64Alright!
I am writing the next chapter of A superhero in her own Right, but I saw this one post on tumblr and found it so positively hilarious and perfect I had to write it.
The post and original idea is credited to luthots over on tumblr who wrote the prompt: whERE is my thanksgiving au where kara posts an ad on craiglists about being an "alien gf for hire" to piss off anti-alien parents and lena hires her to take home to lillian
So let's go!
Lena Luthor hated Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving was when the entire Luthor family gathered and became the biggest group of bigots Lena had ever had to deal with. They were anti everything. Gays? Confused. People of colour? Inferior. Poor people? Lazy bums taking advantage of the system. Aliens and refugees? Should go back to where they came from.
And while Lena would love to decline, say she's too busy and maybe next year? her mother would just guilt-trip her with the family's 'beloved' geriatric grandmother Lexa Luthor, who was never expected to last till the next year, but like a cockroach in the midst of a nuclear attack, she was steadfastly there and ready to spit acid.
So this year, Lena figured she should at the very least cause a big scene. Well, more of a scene than her yearly tradition of starting a fiery argument regarding current events where Lena and cousin Luke would duke it out until he was so incensed he cracked his beer bottle. It was the highlight of the evening, because by that point Lena could finally excuse herself from the party and no one would try to stop her.
"You know, Craigslist has a nice category for personal ads, plenty of people offer themselves to be platonic dates to piss off close-minded families," her best friend Sam had suggested yesterday after a fine bottle of Pinot.
Lena had snorted at the ridiculousness. "Craigslist? You're joking, right?"
"Nope," Sam had said, popping the last syllable, demonstrating she was partially drunk. "I did that once to Patricia. Showed up with a felon, this heavily tattooed biker girl back when Patricia grew a conscience and she tried to mend fences for kicking me out. Enter Nancy, and Patricia hasn't bothered me since. Come to think of it, I still keep in touch with Nancy, maybe I could ask her if she's free. I'm sure she'd love to piss off the mighty Luthors."
"It's definitely a possibility. If my goal is to truly piss them off, I want to really make sure I bring a winner. Someone who will cause such a scene that I am never invited to one of those infernal parties again. I'll first try to do a search around and see who I can find."
Which is where Lena found herself now, browsing National City Craigslist for potential candidates. And there were plenty.
But one of them really stood out to her, titled "Alien girlfriend for hire."
Lena clicked on the ad, feeling almost giddy at the double-whammy she would give the entire Luthor family.
Got a bigoted family that hates aliens? Want to show them how much you disagree with that and stick it to them?
Look no further!
I can either:
- Play the normal human and then spontaneously start displaying my powers and freak out your family when they start talking about how aliens are taking over 'hardworking humans' jobs'.
- Be fully alien the entire time, and menacingly crack my knuckles every time they approach the topic on aliens.
Either way, I can promise for an entertaining night. I can also start a physical fight if need be, though no one will be seriously harmed. I can also make suggestive moves if you're a lady and have the winning combination of having both a homophobic and alien-hating family.
All I ask in return and payment is a hearty plate of food...or 5 (bonus if it's potstickers).
Interested? Just email Karanotanalien
Lena immediately wrote an email to this Karanotanalien.
Good evening,
I would be interested in hiring you to play my would-be girlfriend for thanksgiving. I have a large family that gets together at the estate outside of National City, and they are the worst.
My family is very anti-everything and you seem to be the perfect person to piss them off. If you have no other offers, I would love it if we could attend as a pretend couple.
Regards,
Lena
Not even 15 minutes later, she got a response.
Hey!
First, you can ditch the fancy-speak. You had me at anti-everything. Just tell me when and where to meet, and I'll be there.
Kara
Lena blinked at her screen. This Kara seemed friendly enough, but Lena wanted to be sure she could be That One Person who would cause such a disaster that for years in the future, the debacle that was the Luthor Thanksgiving of '17 would still be a topic of conversation.
Hi,
Before we do the real deal, I would be interested in meeting you, figure out a plan about how we could do this. Would you be free to meet tomorrow?
Lena
Now the response was quick:
Sure! Where and when?
Lena thought about it for a moment before suggesting:
I know this nice place called Noonan's. Ever been there?
She was sure she could hear the squeal in Kara's response:
Know it? I love eating there! Done deal. Tomorrow at one?
And Lena agreed. When she went to bed, she felt elated. This would truly be a memorable Thanksgiving.
"You what?!"
Kara just watched as Alex was practically having a conniption in front of her.
"It's just for the weekend," Kara was quick to counter.
Alex sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "You are Supergirl. You have a duty to this city and to people everywhere. You can't play pretend girlfriend to whatever stranger wants to piss off their families."
"I am doing my duty!" Kara exclaimed. "I am putting bigots in their place. I am so sick and tired of people yelling at aliens for this or that."
Gritting her teeth, Alex wished for someone to grant her patience. "And how exactly do you plan on doing that? By showing up and fighting everyone?"
"If need be," Kara said with a shrug. Then she snapped her fingers and added, "And arm-wrestling this one guy's brother. He's a big frat boy and really conscious about his image."
"I see. How many people have contracted you?" Alex casually asked, as if she wasn't about to grab her sister and lock her up in one of the DEO's holding cells. Never mind that she's an alien who could overpower her easily. She would do it.
"Three," Kara readily responded.
Alex's eye twitched. "I see. And how many people would try to exploit finding out that you're Supergirl?"
Kara shrugged. "They won't. I'll just be Kara with superpowers."
"This is a bad idea," Alex stated.
"It'll be fine!" Kara tried to put her sister's mind at ease. "And to reassure you even more, I am meeting one of my dates today during my lunch to talk about the event."
In Alex's opinion, that didn't reassure her at all.
And that was chapter 1!
I think this will have 3 chapters at most, and hopefully not turn into a full-length fic, but we'll see! And sorry that I wasn't able to include the full email, ffnet still is a stickler for being against emails.
Nonetheless I'd love to hear your thoughts and will hopefully be updating either tomorrow or Sunday!