Stuck in the Middle With Chew

Chapter 12 – One Final Stiffy

Emperor Palpatine's clit cackled in evil ways. "You've only seen a small percentage of the horny-inducing capabilities of my all-powerful STIFFY Beam! But soon… Very soon… You will see its full force be unleashed upon this entire fucking galaxy!" He leaned forward, his Sith dressing gown opening a little at the front, allowing his green/grey penis to poke through the front; due to his age and several medical issues, he was unable to get an erection.

Princess Leia, voluptuous tits and burger nips at peak horniess with cunt-wetting heat, shot her gun toward the evil Sith lord. The carbonite beam almost hit the geriatric, when he force-deflected it and it hit a nearby Lando. In anger, Palpatine electrocuted the frozen, big, black cock and it exploded into many, many pieces, like Baby Bowser in Paper Mario & the Origami King. The icy pieces of flesh made Vader throw-up inside his mask and he had to swallow it to avoid choking to death on it. Lando was dead and Luke cried.

"Thank you, young Princess, you froze the Cunt Creature and Jabcour! It saves me having to deal with them!" He grinned like a peado and licked his lizardy lips like they were made of Han Solo's own scrotal skin.

"They were on your side! Well, Jabba and Greedo were anyway! They, probably, only came down to the planet surface because all you do is fuck yourself in your self-induced sex swing stupor!" The tiny robot inside Emperor Palpatine's japseye squeaked, gaining sentience.

"Silence!" He clenched his japsye and the robot died.

"They were nothing to me! I only hired them because HR said I needed to have, at least, two faggots on my payroll. Everyone gasped at his apparent homophobia. Unbeknownst to all present, Jabcour's eye, though frozen in carbonite, began to water and a tear rolled down his betrayed cheek.

Palpatine pressed a button on his bonse, and an Imperial transport ship destroyed the roof of Jabba's Palace and landed inside amongst the occupants. At least twelve stormtroopers came rushing out, little balls jiggling outside their armour – a special law written by Vader himself – who was watching and oh so thankful he'd written it and rigged the vote, so they'd have no choice but to obey.

"Take their weapons and take them to my Douche Star!" The Emperor ordered like Cher to a gay man.

After the boarding had finished, the craft flew toward the Douche Star. Emperor Palpatine, however, chose to fly beside it, in the emptiness of space. It was lucky he was immune to dying from the vacuum, after he used to use a hoover to suck himself off when he was younger – which probably explains he was such an impotent, little fuck now. And, why his little penis was so shrivelled and wrinkly, and dark coloured.

After docking aboard the banjo-string-shaped space station, Emperor Palpatine personally lead the gang to his personal laboratory, which looked just like the one aboard Vader's Super Star Destroyer, but around twelve times bigger. "My dear stormtroopers, make our guests welcome; I have something to attend to…" He then slithered away, virgin feet which had never touched the floor, remained that way as he glided out of the room.

The stormtroopers knocked Princess Leia out first, then slid her white dress off in one go, revealing her nakedness underneath as she wore nothing under it, like Kim when she goes to check on Alfie in the night. Burger nips became shocked as they were visible to all, and all were looking; the stormtroopers' penises went stiff, apart from the gay ones, which were still floppy. Her feet were gross and made a couple of the white-suited bitches gag; but only the ones who refused to wear helmets and were exempt – their sunflower lanyards visible.

Vader was next. Knocked out, helmet off, pale, gross face, purple dick out for everyone to suck. And all the stormtroopers did. They'd wanted to do it since he was young Anakin, which was pretty stick if you think about it.

The goons looked at Luke next; they grabbed his arms and stripped him naked. They tried to knock him out, but he ran away into an unknown corridor. "Get him!" The leader stormtrooper said, but Emperor Palpatine's appeared on a nearby speaker, like what you hear in a supermarket. "Leave him! I will have fun with him, yet!" He ordered and the stormtroopers obeyed.

They placed Leia and Vader inside two large, green fluid filled vials. They were wide, but their dicks and vaginas still touched the sides. A whirring noise appeared, and they began to squirm in their deep, forced sleep.

"What are you doing to them?!" Han asked and Chewie growled, but they were answered by only a stinky, sweaty silence.

Meanwhile, in Emperor Palpatine's Sex Swing Chamber…

"Pilot, take us back to the Black Hole Motherfucker." He instructed over a radio, his words parting fragmentedly as he swung in his asshole torture device. The metal prongs extended the diameter of his bussy by at least twelve inches and bled in gratitude. He sighed in a creepy way, then his red eyes opened for the first time since the pleasure began and saw before him a blonde twink.

"I see you tracked my scent quite well. Impressive." The Emperor twirled all he way around, still bound by the Sith chains of his sex swing – there were twelve sex devices in total and he moved around them like a final boss on Silent Hill. "What will you do now, young Skywalker?" He teased like an underage twink to a daddy.

"You killed my boyfriend with the big, black cock!" Luke screamed like a toddler.

"That's it! Give into your anger, you little shit!" Palpatine laughed, his bonse still spinning around the sex swings like a mad bitch. "Because I think you're cute, I'll give you a chance!" He suddenly appeared, suspended sexually upside down like Toby Maguire in the movie Spider-Man, when he kisses Mary Jane. But this wasn't Spider-Man kissing Mary Jane.

This was Emperor Palpatine shredding Luke's little underpants and sucking the small bell-end. Luke was winded by the electrifying suck, then the Sith Lord was back moving between the sex swings like a crazed monkey.

"You would have been no sport at all, so I mended your japsabre." Palpatine's evil voice said.

He then cast dark lord of the Sith force spell. "hahaahahahahaahahahahahaahahaahahaahhaahahahahahhahahahahahhahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahhahahahahhahahahhaahhahhahahhhahahahhhahhahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahahjapseye!" He chanted a scream, which multiplied his bonse by twelve.

Now, wiggling swiftly and sexually between all the electrified self-induced sex swinges, twelve Palpatine's mocked the blonde twink. "Which of me is the real one? You have one chance and one chance only. You have an explosive device inside your japseye, that I just put there with my tongue. If you get the wrong Palpatine, it'll blow!" He laughed like Annie Wilkes.

Luke sweated, then gulped. He closed his eyes and heard Ben speak to him. "The one second to the right." He heard Ben's voice and struck that Palpatine. They all disappeared and left only one, but it wasn't the one Luke had picked.

"Uncle Ben, what the fuck?!" He complained.

"Oh, sorry, I thought you were asking me to pick which one was the cutest!" He defended.

"So disappointing." Emperor Palpatine spoke. He rimmed and sucked-off Luke once more, then raped the ghostly Ben Kenobi, then the real Obi-Wan appeared out of nowhere, but Palpatine raped him to death.

He then pressed a shit-covered button inside his bonse, and Luke's cock exploded, which killed him. In celebration, Palpatine had one more ride on his sex swing machine.

Gliding back through the dark halls of his Douche Star, Palpatine leaked a little but of cum from what had just happened, then re-entered the room where the gang were being held captive.

"Where's Luke?" Han asked. He had, somehow, along with Chewie, killed all the guards who had been present, apart from their leader who was now knelt at gunpoint by the pair.

"I had to kill him." Palpatine was unfazed and laughed in their faces.

As payback, Han and Chewie face-fucked the stormtrooper leader. They then fucked his little bussy. Cum was everywhere.

"You are only doing my desires!" The emperor informed them.

They then stopped and headshotted the poor stormtrooper leader.

"Spill it!" Han said, cocky but also desperate for answers.

"This room is the Stiffy Beam Sexual Energy Collector Room. Any sexual acts performed in this room supply my Stiffy Beam with energy. The putting people in vials thing is just a kink of mine, and of no real importance." He looked to Leia and Vader. The sexual impotence was strong with this one, as even this sight didn't make his tiny willy twitch.

"You two are special – you have more sexual tension between you than any other beings in the galaxy. The Stiffy Beam could sense it, and it told me this." The emperor continued explaining everything, like a Bond villain.

"Why did you build the fucking thing?" Han asked.

"Oh, I didn't build it. It called to me. The night I became impotent from overmasterbation over Han x Chewie fanfics, it called to me from below the surface of Mygeeto; I clawed through the dirt to find it, and there it was. I made Vader think it was his, to convince him to search the galaxy for the perfect fuel source for it. And that fuel source is you two."

They both looked at him weirdly.

Pressing a button on his bonse, near his balls, Emperor Palpatine grinned. The ceiling of the room opened slowly, revealing a window. The douche Star had stopped in geostationary orbit around the Black Hole Motherfucker, which looked as horny as a Black Hole Motherfucker could look. It resembled Palpatine's own Hungry Hippo, stretched arsehole.

"It speaks to me, promising it can make my willy erect once more. And I believe it. I need only do its bidding, which is to fire its fully powered beam, powered by the fucking of you two, into the very heart of the Black Hole Motherfucker, which will exterminate all life in the galaxy. A small price to pay for the ability to get a stiffy again!"

He cackled like a freak.

"Now I'll excuse you. I think it's about time you two got better acquainted, don't you? Oh, and I've improved the Stiffy Beam a few chapters, to work on human males; I just forgot to mention it." He played with his small dick a little bit, looking at the audience like Malcolm from Malcolm in the Middle.

Palpatine then pushed another button on his bonse and a concentrated shot of the Stiffy Beam engulfed the area as a door came down, which separated him from the room. Not that he needed to, as he was impotent and therefore immune to the beam.

Falling on their knees, like nymphomaniacs Han and Chewie stripped naked and began sucking each other's skin and bollocks. This satiated them for all of twelve microseconds, then they needed more. Rimming took place next, then blowjobs, then sixty-niners. The pair then smashed against both glass vials, which released Vader and Leia form them sordid prisons without bars.

They came to and began fucking in a most incestuous way. Vader used the force to float above Leia's cunt above his lips. The Stiffy beam moaned in pleasure; incestuous Sith lord and princess of Alderaan porn was a kink it didn't even know it had… Until now. Vader licked the waiting cunt of his daughter, which resembled her mother's so beautifully, he noted. He literally wrote in down in his pussy/cunt journal.

Han then licked Chewie's Clag Nuts. His togue got shitty. A shitty taste shared itself between them all as they made out passionately. Palpatine was still watching. The Stiffy Beam charged more and more with every sordid act it witnessed.

Meanwhile, Back in Jabba's Palace…

Jabcour's tears now flooded the inside of the carbonite. Eventually, this wore-down the integrity of it and it melted around his form. Greedo became free next and breathed a sigh of relief. He then approached Jabcour who was crying in the corner.

"What's wrong?" Greedo asked, placing a compassionate hand on Jabcour's disgusting shoulder.

"What's wrong?" Jabcour sniffed. "What's wrong?! I'm a freak, my palace has been destroyed and that wanker Palpatine's betrayed us!" Jabcour shouted angrily at his boyfriend.

Greedo's eyes softened. "I promise we'll get revenge on him, and we can rebuild your palace… Together…" He spoke honestly, looking at Jabcour, desperate to make him happy once more.

"But…" Jabcour started, then stopped himself.

"What?" Greedo asked, looking deeply within Jabcour's eyes.

"How could you… Love a freak like me?" Jabcour began sobbing.

"I always have, Jabba. Honestly. Ever since I first poured that luxurious Bantha on your skin, and I admired the reflective properties of your surface." Greedo then turned Jabcour's face toward his and leaned closer to plant a kiss on his monstrous lips.

There was a nearby clock which was almost striking midnight.

Then the Fairy Godmother from Shrek appeared. "If you kiss him now, he'll remain Jabcour forever." Jennifer Saunders informed them, before bursting into bubbles for some reason.

"I want what every princess wants – to live happily ever after."

Jabcour then went to finish the kiss, but Greedo put a finger to Jabcour's lips.

"With the Space Slug that I want to marry."

Jabcour then lifted into the sky and turned back into Jabba the Hutt, as if by magic. In fact, it was an improvement, as his cock and balls were now, at least twelve percent, bigger. Landing back on the ground, the Rodeon embraced Jabba and they shared an intimate kiss.

Unbeknownst to them, the carbonite which imprisoned the Cunt Creature was now beginning to crack. Near its huge, black cock, the cracks lengthened and multiplied, revealing some of the flesh. After around twelve minutes, the Cunt Creature was now fully free and ready to do some evil things once again.

The romantic couple were still kissing passionately, like two dogs on heat.

A slithery hand of the Cunt Creature's, on Greedo shoulder made him open his Rodeon eyes, then he screamed. Jabba screamed, too, as he saw the scary Cunt Creature. Greedo hopped onto Jabba's slug-like bonse and inserted his willy inside the Hutt's waiting arsehole, securing his body in place – sutured to his boss and lover – a relationship like that of Crusader Kings 3.

The Cunt Creature went to attack them, when Jabba began slithering away. He was going to slowly, so he drank some Red Bull and Monster energy drinks together and this mad him travel at, approximately, mach twelve. Although they were travelling at such a great speed, which made their pussies and penises flap about like wind chimes, the Cunt Creature was still within breathing distance.

"My love, do something!" Greedo begged his master, smelling the stinky feet of the Cunt Creature coming closer.

"I have a teleportation device up my arsehole. You need to grab it!"

"But my willy is up your bumhole!"

"You'll have to grab it with your japseye!"

"I don't know if I can!"

"You have to. I trust you!"


Greedo clasped the button with his urethra and pushed it with his internal willy muscle. In an instant, they were beamed on board the Douche Star; inside their private chambers, to be exact. Unfortunately, the Cunt Creature had grabbed Greedo's toit like tiger, butt, and was, also beamed onboard the space station.

"Holy fucking shit!" Greedo cried, and he, still attached to and as well as Jabba, slithered away out of the room and closed the blast door behind them, sealing the Cunt Creature inside. "That won't hold it forever." Jabba spoke a cliché and they slithered away again.

"If we rescue Han and the others, we can team-up against Palpatine." Greedo suggested. Jabba tongued him. "That is a fantastic idea, oh vassal of mine." They tongued some more, but this time shittily in the anus.

They went the room where the gang were held captive. Through the viewing window, Jabba and Greedo watched on as the occupants were still fucking each other like wild geese. "We can't rescue them while the Stiffy Beams active." The Rodeon informed Jabba.

"I know. I'm not a retard." The space slug answered. "I can disable the Stiffy Beam, by distracting it with my sexy body, but you'll only have seconds to rescue the others, as the Stiffy Beam gets bored very easily." Jabba told Greedo the plan.

The Rodeon nodded and saw Jabba slither off down the hallway. The gang inside were now fucking the corpses of the stormtroopers and rimming the stormtrooper leader. Leia put her milking machines on their cocks and drank the juices. Vader force-jizzed over her hair. Han and Chewie shat on the floor, scooped it up and used it as lube for wanking each other off.

Jabba approached the control console of the Stiffy Beam. He turned the camera on which was a live feed for the Stiffy Beam's pervy eyes only. "Hey, sexy, wanna fuck?" The Hutt offered, spreading his slug tail and lifting his bonce by at least twelve inches, and revealing his belly. The Stiffy Beam rolled its eyes and looked away – it had already seen Jabba's penis before, and it wasn't pretty.

The Hutt peeled back his folds of skin, feeling a massive cock. The Stiffy Beam was transfixed and diverted all energy to its video feed, to make sure it was broadcasting in 4K.

Greedo noticed the light disappear and ran into the room. He collected everyone up from the floor, whom were all exhausted from fucking, and brought them outside into the corridor. As he retuned to make sure he had everyone, Palpatine stood there, entirely naked, and grinning as usual.

"So… You think you can free them? Go ahead, my Stiffy Beam is now fully charged and ready to fire!" He screamed insanely. "My willy will be a stiffy willy once more! Yay! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahah!" He was booming.

Greedo looked horrified then ran out of the room, sealing the Emperor inside. Just as the door closed, the Stiffy Beam returned. It was now bored of even that monster Jabba Cock. Palpatine was bathed in the light and pissed himself in maybe laughter maybe urinary incontinence. Who knows?

Jabba, though he anticipated it, got angry at the Stiffy Beam's sluttiness and disposition of getting bored of cock so easily, and smashed the console, pulling out several wires.

Palpatine smirked widely. "Stiffy Beam! Fire into the Black Hole Motherfucker!" He ordered and the Stiffy Beam obeyed.

Little did Jabba know, in his destruction, he'd reversed the polarity of the beam and, instead of absorbing the energy from the room and firing it, it transferred all of its energy into the room, and inside Palpatine's personal bussy.

The dark lord of the Sith was brought to his knees, then onto his back, like the man from the Da Vinci code – but not the albino one. The ancient spunk in his large, unused balls boiled and he felt the horniness of all who had cum before, enter his japseye. "You're giving your gift to me, oh Stiffy Beam!" He ejaculated as he witnessed his tiny cock growing into a stiffy for the first time in millennia.

"I can't believe it! It's hard! So, fucking Hard!" The cock grew and grew, and never stopped growing. Never. Like a Resident Evil final boss, he looked freaky and monstrous now. Palpatine ripped the door from its hinges and approached the exhausted gang. With his huge cock, he accidentally destroyed the control panel on the wall, which controlled the space station's ability to remain in orbit, and it began slowly plummeting toward the Black Hole Motherfucker.

Although he was out of the Stiffy Beam's aura, his cock still grew; in fact, everyone's did. The beam's area of effect had grown to smother the entire Douche Star.

"Now you will all die!" Palpatine said, massive cock in his hands like a greatsword from Skyrim. Just as the cock came down on the gang, like a guillotine, the Cunt Creature crashed into the emperor and they both fell, fucking vigorously, inside the Stiffy Beam Energy Collection room yet again.

The Cunt Creature, even more powerful than before, from the Stiffy Beam's sexy, relentless energies, facefucked Palpatine and raped his mouth. The Sith lord couldn't breathe, so shoved his bigger cock up the Cunt Creature's arsehole. He, somehow, force-breathed through is Sith japseye. It was a shitty breath of air, but it nourished his parched lungs all the same.

Big, black cock, not too dissimilar to Lando's, tickled Palpatine's gallbladder and made him throw up all over the shaft. Force-pulling away, the Sith Lord sucked his own cock, breaking several of his ribs in the process.

They both shit in each other's mouths and on each other's bodies.

They drank the others piss, too.

They carried on like this for twelve minutes.

"We need to get out of here!" Greedo and Jabba said at the same time, and they all ran into the nearest escape pod. They clamber in, noting the smell of spunk inside and launched it.

As the Cunt Creature and Palpatine raped each other, the Douche Star fell entirely into the Black Hole Motherfucker, which destroyed them both and left nothing behind.

Twelve days later…

Jabba kissed his bride, Greedo, to a chorus of applauds from their new friends. Every species in the Star Wars universe, who they'd saved form a certain, sexual death was there to celebrate. It was a beautiful ceremony – located at the cantina from the start of the story – Jabba had a discount there, you see. Han Solo was playing The Power of Love as sang by Celine Dion, on the piano, and Chewie accompanied him, with a gentle kiss to his new boyfriend.

Vader wrote a new law where father and daughter can date, so he and Leia were sat on the front row, holding hands as partners. They shared an embrace as they saw the newly married couple exchange their vows before their wedding kiss.

Afterward, they had the first dance, and it was truly a romantic sight. The song they chose was True by Spandau Ballet. There was not a dry eye in the house.

There was a buffet afterward and everyone loved it, as it was one of those hot buffets with the hot chicken wings, popcorn chicken and mini fillets from KFC. After all they'd been through, the gang were happy to finally have the opportunity to live their lives in peace, and with a partner they can love.

Somewhere, many space miles away… Among the non-existent debris of the Douche Star and Black Hole motherfucker, there were two little balls, still in their wrinkly prison… One ball moved, then another, then a third shape inside. Somehow a screech was heard from within, and with a red burst, the screen fades to black.

The End.

Thank you for reading.

Hopefully someone will review now, as I poured my heart and soul into that final chapter.

Bonse and a japseye.