"If we deny love that is given to us,

if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,

then our lives will be empty, our loss greater."- Oprah Winfrey

-x-

BPOV

I could understand her voice anywhere, shit shit shit.

She was standing in her all supermodel glory with a hand on her hip, her blood red lips pursed and those golden tresses were sweeped back with a clip, she was also wearing a skin-tight skirt with five inch killer heels, her violet eyes were staring down at us inquisitively.

Oh how I've missed her

I can't believe the one moment she decides to show up, I'm having a hot make out session on the floor with Edward.

"Oh my god bitch what the hell!, you did not tell me you were sexing it up here with a handsome hunk"

She had her beautiful face twisted into a scowl.

"Rose now is not-" I tried to stop this but prevailed.

"Bella this is an upgrade and a half from that druggie James, and what the hell are you doing lying on the floor in this mess, it looks like a birthday cake blew up in here," she scoffed as she walked forwards.

Just then I remembered Edward who was half lying on top of me with a confused expression on his face, he looked delicious though, his lips were looking tasty and I just wanted to-.

"Focus Bella! As I was saying, I should have come earlier, now introduce me"

"Er..well this is Edward Cullen-"

"THE Edward Cullen? Mmm I must say I have heard things and you certainly live up to it" she raked her eyes over him appreciatively "Isn't this the same guy that Alice said would be perfect for you? You guys finally decided to hook up huh? I must say he is totally better than that dickhea-"

"ROSE!," I screamed "shut up!, and we're not hooking up"

"Fine fine whatever you say Bella " she shrugged as a small smile graced her lips.

"Anyway it was nice meeting you hot stuff, keep her on her toes because she can be a handful, you better meet me in the room in an hour, we need to catch up" she grinned and winked at me as she grabbed Edwards flour covered hands and shook them before strutting off.

I heard a slight huff next to me and looked up to see a dazed Edward.

Yup Rose does that to you, with her beauty and her personality, she might seem bitchy but she was far from it, actually scratch that she was a total bitch, but she's fierce for those who she loves.

I've known Rose since I was about five, she was like my savior, and complete opposite, we met during the first day of kindergarten when we got in a fight over the slide in our school playground, I pulled her hair out and she scratched my knee, I ended up crying and two boys threw a ball at me calling me a wuss.

And I still remember to this day, she went up to them and punched one in the face saying "no one calls my friend a wuss", and that was that, we became practically inseparable.

She was my guide throughout high school, she balanced me although she was a reckless diva and I was the quiet mousy girl somehow we made it work.

I felt someone shift on me and I realised the situation at hand, I just kissed Edward, well practically he kissed me but still.

I JUST KISSED EDWARD.

And he's still sitting behind me, so I turn around expecting something positive only to be hit with a frown on his face, his eyes were downcast and his lips were pursed, he looked angry, not at me, but more at himself.

Was he regretting it?Was he angry at himself for kissing me?Am I that bad of a kisser?

Just then the words that came out of his mouth justified my thoughts.

"Bella…" he looked up at me and I was waiting patiently although my heart was pounding furiously in my chest "I'm sorry, I...it was a mistake" he spoke looking anywhere but me.

I was furious and upset, I felt a small stinging in my eyes but blinked them away before he could see, what the hell was his problem?He kissed me, he was the on who initiated it and now he's telling me its a mistake?

"Its okay, I understand, a spur of the moment thing right?" I chuckled slowly masking my hurt beneath a smile.

He looked disappointed.

He looked like he wanted me to fight for him, to scream, yell anything, but no I wasn't going to do that till he decides to man up and tell me what he wants, till then I wasn't going to pursue him, I was going to stay silent.

"I will clean this up, you can...uh you can leave if you want" he didn't want me to leave, I could see it in his eyes.

But I left anyway, staying there with him for too long would make me cry.

I needed Rose.

-x-

"I mean what the heck Rose is he for real?"

I was now ranting while pacing her bedroom while she sat on the bed eating hot Cheeto's, her long legs were crossed as she sat with an amused expression on her face.

After reaching her room I had proceeded to tell her everything in detail. How we met, what we did the past few days, our fights, our kiss, everything.

"For gods sake, if you kissed me will you then tell me its a mistake?" I ask with my arms stretched on either side of me.

"Um I'm not sure if I should answer that, but in defence of what happened maybe he's just scared, you know commitment issues" she spoke with a shrug.

"I mean Bell's this is the first time I've seen you all worked up over a guy, especially one you met like three days ago" she eyed me with a small grin as she licked the Cheeto remains of her fingers.

Something just clicked in my head at her previous words.

Of course.

Its Esme.

I'm still in the dark about what Esme did but I do know she left Edward while he was young, left everyone.

He probably has issues with getting close to someone, in a way other than skin to skin.

I should have thought this through although I'm not going to change my mind, it was his call now.

"Anyway, are there any cute guys here? " asked Rose breaking me from my thoughts.

"Well you humiliated me in front of one, there's Tyler, who you know and is too young for you by the way, and then there's…" my voice broke off as her face contorted into a scowl.

"Emmett's here?" she asked slowly "Of course he is, oh my god why did I come? Why am I here? I guess I knew he would be here but it's really kicking in Bella, shit, what was I thinking? Rose Rose stupid Rose! Ugh I'm leaving " she rambled on furiously as she got up to pack her stuff her hair flying around her face and her face getting more and more anxious.

"Ohhh no you don't" I said in a firm voice as I gripped her arm and lugged her back onto the bed.

She complied with a slight huff.

Rose and Emmett have history, long long history.

Back when we were in high school Emmett was the king of Elenoise High when Rose and I were only in 8th grade, and Emmett was a used to visit me all the time, because we were very close, at that time Rose wasn't as beautiful as she is now as hard as it is to imagine, she was a skinny blonde with a mouth, and Emmett the hot quarterback every girl wanted, including Rosalie, however her worst luck was that Emmett didn't like blondes, and he hated mouthy people that talk back to him, Rosalie was the epitome of both, I still remember the first time he actually met her he told me to not hang out with this 'crazy ass blonde chick'.

Emmett used to come round ours every Sunday with Tyler for my moms infamous roast with the whole family and Rosalie was always around, my house was more of a home to her than hers ever was and as a result Rosalie saw him more and developed a crush on him, she used to try get his attention and what not, but every time Emmett would give her a tight-lipped smile while he sat with Lauren Mallory, the hot junior cheerleader, a sweet girl but kind of a suck up, a 'nice chick with a nice rack' as Emmett put it, yeah he was a bit of a douche.

As soon as freshman year came around Rosalie became the 'it girl', the beautiful blonde bombshell that everyone wanted, and of course so did Emmett,he finally noticed her and she was over the moon, they dated for about one month before he broke it off with her, deeming her too clingy or whatever reason, I was too furious to ask.

Saying she was devastated would be an understatement.

Ben and Jerry sent us a free membership for a lifetime supply of ice cream.

Literally.

She used to cry .day.

He was an asshole and it took me a long time to forgive him, but Rose never did.

I told him not to break my best friends heart, and I told him not to lead her along, but that was exactly what he did.

Beneath her little playgirl exterior she has going on right now I know that she still has feelings for him, and here she was freaking out over it.

"Look Rose this will be the first time you will see him personally since the breakup, show him what you are now, you're an amazing mechanic who has two successful shops already.I hate to break it to you but he's over it, and you should be as well and go out there and show him what he's missing, make him regret ever dumping you," I said as she sat up straighter and looked more confident.

"Right, right exactly that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to show him who's got the upper hand here, I will show him what he could have had," she spoke in a strong voice.

"I know right, lets kick his ass" I grinned.

The door slammed open making us jump in alarm.

Speak of the devil, Emmett walked in.

"Kick who's ass Bells if some guy's bothering you then i-" he froze mid sentence as his eyes locked with Rosalie, who after all that confidence looked like she was about to cry.

"Rose" he coughed slightly "nice to see you" he looked down and winced.

I gave her a slight nudged and mouthed 'show him what he's missing'.

She nodded and took a deep breath.

"Hi Em its good to see you, how are you?" she smiled as his eyes widened at her dazzling smile, and altogether missing the mischievous glint in her eye.

Yup he's done for.

-x-

An hour passed by and we were all sitting on the dining table, and saying it was awkward as hell would be an understatement.

One one side there me and Rose, and opposite us Edward and Emmett, both of them were looking at anywhere but us and on the other hand my parents and the wedding couple were oblivious to the tension, laughing and joking about god knows what.

I could see Edward trying to engage in conversation with everyone but every now and then I would catch him looking at me, same with Emmett but in the direction of my best friend, except this time he looked like he was going to puke.

Rosalie was calm and collected, but her hand was gripping my knee under the table very painfully as she gritted out smiles.

"So Rosalie honey, why didn't you show up until now?I was just about to ring you up yesterday, I was wondering where my other daughter had gone" smiled Renee as she looked up at Rose.

My best friend smiled in return, her eyes lighting up, she was literally adopted into our family.

"Oh mom I'm sorry, i had to run some errands for the shop, we were supposed to deliver a car to a client, but one part was shipped too late, it was a very important client and I had to stay and fix it" she grinned at my mother before resuming to eat.

I was watching Emmett carefully as he looked slightly impressed, he likes his women tough, well now he does anyway.

"Oh well its okay at least you made it! Your my bridesmaid after all! I can't wait to show you your dress!" smiled Alice.

I resumed eating my food, as I dragged the half eaten chicken across the plate, my appetite slowly vanishing.

"What car was it" spoke a voice I haven't heard all day.

I looked up so quickly i thought I was going to go dizzy.

"What?" spoke Rose as she realised the question was aimed at her.

"I meant the car you had to fix, what car was it?" repeated Edward as he carefully kept his eyes trained on Rose.

"Oh It was a very rare car, it was the first time I had ever seen it up close, no wonder it took so long for it to ship the parts" spoke Rose as she downed her water in one go.

I looked up to see Emmett's face change to one of nonchalance, trying to hide his interest, but failing miserably.

"Oh but to answer your question it was a 1960 Porsche RS60"

"Holy shit" spoke Emmett as he choked on his beer.

"THE Porsche RS60?, dude that car is like crazy expensive and rare," he spoke excitedly his eyes almost popping out of his skull forgetting the situation altogether.

"Yeah I know right, she was a beauty when they brought her in, her bumper was smashed up though and it was really hard to find a replacement" grinned Rose.

What the hell?

Edwards expression mirrored mine so I assumed Emmett had told him everything.

Weren't they just awkwardly sitting around like divorcees or something, now they were in their own bubble as they mumbled on about a Porsche, I don't know what she's doing, but it isn't going to be good for Emmett.

"Tyler can you pass me the gravy?" spoke Edward lightly as Tyler fumbled with the pot, spilling about a quarter of it's contents over Edward's arm.

"Ah shit!" he yelled as he pushed the chair up and standing upright.

I was about to get up but my mom, the super mom she was, got up before me and rushed to his side, fawning all over him.

"Oh sweetie stay right there are you okay?, it will probably burn a little bit" she spoke softly as she applied honey to his scalded arm.

The look of pain vanished off of Edwards face and it was replaced with something else, he was smiling at my mother, a look of longing flooding his features, not the rapey type of course, but I think he was overwhelmed by my mothers maternal instincts.

She was rambling to him about home remedies and oncing him over, checking for other burns, and satisfied with herself she placed her hand on his cheek and smiled at him then returning to her seat.

His eyes widened and he looked stunned and a bit depressed at the same time, his eyes were cast down and he had a faraway look in his eye.

He announced that he wasn't hungry and he was going to take a shower before slowly rising from his seat and slowly walking off with his shoulders hunched.

I am sick of this, I need to clear things out.

-x-

I waited patiently outside Edward's room waiting for him to finish showering. my sandals clicked against the sparkling marble floor as I walked to and fro in front of his suite.

To be honest I was scared shitless.

I was scared to approach him and I was scared to ask him what I wanted to this was going on for too long.I needed something, something to clear the air I needed to understand his mood swings, everyone except from me seemed to understand what happened but now was the time for me to know, I've been in the dark for far too long and I was sick of it .I needed to find out why his moods would change so much and how he would go to from being angry to happy.I wanted to help him and it didn't help that my growing feelings were becoming inevitable day by day, i wasn't going to initiate anything between us, all I wanted was some answers.

I heard the slow thudding of the shutting door.

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and knocked on the door.

There was a silence before a minute "who is it " resounded from the room.

"Its me Bella" I spoke clearly and softly enough that only he could hear.

The silence lengthened this time and i was about to walk away in defeat before a "come in" came from the room.

I smiled slightly before slowly twisting the handle and walking in.

He was sitting on the bed with his elbows resting on his knees his head was bent down and hearing my approach he slowly lifted his head up and his eyes met mine, they were swirling with emotion and I sat down beside him.

I fidgeted with my clothes and i could feel his eyes on me.

Clearing my throat I prepared for what was going to happen.

"Can we talk?"

He looked at me silently before nodding, and sighing at the same time.

"Okay, but not here, lets go down to the beach," he whispered proceeding to take my hand before thinking the better of it and nodded towards the door.

Our walk was silent and the sky was slowly turning dark with wisps of cool air flowing around us as sand crunched beneath my flip flops with every step.

I looked to my right to see Edward walking silently beside me his face forward and his posture stiff.

He lead me to a lone bench under a large beautiful tree and I sat down eagerly beside him.

"I guess you want to know everything don't you? I… I can't promise to go into detail but ...I'll tell you what I can," he spoke softly his eyes turned towards me and i nodded in response.

"My mother Esme was a beautiful soul inside and out, at least that's what I remember, I loved her more than anything, she was the only woman in my life,ever, and I adored her"His eyes were downcast and he played with a stray leaf.

"I remember so clearly, every day she used to take me on walks and every day she used to sing to me,make breakfast with me, drop me to school herself... I loved every second of it, my father always used to say I was a mamma's boy, I denied it but I knew I loved her more than him, I guess it was just an attachment, she was always so close to me, as someone who worked at home she had plenty of time on her hands,other than my father who was then a small time lawyer who worked night and day.

"Don't get me wrong I loved my father a lot, but nothing could compare to Esme," his voice broke and I placed a hand on his arm and he smiled in response.

"She left me." he said as his eyes welled up with tears "She left me one day without no notice or a reason, only a note saying sorry" he scoffed but a tear dripped down his eye.

"I thought she would come back, so did dad, we thought it was a joke, it must be right?We were such a happy family, the four of us, Jasper was so young and he didn't understand...but me and my father, we were devastated, she never showed a sign of any unhappiness, we thought she was kidnapped at first but she called, she said" he stopped to breathe, tears were openly dripping down his face now and I had the urge to hold him.

"I still remember vividly, her exact words to me were 'I'm sorry baby, I'm so so sorry, I had to, I'll be okay, look after Jazzy and be a good boy for your dad? I'm sorry Edward, it has to be this way, I love you, so so much, goodbye sweetheart'.I hated it, I hated her, how dare she do that to me?How dare she leave me?Why would she do it? Why?These questions were constantly ringing in my head. I don't understand Bella, I just don't understand.I thought about it for weeks and weeks, then it turned into months, then years, for two whole years I couldn't even bring myself up to even look at her things."

"Dad took it the worst, he wouldn't sleep in the same room, it's still locked you know?All her stuff is there, I broke some stuff the day she went though, I was angry,very angry, but dad was angry at me, for touching her stuff,she left us, he had no right to defend her...but he loved her, still does, and so do I even though she disappeared away from me forever."

His face was contorted into anger as he looked straight at me, his eyes were searching mine, urging me to say something.I was still frozen and unable to say anything to him, it was too painful, seeing him like this, vulnerable and upset, he wasn't the cocky arrogant Edward I met, he was a young boy, abandoned by his own mother.

What kind of a woman was she?Who would leave Edward? Who would ever leave a perfectly happy family?I turned to him, and he was scrunching his face up, trying not to cry again.

"Its okay Edward you can cry" I said softly, I turned to him and he automatically put his head on my shoulder my arms encircled his face and my chin rested on his hair.

We sat like that for what seemed to be a long time.I never wanted to let him go and my heart was clenching with some unknown feeling every time I heard him breath.

"Do you think...you know...was...was she cheating on Carlisle?" I asked the question that had been running around in my head for a long time.

He swayed his head from side to side against me.

"No, definitely not, my parents...they, you haven't seen them together...they were so in love, most couples stay close like that for a year after marriage at most, but my parents, every year was honeymoon phase for them," he chuckled slowly.

"Me and Jasper used to get sent to nana at least once every two weeks so they could have their 'alone time', it was amazing, although my dad was always working or away with Charlie, somehow they made it work"

"Your question did come into my mind for a split second during the first few weeks she left, but I couldn't believe it, although I don't really know what to believe anymore.I believed she loved me didn't I? And guess what?That ended up a lie, so if this turns out to be true it wouldn't be surprising."

My eyes were swelling up with tears but I blinked them back, it was whole ordeal was devastating.I imagined my mom leaving us, and it already made my stomach churn,she was the glue that held us all together, if she wasn't there we'd all fall apart, especially Charlie.I think he would die, my dad loved her to bits.

"I don't know what to say," I grimaced "i cant even imagine life without Renee" I said slowly.

"Its okay Bella, time, time was the only thing that saved me, I healed over time, I don't know why but this place makes me think of her, not in a bad way of course but in a way that I'm experiencing what I've missed for so long"

I shivered from a strong breeze that blew across the beach, Edward noticed and placed his coat on top of my shoulders.

"I ...I'm sorry for kissing you the other day" ouch, again?.That hurt, I can't believe he's sorry for kissing me, am I that much of a bad person?

Reading my facial expressions Edward's eyes grew wide with shock.

"No, no that's not what I meant, I'm sorry for kissing you and saying it was a mistake, it wasn't a mistake it was the best thing I've ever done for myself and I ruined it." he scowled "I like you Bella I really like you, you're the first girl I've ever liked, the first person I've said all of this to.I don't know why but you have this thing about you that puts me at ease,you remind me of my mom,not in the motherly way but...a sense of comfort, and not to mention you make my heart beat faster with one look.I...I just really like you" he said shyly looking all adorable.

"I really like you too Edward.I like you a lot, it did hurt a lot when you rejected me, I thought I wasn't good enough, I thought that you didn't want me and I thought you were a dickhead" I grinned at him.

"I know I was,but it's just because I was scared, to get closer to someone, I've always never gone beyond the physical connection because I'm afraid, I'm afraid that if I ever find someone I can't live without they'll just... me I've met plenty of women but none stand out like you I tried to hold myself back I really did but, it's just that I've never felt this way about anyone, you frustrate me to no ends but somehow I can't get enough of you" he smirked.

Ah he was in denial, trying to hold himself back as much as he could, I remember now after that kiss he looked like he wanted to say so much but just, couldn't.

There was a moment of silence, and Edward kept peeking at me with his eyes.

"Bella, if you don't mind can, can I kiss you?" he whispered.

Wow.

Edward Cullen wanted to kiss me and he's asking, if it was me I would have just jumped him, he was being so adorable, this was a different Edward altogether.

His alter ego, Mr Adorable Cullen

"Bella ?" he asked again.

Oh shit, my mind wandered.

"I mean if you don't want to it's perfectly fine it's just that ever since yesterday I cant stop thinking about that kiss and I was just wondering, but if I'm making you uncomfortable just forget it…" he rambled on.

And before he could say more I grinned at him grabbing his beautiful face in my hands and planting my lips on his.

-x-

So that was chapter 7.

Review please!

Sorry about the layout of the last chapter, I had to edit it myself and I was so tired, it was a huge mess because my beta wasn't available and I will fix it as soon as I get time, but I'm back on track now and I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

See I told you the story was going to go forward soon but don't expect it to be smooth from now on

the ride is going to be bumpy so fasten your seat belt's.

The next chapter will be a bit of fluff because who doesn't love that?

I'm sorry for the mistake in the A/N i made in the last chapter, Esme IS HUMAN.

Go and check out the story "There Will Be Blood", its simply amazing

and tell me how good my recommendation was.

Until next time.