Uneven steps—Eridani

At first, Eridani was as overjoyed as her dear 'Findel. She embraced him tightly, cried with joy as he did, giggled wildly as he spun her about in his arms, celebrated and made merry with the other elleth and ellon (though she really only knew but a few of them and thought it quite silly they acted like they'd been the ones waiting for her for however long she'd been gone). But then they went home and suddenly there was quiet, both in her heart and in the empty, empty house that Laurefindel had built. Without the distraction of giddy elves and tinkling music, she took a moment to process the… the (honestly, how could she even begin to describe to herself the happenstances that had occurred)… the weirdness of the day.

Laurefindel busied himself about the small domicile by hurriedly straightening already orderly bric-a-bracs and dusting clean surfaces, all the while glancing over at her before turning away. Well, she said 'busying' and very deliberately did not think 'fretting' (one could never be too careful with their thoughts, you know. Especially a Black.). Her eyes catalogued the walls and furniture. All in all, it was a lovely home. The walls were made of a white stone—much like the rest of the city—but the abundance of light and greenery gave it a warm feeling. She saw added touches carved in the stone. Butterflies and ivy blended in among the true plants, peeking out behind charming leaves. At a glance, the carvings were all different and dispersed at different levels throughout the room (and she could see some bending around the hallway off to the side to continue throughout the home). But, upon closer inspection, Dani could see that most were placed about two or three feet off the ground. At the perfect level to beguile children. For her amusement and delight. Looking around, she saw the smaller, child-friendly chairs and benches. The stools placed in key corners. The windows elongated. They were unusually long for all elves—even the children—are tall. Even without going further into the house, she knew her bedroom (which 'Findel had proudly told her, and anyone who would listen, was all ready for her) was equally fitted to accommodate her smaller stature. The smaller stature she had all but grown out of.

How could her heart feel so full and so empty at the same time?

Unbidden, tears came forth in her eyes and she felt all the strength go out of her. But she didn't hit the ground. Arms wrapped around her and pulled her tight to the warm, warm sun she had never forgotten. A small hiccoughing laugh escaped her though the tears still sprang forth. It seems 'Findel had dropped the pretense and he was just as hurt and uncertain as she.

"Eri, sweet one," he cried, fingers rubbing under her eyes. "Don't cry. Please, my heart cannot bear them. Shhh, shhhh. All is well."

He sounded so flustered and his eyes showed his panic so clearly, Dani couldn't help but giggle wetly. The scene reminded her of the time Draco forgot himself and accidentally shoved her too hard, causing her to scrape her palms and knees. At the time, she'd been unable to properly articulate in English, so she could only cry. Draco wasn't truly mean-spirited and had acted so guilty and abashed (though a larger part had probably been more worried about retribution from their mums for making a lady cry at the time) as he tried to ease her tears. Thinking of the similarities between her cousin and her… 'Findel (a quiet corner of her mind whispered a different title) lightened her heart just a little and her tears began to slow. As her tears slowed to a trickle, so too did her hiccoughs and she just started at Laurefindel. He stared back, eyes darting from her left eye to her right and back again.

"Missed you," she whispered at last. Had she already told him? So much had happened, she couldn't really remember what all she had said to him. Or he to her.

He gave her a soft smile. "I missed you too, penneth."

Her eyes fell to the side and she studied the base of a wall. "But I was also… angry."

'Findel hummed, picking her up and walking to one of the chairs. He sat on a cushion and settled her more comfortably in his lap. His hands rubbed soothing circles on her back and she gathered courage to face him once more (the new position disallowed her to study the corner she had previously chosen as the rallying point for her eyes).

"Can you tell me what happened?" She stared into his eyes, equal parts of her both pleased and displeased she was unable to perform legilimancy to determine his truth of the experience.

"What I believe happened, I only know because it is what my heart tells me to be true," he told her seriously. "I can promise you no certainties."

She nodded as he shifted beneath her.

"Eridani, you appeared out of nowhere during one of the bleakest times we, the Eldar, have ever known. At the time, many mistook you for a servant of the kinslayers. A distraction. A deceiver. Dangerous." Dani continued to look in 'Findel's eyes though his were glazed over and seemed to be looking beyond her. Suddenly, his eyes sharpened and looked at her once again. She startled a little but tried to keep her face and her heart steady and smooth. "But I and a few others didn't. And in time, the ones who once dismissed you looked back and also saw you for what you were and have ever been. A gift. A blessing." Laurefindel smiled softly at her and took hold of her hand. She hadn't noticed until then that it was trembling. "In the darkest nights and through the coldest days, you were warm and happy and hopeful. Perhaps it is because you did not know the pain of the devastating cold nor the intense hunger we felt. Perhaps it is because your heart is strong and gentle. Perhaps it is because you are inherently magic. No matter, if it wasn't for you, many of us would be much more changed by the long walk of our exile. We would be darker. Colder. More bitter and angry."

And then, Dani saw something she had never seen—nor expected to see—in her protector's eyes. A shadow of something haunted him. Something that had occurred after she left (or because she left).

"'Findel?"

Laurefindel blinked and focused on her once more. A small smile graced his lips.

"Others were not so fortunate," was all he added. Dani shifted uncomfortably in his lap. That told her nothing at all.

"But what happened to me, 'Findel? Why is this happening to me?"

"Ah! Yes, I was getting there."

He had so not been getting there, Dani thought mulishly.

"I think the Valar have been directing you," he continued on. "After all, you appeared in a time of great turmoil and never aged throughout the long years." Here, he gave a meaningful look at her significant growth before resuming his speech. "And you were sent back once we were settled. Now you have returned, though I have yet to decide whether it was for our benefit or for yours."

Here, she gave him a confused look. For her benefit? But she was Edain not Eldar. 'Findel gave her a reassuring smile (Dani thought he had the market cornered on smiles that said different things).

"The Valar are not so unkind as to throw your life into disarray if it was not beneficial to you too, dear Eri."

She was not sure she had the same convictions as him. Her eyes fell off to the side again and she picked at the skirt of her dress.

"It was not easy for me when I was sent back," she started. 'Findel hummed, urging her to continue. "I had forgotten my mother tongue and almost entirely forgot my mother. It was… difficult to connect with her. And sometimes, I still feel apart from her no matter how hard she and I both try." She felt pressure build up in her chest and behind her eyes, but no tears came forth. She had used up all her tears and was left with only hurt and exhaustion. "It had been so long—so very long—for me. Centuries, I think. But not for her. And she couldn't understand why I was… and I couldn't tell her and I couldn't find you anywhere and you promised—you promised! I waited for you every day and every day you never showed up and I didn't—still don't—understand but it hurts, 'Findel. I hurt. And I—I—"

Oh, so she wasn't out of tears. She still had quite a lot left, actually. Funny, how she could think so clearly while her body was overcome by shuddering and gasping breaths and tears and snot—sorry, 'Findel, for using you like a handkerchief—all the while poor Laurefindel tried to soothe her. Distantly, she appreciated his efforts in an out-of-body thought process kind of way (if that makes any sense. Read: It didn't make sense).

At some point (she wasn't sure when), she found herself with her head resting on his shoulder and their cheeks touching. Hands patted her back in a rhythm she vaguely remembered as he rocked her back and forth. His hair tickled her ear and the corner of her eye but she ignored it (for now). Really, she was much too big to be comforted like this (read: like a baby) but she'd allow it because 'Findel probably didn't realize how much bigger and more grown up she was. And even if he did, she reasoned, he probably didn't have much experience with Edain children to understand the subtleties of comforting them through all the different ages (not that Dani knew either, but still. She was sure it wasn't supposed to be like this.).

"I told Mummy about you and some of our adventures," she said at last. She felt more than heard his answering hum. "For a long time, she wouldn't really listen. And when she finally did, she didn't really believe. But Lu—Luna, that is. She's my bestest friend and god-sister—and her mum and da did. Well, Auntie Pan never really said so but I know she does because she asks Uncle Xeno questions to ask me. She can't just come out and say it because Mummy is her bestest friend and there's some weird code that—well, yeah, but that's beside the point. Mummy and my gran said you weren't real."

Here, she buried her face into 'Findel's shoulder. Her voice came out muffled. "And sometimes, I also thought… maybe it wasn't real. And you weren't coming."