Four Months and a Wedding
Four months were not enough to fall out of love with someone. Especially when that someone lived right across the hall from you, and that someone didn't seem to be doing so bad whereas you cried yourself to sleep every night. Not when you had to be around this someone all day, with a smile plastered on your face and pretend like you were doing just as fine without them as they without you. And it wouldn't be until much later that you'd realize that they were really doing as fine as you were.
So when Nick greeted her in the toilet stall that she was hiding in, Jess scooted over reluctantly. She was in no mood to talk about how she was feeling, least of all with him. It was hard being around him in general, let alone be this close and talk about things involving her going home with another man. Truth was that she didn't want to go home with any man; she didn't care about that. But everyone fussing about it had driven her up the wall and Nick being sort of supportive of the idea had been the final nail in the coffin. It had filled her with a sense of hopelessness that made her take it up just for the heck of it; she knew she hadn't even tried her best and neither did she want to.
As he sat down next to her, they indulged in the stupid little routine they'd established in the last four months - small talk. They joked about hooves and toilet people, and other mundane things for a few moments. Jess plastered a smile on her face, knowing that this conversation would at some point go exactly where she didn't want it to go. She knew her hurt would channel into anger if he tried to give her suggestions or encouraged her to pick someone up.
"Just be yourself, and if he's not into Jessica Day, then there's something wrong with him," he said lightly.
And there it was.
Then, she said something about Tina Turner and he went on about how she was their only hope.
The whole situation was so ridiculous that couldn't decide if she should laugh or cry. She was at a wedding, hiding in the men's washroom, sitting on the toilet seat with her ex-boyfriend who was telling her that this was a good opportunity for her to get laid. Everything about this situation made her want to run away; it was at moments like this she considered moving out of the damn loft.
"You're the only one out of the group who might not go home alone tonight, Jess."
"I honestly don't care about that at this point, Nick!" she snapped, at last.
Nick blinked in surprise and sighed. He had known from the start that pushing her would be a bad idea. But it just felt like the right thing to do because she needed to move on just as much as he did if they were to salvage what was left of their relationship. He had been telling himself that this was the only way and that they'd both made the choice to be where they were at to prevent their relationship from a crash and burn. That felt like such a lie now because it just wasn't the same anymore.
She didn't talk to him anymore like they used to. He always had to think twice about expressing any form of concern or affection because the lines were so blurred that he'd lost sight of the boundary. He would hear muffled sobs from her room at night when he came back home late and stand outside her door for long minutes, debating if he should just go in and hold her till she fell asleep. But every time, he would go into his bedroom with a sigh and try to fall asleep with the echoes of her sobs ringing in his ears, trying desperately to see the line in his mind's eye.
"Okay, maybe the next wedding then," he offered weakly.
"Oh, come on, Nick," she laughed bitterly. "I think both of us know what this is really about."
"Yeah, I know," he said quietly, after a couple of seconds of silence.
Nick slipped his hand into hers and brought their intertwined hands to rest on the crevice formed by their touching thighs. Jess brought her other hand to brush lightly over their intertwined hands and felt her eyes burn with tears. She missed him so much that it hurt. Keeping her gaze down, she bit down on her lip, trying to ensure that those traitor tears didn't spill. She rested her hand on their clasped ones and squeezed gently.
"Jess," he said quietly, almost a whisper.
She looked at him, sure that her red-rimmed eyes would give her away. The sad smile on his face was her undoing and she let the tears fall, and unable to say anything, she simply looked down at their hands and back at him. And when his smile faded away but the sadness remained, she understood. Understood that he was hurting as much as she was and that he had been trying to be brave for both of them. She saw his eyes fill with tears as well, and as one stray tear fell, she reached out to wipe it off, letting her hand linger on his face as her thumb wiped away his tear. He caught her hand and kissed her palm before looking at her. As she dropped her hand back into her lap, she gave him a watery smile.
She didn't stop him when he leaned in to kiss her. When his hand went to cup her cheek, she leaned into it and brought her own hand up to hold on to his fingers tightly as their lips met. The moment their lips touched, everything around them faded away. It was like they'd breathed life into each other, and the feeling of incompleteness that had been haunting them for months was gone. It started slowly, gently, but along with the feeling of increasing familiarity, the realization of how long they'd been apart from him them.
She bit his lips hungrily, and his arms went around her waist as he pulled her towards him. He kissed her hard and keeping his hands firmly around her waist, stood them both up. Her hands went down to his belt, quickly working it off. He continued to kiss her as he stepped out of his pants and then started to push her against the wall of the stall. As her back hit the wall, one of her hands went around his back and the other bunched his shirt tightly. Her legs wrapped themselves around his waist, pulling him closer as she drew back to stare at him.
"I've missed you," said Jess breathlessly as Nick's mouth left hers to plant a kiss on her neck.
"Me too," he said raspily, kissing her collarbone. "More than you can imagine."
He kept his hands behind her, working on unzipping her dress to loosen the tight bust. As his lips moved up, leaving a trail of kisses across her jawline, she ground against him, making him punctuate the gentle kisses with a groan or bite. When he kissed each of her cheeks, he felt her face heat up against his lips and marvelled at how she still reacted as though it were the first time they were doing this.
He slipped a hand under her now loose dress, fingers trailing over her thigh, snaking upwards to glide over her waist and coming to a stop right under her breast. He was kissing her neck again as he slid one thumb under her bra to knead the underside of her breast gently. As she tightened her legs around him, she moved against him more rhythmically before straightening a little so her face was hovering above his, leaning away from the wall. He strained his neck to capture her lips again as his other hand left her waist as well and travelled downwards, skimming over the material of her underwear before slipping under it to touch her hipbone lightly, leaning into her.
"Nick," she breathed, drawing back from his lips to look at him. "I lo-"
He cut her off with a deep kiss as both of her hands going around his neck. She kissed him back, trying to pour everything she felt into it, despite knowing that it probably wouldn't be enough. "I know, Jess," he whispered, drawing back, resting her forehead against his. "I love you, too."
Sighing with what almost sounded like relief, he started kissing her neck again. She drew back her hands to rest them on his shoulder, holding on tightly when his hands slipped under the material of her underwear to trace the skin underneath. Edging from her hipbone towards her crotch at an excruciatingly slow pace, he brushed his knuckles against her making her bite his lower lip harder. He grunted at the stinging sensation and started to rub circles against her, feeling himself get harder when he felt her get wetter against his fingers.
"Oh god, Jess," he breathed against her lips, as his fingers entered her at the same time as he leaned her back against the wall to keep her steady.
She threw her head back and let out a whimper, as he pumped into her with a calculative rhythm. He kissed her taut neck, feeling every moan against his lips before it left her. When he felt her insides start to pulsate around his fingers, he pulled out, making her dig her nails into his shoulders as she let out an annoyed sigh.
"Tease," she muttered, making him chuckle against her neck.
Leaning away from her for a moment, he pulled his boxers as low as he could and pressed himself against her, with a questioning look in his eyes.
"Pill," she gasped breathily. Then she looked down between them and back at him. "Nick..." she whispered, voice raspy, pressing his shoulders urgently.
Seeing the need flash in her eyes as she felt him hard against her, he felt his own desire spike as he slid past the lace of her panty and entered her. Her eyes fluttered shut as she groaned and her head fell back against the hollow wooden wall as she thrust her hips towards him. Her hands went into his hair as his went to hold on to her thighs. With every thrust, her back hitting the wall gently made a dull thudding noise.
"Oh fuck," he gasped into her neck as her hands pressed into the spot below his hairline, and he started to feel her tighten around him. He took her lips again, kissing her with passion as his tongue explored the all too familiar terrain of her mouth. He groaned into her mouth and she kept biting and pulling at his lips between cries of satisfaction, till she finally came around him. She bucked her hips towards him, pushing till he followed soon after.
Breathing heavily, they both stilled. His eyes were closed and his face turned up to her slightly, while she rested her forehead against his for a few seconds. He kissed her chin before she rested her head against the stall, and started to play with his hair absent-mindedly when he leaned into the crook of her neck. She kept her eyes on the ceiling, heaving against him with matching breathlessness, trying to calm her racing heart. Her legs were still wound around him as he stayed inside her. She didn't say a word, afraid that she would break the silence around them that was seething with meaning.
As he breathed in her familiar scent, he was struck by how normal this felt. As they stood against each other, it felt like the past 4 months had merely been a bad dream, which would probably become a reality again the minute they stepped out of the stall. He took comfort in her presence, breathing her in as if he were a dying man who'd just been given the one thing that could revitalize him. She'd been around all this time, true, but the afterglow of their intimacy had always brought him a sense of peace. He'd missed feeling like this. He missed her. So much. He couldn't bear the thought of going back to the way things had been for the last four months. He could still feel the residual pain in his chest, the dull ache that throbbed harder when her presence had only served as a reminder of what he'd lost.
He drew in a staggering breath, willing himself to utter the words that might either break his heart further or might just save it. "I wish we hadn't-"
"Me, too," she said quietly, and the pulsing pain in him drew to a standstill after four long months.
A/N: Ah, well, fuck. I was stressing out about an exam tomorrow so I wrote a smutty fic instead of studying. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. Pray for me, y'all. (yes there might have been some logistical errors, but... ah ha ha, idk, do forgive my amateur ass).