This is to the tune of "Jolly Old St. Nicholas." I don't know if this song is considered obscure to the general public or not. It isn't a religious song to hear at church, and I never notice this song on the radio, but my kids have learned to play it on the piano and I remember learning it as well.

This is my first story posted on FFN, but I posted it last week on another site. I feel like I read enough good stories on this site that I should more actively participate.

Blurb: Maria Rushworth persuades Henry Crawford to run off with her, to the tune of the Christmas carol, "Jolly Old St. Nicholas."

Mr. Rushworth's Coming Soon

1: Maria

Mr. Rushworth's coming soon.

I must run away.

I can't bear to be his wife

For another day!

He is a fool, a nincompoop,

A bore, a dolt, a shame.

He doesn't have a saving grace

I can think to name.

2: Henry

Mrs. Rushworth, think this through.

Though he's not a gem,

Well-bred folk will shut you out

And rally around him.

Marriage is a bitter draught.

That can't be denied,

But you chose it willingly

When you became his bride.

3: Maria

Henry Crawford, you're the man

To save me from this fate.

The vows were said, we've been to bed,

But still it's not too late!

Whisk me off to Everingham,

To Scotland, or to Bath.

Destination matters not.

Just put me on the path.

4: Henry

I would lose Miss Fanny Price

If I rescued you.

I know she will soon give in

If I remain true.

Domestic felicity

Is within my grasp.

I won't give that up for you

No matter how you ask.

5: Maria

Fanny's not in love with you,

Nor shall she ever be.

She's in love with someone else.

Are you too blind to see?

Edmund is her heart's desire.

You cannot compete.

You are not the type of man

To sweep her off her feet.

6: Henry

Fanny's not in love with him.

You couldn't be more wrong.

Their affection - you mistake -

Is a familial bond.

Edmund loves my sister;

It's she he wants to wed.

Now I cannot purge this vile

Image from my head.

7: Maria

Marriage is a bitter draught,

Domesticity a sham.

If you cannot claim your bride

How will you be a man?

You'll have no prize in Fanny Price.

She'd rather wed a flea.

Let us fly. Take your revenge

Upon my family.