades into the background of the Wicca club and sits with Jonathan at lunch, Jesse tells everyone he's joining the army, Xander spends hours talking Anya through basic human interactions, Giles makes a potential Ascension timeline that ends up almost entirely covered by post-it notes… the usual.
It's not a weird night to start with when Buffy's patrolling downtown and hears a familiar scream. (It's always jarring when it's someone familiar, even though it makes sense, much as she hates it, that sometimes vampires and demons try to eat people she knows. Just math. Statistics.)
She rounds the corner at a run to see Cordelia hitting a vampire with a two-by-four (and her purse) while screaming her head off, Harmony and another girl cowering behind her, and two more vamps watching what's going on and looking like they're not entirely sure they're hungry enough for this. (Honestly, Buffy doesn't think Cordelia'd be worth eating either.)
So she stakes one of the vamps before he can turn around, throws the other two around for a bit, and dusts them, because three-on-one isn't really fun but it's pretty normal for her. (Okay, it should cross her mind that it's not normal for, like, normal people, but Sunnydale's a Hellmouth, what kind of deluded do you have to be to not know you're pretty much tripping over the undead here?) And when she looks back up Cordy's brushing vampire off her skirt but Harmony and the other girl (Aurora? something like that) are sort of gawking. So Buffy does the Buffy thing and grins and waves like a total idiot. (Harmony waves back, because Harmony may actually be a total idiot.)
"That was… cool," says Cordette 3, looking from Buffy to where the vampires aren't. "Where, uh, where'd you learn to hit like that?"
"Practice," says Buffy, because she got the superpowers in the Slayer-destiny-deal but she's as of recently really aware of how much of the Slayer-kickass-ness comes from spending her afternoons training and her evenings learning how vampires actually like, move. "Lots of practice."
"I thought you had superpowers!" says Harmony. Cordelia rolls her eyes.
"Harm, come on. You don't say things like that to people." Cordette 3 (Aura, maybe?) looks pensive.
"Buffy, yeah?" she says. Buffy nods. "You think you could teach us? To fight like that?" An answer of probably not is on the tip of her tongue, but hey, Cordelia'd held off a vampire on her own, and how much easier would it be if people could buy themselves enough time to scream for help? Ten seconds, twenty seconds, maybe even long enough to run away. (Sunnydale's a Hellmouth, after all, and maybe Cordette 3 isn't deluded enough to not notice something's wrong.)
"Yeah, I, I guess," Buffy says uncertainly. "I mean, I could teach you a bit. Basics. Self defense." (How to stick a thumb in your enemy's eye and kick them where it hurts, because even vampires and demons can feel pain, how to turn a cheer routine into a kata, how to hit with your elbows.)
"Great!" says Cordelia, suddenly loud and chipper. "How much do you charge per person per lesson? Because the Bronze is absolutely crawling with creeps, and they get all grabby with pretty girls!" Buffy opens her mouth, then closes it again because Cordelia is going on and on about price plans.
So that ends with her Wednesday afternoons booked through the end of the school year for teaching Cordelia's friends how to punch in return for money. Harmony promises posters, Aura (she was right!) promises to bring everyone she knows, and Cordelia winks at Buffy over both their heads like they're friends and not semi-sorta-rivals.
(Wesley tells her she can't charge people for her destiny and duty. Giles, who appears to be putting alcohol in his tea, says that most people's duty and destiny don't come with a trust fund and volunteers Faith to help with the classes. Anya volunteers herself as treasurer.)
––––
What is a very weird night (and morning, and day, etc) comes a week or two later, when a tussle with two mouthless creep-beasts leaves Buffy with a gross stain on her shirt, an itchy arm, and the late-arriving ability to hear people's thoughts. It's funny (ugh, does Xander think about anything else?) and then it's annoying (ugh, doesn't anyone think of anything else?) and then it's overwhelming. But she does learn a couple of things. Like Andrew from Wicca Club narrates his life like those PBS specials her mom likes to watch, complete with a fake British(?) accent. And Giles has snarky thoughts about what everyone is wearing (she spent a lot of money on that shirt, and anyway what does he know?), Wesley has a weird sort of crush on Ms. Calendar (really? Buffy doesn't see it but files that one away, right next to not being able to look the guy in the eye anymore, holy crap), and Amy's invisible boyfriend is real (but with a really stupid name). Oh, and someone wants to murder everyone. Because it's Sunnydale. Of course. Buffy makes a plan to tell Principal Wood, but she blacks out in a parking lot before she can actually do anything. Giles drives her home and promises she'll be fine, but it's not fine at all, she can hear it in his head that she'll go completely nuts if they don't figure out a way to make it stop. (One good thing, though, is that the mind reading and the band candy adventure didn't happen at the same time. It's weird enough to know her mom thinks Giles is dashing.)
(She's not there to see the grand investigation, obviously, but Willow gives her the highlights reel later. There are threats and revelations and an evil lunch lady who gets busted by Xander of all people. Willow tells it like it's an action movie, even though action movies don't usually involve jello. But even evil jello sounds like more fun than having a mind-reading-y mental breakdown in her bed until Giles and Faith force demon-heart-juice down her throat. Ew. Not that she doesn't appreciate it, but ew. Also what is it with evil sugary snacks? It's like the universe has opinions about dieting.)
—
But anyway, it's fine, it's all good. Evil plan foiled, and Buffy lives to slay another day. With a whole lot of information in her head she didn't have before, but eh. That could be helpful. Somehow. Some of it. Like, for example the happy fun bit where she got a sneak peak into Ms. Calendar's innermost thoughts and found out she's a lying liar who lies. (But she's always been, says the voice in the back of Buffy's head. She's always told lies, why stop now? What, for Giles, Giles who is perfectly willing to double-cross Buffy and the Council alike with a straight face? Just as likely that Giles knows—and then she makes the head-voice shush.)
Finally she manages to catch Ms. Calendar alone between classes and corners her in her office. It's a literal cornering, and Buffy's halfway to Slayer-mode even though she really really really shouldn't be.
"You know where Angel is," she says coldly, standing so that she blocks the door. Ms. Calendar goes pale.
"Buffy—" she starts, but that's just going to be more lying isn't it?
"I heard you," Buffy snaps. It's meant to be accusing not whiny, but doesn't quite make the cut. "When I could read minds, I heard you. You know where he is and you've been hiding it!"
Ms. Calendar rests her forearms on her desk and takes a deep breath.
"Yes, I know where Angel is," she says. "I know where he is, who he's with, what he's doing...and I know that it was his choice to go. And that he doesn't plan on coming back." (It mostly goes in one ear and out the other, because Buffy wants to fight, so she just processes "mean".)
"He hasn't even been writing to me!" And definitely whiny, but Ms. Calendar should get it if she's got even a bit of a heart. "And I don't know if he's okay, if he got hurt, if anything's happening to him at all, but I thought that was because he's being all secrety, but no. No, you're making him do it, aren't you?" She's getting louder with every word, but really honestly doesn't care. Maybe she can yell Ms. Calendar's computer lab down, maybe she can yell her gameface down (and ugh does Buffy prefer when gamefaces are all fangy and bumpy rather than red-lipsticked and fake-cool).
Ms. Calendar slams her hands on the desk. "Goddammit, Buffy, do you know anything about the way this works? Some things are more important than your love life! And I'm personally tired of you blaming me when it's bad!" Ms. Calendar takes another deep breath, and Buffy feels a small sense of pride in hearing it shake. At least she's rattled. (Which, well, she should be, says the voice in the back of Buffy's head, a Slayer could snap Ms. Calendar like a twig—only she won't do that, why would she do that, she's just going to yell at her.) "I'm sorry I kept things from you, I really am," Ms. Calendar continues, "but you have to understand, this is the better option. Angel had to go."
"No he didn't!" Buffy snaps. "We had everything under control, and you—you've been trying to get rid of him forever! And you—" Her first train of thought, which is something petty about having a personality like an ancient curse, collides in mid-air with another train of thought. That one involves creepy Ethan sitting in the front seat of Ms. Calendar's car demanding Angel leave right-now-this-instant-no-goodbyes and Willow with a binder of chaos spells and lessons from Ms. Calendar and her dear Mr. Rayne and Angel chained to a wall. Her blood goes cold. How had she not seen that? "You! You and creepy Ethan! You've been working together this whole time!" (Okay, she's iffy on the whole time thing, but what she means is extended cahoots.) "And since you can't—you can't kill Angel, you're trying to make him—you tried to make him lose his soul so you could! And then—you need him out of the way, don't you? What do you need him out of the way for?"
"I'm not trying to do anything besides keep you all safe!" Ms. Calendar yells back standing up with her palms flat on her desk. "Angel is...he's not safe here. Not safe with...us." She looks like she was about to say something else but Buffy figures this is more than she had before. Maybe. "Angelus is too big of a danger to risk. I can't let him come back. That's what I was sent here to do!" She takes another shuddering breath. "Ethan was...the lesser of two evils. He knew the danger that was ahead and offered to help." Oh she's totally lying. Creepy Ethan would never help anyone. "Obviously I didn't know he'd have no problem drugging me and influencing Willow towards dark magic." Her face looks sour. "Things were bad. I don't think you know how bad. All signs were turning towards Angelus coming back." So what? Buffy huffs. Angelus was still Angel, and besides they had taken down all kinds of baddies, they could fix Angel too!
"Angelus isn't Angel. Where he goes...there's been nicer nightmares." Ms. Calendar waves her hand as if trying to conjure visions of doomy horror. "And signs were pointing to it happening again. That's why I sent him to Borneo."
Oh god, Buffy can't believe her ears. Ms. Calendar actually admitted she sent Angel away to keep him away. Not to hide the Judge's arm but because she wanted him gone. She's a sneaky lying sneak who sneaks around and lies!
"You sent him," Buffy says. (She's not sure which of the words she wants to stress more so she just stresses all of them.) "That's it, then. You want—that's what you want. You want him to go away and never come back! Well, he came back!" From Borneo, at least. "And he'll come back this time too, and you won't win, and he got out, you know, after your family chained him up and—"
"I'm the one who let him go!" Ms. Calendar is back to yelling again. "They were going to leave him there to starve. No matter how bad Angelus is, Angel didn't deserve that. But, he made the decision to leave on his own."
Buffy opens her mouth to yell more when it finally sinks in. "Angel wanted to leave me?" It comes out a lot shakier and squeakier than she wants. Ms. Calendar looks sad, but Buffy can't trust her anymore. So she's probably thrilled about this.
"He did it to keep you safe. He...we, didn't want to hurt you." Ms. Calendar walks out from behind her desk but Buffy takes another step back. "Didn't want to hurt me? You and Angel didn't want to hurt me? He left without even saying goodbye." She is definitely going to cry and that's bad because she's a Slayer. She doesn't get to be a normal girl. Normal girls get boyfriends who don't leave the country without saying anything and wouldn't lose their soul if they do things that she doesn't want to think about (or have Faith explain to her). She's a Slayer and has to deal with mystical type things and a sneaky Watcher with a lying sneaky girlfriend who both give her too many lectures on destiny.
Buffy has to get out of this tiny office. She can't breathe. Also Ms. Calendar looks like she might try to make her feel better and Buffy really, really can't handle that right now. Fumbling for the door Buffy runs out of there and towards, where else the library. Hitting things with weapons is a nice alternative to crying. (And it won't ruin her way too expensive mascara, which is always a plus.)
She whales on the practice dummies for hours, misses sixth and seventh period, and gets interrupted by Willow who wants to know if she's okay (she's not, and a voice in the back of her head says it's at least partway Willow's fault) and Xander who wants to know if she wants to get pizza (she's too upset to want to eat anything, and also she's wearing a white skirt and if she gets pizza on her skirt she's going to actually cry).
"I'm fine," she says.
"You, uh, don't have fine face," says Xander. "Is it fix it with donuts face?"
"No," says Buffy. "It's 'we're going to have to fight an Ascended mayor and I'm gonna hit him real hard' face." Xander looks doubtful.
"Giles said—" Willow starts (and Buffy wonders if Giles knows, but he's the kind of guy who knows things). Willow stops. "Nevermind. You, um, you're gonna go patrol?"
"Yep," says Buffy. "Soon as the sun sets."
"That's—" Xander starts, but Willow elbows him.
"Okay," she says brightly. "You, uh, I was working on a spell, I thought maybe—"
"No magic," says Buffy. (Ms. Calendar liked to talk about other people's magic, didn't she? So whose magic would this be? Hers, Giles's, creepy Ethan's…?) Willow puts up her hands.
"Okay, I just—make it easier—"
"It doesn't," Buffy snaps. (But she doesn't want to yell at Willow, not really, because it wasn't Willow who'd done it. Right? Willow's her friend, and people like creepy Ethan and Ms. Calendar are just using her. That's how come…)
"Hey!" Xander says sharply. "She's trying to help!"
"Sorry," Buffy says automatically. "I just… I don't need help patrolling. We need to figure out a timeline for the Ascension, and we need to figure out who the army guys are, and we all need to actually graduate I guess, and patrolling? That's the thing I'm good at, okay? So just … let me hit things, okay?"
"Okay," says Willow in a small voice.
"Buffy smash, got it," says Xander. He's being stupid, but it's a point. Anger's better than sadness, anger's better than crying, anger's better than a lot of things.
"Don't be an idiot," she says, and manages to grin. "Buffy no smash. Buffy stab."
—
Faith says the thrill of the hunt gets her blood pumping. For Buffy, it's almost calming on some level. Her senses go sharp and she can leave things like liars and traitors behind and put herself in a place where she's the only one of herself. (But she's not the only one, a voice in her head argues. There's three of them. That doesn't matter, though, because that's not what it feels like.) She usually tries to not leave things behind, usually tries to think about what her mom's making for dinner or some stupid thing someone said, because the alone is sort of scary, but right now it's what she needs.
(She doesn't see that she moves differently when she's hunting. It's an incremental thing, the shift from girl to Slayer, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. She should know something's different, though, when monsters run from her. She doesn't.)
There's a rhythm to it, really, and some hours in she's not upset anymore. She's a faraway sort of angry, yeah, but it's done, it's done, it's over. Angel's gone away and if he comes back he'll come back and if she means nothing to him then… then he's away, isn't he? It'll hurt more, it'll hurt again, when she goes back to being just herself, but for now she deals in certainties.
The crash she hears, for instance, that's certain, and she charges.
—
A pack of vampires have a girl cornered in the bus depot. Kudos to the girl, she's doing a very good job fending them off, but it's obvious she's running out of steam. Her knees give just as Buffy makes it into range, and one of the vampires crows something about victory right before Buffy grabs him by the hair and stakes him.
(No witticisms tonight.)
She takes down another four without breaking stride (and starts to notice they're scared then, only then) and turns around to get the fifth one but he's dust too—the girl is back up, swaying and unsteady but holding a stake—and she's… she's something familiar. That's not the right word, she's a girl, not a thing, and not just a girl, but right now—
"Kendra?" she asks, carefully. Mouth words are hard, and she's not sure she can make a lot of them at once. Kendra's arms are shaking and there's a bruise on her face that isn't going away like it's supposed to. Their eyes meet, and Kendra lowers the stake, slumps, exhausted.
"You were right," she says. "About the Cruciamentum." (And the world comes crashing back. Right. Traitors and liars and Giles with a needle and the Council, and Kendra's eighteen now, isn't she, it's her turn.)
"Yeah," she says. "I...yeah. Sorry."
"I ran away." Kendra ran away from her Watcher and the stupid rules and traditions from a bunch of crusty old snobs in England who probably taught Giles how to lie. (Kendra! Of all people. There's still hope for the world, or something.) Buffy feels herself grin.
Everything still hurts and it'll probably hurt for a really long time but there's a feeling somewhere deep in her chest that is not unlike pride. But that feeling flickers out when she has to catch Kendra before she falls completely to the ground. She has to get Kendra to safety, and though she hates that she thinks it that means she has to get Kendra to Giles. At least this time she's been through her own Cruciamentum and will be able to tell the truth from lies.