Alpha and Omeg-Ed: Edventures to Jasper Park
Chapter 1: The Case of the Missing Gravy
Somewhere in the United States of America nestled a particular street otherwise known as "The Cul-De-Sac." This area was home to many young kids who have been on many befuddling and otherwise pain and humiliation inducing adventures. Three of these citizens stood out for their infamy of continuous attempts of selling out to the neighbourhood individuals as a method of monetary gain, these three of course being the usual cause of the other kids' misfortunes The three were formed as a group simply known as 'The Eds' but usually go by the alias, 'Dorks' by one of the other children. The leader of the trio was a twelve year old boy named 'Eddy'.
Eddy was the shortest of the group, his ambitious ego and his often short temper made up for his lacking height. He was the most cunning and the slyest of the group which was exactly why he was the leader of the group, he had the traits of a con-artist written all over him including a very encouraging method of talking to his customer peers whom he usually dubbed as 'Suckers' and on occasion being the one who comes up with the ideas for the many scams he and his lackeys have performed and mostly failed. Eddy was pink-skinned and was recognisable for his yellow polo shirt with a collar and sleeve hems of purple and a vertical red stripe on the right side of the shirt. He wore light blue pants much like the other kids and donned red shoes. He was also known for his three singular strands of hair that protruded from his flat head
Edd was the second tallest of the group and could be considered as Eddy's polar opposite as he was more kind-hearted and was usually very reluctant to follow Eddy's orders, especially if it involved either physical or emotional harm to the neighbourhood kids. He was the most intelligent of the group which has served great assistance when he worked with Eddy and the other lackey. However due to this, he was physically the weakest of the trio and had a habit of conversing with others including Eddy more coherently with more intelligible phrases which the typical ordinary person would very likely need to look up on a dictionary to understand what they meant. Because Edd's name had the same pronunciation with the other Ed, he would sometimes formally refer to himself with his full name, 'Eddward' while the others would refer him as 'Double D' or 'Sockhead' by Eddy. His skin was a desert sand-beige and he donned an orange shirt, purple shorts, red thigh socks and cyan shoes. His most prominent feature being the black ski cap he wore on his head practically 24/7 which was of course the reason behind his nickname, Sockhead.
And finally there was Ed, the tallest of the bunch. With Edd being the brains, Ed was the brawn which he had proven many times to his fellow friends as he had been seen to be capable of lifting many large and heavy objects including an entire house and a street light with little to completely no effort. His incredible strength however was given at the cost of his intelligence. To put it simply, Ed was not the brightest of the trio, meaning that almost anything he said mostly ranged from references to horror and sci-fi themed comics and movies to just outright absurd passages. Nevertheless, he was the friendliest of the trio, even to his younger sister who would do nothing but berate and abuse him for her own pleasure whenever she got the chance, though that was sometimes due to Ed's unintelligence unintentionally angering her as her anger was even seen on the same level as Eddy's. Despite this, everything that his sister has done to him did absolutely nothing to hinder Ed's deep love and protective care for her. Ed's skin was yellow and his attire consisted of baggy blue pants, a red and white striped shirt under an olive green jacket and black shoes. In contrary to Edd and Eddy's three strands of hair, Ed's hair was a ginger buzz cut, giving it more of a black colour with his prominent feature being the monobrow above his eyes.
Of course, these boys would always fail in their attempts of scamming for a multitude of reasons such as technical failures, being spoiled by one of the other kids or from Ed accidentally messing around. This time, it appeared to be the former as the boys were walking along an alleyway bordered by a wooden fence, lead by a very irate Eddy who was wearing what appeared to be an Elizabethan ruff on his neck which he suddenly noticed and ripped off, throwing it onto the ground in frustration.
"Of all the rotten...! We were this close to swimming in Jawbreakers and as usual, shovel chin ruins everything!" Eddy yelled, still walking furiously with both hands in this pockets.
"Oh come now, Eddy! I'm certain you already know how Kevin acts when he knows something is up!" Edd retorted in a vague attempt to get Eddy to calm down, this unfortunately only made Eddy whip his head around to glare at him.
"If that jarhead hadn't decided to be so nosy and snoop around with the stage, we would've had bags of money on our backs!" Eddy shouted back.
What happened was, the scam the boys had decided to pull off today was their own take on a theatrical play of William Shakespeare's 'The Tempest'. It had taken them a whole night to build a stage in the style of a classic theatre along with the backstage props and required character outfits. Eddy of course was reluctant to use this idea because of how "old" and "stupid" it sounded, but he soon lit up when Edd, (who was the one that gave the idea of the scam in the first place) pointed out how popular Shakespeare's plays had become during his time to which Eddy, being his money-hungry self mentally converted the popularity into the amount of money they would likely get. Soon enough, the audience they needed had arrived and the play that the Eds had countlessly rehearsed was going along very smoothly. Unfortunately, just when Eddy finally thought that things were finally going to go their way, his sworn enemy and rival, Kevin who was the jock of the Cul-De-Sac kids and the Eds' common bully had decided to sneak away from the audience and had tampered with the stage without anyone noticing, causing it collapse onto the Eds, leaving them penniless and the kids running away, laughing at the trio's misfortune with Kevin of course, speeding away on his bike and having the last laugh to rub salt in the wounds.
"And don't think you aren't a part of this, Sockhead!" Eddy yelled, pointing an accusing finger at Double D who was taken aback in shock.
"Me?! How could I be at fault also with this scam's failure when I did nothing to assist Kevin?!" Edd defended.
"You're the one who came up with the stupid scam! You should be smart enough to know that this isn't the past when there were stupid sissy queen theatres from William Shoespurt!" Eddy squalled back at Edd.
"I'll have you know, William Shakespeare was no 'sissy' when he took the occupation as a play writer and made history of public entertainment, Eddy!" Double D argued back.
While the two were still bickering over the scam's faults, Ed was pre-occupied with something he had just found snared in between two of the fence boards. Upon closer inspection, it appeared more like a clump of thick hair, it was dark hazelnut brown in colour and resembled more of fur than regular hair. Without thinking twice, Ed pulled the clump out of it's wooden prison and stuffed it in his pocket for possible convenience. It was then that he turned around to see that Eddy and Double D had resumed walking after their "settlement" which opted Ed to follow after them.
It was evening when the boys had arrived at their chosen destination: Ed's kitchen. Sometime after Eddy and Edd's dispute, the latter had wondered if they could do something to take their mind off their failure, at that moment, Ed immediately stepped in and offered to make supper for the two as he had stated that "Nothing takes away your cares like a full stomach." Eddy merely shrugged and went along with it while Double D was happy to take Ed's kind gesture.
And that's where Eddy and Double D were now, waiting for Ed to prepare a meal for them. Edd was stumped on what Ed had in mind to make for them and he hoped that whatever it was, it was edible at least.
Eddy's anger was replaced now with boredom seeing as all they were doing was nothing but sit numbly at the kitchen table, a part of him even dreaded what Ed may be preparing for them but it was the least that Ed could do to keep Eddy distracted. Not moments later were the two suddenly shook by a loud noise coming from outside the kitchen that sounded much like a horrified scream, the voice being enough for the two to recognise who it was.
"Ed?! What's the matter?!" Double D called out in concern while Eddy just looked on befuddled. Ed soon came in several seconds later with nothing but panic and despair painted on his face.
"IT'S GONE! MY "ED'S SUPER SECRET STASH OF GRAVY" IS GONE!" Ed yelled out in horror, messily emptying the cupboards and fridge in hopes of finding his stash of powdered meat granules.
"Gravy?! Is that what you're so worried about?! We have stores for a reason, you lummox!" Eddy responded in frustration because of how Ed was reacting over a missing stash of what he could easily find in any store.
"NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, EDDY! THIS GRAVY HAS BEEN WITH THIS FAMILY FOR MANY INTERSTELLAR GENERATIONS, IT'S NO ORDINARY GRAVY!" Ed exclaimed, shaking Eddy rapidly.
"Calm down, Ed! I'm sure this "secret stash of gravy" has just been misplaced and..."
Eddy was still recovering from the motion sickness he had nearly caught from being shaken so much that he needed to hold on to the nearest windowsill for support. When his vision turned back to normal, he looked at what he was leaning one when his focus was on something peculiar on the wooden window bar. It looked like a mark of some sort, a closer look revealed it to be a shape of a paw and judging by the colour, it was made from mud.
"Hey Monobrow! I think I've found where your gravy has disappeared!" Eddy called out to the two with a chuckle under his breath. Ed and Edd walked over to Eddy and noticed the footprint Eddy was pointing at.
"Couldn't be! Eddy, I highly doubt that an animal, presumably of the canid category would have any interest in gravy!" Double D pointed out, knowing that gravy was definitely not a part of any feral animals dietary group.
"Though, it is quite bemusing though... There hasn't been any sightings of animals like this in the Cul-De-Sac for years from what I've read about! Now why on earth would there be such a creature here now?" Double D pondered, analysing the mark further until his blind spot caught Ed pulling something out of his pocket and looking at it, possibly as a means of possible reassurance. As Edd turned over at Ed, he noticed that it was a clump of fur that Ed had in his hand.
"Ed, where did you find that?" Edd asked, referring to the animal hairs.
"Oh, I found it on a fence when Eddy was talking about Shacklespore!" Ed explained.
"Shakespeare, Ed." Eddward corrected taking a closer look at the fur clump, he asked Ed for a small sample of the fur and took closer inspection. The fur was long and thin, meaning it would belong to only a few animals, though with the footprint on the windowsill, Edd seemed to have an idea of what they both belonged to.
"Gentleman, I have a theory that we may have had a wolf, otherwise known as 'Canis Lupis' roam into the Cul-De-Sac and Ed's house." Double D suggested, the only response he got was a bewildered stare from Eddy.
"What? So you're saying that a wolf just strolled into the street, broke into Ed's house and stole his gravy?" Eddy questioned with heightening confusion, the minute Ed heard that sentence however, he suddenly ran straight at the window and charged through, ultimately destroying it and leaving in it's place, a large hole.
"ED IS COMING FOR YOU, SECRET STASH!" Ed called out, running out into the street.
"ED! What will Sarah think when she finds that you've singlehandedly obliterated the kitchen wall?!" Edd yelled after, chasing Ed in pursuit.
"Oh come on! IT'S JUST STUPID GRAVY!" Eddy shouted, following the two.
After running seemingly in circles, Eddy and Double D finally found Ed at the street where the candy store resided. The large Ed was staring silently at something, not moving an inch.
"Gracious Ed...! Do you... have any idea... what your parents... will say about the wall?!" Edd panted after running up to Ed.
"Get over it, Lumpy! There's more gravy than you probably had in your stash!" Eddy exclaimed, frustrated at Ed for making a big ruckus over a lost cause. Ed didn't seem to respond to any of them as he was still staring at the thing. The two looked over to see that Ed was looking at a large cargo truck, Edd walked over to the side to see a logo on the truck which was displayed as a large green tree with a red curve over it and black text overlaying it.
"Jasper Park and Idaho Transfer Inc." Double D read the logo.
"Say what? What's so special about a park?" Eddy asked befuddled.
"Well Eddy, Jasper Park is a very popular area in the Canadian border as it is a very well received preserved home to many packs of wolves as they are quite common in Canada." Edd explained, smiling a little at teaching Eddy some American geography. "And as for Idaho..."
Double D's lecture was immediately cut off as he and Eddy suddenly heard what sounded like the truck's cargo doors being pulled open and the two looked to see Ed nearly ripping the doors off their hinges.
"WAIT FOR ME SWEET SAVOURY BEEF SAUCE!" Ed yelled before jumping into the cargo compartment.
"ED!" Eddy shouted in quick response.
"ED, YOU GET OUT OF THAT CARGO HOLD RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" Double D scolded, running into the storage unit with Eddy where they found Ed laying on some broken timber which had belonged to the destroyed cargo crates he had no doubt destroyed when he jumped in.
"Ed, will you get over yourself?! It's just stupid gra-!" Eddy yelled angrily as he and Edd heard the sound of metal slamming behind them, making them turn around to see that the doors had been closed, rendering them trapped as they heard the truck's engine start up and they felt the movement.
"Oh lord!" Double D shouted in panic as the realisation dawned on him.
"North to Alaska!" Ed said gleefully, seemingly forgetting why he was even there in the first place.
"ED!" Eddy screamed in pure rage as he tackled the tallest Ed and proceeded to give him an incredulous beat down as their temporary prison traversed down a road.
Luckily, someone had noticed the entire scene.
"Did you see that, Plank?!" A young boy said to a single wooden board with a crudely drawn face he had on his grip.
"What?" The boy said, putting the board to his hear as if he was trying to listen to what it was saying.
"You're thinking exactly what I'm thinking, buddy!" The boy said as he took off in pursuit of the truck.
Back at Ed's house, Sarah had just entered through the front door and was walking into the kitchen for some snacks for a sleepover she had planned with her best friend, a very young boy named Jimmy when she found the crater where the window once was.
"ED!" Sarah fumed furiously, she stomped around the house in search of her brother so she could punish him for destroying the kitchen wall, but even after looking through a closet of full of sponges in Ed's bedroom down in the basement, there was no sign of him in sight.
"ED! YOU GET OUT HERE AND FIX THIS WALL OR I'M TELLING MOM!" Sarah yelled as she reached the hole. Still no response.
"Gee, Sarah. Can you like get any louder?" A girl said entering the scene before noticing the destruction. She wore a black shirt under a white tank top and purple pants and had yellow hair.
"Take a hike, dollface!" Sarah spat out at her.
"Sarah? What's going on? Why all the shouting... Holy Mackerel!" The two girls heard the voice of a very young boy that soon made his presence known and noticed the large crater in the wall. The boy wore a cyan shirt, white pants and his most prominent feature being his curled hair and the retainer around his mouth. The boy had come over to investigate, having heard Sarah's shout and exclaimed as he noticed the damage.
"Hello? Boy-Jimmy, Go-Go Nazz Girl and great one with the loud mouth? What has transpired in your and the Ed-boy's dweller?" Another voice caught the attention of the three. A boy with a height that nearly matches Ed's approached the two. He had blue hair and wore a shirt of a similar colour to Eddy's, only the red stripe was thicker and went horizontally across the shirt. He also wore light blue pants and long red shoes.
"My stupid brother destroyed the kitchen wall." Sarah snarled in frustration as Jimmy looked around the hole.
"Hmm... Why would Ed go through a wall instead of just using the front door?" Jimmy asked.
"Rolf is too confused by this obscure act of demolition, Boy-Jimmy." The blue haired boy now known as Rolf said, examining the destruction as well until his eyes fell upon one of the broken pieces of wood. He picked it up and looked closely, seeing the paw print that the Eds had found during the gravy conspiracy. Rolf sniffed and snorted at the print when he found some small hairs and looked closely at them. He smelled them both and as he did, he suddenly shot up in sheer horror.
"Rolf?" Jimmy asked, a little concerned at Rolf's sudden change in posture.
"Boy-Jimmy and Loud Mouthed Sarah! We must not waste another second! The Ed-boys are in grave danger as we talk!" Rolf suddenly exclaimed grabbing Jimmy and Sarah by the neck of their shirts and following the footprints the Eds had left.
The yellow haired girl just looked on in confusion and decided to walk home after finding the most recent event too much for her to process. Just a few metres away, Kevin stared at the entire scene that had just occurred sitting on his bike. With nothing left to think of it, he turned around and took his leave.
"Man, what a bunch of freaks."