Disclaimer: I do not own Voltron or any of its characters. I like to think it would have a more cohesive storyline if I did.
Hell in High Heels
There was an uncomfortable silence in the lounge as the Paladins stared at Allura and Coran. Keith's eyes shifted from one to the other, wondering if he had actually heard what they had just suggested.
"You want me to what?" Pidge asked flatly.
Coran and Allura shared a glance, obviously uncertain.
"The Blade has asked us to infiltrate this... disreputable establishment." Coran's nose scrunched up in distaste as he pulled up the image. "Apparently, one of the frequent customers there is an ally of Zarkon's and tends to boast about knowing valuable information once he has had a bit to drink. It also seems that he carries copies of that information on the tablet he always has."
"Yeah, I got that. What does that have to do with me?" Pidge's voice had dropped into a growl as she glared at the two.
"Well…" Coran couldn't look at her anymore. Keith couldn't blame him as he scooted a bit further away from the furious ball of genius.
"It has been shown that a female is a lot more likely to be let into there with fewer inquiries as to her background." Allura stepped in, looking somewhat regretful.
"Looks like some things don't change across the universe." Keith heard Shiro mutter. A glance showed that he did not look happy about this turn of events.
Quite frankly, no one seemed to like what the Alteans had suggested.
"Then why does it have to be me?!" Pidge protested, jumping to her feet. "I mean, Allura, you are very much the type who would easily be let in."
Allura opened her mouth to respond, but Coran beat her to it. "While that may be true," now Allura glared at him as well, "her face has already been spread across the Empire's holdings. They'll recognize her in an instant!" His arms waved as he emphasized his point.
"Yeah, but…" Pidge trailed off, the fire dimming in her eyes as she clutched the bottom of her shirt. Keith had never seen her so tense.
"Uh, nope." Hunk said, standing up to be next to her. Lance was right behind. "Nope, nope. We're not doing this."
"Hunk, please - " Allura asked, but Hunk held up his hand.
"Nope. Pidge's uncomfortable, so we're not going to do this." Hunk put his foot down, and the way that Lance was crossing his arms and glaring said that he was geared to fight for this as well.
Which, yeah, Keith could understand. He even agreed that they shouldn't force Pidge to do this. He hated the thought of sending her in there. It did leave them with a problem though.
"Then what do you suggest?" Allura asked, exasperated. "We need that information if we wish for our assault on Zarkon to be successful."
Hunk and Lance exchanged a look over Pidge's head. "Lance?" Hunk questioned.
He smirked. "Dude, if you didn't suggest it, I was gonna offer." Lance turned to Allura. "Allura, let me borrow your closet!"
They all stared at him. It just barely managed to not be as awkward as before.
"What?" Allura's eye was twitching.
"Well, where else am I supposed to get girl's clothes that might fit me?" Lance rolled his eyes, arms thrown out as though this should be obvious. "I mean, you were gonna let Pidge use your clothes, right? I need 'em."
"Wait," Shiro's brow furrowed, "are you suggesting - "
"Not suggesting, I'm saying. I'm going to go." Lance said as he planted his hands on his hips.
"Uh…" Keith couldn't but look Lance up and down. "You're not serious, right?"
Lance gave him a withering look. "Do you have any bright ideas? Because I'm pretty sure that out of all of us guys, I can pass the best."
Well, Keith could admit that out of the male members of the team, Lance was the one who could be considered "pretty." His slim build, nice face, and skin care routine really helped in that regard.
Still, something didn't sit right with Keith at the thought of sending Lance into the equivalent of a skeevy bar. It wasn't as bad as the thought of sending Pidge, but it was still up there.
Coran, Allura, and Shiro were all exchanges looks though, and at Shiro's resigned look, Keith knew that his opinion wouldn't account for much.
"All right." Shiro said, finally. "But - "
"Alrighty then!" Lance grinned, clapping his hands together. "Let's work some magic!" He walked towards the door, grabbing Allura's arm as he went by and pulling her along.
"Okay, so, obviously I need something that fits my figure. I know that…" Lance's voice faded as they made their way down the corridor, and Keith wondered what on Earth Lance was talking about.
He couldn't help but think that just from the way he was yammering on, Lance knew a lot more about women's clothing and fashion than he would have assumed.
Keith looked up as Shiro gave a deep sigh, running his hand down his face. "What are we doing?"
"Don't worry so much." Hunk reassured. "Lance knows what he's doing."
That didn't really make things better. And seeing Pidge worrying her bottom lip and tugging at her shirt, Keith knew he wasn't the only one feeling this way.
"No, seriously," Hunk picked up on their nervousness, "Lance has been doing theater stuff for years. He's got tons of experience with this sort of stuff."
"Like pretending to be a girl?" Pidge tried to sound like her usual snarky self, but she wasn't quite pulling it off.
"Well…" Hunk looked off to the side. "You know how the Garrison did have some 'cultural' clubs and stuff in order to try to round things out for state requirements."
"Yeah." Keith thought back. Everyone was required to be in some sort of after hour activity. A lot of them were sport related but there had been some more artsy stuff. He personally had gone with a fencing class, which was really lucky now that he was fighting with a sword as his bayard. He'd tried going to the art club, but he hadn't liked the nosy way they'd try to peek at his drawings.
"Well, Lance's main clubs were the swim team and the theater group. Although he also helped with the arts and crafts group, the shooting team, the archery club, and some sort of save-the-environment group." Hunk said.
"Really?" Pidge adjusted her glasses. "And he still was top of cargo with good enough grades to switch to fighter class?"
"Yeah, Lance is used to being busy because of his family. It's why he takes his downtime very seriously." Hunk explained.
Keith, however, was trying to think back to what he knew about the theater club. "Didn't they do Romeo and Juliet once?" He vaguely remembered going to see that.
"Yeah, they did!" Hunk lit up. "Did you go see it?"
Keith tried to fight the blush coming up in his cheeks. "I, uh, really needed extra credit in English." Literature was not his thing, especially when it came to picking up symbolism and foreshadowing.
Hunk blinked in surprise while Pidge snickered. "Wait, so you didn't notice Lance in that?" He frowned.
"Uh, no?" Keith desperately thought back, but he didn't remember Lance as any of the guys in it. Then again, he didn't really remember seeing Lance at all at the Garrison, much to Lance's displeasure.
"Oh, my God," Hunk bit his lip, his shoulders shaking slightly. "You didn't realize - "
Whatever Hunk was about to say got cut off as Allura finally returned. "Well, I've set Lance up with everything he's requested." She smoothed out her skirt before taking a seat next to Shiro. "He seems incredibly aware of women styles and make-up."
"I think he mentioned once that he had a sister who's a beautician or something?" Pidge offered, clearly trying to think back. "I wasn't really paying attention…"
"Yeah, his second sister works at a beauty salon. She does everything from hair to make-up to spa treatments. She's the one who got Lance started on his face masks and stuff." Hunk explained. "She's pretty cool."
Keith mulled that over as the conversation went on in the background. It suddenly made a lot of sense why Lance insisted on keeping to his beauty routine. Not only did he insist he needed it, but it probably reminded him of home. Keith could understand that.
Things slowed down as they all waited. Keith was starting to get bored. Seriously, how long should it take to get dressed like a girl? Wasn't this a somewhat time sensitive mission that he needed to get ready by tonight?
Keith furrowed his brow as he glanced at the door. He wasn't the only one as he noticed even Pidge and Shiro frowning at it.
"Is it supposed to take this long?" She muttered to Hunk, who was seated next to her now.
""Lance takes his looks seriously." Hunk offered, then he perked up a bit. "Though that sounds like him now."
Keith blinked and tilted his head. Faintly, and growing louder every second, he could hear the click of heels coming from the halls.
Shiro sighed in relief. "Lance, it's good you're finally…" His voice trailed off in shock as he stared, slack-jawed, at the person coming through the door.
Keith could empathize because he was in a similar state. Pidge, Coran, and Allura, too.
Hunk was the only one with a knowing smirk on his face.
And it was well warranted, because if Keith hadn't logically known that that was Lance, he would never have guessed.
To start off with, Lance was obviously wearing some kind of wig. Brown curls that matched his usual hair color fell down the length of his back. His make-up was incredibly on point, with his eyeliner at Shiro's level and blue and silver eyeshadow making the blue in his eyes pop. Not to mention that his lipstick was making that satisfied smirk all the more obvious.
His dress was full of swirling shades of blue, quite literally changing before Keith's eyes, and it reminded him of the ocean. The dress was sleeveless, showing off toned arms that was encircled by a delicate bracelet on Lance's right wrist. The material seemed to hug Lance's figure on top, showing off what seemed to be a slight bust and coming together at the waist before the ruffled skirt went down the rest of the way, the hemline right above his knees. Lance's dress was short enough to showcase his long, smooth legs, while still being fairly modest. The whole ensemble was finished off with a pair of dark blue shoes on his feet.
Shoes with six inch heels to be exact.
Keith gulped. Holy Quiznak.
Lance's smirk widened. "Like what you see?" His voice was pitched slightly different, sounding a tad more feminine.
There was a clicking noise as several jaws snapped shut.
Hunk chuckled. "You look lovely, Lance." He gave him a look over. "I'm always amazed at how real those look." He nodded towards his chest.
Lance's smirk turned into a smile. "Yeah, it's the same technique my sis used before she started her hormone treatments."
"Did…" Shiro stumbled over his words as he stared at Lance's legs. "Did you shave your legs?" Keith couldn't tell if he was impressed or horrified.
He directed his own gaze to Lance's legs.
Lance lifted a leg up to inspect it. "Actually, I always shave my legs." He said matter-of-factly. "Got into the habit when I joined my first swim team and I found that I liked how it felt."
"Hey, if you're allowed to not shave, I should be allowed to shave."
Keith drifted out of the conversation as he continued to stare at Lance's legs.
Technically, he had known that Lance shaved his legs. It had been all too obvious the time they had attempted to go to the pool. But it was different this time. Somehow, with the combination of the skirt, the sashay, the quiznaking heels -
It suddenly occurred to Keith that they were about to send Lance into an alien bar/club dressed like this.
"We can't send Lance in there!" Keith blurt out.
The conversation paused as everyone looked over at Keith.
"What?" Allura reared back. "Keith, we've discussed this - "
Keith knew that they had to send someone in, that they had to get this info, but still… "We can't send him in looking like that!"
"Then what was the whole point of this?!" Lance planted his hands on his hips, cocking his hips slightly. "I have to look like this, otherwise I won't be able to get close!"
"If you go in there looking like that, you'll -" Keith struggled to come up with the right words. "You'll get eaten! Or something…"
They all blinked at him.
Surprisingly, Lance was the one who broke out in a smile first. "Awww! Keith, you care about me!"
"What?!" Everything in Keith screamed at the thought of showing attachment. It had never worked out that well with anyone besides Shiro before. "No! It's just - I don't want someone to take advantage of you!" He crosses his arms and turned away.
Lance chuckled, stepping close. "It's okay. I can handle myself against unwanted attention." He smiled reassuringly. "We need this information; that's why I'm the one going." He patted Keith on the shoulder and gave a small laugh. "Heh, that's why back at the Garrison, I played Juliet that one time."
Keith's brain short-circuited. "You what?" He stared at him.
Hunk was snickering in the background.
"Yeah, excuse me, what?" Pidge seemed to be on the same wavelength as him at least. Coran and Allura just looked confused.
"Oh, well, I did theater club stuff at the Garrison," Lance turned to Pidge to explain, not knowing Hunk had already told them, "and though I was originally given a different role, our original Juliet dropped out when she learned that Nikolas Anderson from Communications was Romeo. And none of the other girls wanted to deal with that."
Pidge's expression twisted in disgust and recognition. "Handsy Handerson? Who the heck thought that was a good idea?" She snorted. "I don't blame them."
"Yeah." Lance agreed, and Hunk nodded along. Personally, Keith couldn't remember who they were talking about at all. "I mean, I love the ladies, but I'm not gonna touch if it's clear it's not wanted or don't have permission.
"Anyway, I was originally supposed to understudy Romeo, but our director offered me the role of Juliet instead." Lance shrugged. "Tried to give me a whole spiel about authenticity and all that, but man, I jumped at the chance like a kid jumps on the bed. On one condition."
"What?" Shiro looked intrigued at this point.
Hunk and Lance shared evil grins. "No one could tell Anderson I wasn't actually a girl."
Pidge's face cracked into a gleeful grin. "No way!"
"Yes way!" Lance replied. "He kept hitting on me for the entire production, but I managed to keep his wandering hands away the whole time. The only time I almost failed was during the final show when he tried to cop a feel during the bows and at that point I had no need to restrain myself from 'accidentally' breaking his hand."
Hunk and Pidge fell into laughter and even Allura had a satisfied smirk on her face. Coran and Shiro exchanges proud looks, but quite frankly, Keith was trying to wrap his brain around the fact that Lance had been Juliet.
He may not have remembered much about the performance, but he did recall that the Juliet had been an outstanding and energetic performance, making her death even sadder as she laid silent and still at the end. He never would have thought that that had been a guy on stage, much less Lance.
If Lance was really that good, then Keith was rapidly running out of excuses.
"Back to my point," Lance drew their attention back to himself and Keith glanced up and started at how Lance was smiling at him, "I can take care of myself, Keith. Don't worry."
Keith looked away. He still didn't like this.
"Besides," Lance lifted a few locks of hair aside to reveal his ear, on which dangled a familiar looking earring, the only difference being that it was a royal blue, "Allura's given me a pair of her communicator earrings, so it's not like I'm going in there totally alone. You'll be able to hear what's up!"
"Yes, we're not about to send Lance in there without backup." Allura stepped in to reassure him, though she was looking at Pidge and Hunk, who had started to look worried despite Lance's explanations. "We can not send the Lions down, so Lance will be taking a pod. Whoever goes with him shall remain there in case something goes wrong."
Keith saw Hunk opening his mouth to volunteer, and he couldn't help but be a little miffed. Sure, Hunk was Lance's best friend and the one who had brought up Lance doing this in the first place, but Keith didn't want him to be the one to go.
Before Hunk could offer though, Shiro spoke. "Keith, you'll be going with him."
"What?" Hunk and Pidge squawked, Hunk looking disappointed.
Keith just blinked in surprise and he glanced at Lance, almost expecting him, his so-called rival, to protest as well. Lance looked unexpectedly chill about this decision though, just shrugging, "Okey-dokey."
"Awww, I wanted to go." Hunk pouted.
Shiro sighed. "Hunk, if things go bad, your weapon isn't exactly… subtle." They all thought of Hunk's cannon for a moment. Yeah, taking that into a club to backup Lance would draw more attention and panic if the situation was already bad. "If need be, Keith can get in and out easily, and his close combat experience will allow him to take out opponents quickly."
"Don't worry, dude," Lance assured Hunk, throwing an arm around him. For the first time since he walked out, Keith could clearly see that it was Lance under that get-up. "I'm sure a mission will come where we can show our killer moves."
"Yeah, but still…"
Hunk and Lance shared a look, seemingly having an entire conversation right there and then.
Finally, Hunk sighed. "Fine."
"Awesome sauce. Now, I'd full-on hug you, but I don't want to mess anything up." Lance adjusted his dress a bit as he lowered his arm. He turned to everyone else and smiled. "So we gonna get this show on the road?"
After that, things picked up. Allura and Shiro gave the official briefing, all of the details regarding the establishment and target displayed for Lance and Keith. They went over the plan several times, though Keith was frustrated by how vague Lance was on how he'd get close to the guy.
All too soon, the two of them were being led to the pods. Coran took Lance aside for one final thing, and it was then that Pidge came up to Keith, who was prepping the pod.
"I'll be monitoring the situation from here. I managed to get access to the security cameras, so I can keep an eye on things." She said, leaning against the side.
"Good." Keith said, flicking some switches. He could feel her gaze on him, but he blatantly ignored her.
She sighed. "Look, Keith, I know you're worried, but I think Lance really does have a handle on this. Unless he asks for it, you really cannot be jumping in there at the first sign of danger." Keith shot up to glare at her but she held up her hand to stall him. "It's not like he is completely useless at close combat. Not as good at it as shooting obviously, but not too bad."
Keith shot her a deadpan look. "He's wearing six inch heels, Pidge." He hissed.
"And he's working them like a runway model. I have no doubt he can fight in them if he's capable of even walking in them." Pidge frowned and she slid her glasses up her nose. "I wonder where he learned that…"
"My sisters used to dress me in their hand-me-downs." Lance explained, popping up beside Pidge. He smirked at her surprised yelp and then climbed into the pod with a lot more grace than Keith was expecting in that outfit. "My brother would laugh, but at least I can rule the day in heels."
Pidge and Keith exchanged a look. Quite frankly, the more Keith heard about them, the weirder Lance's family seemed. Which kind of explained why Lance was so weird.
"Let's go, Keith!" Lance shouted, beginning the launch sequence from the co-pilot seat.
"Fine." Keith leaned back to shut the hatch, but Pidge's hand stopped him. He glanced at her curiously.
"By the way, Keith, I saw how you've been looking at Lance," Pidge smirked as dread filled Keith's guts. "Make sure you keep your own hands to yourself!" She cackled as she removed her hand and the hatch fell shut.
Keith became intimately aware that he was now shut in a small space with Lance, while Lance was dressed like that, and there was surely a deep blush spread across his face at Pidge's words.
"What did Pidge say?" Lance asked, leaning over to glance back at Pidge.
"Nothing!" Keith protested, voice cracking. He cleared his throat at Lance's skeptical eyebrow raise. "Nothing. We've got information to retrieve."
Without another word, they launched into space.
AN: So there was a very popular post a while back based on most heist/car chase movies where it made a point that instead of making the tomboy dress up all glitzy and being very uncomfortable in order to steal something/break into somewhere, it instead makes the guy who's happy to do it dress up instead and they're like, "It's my time to shine!" That person willing to crossdress is Lance. He showed in the Voltron show that he's totally a theater/musical kid and actually good at it, so he'd be totally willing to do this. I just thought it'd be funny, and in the second part we get to see the mission and Lance being a total BAMF.
Also, Keith is really, really gay. You can't put someone in front of him who's as pretty as Lance wearing stunning make-up and showing off his legs and expect him to be functioning perfectly. So it's sort of Klance, but more just him being super aware of how pretty Lance looks.
Just wanted to post at least the first part while I'm working on the second part because I'm going to be working on something for Hunk's birthday and some Stanuary stuff and I wanted to get this out there.