A/N: I did say I'd write something similar to Ned Tells All and here it is. Hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Game of Thrones, A Song of Ice and Fire and their characters, they are properties of George R. R. Martin, David Benioff and D. B. Weiss, but mostly G. R. R. M.

Bran Tells Jon

A man with long silver hair shared the vows with a girl with dark hair before a septon in front of a tree, unaware of a teenager in leather clothes spying on their wedding from behind a tree. Not that they would see him if they looked in his direction, for Brandon Stark was a phantom from a time that has not yet passed.

"Rhaegar Targaryen did not kidnap and rape Aunt Lyanna, he loved her and she loved him," Bran Stark realized, "Robert's Rebellion was built on a lie," Bran concluded as his vision ended and he returned to the present, back on his wheelchair with a stout young man in black leather armour and matching fur coat.

"We must tell him- OH GOD NO! BY THE OLD GODS AND THE NEW! STOP FOOKING HER!" Bran cursed aloud as his visions showed him a young man with curly black hair indeed fooking a young woman with flowing silver hair.

"Bran? What happened?" Samwell Tarly asked.

Bran turned his contraption towards Sam in a daze and asked, "On second thought, does Jon really need to know?"

Days later, Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen arrived at Winterfell to a cold reception. The lords and ladies of the North made no secret of their disdain for the Mother of Dragons. Bran sat quietly between Sansa Stark and Arya Stark who were glaring at the last known Targaryen. Samwell stood with Brienne of Tarth and Sandor Clegane the Hound.

"We know only one king, the King in the North whose name is Stark!" Said Lady Lyanna Mormont and the rest followed the little yet fierce Lady of Bear Island chanting, "The King in the North! The King in the North! The King in the North!"

"Enough!" Jon ordered with unusual ferocity forcing everyone quiet, "This isn't about the North, the South, the East or the West, this war is about the survival of the living, every living man and woman. We can't afford to squabble among the few we have here. The Night King is coming and he's bringing the dead with him. Only fire can stop the Wights and dragons are fire and she has two. Queen Daenarys Targaryen is our best hope against the Night King."

"Mayhaps you are right," said Lord Robett Glover, "But have you forgotten what the Targaryens did to your family? What the Mad King did to your grandfather Lord Rickard Stark and uncle Brandon Stark? What Rhaegar did to your aunt Lyanna Stark? How many Northern men died to end the Targaryen reign? You may have forgotten King Snow but the North remembers!"

And so the chants began, "The North remembers! The North remembers! The North remembers!"

Jon was about to retort but Daenerys held his hand. She took a breath and stood up bringing everyone's attention to herself.

"I know what my father did and what my brother did," Daenarys said, "But the North forgets that they paid for their misdeeds with their lives, long before I was born. I am neither Aerys nor Rhaegar, I am Daenerys Targaryen, First of My Name, The Unburnt, Queen of Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons. What my ancestors did to the North will not be repeated under my reign, this I swear by the Old Gods and the New."

The Northern lords and ladies looked to one another questioning the sincerity in the Khaleesi's words, many believed her and many doubted her, soon the lords and ladies began to murmur among themselves. They fell silent when Sansa Stark stood up bringing their attention upon the red head, keen on hearing what the elder Stark daughter had to say.

"Your Grace," Sansa curtsied, her cold blue eyes never leaving the Dragon Queen's dauntless purple, "What is your relationship with my brother?"

A rat could be heard squeaking under the silence that enveloped the hall, everyone was taken aback by Sansa's bluntness.

Dany blinked twice, "I beg your pardon?"

"What my sister wants to ask is that are you fooking my brother?" Arya asked.

"I-I-uh! What I do in my bedchamber is none of your concern!" Dany retorted with an angry blush.

"So you are fooking my brother," Arya said.

"Mayhaps but-"

"How long have you been fooking each other?" Sansa asked.

"Can we-"

"How many times have you two fooked?" Arya asked.

"How does-"

"Are you two just playing around or are you serious?" Sansa asked.

"That is-"

"Who is usually on the top?" Arya asked.

"Well um…"

"Ha! Behold Jon Snow! The White Wolf that rides the Dragon! The King in the North!" proclaimed Wyman Manderly, as loud as he was stout.

"The King in the North!" said Lady Mormont.

"The King in the North!" said Lord Glover.

"The King in the North!" said Lord Cerwyn.

And soon the whole room was chanting, "The King in the North!" "The King in the North!" "The King in the North!"

"Oh stop it already!" Jon ordered "We have a fooking zombie apocalypse at hand, Maester Wolkan please see if there is word from the Wall, Queen Cersei or Lord Reed," The timid old Maester left with a quick curtsy, "And the rest of ya, get your act together; Winter is here."

And so everyone dispersed to manage their roles in the war to come leaving behind the Stark siblings on Jon's side, Tyrion 'Imp' Lannister and Varys the Spider on Daenerys' side and Samwell, Brienne and the Hound stood by the wall, everyone silent as the Stark sisters stared off with Daenerys.

Tyrion borrowed Sansa to catch up on old times.

Sandor and Brienne fetched Arya out as the Hound was keen on testing his former ward's skill.

Varys went off to see to his 'little birds'.

Brandon excused himself and left the room, Samwell followed after him leaving Jon and Daenerys alone.

"This went surprisingly better than expected," Jon broke the silence.

"Better? I suppose," Dany admitted, "But what does it mean for us? Will the North bend the knee? Will it remain independent?" Daenerys scowled, "Or do they mean for me to step down and give you the throne?"

"Hmm…" Jon pondered a bit before answering, "Why be the King when you can be the Royal Consort?"

"Royal Consort?" Dany asked, very amused.

"Yes, a ruler's spouse is called as such, though I suppose I wouldn't qualify as such since we aren't married. I would be more along the lines of the Queen's not-so secret lover."

"Well my lovely consort, how about we retire to our chambers?" Daenerys asked with a smirk.

"This way Your Grace," Jon curtsied eliciting a giggle from the Mother of Dragons and led her to his bedchamber.

Meanwhile, in the corridors of Winterfell, Samwell walked behind Bran.

"Bran! Bran!" Samwell called after Brandon who stopped and turned his contraption around to meet Sam.

"What is it Sam?" Bran asked.

"Aren't you going to tell him?" Sam asked.

"What that 'Jon, you're fooking your aunt' or 'Jon, the woman you're fooking is your aunt'?"

"Well, incest isn't as uncommon as you'd think-"

"I know!" Bran spat his visions showing him a pair of blonde twins in a certain tower, "I know that very well… But it's not just their affair I'm worried about, this truth could bring everything apart, we can't have that at a time when the Night King is just at our doorstep," Bran shivered at the last bit, already feeling the Night King's presence draw closer.

"But what about his heritage? He is the rightful heir to the Iron Throne not Daenerys Targaryen," Samwell emphasized.

"And you think Daenerys Targaryen will just accept that? That she'll give the army she raised with 'Blood and Fire' to a boy who was previously a bastard because patriarchy demands so?" Bran quipped.

"Well if she truly loves him…" Samwell answered.

"Tch! He'll be lucky if he doesn't end up like your father and brother," Bran scoffed at the prospect.

"What happened to my father and brother?" Sam asked.

"Focus! That's not the point here," Bran said and before Sam could interject Bran continued, "If you want Jon to know his lineage so badly, why don't you tell him?"

"Maybe I will," The stout steward retorted.

Sam walked towards Jon's chambers at a quick pace, determined to tell Jon of his true heritage. Sam stopped before Jon's room, took a deep breath before knocking, "Jon? It's Samwell. May I have a moment?"

Sam heard some noises but no one answered.

Sam knocked again, "Jon? Are you in there?"

He heard some moans but no one answered.

Fearful for his friend, Samwell tried to open the door but it was locked. Samwell stepped back a few paces and said "Jon, I'm coming in," before rushing to the door and crashing through it.

"No! Wait!" Jon's voice replied but by then Sam had entered to the sight Jon and Dany fooking each other.

"Oh God! No! I'm not seeing this!" Sam cried out.

"Sam! I didn't hear you!" Jon lied, hastily covering himself and Dany in a blanket, but Sam wasn't paying Jon attention.

Instead, he repeatedly mumbled to himself, "It's normal! It's normal!"

"What is it Sam?" Jon asked his friend.

"Jon… Your grace…" Sam addressed Jon and Daenerys, "I… umm… I just wanted you to know that… that I… I accept you and your relation for what it is, you can't choose who you love, and it's actually not that uncommon… if you know what I mean?"

"That is very kind of you Ser-um…"

"I'm just a steward, you may call me Samwell Tarly or just Sam," Sam told Daenerys.

"Tarly?" Dany asked.

"Yes," Sam answered.

"Son of Randyll Tarly?"

"Yes your Grace…"

"It's a shame regarding your father and brother…"

"Pardon your Grace?"

"Oh, you don't know?"

"Know what?"

"Ahem!" Jon coughed interrupting Sam and Dany, bringing Sam's attention to the situation at hand.

"Oh! Of course! I'm sorry! I will make myself scarce, well as scarce as I can be with you know…" Sam jested regarding his stature, "Good day then," Sam took his leave.

"What a strange friend you have?" Daenerys remarked.

"Yes," Jon raised an eyebrow, "Very strange."

Sam walked to Bran's chamber faster than he had to Jon's.

"How did it go?" Bran asked.

"You're right. Jon doesn't need to know," Sam accepted.

"What does Jon not need to know?" Jon asked from the door way, now dressed.

"Nothing!" Bran and Sam chimed together.

Jon entered the room and narrowed his eyes in suspicion, "You two are hiding something from me."

"What? No! We're hiding nothing?" Sam assured.

"Yes Jon, we have nothing to hide from you," Bran asserted.

Jon narrowed his eyes further, "Oh really? Is that why you barged into my room? To tell me you accept my relation with Dany? What's that even about?" Jon asked Sam.

"Nothing! I just thought you two needed support, you know with all the lords grumbling about you and Queen Daenerys, especially Lady Sansa and Lady Arya," Sam lied.

"Is that really it?" Jon asked.

"Yes, that's it," Bran affirmed.

"Fine, I will let you two keep your secret trusting that it does not affect the war, the North or our family in any manner, big or small," Jon turned around slowly and walked towards the door step by step.

"Do you really want to know?" Bran asked Jon who turned around, "It will change everything you know," he warned. Jon shut the door behind him, took a stool and sat in front of Bran.

"Tell me," Jon said.

"Do you remember what father told us about your mother?" Bran asked.

"Nothing, but I once heard something about a tavern whore named Wyla down south and another about a lady in Dorne," Jon recalled.

"A lie."

"What?"

"You are son of neither Eddard Stark nor a tavern whore but of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark."

"Ridiculous, are you telling me that I'm Rhaegar's bastard?"

"No, we are telling you that Rhaegar did not kidnap Aunt Lyanna, she eloped with him, they loved each other and even wedded," Bran answered.

Jon gaped at Bran before bursting into hysterical laughter, "Hahahaha!"

"It's true!" Sam said producing some parchments from his coat's pockets, "Look!"

Jon took the parchments and read them, his eyebrows furrowing deeper with every letter, "These papers prove nothing, these don't even mention if I'm their son," Jon argued.

"Howland Reed can testify, he was there when aunt Lyanna gave you to father," Bran said.

"How would you know that?" Jon asked.

"I saw them at the Tower of Joy, I also saw Rhaegar and aunt wed before a weirwood tree," Bran replied.

"What? That's impossible! You weren't even born then, hell even I might not have been born then!"

"I am the three-eyed raven, a warg and a greenseer," Bran explained.

Jon shook his head, "Oh Bran! My brother, you have been through a lot."

"I can prove it!"

"Okay…" Jon humored Bran.

"I saw you fooking-"

"Of course you know about Dany and me, everyone knows-"

"Ygritte in the cave, she told you to prove that you were a Crow no more and you made love to her to prove that you had turned you said to yourself but you loved her, her auburn hair and the way she'd say 'You know nothing, Jon Snow.' Those were her last words as she died in your arms and an arrow in her heart, from the bow of young Olly whom you took as your apprentice and a foster brother, who stabbed you in the heart and so did some other Brothers, but it was Olly's stab that killed you before the red priestess brought you back, it was only Olly you regretted executing as he glared at you without speaking his last for you knew he was just an angry boy-"

"ENOUGH!" Jon said louder than he had intended, "Enough…" He said again softer, breathing hard. Sam brought him a glass of water which Jon gulped down, "So you're a greenseer, and I am a Targaryen, Jon Targaryen."

"Aegon Targaryen," Bran corrected.

"What?" Jon asked.

"Your parents named you Aegon," Bran explained.

"So I'm neither Jon nor Snow?" Jon chuckled without mirth, "My whole bloody life was a lie. How could he? Why didn't he ever tell me?"

"Father wanted to protect you, he feared that if Robert Baratheon knew who your real father was he would kill you regardless of the truth," Bran explained.

"He only hurt me, I spent my whole life being reminded that I was a bastard that I was only half a brother to my siblings only to learn that I'm not even that."

"He never wanted to hurt you. You were too young to learn the truth."

Jon sighed, "The very least he could do was tell me if my mother loved me at all?"

"She loved you very much, she held on to her breath to make father swear that he'd protect you and died only after he promised."

"A promise he kept till his dying breath."

"Aye."

Jon took in a deep breath and let out a long breath, "I am a Targaryen by blood yet I was raised by the Starks as a Snow, father or should I say uncle told me that I was a Stark in all but name, but I don't know what I am anymore; a Snow? A Stark? A Targaryen?"

"There is nothing for you to choose from, you are a Targaryen and a Stark," Bran told Jon, words which Jon recalled was similar to what he had once told Theon Greyjoy.

"What will you do now?" Sam asked Jon.

"There's only one thing left to do, I must end my relation with Dany," Jon said.

"You might not have to; Targaryens have a history with incest-" Samwell tried to reassure.

"The other lords will not be as understanding," Jon retorted.

"We can keep a secret," Bran reassured Jon.

"Father kept a secret, even took it to the grave, yet it came out anyway," Jon replied.

"Do you plan on telling the lords as well? They won't be pleased to learn that they named a Targaryen their king unwittingly," Bran pointed out.

"They will like it even less if they learn it on their own later," Jon retorted.

"They can learn after the war with the Night King, the only reason the Northern lords are calm is that they feel a Northern king will sit on the throne, let them think that for now," Bran suggested, Jon was about to retort but Bran insisted, "There can be honour in a lie, this is such an instance."

"But what about Jon's claim to the throne?" Samwell asked.

"Give it up Sam, it will be hard enough to prove that Jon is Rhaegar's son let alone a legitimate one," Bran responded.

"Papers can be faked and even if Lord Howland Reed creeps out of the Neck, no one takes him seriously anyway," Jon added.

"Can't you do that creepy thing where you tell people uncomfortable details of their past?" Sam asked Bran.

"I could but that would only prove that I can see the past not that I'm telling the truth, some might even see it as blackmail," Bran noted, "It worked in the trial mainly because everyone wanted Petyr Baelish dead."

"Baelish is dead?" Jon asked.

"Baelish was here?" Sam asked.

"Yes but that's not the point here," Bran said, "Jon's secret will do more harm than good if revealed, I would rather it never be revealed but that's Jon's call."

"Dany also deserves to know. I will tell her why we can't be together, I'm sure she will understand," Jon gulped as he heard Drogon and Rhaegal screech from afar, "Hopefully."

"Yeah, about that… it's too late to leave her now," Bran told Jon.

"Why?"

"She is expecting…"

"She can't have children till…"

Bran pointed at the window, Jon looked out and cursed, "Fooking hell…"

The sun rose from the west.

A/N: There you have it. Actually, there's more after this note, just thought it would be a good point for an A/N. I know I took way too many liberties with the characters, especially Arya and Sansa, and the laws of physics in general, and can only use 'it's a parody' as my excuse. Now onto the after credits.

Bran Tells Sam

Sometime later, Bran and Sam stood outside Jon's room, wishing they'd be somewhere else as Jon and Dany argued inside the room. Bran liked it even less for he knew that anger would soon turn to passion.

"Brandon," Samwell said.

"Yes?" Bran asked.

"You mentioned something about my father and brother, what happened to them?"

Bran went into a trance as he narrated the incident at the Blackwater Rush to Sam, "It was a warm day, the Mother of Dragons had captured a Lannister contingent, she said 'bend the knee and join me. Together, we will leave the world a better place than we found it, or refuse and die.' All the soldiers bent the knee, all except Lord Randyll Tarly and his heir Dickon Tarly. The two stood before the black dragon dauntless and held hands just as Drogon burnt them."

"No…" Samwell despaired, for even though his father hated him he still held some affection for the harsh lord and more so for his prodigious brother.

"They were very brave," Bran finished with a faint smile, his eyes seeing elsewhere.

The end.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed the read. If you did, give my other GoT fic 'Ned Tells All' a try. Also, check out jean d'arc's fanfics like 'One Season to Save them all' and 'The Boy in the Tree', they're brilliant. Also if you guys know any good crossover fanfics please PM me or use the review section. With that, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!