AN: I want to dedicate this story to sweetmarly who's review of one of my other works motivated me to flesh out and write up this story, without them this idea would have just continued to remain ignored in my ideas notebook.
Disclaimer: I own neither Sherlock or Batman, I'm just not that lucky.
John stalked angrily through the halls of the Diogenes Club before letting himself into Mycroft's office and taking a seat across from the 'minor' government official, not even caring that he was wrinkling his wedding suit with his tense posture. An hour passed in silence as John silently fumed and glared a hole in the wall behind Mycroft's desk and said man finished with whatever paperwork he was intent upon.
Finally the paperwork was set aside and the elder Holmes finally looked up at the man across from him.
"May I say you look positively splendid for your wedding, John?" The doctor didn't even glance at his best mate's brother, only became more tense. Mycroft sighed as he leaned back in his chair. "If I had to guess I'd say you were the only one they did not inform that the date for your wedding had been changed, am I right?" John worked his jaw in anger but still said nothing. "And why, pray tell, did you come to me instead of finding and complaining to your paramour?" John finally looked away from the wall and made eye contact with the man he'd come to see.
"This is the third time the wedding has been pushed back!" John near snarled before making a visible effort to reign his temper in. "The other two times I could accept because they were honest emergencies that even had you scrambling, but this time? No. This time he is off playing games with your brother and doing god only knows what. I haven't even seen either man in six weeks, haven't heard from either of them personally in three! If it wasn't for Sebastian letting me know that they were alive, and planning to be back in time for the wedding, I would have assumed they'd fallen off the face of the Earth! Or worse, eloped with each other!'" Mycroft couldn't help but wince at that horrifying image, it was bad enough his little brother's best friend was set to marry the criminal mastermind. "It is beyond the pale to move my wedding without at least informing me! Well, I've had it. If they want to ignore me then fine, I'll ignore them too. And that is where you come in."
"Oh? And what can I do?" Mycroft had let the doctor ramble on and get everything off his chest, knowing from past experience with the man that it was the easiest way to calm him and get to the heart of the matter, and now peirced the other with a shrewed stare. He may already know what John wanted, and already had a plan in mind to help him- while helping himself, of course- but he was not above making the other say it out loud.
John took a deep breath before gritting his teeth and laying out what he wanted to the only man in the World smart and powerful enough to make it happen.
"I want to disappear. I want them to not know where I've gone or know what I am doing, I want them to worry over me as I've had to worry over them. And in the end I want them to realize that they can't treat me as if I will always be there whenever they dine to have time for me, they need to realize that they have to work to have me back in their lives!" By this point John was panting and didn't know if he wanted to scream or cry. He settled for taking deep breaths and calming himself down.
"I think that is doable, Dr Watson." Mycroft assured with a smirk. "But tell me, how comfortable might you be working with the criminally insane?" John just snorted and rolled his eyes.
"I've survived close habitation with first Sherlock and now Jim for three years, I'd say dealing with those of regular insanity would be quite easy at this point." Mycroft flashed the doctor a smile full of teeth at this.
"We shall see, John."
Sebastian was trying to remain still and not fidgit as he waited for his Boss' plane to land, he knew how his Boss hated bad news and what he had to tell him now... Sebastian wondered if he'd live out the day.
Too soon and not soon enough the private jet was taxing into the hanger and Sebastian was meeting his Boss and Sherlock Holmes as they disembarked. Near luminescent blue eyes were the first to rake over him before narrowing, but it was his Boss' scathing 'What's happened?' that had him fighting to remain composed. Falling into his military training he gave his report in as toneless a voice as possible.
"Sir, as of this morning it has been confirmed that Dr Watson went missing ten days ago, specifically on the day the two of you were to be married." The two men in front of him froze at these words and Sebastian hurried on before sharp words, and possibly sharper blades, could be thrown at him. "The last verifiable sighting of Dr Watson was of him entering the Diogenes Club, supposedly to speak to Mycroft Holmes on an unknown topic," Seb swallowed and struggled to remain cool as his Boss began to slowly inch towards him with clear menace in his eyes. "He had just come from the Church and was still wearing his wedding suit at the time." Jim froze and sent a panicked look over towards Sherlock, who was looking equally startled. They had forgotten to tell John the wedding had been moved... again.
"It took so long to realize that the doctor was missing as someone resembling Dr Watson left the Diogenes Club wearing the wedding suit, went to the Baker street Flat and proceeded to shut himself in as if he were a man trying to hide from the world. The imposter is believed to have slipped away during the lunch rush with the other Speedy's patrons the next day." Sebastian finished, half relieved the two geniuses were still looking at each other and half scared out of his wits for the moment they would focus back on him.
"Sebastian, call for another car, Sherly here needs to go see his dear brother." Jim said in an overly calm voice, one many a man had heard just before they stopped hearing anything at all. "I, on the other hand, need to speak to those who were watching my precious Johnny that day and let an imposter fool them." With that Jim turned and headed for his car and Sebastian breathed a sigh of relief at this, possibly temporary, reprieve.
"The only reason he didn't just kill you is because John likes you," Seb had nearly forgotten the other genius was there and so jumped slightly at the sudden cold voice far too near him. "Just remember that, because if anything has happened to John then you won't have to worry about Jim taking his anger out on you, you'll need to worry about my getting my hands on you. And I can assure you, I am far less forgiving than he is." Sebastian couldn't help but shudder at the menace behind those words or the dark promise in those bright eyes even as the man turned to go find a cab to take him back to the city.
Sebastian was soon alone in the hanger and, not for the first time, wondered how such a sweet, caring and ordinary man like John Watson was able to wrap two such volitile personalities around his little finger as he had.
John's phone beeped with a text from Mycroft's assistant letting him know his idiots were back in the country and looking for him and John gave a wistful little smile, he really missed them.
Shaking off the nostalgia John straightened up in his chair and began preparing for his very first patient in his new job while hardening his resolve. Those two deserved a taste of their own medicine, and this six month stint working as a psychiatrist- he'd protested that he wasn't licensed for it and Mycroft had easily taken care of that 'small' detail on the merit of his having lived with Sherlock and Jim for so long without having gone insane himself- would be just the distraction he needed to not go racing back to them.
Soon enough John was as prepared as he was going to get and went to meet his patient that by then should have already been restrained and locked in the secure room set aside for private sessions.
"Hello, my name is Dr John Watson, you may call me John, and I'll be taking over your case for the foreseeable future. Now I see you have a list of asliases and false identities listed in your file but I just want to know what you would prefer to be called since your real name isn't listed." John said all this polietly as he took a seat across from the straightjacketed and shackled man already seated at and secured to the table.
"Just call me Joker, everyone does." The Clown Prince of Crime then broke into peals of laughter even as he observed this new doctor they'd sent to try and 'fix' him. With his frumpy sweater and kind demeanor the clown gave him a week before he cracked and ran like all the others, two if he was stubborn.
John just smiled politely and waited for his patient to calm down so that they could begin.