Author's Note: A fair warning before you begin this... Pokémon journey (oh lord, the puns, the puns). This is a crossover of the fic "Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus" and "Pokémon", specifically the English dubbed version of the television show. If you haven't read at least some of that fic... A good chunk of that fic, then you will be very confused. Also this is obviously NOT CANON.
In which Lily and Wizard Lenin aren't in Kansas anymore or Hogwarts either, Wizard Lenin has something of an existential crisis, the duo picks up a seemingly incompetent local third as their guide along with his overpowered giant yellow mouse, and Lily discovers the role she was born to play, that of a pokémon master.
Meet our heroes, Lily and Lenin, two extradimensional twelve-year-olds who find themselves in a new and exciting world beyond their imagination, and although they don't know it, are about to begin their own pokémon journey.
The first thing Lily saw when she opened her bleary eyes, was sunlight filtering through leaves, which was a rather worrying sign as the last she recalled it had been November and most of the trees had been a bit barren, and she had also been indoors.
"Oh, sweet Jesus," Lily exclaimed as she forced herself to sit upright, her head pounding as she took in her surroundings, the sweet smell of flowers in the air, the trees swaying in the summer breeze, the tall grass, and the complete and utter absence of people.
Well, not quite, looking down and next to her, in this flower filled clearing that she had woken up in, was none other than Wizard Lenin in his Lenin Rabbitson Albanian refugee form complete with the Hogwarts uniform (well to be fair, Lily was also in her own Hogwarts uniform, though looking briefly down told her that her Hogwarts uniform, sporting tears, dirt, and even blood stains, had seen better days.)
So, to sum up, Lily had a blinding headache the kind she hadn't had since Lenin had lived in her brain or Squirrel had been among the living, she was somewhere where it was definitely not Hogwarts and not Scotland with Wizard Lenin brought along for the ride, and she had absolutely no idea how any of this had happened.
Also, looking to her left, there was a giant purple rat.
Blinking at it, the giant purple rat didn't disappear, but instead blinked back at her with large red eyes, sniffling towards her in curiosity.
The point being, Lily was in a place where giant purple rats existed, or else… Rabbit eating Scotland had somehow infested it with giant purple rats. She hoped it wasn't diseased along with being giant, Lily did not need the giant purple rat version of the bubonic plague.
Next to her, Wizard Lenin groaned and slowly rolled into a sitting position, a hand on his forehead, "Lily, please tell me that what I think happened hasn't happened."
Lily, as she always did in a time of crisis, stalled, "… What do you think happened?"
Lenin however said nothing as he dropped his hand, looked out at their surroundings, and seemed to come to the same conclusions that Lily herself just had. The important ones being giant purple rat and not in Kansas anymore.
Or, well, Scotland, but the point remained.
"Lily, where the hell have you teleported us?"
It was said in that quiet deathly terrifying voice that Wizard Lenin had developed to show how displeased he was and how very close he was to committing homicide. Well, if homicide with Lily was even a possibility, since it never really seemed to stick.
Lily grimaced, "Well, I have no idea, I mean, to be fair, I don't even remember the teleporting part of this… I'm not actually sure I remember the past day and a half all that clearly."
Certainly, it seemed, fuzzier than usual, she'd probably hit her head against something which had probably caused this whole mess in the first place.
That, judging by Wizard Lenin's expression, was not the answer he wanted to hear. His smile stretched itself, grew thinner and more jagged, as he asked politely, ever so politely, "Well, Lily, aren't you going to take us back home?"
Lily thought about it, or tried to through her headache, tried to focus on Scotland or England, but on grabbing his hand and trying to pull through she hit what felt like a brick wall, or at the very least, like trying to leap over a giant abyss from here to there. Point being that maybe, when her head didn't feel like it had been run over by a steam roller, she might be able to do it, it somehow seemed like one of those things that was not a great idea.
"Uh, Lenin… I think it might be too far."
And judging by the literal inferno of rage that sprung around him, (completely burning the field they were standing in and causing all the giant purple rats that had been watching them to scatter in terror) he also hadn't wanted to hear that.
"Are you telling me, that we're stuck here, in the middle of nowhere, where I don't even have a wand?!"
Lily looked at his hands, noting that they were, in fact, empty, and Lily's wand which he had permanently borrowed was nowhere in sight.
"…Sure," Lily said after a rather meaningful pause where she debated whether or not to agree with him or to point out that they were also likely in the Fire Swamp considering all the purple R.O. hanging about.
If he'd had kerosene and a few glass windows, Lily imagined it'd be rather similar to the temper tantrum he'd first thrown when he'd discovered what had happened to Voldemort while he'd been trapped inside Lily's head for five years. As it was, he made do with his own rather volatile magic and lighting trees, grass, and anything he could find on fire to the point where Smokey the Bear probably would have had some sort of a heart attack for all the not preventing of fires that Lily or Wizard Lenin were doing.
Eventually, he calmed down, which turned out to be heavily breathing and staring death at the trees around them while he spat out the plan, "So, we should find a town, assuming there are people in wherever the hell this is."
"Towns are good," Lily nodded in agreement, "I like towns."
Looking at their feet then upwards, towards a forest covered mountain peak, he noted, "There's more likely to be a town below the mountains than towards the summit, so we might as well start walking down the foothills. And you better pray, Lily, pray hard, that this is a place where magical research is a thing or else I will be very, very, upset."
"… You mean you'll light more shit on fire?" Lily asked even as she began to travel down the hills and into the valley with Wizard Lenin at her side.
"No, Lily, I mean I will light you on fire."
Well, that sounded unpleasant, distantly, Lily hoped that Wizard Lenin would be satisfied by whatever they found. However, she also acknowledged, that given Wizard Lenin's perfectionist nature and general probability, it was highly unlikely that whatever they found would conform to his standards.
Yes, Lily's future was looking bright, if only because Lily's future was likely to be her tied to a stake and being burned alive.
It took them a solid week to get out of the mountains, mostly because Wizard Lenin, while fueled by rage, was not fueled by any sort of stamina and ended up being little more than dead weight.
Actually, no, he did end up being dead weight.
About halfway down Lily had to start dragging him along on her back with him backseat driving her down the mountain path and arguing with just about any direction she decided to take. Meanwhile, where were giant animals everywhere, it wasn't just the giant purple rats, no there were giant pigeons, giant plants, giant bugs, giant yellow mice, giant turtles, and more.
So far, Lily hadn't seen any sort of animal that wasn't at least the size of her forearm, and then there were the animals that were even more giant than the giant animals.
More, the giant animals seemed eerily… aware, she supposed she'd call it. They kept a close eye on both her and Lenin, giving them wide berth for the most part (which was greatly appreciated), but also seemed to be actively trailing them, always on the edge of their camps, not quite approaching, but not quite out of sight either.
Like they were watching Lily and Wizard Lenin as much as Lily was watching them.
Luckily, when they finally reached the end of the foothills, there was indeed a town, a town filled with people (people with blue hair, but hey, Lily wasn't going to judge if they were going to give them food), as well as… more giant animals.
Still, there were people, and buildings, and the surprising fact that people were speaking English, so Lily didn't entirely care that there were giant red fire breathing dogs the size of small buildings roaming the streets.
Unfortunately, as soon as she actually started talking to any of them, she realized they made even less sense than the Dursleys did.
"Hey, what are you kids doing travelling the wilderness without any pokémon?"
Lily blinked having just stepped out of the underbrush and onto the paved street, Wizard Lenin shoving himself off her shoulders and brushing off his clothing, attempting to regain some of his manly twelve-year-old refugee pride as a blue haired woman, dressed as some sort of a cop, approached them, "What?"
"I saw you kids just walk down from the mountains, not even on a route, and neither of you have any pokémon or even a trainer's license!" the blue haired woman accused with a gloved finger towards each of them, "You two could get really hurt, what were you thinking?"
"Uh… Well, we were obviously not thinking what we should have been thinking," Lily said slowly, hoping this was the right answer.
"You're darn right you weren't," the woman agreed though not as if she was mollified by Lily's words or about to leave either her or Wizard Lenin alone, "You shouldn't even be leaving your hometowns without a pokémon with you."
"Right, right, we won't forget our pokémon next time," Lily said slowly as if she had every idea what a pokémon was and the importance of it to her own survival, "Now… Do you know if there's any sort of restaurant nearby that accepts pounds and or gold? Or a shopping mall?"
Lily was getting kind of tired of her Hogwarts uniform not to mention she could use a cheeseburger right about now. However, despite Lily and Wizard Lenin's rather haggard appearances (courtesy of spending the last week or so roughing it in the mountains without food or shelter) the woman was not to be distracted.
"Ha, don't think you can fool me!" the woman said, apparently not fooled in the slightest, "You don't have your trainers' license which means neither of you have pokémon of your own! No, you know what we're going to do?"
"Have breakfast?" Lily asked slowly, hopefully, but the answer to this was apparently no.
The woman set up her motorcycle along with a side car, first shoving Wizard Lenin inside and then Lily on top of him, then took off on the roadway, away from the town and all civilization with it, "No, you kids are coming with me, we're going to Pallet Town to see Professor Oak so that you two can get your starter pokémon, trainer's licenses, and can wander around the mountains unsupervised as much as you want."
"Oh, that's wonderful, I love wandering around the mountains unsupervised," Lily said with a rather forced grin, trying to ignore Wizard Lenin's elbows in her ribs and his own death glare aimed at the back of her head.
"Lily," he said quietly in her ear, "If I didn't have painful experience with how impervious you are to dying, then you would be having a joyful family reunion right about now."
The motorcycle ride was somewhat awkward, if only because the side car really hadn't been built for two people and Wizard Lenin clearly wasn't enjoying being crushed. Still, it was, at the very least, somewhat informative.
"I can't believe you kids managed to get to Viridian City all by yourselves and without any pokémon," the woman, Officer Jenny, mentioned at one point, "Especially from the mountains, you must have been near the Indigo League, and that's no place for anyone but the most qualified pokémon trainers."
"Well, what can I say? We're a determined pair," Lily said rather bashfully but Jenny didn't seem to be listening as she drove rather recklessly on the dirt road between what Lily assumed had been Viridian City and this Pallet Town that they were headed to.
"My whole family's in the force, you know, and I don't think any of them have a story like that. You kids are really lucky, that's what I'll say. Maybe it's a sign you'll be great trainers though."
"You think so?" Lily asked, not having any idea what a trainer was nor what made a good one or a bad one, or what the devil pokémon were for that matter.
"Sure, I do. If you two could be okay by yourselves out there, without any pokémon of your own to help you, that's got to be a good sign," Jenny grinned cheerfully at them, blissfully taking her strangely maroon colored eyes off the road, "I'm sure you'll do great, and when you pass through Viridian City again be sure to say hello, with your own pokémon too this time."
Soon enough, after passing through a field filled with, who would have guessed, even more giant purple rats, the woman dropped them off at an absurdly small town comprised of only a few buildings, in front of what looked like it could maybe be a government lab.
Or, what looked like it could be one, if it wasn't surrounded by cheerleaders, a red sports car, and a crowd of cheering spectators who looked like they had missed the latest quidditch and or rugby match.
"Uh oh," Officer Jenny announced as she slid off her bike, "It looks like today might have been the day. Hopefully he'll still have some pokémon left for you two."
Lily and Lenin meanwhile both clambered out of the side car staring at the building and the over enthusiastic crowd, then Officer Jenny, rather dumbly as they listened to the chanting of "Gary, Gary, he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can!"
A glance at Wizard Lenin told Lily that he was just as, if not more, dumbfounded than she was and that there was no rational reason in his mind that could supply cheerleaders for the occasion.
Next to them a dark-haired boy their age or a few years younger in, what looked like his pajamas, sprinted down the street towards the building, squeezing through the crowd in desperation, "Excuse me, sorry!"
He gave out a small cry, knocked backwards, and as Lily pulled Lenin through the crowds both blinked as they saw another little boy, roughly the same age as them, in a purple shirt who sneered (and it was quite the sneer, Mini Pimp would have been proud), "Hey, watch where you're going!"
Then there was a spark in his eyes as the boy clearly recognized the panicked boy now sprawled on the ground, "Well, you must be Ash. Better late than never, I guess. At least you get the chance to meet me."
Purple Pimp's eyes then landed on Lily and Wizard Lenin, "Oh, and what have we here, I haven't even heard of you two losers."
"We were in the mountains fighting giant bears," Lily said before Wizard Lenin could open his mouth, "Naturally, if we'd heard of your magnificence, we would have hastened to get here that much sooner…"
Wizard Lenin was giving her that look, that look that said he was clearly not amused, and very dubious of her response but Purple Pimp didn't even seem to really care as he sneered at the state of their attire. Which, really, Lily didn't blame him, she and Wizard Lenin were not dressed their best at the moment, they also hadn't eaten any real food in days.
"Gary?" the dark-haired boy, Ash, asked in vague recognition of someone he had always heard about but never met, as he got to his feet.
"That's Mr. Gary to you, show some respect!" His eyes then narrowed as his sneer somehow became even more sneerish if that were possible, "Well, Ash, you snooze you lose, and you're way behind, right from the start. More, I have a Pokémon and you don't."
Mr. Gary spun a red and white ball on his finger, which appeared to be an impressive argument given the devastation on Ash's face, "You got your first pokémon?"
"That's right loser, and it's right inside this pokéball!" Gary said and then motioned to the largely ignored Lily and Wizard Lenin, "Of course, you can always hang out with these two losers, and maybe then you'll look like a real trainer at least by comparison."
"Oh, Mr. Gary," Wizard Lenin said with a rather forced grin and then an even more forced laugh, the kind that would have any sane person fleeing for the hills, well, any sane person at all familiar with Wizard Lenin's moods, "You're hilarious, us two losers, you just slay me with your dry wit."
Lily hoped that Wizard Lenin was desperately trying to remember that homicide, especially murdering children, was considered bad. Especially given that Officer Jenny was still standing outside the mob, looking in on them with a rather worried expression on her face as she took in this scene.
Gary however didn't even seem to notice the danger he was now in as he waved to his cheering crowd, the cheerleaders starting up a new chorus of, "Let's go Gary, let's go!"
"Thank you, fans, thank you all for this great honor!" Gary benevolently declared to his cheering mob like Caesar standing before the coliseum when the gladiator games were about to begin, "I promise you I will become a pokémon master and make Pallet Town known all around the world!"
Unfortunately for Caesar Gary, that was when his red Ferrari spontaneously burst into flames. Cue screaming, Officer Jenny opening her red ball and summoning a giant horned goldfish which then spit on the flames as it flopped about in the dirt, and the mob panicking and running in all directions while Lily, Wizard Lenin, and Ash all stood there watching.
"Oh, look at that, how unfortunate, it appears your car has exploded," Wizard Lenin said with a slightly more relaxed smile though still as cheerful as ever, the red-light of the fire dancing in his pale hair and pale blue eyes, "It's just too bad us losers here can't be of any assistance. However, you being so impressive, I'm sure you don't need our or good Officer Jenny's help, do you, Mr. Gary?"
Mr. Gary, in a panic, didn't even seem to hear Lenin and instead was floundering about while his car fell into further and further disrepair as even Officer Jenny's mighty goldfish failed to quench the very likely unquenchable flames.
"Uh, you didn't set his car on fire, did you?" the boy, Ash, suddenly asked Wizard Lenin, which showed a lot of intuition as normally, despite Wizard Lenin's total lack of ability to be a twelve-year-old, his beautiful face deflected all attention.
That and he used Lily as a scapegoat.
"Of course not, how could I possibly set it on fire when it's all the way over there and I'm all the way over here?" Lenin's cheerful smile should have been anything but convincing and although the other boy paled he nodded slowly, as if this was explanation enough.
"Huh, I wonder if it was some kind of pokémon… Oh, I wanted to ask him what type of pokémon he got!" Ash then proceeded to panic further, "Oh, wait no, I need to find out what type of pokémon I got!"
Ash turned but before he could sprint up towards the lab he ran into an old man in a white lab coat, "Oh, is that Gary's car? What's it doing on fire?!"
"Oh, Professor Oak, sorry I'm late my alarm clock didn't go off and…"
"And you decided to finally show up," Professor Oak noted before his eyes slipped to Lily and Wizard Lenin, "And I don't even know you two."
"Officer Jenny sent us from Viridian City, it's um, apparently dangerous to travel the mountains by yourself without pokémon or a license," Lily said with what she hoped was a convincing grin.
It apparently was convincing enough as the man wasn't accusing them of being extradimensional aliens who were only pretending to know what the hell a pokémon was, but he did shoot the pair of them an odd look, even as he looked over towards Gary, his car, and the valiant Officer Jenny who was now doubling her efforts to reduce the levels of the flames, "She sent you today? If she'd sent you a few weeks ago I might have been able to get something for you, but this is just terrible timing. Still at least you two aren't late technically speaking, even if I do have no idea who you are."
This appeared to be the last thing Ash was willing to hear as he cut in, pleading, "I'm ready I promise!"
"You look like you're ready for bed, not for pokémon training," Professor Oak shot back rather quickly, "Still, I suppose you three better come with me and we'll see what we can do."
This turned out to be very little.
Apparently the red and white ball things were pokéballs, used to store [okémon when not used for something called pokémon battles, pokémon themselves turning out to be the giant animals that Lily and Wizard Lenin were seeing, well, everywhere. Pokémon, apparently, were a very large deal.
Unfortunately, each one of the pokéballs, with names inscribed in foreign almost Japanese looking characters on the top, were empty, having been claimed by those dirty bastards who hadn't overslept their alarms or else been fighting giant bears in the mountains.
"Does that mean all the pokémon are gone?" Ash cried out as he opened the third and last empty pokéball.
"Well, there is one left, but… uh…" the professor trailed off in a way that should have been a warning sign, but it was one that Ash didn't take.
Which he should have, as the yellow mouse of death, upon being released from his spherical prison, proceeded to electrocute the entire laboratory. Finally, the four of them sat down for a discussion, Professor Oak starting as he smoothed out his hair from the recent high voltage, "Well, it appears we are at something of an impasse."
"There are three of you and only one Pikachu," the professor explained as he motioned to his audience, "Normally, I'd give the Pikachu to you, Ash, as you'd be the only one here and you are registered. However, you were late, and this Pikachu is something of… a handful."
Was it just Lily or did the yellow electric death mouse look pleased by this?
"Oh, I promise I'll take care of him, I promise!" Ash pleaded even as the Pikachu in question shot him a rather dry, if yellow giant mice had the capability of looking dry, look. Wizard Lenin shot him the same one, likely reflecting on Ash's sanity given that he'd probably come close to death after that last brush with the yellow monster.
"I also get the feeling that you two will start your own journey whether I give you a pokémon or not, and wouldn't be willing to wait a year or even a few months for me to find some for you," Professor Oak said, pointing to both Lily and Wizard Lenin.
"Places to be, people to see," Lily quipped back with her arms crossed, trying not to notice how large her hair had gotten after the voltage, it was almost at a Hermione Granger level of poofiness.
"What, but that's not fair!" Ash cried, "I'm only a little late and I've got to start on my pokémon training now or I'll never become a master!"
Not becoming a master, apparently, was roughly equivalent to death itself.
"Hold on, I haven't decided yet…" the professor paused, appeared to think this over, and then came to a rather subpar solution judging by the hesitance on his face, "Well, since you're all going the same direction, how's this? I'll get you two registered, give you all pokéballs, and you can have temporary joint custody of the Pikachu."
"Joint custody?!" Ash cried out, "You mean I'm not even getting my own pokémon?!"
"Well, if you weren't late you wouldn't be having this problem," Professor Oak said which appeared to be enough to put Ash back into his place, "Besides, it's really only a temporary measure, until Pikachu decides who he'd like to go with. Until then, catch what pokémon you can, build your team, and travel together."
The Pikachu gave a small nod and an adorable squeaking, "Pika", as if to say that yes, this courting process for his own magnificent electrical powers was perfectly fine by him. How was it, that a giant electric mouse, could look so very smug?
"Are you serious?" Wizard Lenin asked with a complete look of distaste aimed towards their future travelling companion as well as the yellow mouse.
"Perfectly, you two can't be travelling on your own without a Pokémon, it's dangerous out there on the road."
And that seemed to be that, soon enough they were leaving the building, the remains of Gary's burnt out car still in the street, Officer Jenny trying and failing to console the boy, and Gary's fans replaced by a smaller mob of Ash's adoring fans.
And while Ash was being given many, many, pairs of underwear by his mother, Lily and Lenin stood to the side, watching as the mouse electrocuted his mother, likely sending her and all of Ash's friends to the hospital.
"I can't believe that we're stuck with this ten-year-old," Wizard Lenin remarked, as if yes, he really couldn't believe that somehow, they'd been stuck with this ten-year-old, or the yellow death mouse.
"You know, Lenin, I'm only twelve," Lily helpfully pointed out.
"You're different, you're not even human, twelve for you barely counts," Wizard Lenin cut in, which was fair, Lily had never quite managed to connect to any of her fellow peers back in Hogwarts.
Plus, she and Wizard Lenin had been stuck together forever, one without the other at this point would just be bizarre. Like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without the jelly, just… bread with a lot of peanut butter.
"Well, do we have any other option? Apparently, pokémon are the thing to have in this world, and no shirt, no shoes, no pokémon, no service," Lily noted before brightly adding, "Besides, until we figure out what's going on, we really have nothing better to do. And I kind of like the death mouse, he has spirit."
Spirit, and a lot of pent up rage in the form of electricity.
"… I am going to loathe this," Wizard Lenin remarked, which was probably true, still, on the bright side, it couldn't be worse than Potions.
Lily decided, about halfway through the open field, that she liked the death mouse, they were getting on fabulously.
"So, Pikachu, what brings you to the fine town of Pallet?" Lily asked the yellow mouse conversationally as it walked alongside her, ahead of both Ash and Wizard Lenin, Wizard Lenin glaring morosely at the back of her head while Ash fumed in dismay.
For the first fifteen minutes Ash had insisted on dragging Pikachu behind him with a rope and a pair of hideously Pepto-Bismol pink rubber gloves, however this had been slow going, even by Lily dragging crippled Wizard Lenin down a mountainside standards, and so she had decided that Pikachu and her had best reach an agreement.
Clearly, they were all going in the same direction, and clearly, it was in both their and Pikachu's best interests to be travelling companions. Especially considering that it had Ash rather whipped, Wizard Lenin was moody and indifferent, and Lily herself didn't quite understand this whole Pokémon training business in the first place.
Pikachu was unlikely to get a better deal than that.
Pikachu had considered this with a thoughtful, "Chu" and when Lily had gone on to point out the likely adventures the gang would run into on their quest to destroy the one ring, or return home, or whatever the quest du jour was. Pikachu had been apparently convinced enough to tag along, or at least, to stop tormenting Ash at his own expense and had now taken to walking alongside Lily and conversing with her at his own leisure.
Pikachu answered with a couple of, "Pikas" and a softer, "Chu" tacked onto the end with Lily nodding here and there at the appropriate places.
"I see, I see…" Lily, unfortunately, didn't see at all, as she suspected the pikas and chus had some meaning, but whatever it was she couldn't quite parse it, only vaguely guess judging by his remarkably human gestures and expressions Pikachu used now and then, "Pikachu, you wouldn't happen to know Morse Code, would you?"
"Pika?" Pikachu gave her a rather dry almost Lenin-esque look that clearly was questioning her very intelligence.
"I'm getting lost between the pikas and the chus and you're clearly a sentient and intelligent being and I feel like an ass having a one-sided conversation here and simply assuming what you're saying," Lily said with a shrug.
"An intelligent and sentient being?" Wizard Lenin questioned from behind her.
"Shut up, Lenin, we are bonding!" Lily cried back over her shoulder before smiling down at Pikachu, "Morse Code, while long and tedious, would go a long way towards correcting that. And once we get that down you can teach me the parsing of chus and pikas correctly… Assuming you do understand English? Although, actually, where did you pick up English? That's kind of alarming that you're as good at it as you apparently are."
"Chu," Pikachu responded with a shrug, as if it was irrelevant just where and when it picked up English, which Lily supposed was fair, she couldn't pinpoint a time and place when she had picked it up after all.
"Fair enough," Lily said with her own shrug, "But anyways, back to Morse Code, are you at all familiar with it?"
"Chu," the Pokémon shook its head at least, a clear negative, which meant yes and no were clearly options, which was better than Rabbit had been for almost a year. Actually, it was much better at sentience than Rabbit, it could shrug, have general expressions, and do all sorts of things besides yes or no.
It also wasn't a reality devouring abomination, or at least, Lily assumed it wasn't.
"How come Pikachu likes her so much?" Ash asked Wizard Lenin from behind her, "What's she doing that I'm not?"
"It's terrifying, she's terrifying, it's a match made in heaven," Wizard Lenin responded drily as he flipped through the Pokémon manual that Professor Oak had benevolently given to them at the lab, "I'd try not take it personally if I were you."
At being called terrifying, Pikachu preened, apparently Wizard Lenin had just risen in his good books. There was something vaguely alarming about taking pride in one's ability to terrify little boys, although terrifying Wizard Lenin would be an act worthy of pride, so Lily had to give Pikachu that one.
"You take that back, he's not terrifying at all!"
And Ash plummeted right back down to the bottom of Pikachu's good books as a look of dull annoyance crossed the mouse's features.
However, Ash, lacking any sense, just kept on going, sprinting up towards Lily and Pikachu, interjecting himself between them and grinning down at the electric mouse, "Pikachu, don't listen to anything these guys say, I know you're a nice Pokémon somewhere in there and we're going to be the greatest team ever!"
Maybe it should have alarmed Lily that she'd bonded with a giant mouse well enough to know when to step backwards and get out of dodge, but as Ash was electrocuted for what had to be the fifth time that day, Lily found that she couldn't regret it.
Ash, despite having notably burnt skin, was somehow back on his feet in an instant with all the determination his ten-year-old heart could muster, "Just you wait, Pikachu, I'll show you what a great trainer I can be!"
However, unfortunately for Ash, both Pikachu and Lily were already moving on, walking on ahead of him as if nothing had happened.
"Right, anyways, not sure if you heard this but Lenin and I aren't really from Pallet Town like Ash, we actually came from Viridian City… Well, sort of, we came down from the mountains first, but either way you can't exactly call us locals either," Lily started, and to her mild surprise Pikachu actually seemed vaguely interested in this life story of hers, large brown eyes staring adorably up at her. Of course, Pikachu always looked adorable, even when it was raining electric death down upon poor fools.
It was a little like Wizard Lenin in that respect, who despite his terrifying inner nature, had a rather pleasant face to look at. Actually, if she thought about it, if Wizard Lenin was a giant yellow electric death mouse, then he could have been Pikachu's prideful twin brother and feudal lord of all the electric giant mice… Did yellow electric giant mice even have feudal lords? Maybe that was something worth asking about.
"Lily, don't tell all our secrets to the rat," Wizard Lenin called out, Pikachu glaring over his shoulder at being referred to with such blatant disrespect, to which Wizard Lenin merely raised his pale eyebrows.
"I am not telling our secrets to the…"
"Wait, so you guys didn't want to become pokémon trainers?" Ash interjected, looking between the two of them in some confusion.
"Well, pokémon trainers aren't really a… thing where we're from. To be honest, I'm a little confused on the whole business," Lily confessed before sheepishly adding, "Lenin and I honestly were just trying to get from point A to point B, which apparently cannot be done without pokémon."
"Not a thing?" Ash asked, "But I've wanted to be a pokémon trainer my whole life!"
"Really, you don't say?" Wizard Lenin asked in that way of his that meant he wasn't interested at all, but Ash didn't seem to notice.
"Sure, someday, I'm going to catch all the pokémon in the world and beat the Indigo League!" Ash declared, and it really was a declaration, as if a spotlight should be shining down upon him from the heavens as he prophesized his own greatness.
"Beat the Indigo League?" Lily asked, thinking back to what Officer Jenny had said on the way over, "You mean that place up in the mountains?"
Ash nodded, "Yeah, they're the greatest trainers in all of Kanto, and if you beat them, then you're a champion and one of the best pokémon trainers ever!"
(Distantly, Lily wondered, just how successful a drinking game in this universe would be if every time someone used the word pokémon you had to take a sip. She suspected you'd die of alcohol poisoning.)
Out loud, Lily wondered, "Wait, that's the goal of your life? Catch all the pokémon and beat the Indigo League? That's all you have to do?"
Ash seemed a bit confused by this, flushing slightly, "Well, yeah, I guess that's it…"
But Lily, Lily was dazed, it seemed as if a door inside her mind had been flung open revealing a whole universe of possibilities. Life, as she'd come to understand it, was a wishy-washy mess of meaninglessness. Even as Eleanor Lily Potter, who had the most set road for her in life, there was no clear outcome, no clear goal. But here, in this world, not only were there direct rules like travelling with pokémon, not only was there the guidance of somehow getting Lily and Wizard Lenin their own pokémon, but now the end all be all of life, the very purpose of living, was something clear and definable.
She remembered sitting in Potions, that first day, and everyone laughing while Lily sat there without any clue what to do. And she had asked, in all earnestness, what the arbitrary rules were, and no one had answered, had even been offended by her asking but here…
Here, they more than answered. In this world, it was assumed the rules were unknown, and they were oh so helpfully provided to all who asked. Even strange alien girls and boys who didn't belong to this dimension at all.
Oh, you don't know what you're doing here? Here, have a pokémon, now visit these cities in this order, catch more pokémon, and become a pokémon master. There was… such a beauty to its simplicity.
Lily looked down to see Pikachu staring at her rather worriedly.
"I have just discovered the meaning of life," Lily said softly, staring ahead at the path to Veridian City, her path to an easy understandable destiny, "And it's so simple, so absurdly simple that it's not absurd at all, the very antithesis of absurd…"
Wizard Lenin started in from behind her, an edge in his voice, "Lily? Lily, don't get any ideas…"
Lily could barely hear him as she continued to walk forward, an awed look on her face as she took in the sky, the approaching clouds, the tall grass, the giant purple rats…
What exactly was it waiting for her in Hogwarts again? Giant snakes? More, what exactly was waiting for Wizard Lenin? Oh, he thought there was a war waiting for him, and maybe there was, but when he became God Emperor of Britain, well then what? For him it was all about getting power, getting the respect, getting the land and the wealth and the fear. She had a feeling he'd have no idea what to do with it once he really got it, more, she felt it would drive him into ennui.
No, glancing back over his shoulder, at his fierce pale blue eyes and his scowl, she knew it would.
There were no politics here, or at least, none that she could see. No, the path to success, to mastery of the universe was simple, simple enough that a ten-year-old boy like any other could clearly envision it.
And it was a path whose simplicity Lily found she envied greatly, no, coveted, with a passion she did know she had possessed.
While she was standing there staring forward into the future as well as the path to Viridian City a giant pigeon landed next to them, Ash exclaiming, "It's a Pidgy!"
Lily blinked, turned, and watched as it pecked at the ground like any normal, non-oversized pigeon might do.
He pulled out his red calculator which then in an electronic voice began to explain what exactly a Pidgy was… Which was essentially a giant pigeon like Lily had thought.
"This is great, it's our lucky day, Pikachu go get it!" Ash declared, not realizing, that of course, Pikachu had absolutely no respect for him and wasn't going to do anything on his behalf, much less beat up a giant pigeon.
Ash faltered, flushed, "Right, I guess you're not listening to me. Leave it to me then!"
"Leave what to you, the pigeon?" Lenin asked but Ash wasn't listening, and what followed was a rather pathetic attempt at throwing a pokéball at the pigeon, trapping the giant pigeon in his shirt and failing miserably, getting his food stolen by giant purple rats, and then throwing a rock at a giant sparrow.
Which then proceeded to call all its giant sparrow friends.
"Well hell," Lenin exclaimed as he saw all of them in the distance flying swiftly towards them, Lily wasting no time, decided to book it while the going was still good. Soon enough the rest of them had the same idea.
"You just had to throw the rock at the sparrow, didn't you?!" Lily cried out as they sprinted, picking up Pikachu in her arms as she passed him, an action which Pikachu seemed rather grateful for as Lenin in the back began to be attacked by giant birds and then the birds began to dive in and peck Lily herself to get to the yellow mouse.
"Spearow!" Ash corrected as he shielded his face with his arms even as he ran, "And it's not my fault!"
"How is this not your fault?!" Lenin cried out as he attempted to sprint faster and avoid the birds, "Explain to me, exactly, how this isn't your fault!"
"I don't know!" Ash cried out, "It's just… It's not my fault, okay?!"
"It is completely your fault!" Lenin went on before asking, "How long exactly can we expect these things to follow us?"
"I don't know!" Ash cried out, but they didn't look like they were giving up anytime soon, not without proper motivation anyways.
"Right," Lily said skidding to a halt and rubbing her hands furiously together, even as she stuck Pikachu under her sweater, then swiftly, she turned and sent bolts of lightning out from her fingertips into the clear blue sky, striking through each of the giant sparrows and causing them to collapse to the earth.
She stood there breathing heavily for a moment, hands still out reached, then, when there was only twitching, she breathed out and removed Pikachu from her sweater, who was looking at her with very wide eyes.
"Wow, good job Pikachu!" Ash cried out even as he and Wizard Lenin, both panting, stumbled up to them.
"Lily, I was not made for that kind of sprinting, not in this body… I blame you for this," Wizard Lenin announced but Lily wasn't in the mood to listen to his whining, instead continued to have her staring moment with Pikachu, who had very likely realized that Lily wasn't all that she seemed.
Pikachu, however, slowly gave her a nod, as if he perfectly understood what had passed between them and what would happen between them now, and instead moved his gaze to the twitching sparrows.
"You know, Ash, your calculator said earlier it's easier to catch weakened pokémon," Lily said, which jolted Ash's memory and caused him to take a pokéball from his belt and catch one of the nearest twitching birds, deflecting his attention from her.
Ash grinned and began to dance, truly enthused as he declared, "Alright, I got it, my first pokémon! Thanks to you Pikachu!"
Pikachu offered a short, rather flat, as it blinked at Ash, "Pika."
Lily looked up at the sky, clouds closer now and the distant sound of thunder, "It looks like rain, we'd better get a move on."
"Oh, right," Ash said, stopping his celebratory dancing as he looked at the sky, he then reached out and ruffled Pikachu's fur, ignoring the distant look on the mouse's face as he began walking forward.
And so, in the pouring rain, Ash, Lily, and Wizard Lenin entered Viridian City, only Ash with a single knocked out giant sparrow to his name and a joint giant mouse shared between them.
This is just the beginning of the amazing adventures of Ash, Pikachu, Lily, and Lenin. Their journey is destined to be packed with non-stop action, millions of laughs, millions of tears, heart pounding perils, spontaneous combustion, endless excitement, and a handful of communists. Together, they'll encounter fantastic friends, evil enemies, people they're entirely indifferent to, and meet creatures beyond their wildest imagination. And, as their story unfolds, we'll unlock the magic and mystery of a most wondrous place, the incredible world of Pokémon.
Author's Note: I won't bother pretending this one will be short, I can't help myself, every single time. It won't, I know it, you know it, everybody knows it. BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE THERE ARE POKEMON DAMMIT AND THAT MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER. Anyways, prompted by AlleyKat2014 who asked for a Pokémon and "Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus" crossover, specifically where Lily and Lenin in the form of Lenin Rabbitson arrive in the Pokémon universe and become Pokémon trainers. Naturally expect an existential crisis or two on the part of Lenin, who will uncover all the rather horrifying fridge logic that is Pokémon in due time. Also expect an existential crisis of the world as they have to deal with, well, Lily being Lily.
Won't this be delightfully fun?
That said, if you would rather most things update before this, complain loudly, otherwise I'll try to get a few chapters of this in before I start up the usual rotation.
Thanks for reading, reviews are much appreciated.
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon or Harry Potter