a/n: i was listening to the bright sessions (such a great podcast) and i thought of this. unbeta'd.
Patient #13: Session 4
[Dr. Pearson] Session four with patient 13. The patient is a wizard who was involved in the war- a Death Eater. He came to me when his nightmares and hallucinations began to interfere with his daily life and he apparently could not handle it anymore.
I must say, I was not expecting to see him here. I haven't seen him since the Battle of Hogwarts, and I didn't think I ever would see him again. It's a wonder that he hasn't recognized me, but I suppose I did change everything about myself rather drastically.
[Knock on door]
[Dr. Pearson] Come in!
[Draco Malfoy] Good afternoon, Doctor Pearson.
[Dr. Pearson] Good afternoon, Draco, please take a seat. How are you feeling today?
[Malfoy] I'm...alright, I suppose. Maybe a little better, I don't know.
[Dr. Pearson] Would you like to tell me about your week?
[Malfoy, after taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling] I...well, I suppose so. Nothing really big happened this week, I mean, so I guess I'm glad about that. But...
[Dr. Pearson] What is it?
[Malfoy] I'm still having trouble finding a job. I have the credentials, but no one wants to hire a former Death Eater. I mean, I can't really blame any of them, but the war ended almost 10 years ago!
[Dr. Pearson] And how does that make you feel?
[Malfoy] Angry, I suppose. I keep thinking I've done enough to redeem myself in the eyes of the public and it's never enough. I don't know how much more of this I can take.
[Dr. Pearson] Are you angry because the public keeps rejecting you, or are you angry because you feel like you haven't paid for your own supposed crimes?
[Malfoy] I'm not quite sure I know what you mean.
[Dr. Pearson] It's exactly what I say. Do you truly feel like you have made up for your crimes and the public keeps rejecting you for no reason, or are you truly angry because deep down, you feel like you haven't done enough to make up for your crimes in the war?
[Dr. Pearson] We have discussed your lingering guilt in our previous sessions, after all.
[Malfoy] Yes, I know. It can't possibly be that.
[Malfoy] Don't you raise your eyebrow at me.
[Dr. Pearson] Fine, fine. But we should be working through that. Now, I want you to think deeply about this: do you really feel you've made up for what happened in the war?
[Malfoy sighs. Silence for a minute.]
[Malfoy] I guess not. I keep feeling like I have, and then the guilt just comes back again. I hurt so many people. I'm not sure I can ever make up for it. Nothing will.
[Dr. Pearson] And that is exactly what we need to work on.
[silence, then a clock ticking]
[Dr. Pearson] That's all for this week. I want you to keep working on your meditation and mindfulness, alright?
[Malfoy] Sure thing. You know, I think it's actually been helping me. Those latest meditation sets have really taken my mind off of… well, you know.
[Dr. Pearson] I'm glad. Remember that my office is always open if you need anything.
[Malfoy] Thanks again.
[Footsteps. Then, a door opens and closes, and the footsteps leave the room.]
[Dr. Pearson] And he's gone. Honestly, even though this is my fourth session with him, I still can't believe that it's him. Draco bloody Malfoy. I have to say, though, again, I think it's absolutely hilarious that he still hasn't recognized me, though I suppose I did change pretty much everything about my appearance. Still, we practically tormented each other all through our years at Hogwarts.
Things have changed, though. He's grown up, and so have I. He's not the childish prat I knew, and I'm not the same...god, I don't even know what to call myself. The Girl Who Lived? Savior of the Wizarding World?
Ugh, they all sound so pretentious. Anyway, the point is that I'm not the same Potter, and he's not the same Malfoy.
I wonder how mad he's going to be when I tell him my real name. I hope he won't be so mad he'll reject my offer for coffee afterwards, though. I don't even know when that's going to be, though- if I do, he'll have to stop being my patient, and I don't know who else I can send him to.
[another sigh, this one more dreamy than the last]
I really, really like this new Malfoy, though. I didn't think I would, but well. I suppose I stand corrected.
Maybe someday I'll be able to tell him everything. Maybe it'll be a new beginning.
hope you liked it! if you haven't you should totally listen to the bright sessions, and hmu on tumblr at purple-dragon; requests are always open!