I own nothing but the plot.

"Why am I doing this again?" Draco Malfoy asked.

"Because," George Weasley answered, handing the blond Slytherin a small, plastic vial, "you lost the bet. You challenged Harry to a seeker battle, and you only caught the snitch one out of five times. This is your penalty."

"But it's so stupid!" Draco exclaimed. "He just wants me to spit into this weird vial. Why?"

"Because that was the deal, Malfoy," Ginny said. "You really shouldn't be complaining, after all. If you won I wouldn't even want to imagine what you'd have Harry doing."

"You can bet it wouldn't have been anything as stupid as spitting in a vial," Draco responded, handing George the now filled plastic capsule. "What does he want with this anyway?" he asked the red-headed twin.

"Just a little experiment," Fred answered, sealing the vial in an envelope. "Harry saw something he called a 'commercial' over the holidays, and decided to see if it worked."

"We decided that of all of the people in Hogwarts, you would appreciate learning about your heritage the most," added George.

"How is that supposed to teach me about my heritage?" asked a perplexed Draco. "It's just a vial of spit."

"Well," answered Fred, "it's just a vial of spit to you, me, and our Auntie Murial, but to the folks at AncestryDNA, it's something they call a 'roadmap to your family tree.'"

"But I already have a family tree," complained Draco. "It goes back more than a thousand years, pure-blood the entire way!"

"We'll see," said the twins, in unison. "We'll see."

"Now," said Fred, handing Draco a piece of parchment, "we just need you to sign this, if you please."

"What is it?" asked Malfoy.

"Just a little binding magical contract that you agree to accept the results of your DNA profile, regardless of what it says," answered Fred.

"What?" yelled Draco. "I don't know what a 'DMA profile' is, but why would I sign a binding contract?"

"It's a 'DNA' profile," corrected George, "and Harry was involved in a binding contract last year. You wouldn't want anyone to think that ikkle Harrikens can do something you can't, would you?"

"Please!" exclaimed an outraged Draco. "Anything Scarhead can do, I can do better!" He took the offered quill from George and signed where indicated.

"Except catch the snitch, of course," said a smiling Ginny under her breath.


Lucius Malfoy despised queuing in line at Gringotts. He was one of the most prominent pure-bloods in society today, surely that status rated better than the common rabble. The goblins were usually very efficient in keeping the line moving, but for some reason there was more people in the bank than usual today. Finally, a goblin indicated that he was next, and he approached the teller.

"I am here to visit my vault and make a withdrawal," Lucius said.

"Key, please." the goblin responded. Malfoy handed his key over to the teller, who looked it over. The goblin placed the key in a box on his desk that contained quite a few others just like it. "Sorry for the inconvenience, but this vault is currently sealed. Next!"

Lucius Malfoy's eyes bugged out and his face turned red.

"What is the meaning of this?" he screamed. "I am Lucius Malfoy, there is more money in my vault than any other family, save alone for Black! We have no debts, and there is no reason for you to seal my vault!"

The goblin gave a subtle gesture to the approaching guards, indicating they should not remove the offending former client from his head.

"When your great-great-great grandfather Brutus Malfoy opened these vaults with us, he put a stipulation in the terms and conditions that only a pureblood would have access to the vaults. This condition has never been changed," the goblin explained.

"I AM a pure-blood," Malfoy protested.

"You WERE a pureblood," the goblin countered. "Until 7:57 AM this morning, at least."

"What?" Malfoy exclaimed. "How can I suddenly not be a pure-blood?"

"No idea," answered the goblin. "But the terms and conditions are ironclad, and the vaults of Gringotts are closed to you, half-blood." He gestured again at the guards, and they half guided, half dragged a furious Lucius Malfoy from the halls of Gringotts.


PURE-BLOODS IN POVERTY!

BANNED FROM GRINGOTTS!

In a shocking revelation today, Gringotts bank revealed to the Daily Prophet that due to a confirmed family tree from a muggle service called "AncestryDNA," all pure-bloods are now considered half-bloods. With the confirmed and indisputable addition of muggles into the Malfoy line through something called "DNA", that line has now been downgraded to half-blood.

Protesting the decision, Lucius Malfoy, head of the Malfoy house, demanded an official inquiry. The results of this investigation showed not only that the newly found muggles are indeed part of the Malfoy line, but also showed definitively that all of the pure-blood families are linked through both marriage and blood. As a result, all houses that were considered pure-blood have been officially downgraded to half-blood status.

As far as the Ministry of Magic is concerned, this is merely a change in status on paper alone. However, it has been revealed through anonymous sources that the oldest pure-blood families had clauses attached to their vaults denying access to any of their family whose blood was determined to be less than pure. As this status now includes every witch and wizard in our community, this leaves the oldest, and wealthiest families in our society in poverty.

Reporting for your Daily Prophet,

Rita Skeeter


Just a quick one-shot. I saw a commercial for AncestryDNA, and they claimed to be able to connect your family tree to 5 times as many ethnic regions than the next leading test. It suddenly made me think that the pure-bloods would hate Ancestry!