A/N: No warnings. Just pure fun.
The small bar was overcrowded, as usual. The colored masses within flocked together in huddles of five to ten. No one was allowed to be by themselves. No one. There was no sense of self here. It had been murdered long ago. Now, only obsession ruled.
Luke shivered as he sat himself down in a corner and observed.
"Can you believe they're doing an eighth?" a young woman at the next table squealed, her bright pink hair bouncing in time to her excitement.
"I think they should've stopped at six," another grumbled as she slurped her Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. Her green eyes widened at the juice exploded in her brain. She moaned, and clutched her head as she sipped again.
The first woman snorted. "Shows what you know. At least, these ones have a decent female lead."
"Decent!" Green eyes shouted. "Decent! She's the epitum of a Mary Sue! She didn't do anything to deserve those powers!"
"She had a hard life!" Pink retorted, half standing. "What you're antifeminist now? Just want another hunk to play lead?"
"Please, they lost that when Obi Won died." Green sighed. "Now, there was a man."
Pink deflated a little. "True."
A third of their party joined in now. "What I wouldn't give to make some sweet music with –"
"Ugh, stop," Green twitched. "I'm trying to drink here."
Luke slumped lower in his seat, suddenly glad he's thought to get prosthetics for his nose and contacts for his eyes. He'd hate to know what these rabid creatures would do if they found him here.
The third girl glared at Pink and Green and flounced away.
"We keep losing members," an orange shirted man bemoaned.
"Their loss," Pink sniffed. She wrinkled her nose. "That's what the R rated room is for."
All the members at the table shuddered, and glanced at a neon yellow door at the far end of the bar. Hundreds of men and women entered and exited the room, their faces dazed.
"I thought about trying it once," Pink admitted.
The others gaped and leaned in.
She grabbed Green's Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. "Just a toe, mind you. Couldn't risk more than that."
She sipped, winced, and then grimaced. "Never again. It was madness, pure madness. They hadn't any team spirit. Everyone was out for the other, obsessed with winning their 'love'. I've never seen anything like it before."
Green lay a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. "You're safe now, dear."
Pink downed Green's drink, and then collapsed in a seizure as the drink reached her brain. Two Stormtroopers miraculously appeared and carted her off. The others watched, barely blinking, before going back to their own business again. Green signaled for another Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. The bartender – a fuzzy Ewok with a garish purple scarf – nodded.
Green leaned her head back on her chair. "So….who here actually thinks they'll do a good job with this eighth?"
A few tentative hands rose up.
"Maybe they'll get lucky," Orange suggested.
"And maybe I'll get to marry Obi Won," Green snapped back. She snatched her Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster from the waitress, who scowled at her, and slammed it down on the table.
Orange raised an eyebrow. "You're pretty into a dead guy. You sure don't wanna go two streets down to the Walking Dead team?"
Green flicked a peanut at him. "Sure you don't wanna join Princess Peach's team?"
"Ew, no!" Orange choked back. "That's girl's messed up. Now, Princess Leia…"
"Oh come off it," Green rolled her eyes. "They're just going to kill her in this one."
"No they won't!" Orange snarled. "She's too important a part to Kyo Ren. She's the key to bringing him back to the Light."
Green grinned. "Kylo, go towards the light. The liiight."
Orange snorted. "Just you watch. Leia will bring Kylo back."
"Soo…." A preteen with round glasses glanced at them all. "I was lead to believe you all were fans of Star Wars. Kinda like a Dungeons and Dragons thing, only…Star Wars."
"Uhhh. So far you've bemoaned the two new movies – though for some reason, not Rogue One."
"Never blaspheme that movie!" Green hissed.
"Oookaaay….yeah, that just happened." Glasses scooched her chair back a bit. "Do you all just complain about the new movies, and drool over dead guys?"
Leia's not dead!" Orange paused. "Or a guy. She's hot!"
"Alright. I'm outta here. Mom was right, this is weird." Glasses got up. "I'm going back to writing fanfics and reading other people's stories. They, at least, have the decentcy to keep it pure."
Luke watched her storm out the bar, a new hope rekindling in his soul.
"What's her problem?" Green asked.
"Who knows…" Orange shrugged. "Now, about Rogue One…"
Luke hastily got up and exited the bar. Hans was right, this was worse than anything the Empire had ever dreamed up. Luke dreaded what might have happened to the galaxy, had the Emperor gotten wind of this crowd. He pulled his cloak closer at a sudden chill.
He hated to think what Cosplay might turn up.