6 months since I had won the Hunger Games. 7 months since I got a good nights sleep. People think that Career tributes have it easy, but let me tell you: one of the most horrific parts of this experience was knowing that I choose to put myself through with it.
If I could go back in time I wouldn't volunteer.
If I could go back in time, to the fight between me and Willow, I would let him win. Because he deserved to win.
Except, does that imply that no one else did? That no one else deserved to live?
We started the tour off in District 12. I didn't know either of the tributes and I hadn't written anything to say to them. They were both so young. The girl was 14 and the boy was 15.
District 11 was almost impossible. Willow had seemed so big when I fight him, but the grainy photograph of him made him look tiny. Pepper, the girl was so pretty. Her face, though about 16 had a sort of youthful hopefulness.
I had killed the girl from 10 in cold blood. No fight, I just walked into her den and stabbed her. Is that what her family saw when they looked at me?
Again, I lost a knife to the girl in District 9. I was going to take it out but something in her eyes just stopped me from being able to cause any more pain. I was- no am, a disgusting person.
The boy from 8 was a Psychopath. Maybe I couldn't judge, but when you watched the recaps you could just see his gleefulness when he killed someone. It was horrifying to see myself reflected in a stray window in 8 where his picture was.
District 7 had to be one of the hardest places to go to. Not because of the tributes. Because it seemed that all the forests were perfect replicas of the one in the games. Perhaps they were.
Kyvva had gotten to 4th place. Her reward was an arrow to the head. She killed my old ally, though I didn't judge her of course. It was weird seeing a picture of her so clean when I only saw her terrified with her hair a mess.
Atom wasn't my kill but I had watched as Willow snapped his neck. It wasn't like I'd never saw a broken neck before but something about Atom's flopping head resonated in my nightmares.
I had known Lake and Roman for a few days. They were good people. It was stupid how quickly they had died. No one had expected that. I think it was part of the reason that we broke up the alliance so early.
Fuse and Flash. They were the names of the tributes from 3. The looked so alike the could have been twins, though they were just allies. Watching the recaps you could see they even acted alike. They had the same speaking tone and mannerisms. They died in the same way too.
I didn't like thinking about how Ryder died. Food poisoning. I killed Nero although I width I hadn't. But I couldn't leave her in pain. Sometimes, killing someone is the best mercy you can give.
Out of everyone, I of course knew Marble the best. I had ended up killing his killer not long after she killed him. A total coincidence. A messed up coincidence- but still.
The victory tour took a lot out of me. But 6 months later I was back on the train for my first year of mentoring. It was hard and neither tribute from One got a win. They had both fought well though.
Holy fuck this ending is weeeeakkkk.