37This chapter will be heavily focused on Komachi and Hachiman. Hachiman's own troubles concerning the Service Club will be for later.
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As I'm heading home from school, I notice Yuigahama watching from the building through the window. I explained to both of them I'd excuse myself from club activities today as I need to solve what's going on with Komachi and ask my family if I can be spared from Hiratsuka-sensei's driving. Yukinoshita permitted it, but couldn't hide away that sad glint her eyes had at the time. I know it's not merely born from me not attending at the service club, I'm not that stupid. I'm an indecisive idiot at times, but all these years of observing people didn't betray me when it happened. She dismissed me right away, as if to hide the fact, which kind of sparked a faint but painful feeling within me. In the end, I am that unreliable to the Ice Queen of Sobu High. If something bothers her, she just discards the thought of asking for my help… again. Like we're strangers, like last year didn't happen at all.
Deep in thought, I'm riding my bike on the bridge I'm crossing every day when I go to school; my gaze wanders on my side to the city lights, reflected on the surface of the river. It's as if my body keeps moving without my soul within it. Why do I feel like this? Because I'm-…
…!
I dodge a braking car right in front of me just in time as I'm snapping out of my dizziness. I have no right to blame Yukinoshita. I'm the one who let her down. This is as obvious as the sun rises east: she wanted me to say my part back then. She didn't want me to let Yuigahama dictate the way we have to be with each other, and… I didn't.
I'm an idiot.
I feel like I always fail when it truly counts, especially when it's about important people. I slightly shiver, my heavy clothing seemingly not enough to shield me from the icy wind blowing at this time of the year and of the day. This is what my consciousness needed to fully regain its capacity. Now that I feel completely out of that pensive state, I focus on the road and the rest of the trip back home, barely holding myself from thinking too much about this again. It's time to put this matter aside for the moment and salvage as much energy as I can for my talk with Komachi. I may have failed Yukinoshita, but I'll still try to not let my sister down. If I can't even save my own family, I'd be the worst kind of person, the kind that I hate with every fiber of my being.
After a few minutes, I finally reach my home. I notice the lights are out from outside, meaning Komachi is already back. That's one more thing I find strange lately, now that I think about it. When I come back from school, it's after club hours and I often found myself coming home before her. Nowadays she's always back before me, and today as well even though I didn't even go to the club activities. I park my bike in the yard before getting my cold hands on the keys of our house.
My breath lets out small clouds of vapor as I'm unlocking the front door, and quickly open it to take shelter from the cold I've been in for what feels like far too long. I decide to announce myself to the only other resident currently present, in case she's too distracted.
"I'm home."
Silence greets me, welcoming me back home. I already miss seeing my energetic little sister coming down the stairs, the rare times she made it here before me. I head for the living room, but she's not there despite the lights being on. That girl… did she run to her bedroom when she heard me park the bike outside?
Good grief… Who does she think I am? I'm not here to punish her or anything.
"Komachi, come out or I'm the one coming to you."
I still need to push the right buttons though. It looks like if I'm not the one taking the lead, she won't confess her troubles, contrary to what she usually does. This is another reason why I'm feeling uneasy about the situation.
Reaching for Komachi's room, I firmly knock two times.
"Oi. Answer me already. I'm coming in."
As silent as ever, she opts not to reply at all. I turn the doorknob but find myself unable to open the door.
Oh you…!
Time to use my trump card.
"That's enough Komachi, I'm going to call Mom if you keep this up."
"…-ave … one."
"What did you say?"
"Leave me alone!"
Whoa. I lightly widen my eyes, surprised by her sudden outburst. I'll expose the situation and see what comes out of it.
"I will, by next week at least. I'll be gone for a few days, we have a school trip to Hokkaido coming. I want to talk to you before that."
I hear some noise in her room, but no response whatsoever.
"Listen, I don't know what's going on but you must have something pretty heavy on your mind for you to act so out of character. Is it so wrong for your brother to worry over you?"
I feel a bit awkward for talking… to a door, outside the room but screw that. No one's here anyway. Now, which string should I pull to get a reaction out of Komachi. A constructive one, that is.
"You can't do anything about it. I DON'T want YOU to be concerned about it."
Her words cut right through me, for various reasons. Yukinoshita is one thing, but to hear my sister say this to me is…
"I… No. You can't arbitrarily decide if I can do something or not. You're the only one who has a grasp of the situation, this is your opinion, but let me be the judge of that. Tell me what's up. Mom is going to have a seizure if she sees you acting like this."
"Don't bring Mom into it… I'll just be ok when I get downstairs for dinner…"
She's mumbling at this point and I need to put my ear to the surface of the door to hear what she utters.
"I thought you to be… dealing with situations in a smarter way than this. I guess this is a one way relationship we have. You can just barge right in my matters and say whatever you want, but I can't. Is that it?"
I'm starting to get a bit irritated. Not necessarily at Komachi herself, but at the several struggles I'm encountering lately. My dream of a quiescent life is getting further and further away from me. I want to solve these problems as soon as possible before I lose grasp of it.
"Onii-chan, you're making this harder by involving yourself with me. I'll be okay, really… Just don't have anything to do with me, please. Focus on your coming trip, and have a good time."
Oh no, you don't.
"Don't talk like you're going to ignore me for a whole week before I leave for Hokkaido, because it won't be happening whether you like it or not. If I have to, I'll gladly get punched by Hiratsuka-sensei but I'll get it out of you even if I have to pass on the trip. And you can bet I'm going to tell Mom by then."
I hear some footsteps inside and a clicking noise close to my position, before seeing the door slowly open. I catch a glimpse of Komachi in the resulting interstice created by that.
"Baka-onii."
Her grumbling is so cute I could nearly forget what's going on and melt away. But this is an important matter and it's not the time to be fooling around.
"About damn time you open this door."
I enter her room and give a flick to her forehead as light punishment for making me stand out there for so long. It's been some time since I've last been in there but nothing major changed. It has every property required to be designated as a room occupied by a teenage girl.
Everything. From the biggest mirror you can think of, to the cute plushies and furniture dominated by pink and blue colors. Her wardrobe is kept in order; her clothes sorted out by season and type. The bed is neatly done, just as her desk is well organized. Is this wrong for me to feel proud when I see this?
"Now speak Komachi."
I sit on her bed, ignoring her resenting look as I do so, and prompt her to talk. She reluctantly gets her chair in front of her desk and let herself fall onto it.
"It's just school stuff. Really, you have nothing to worry about. I'll feel better soon, it's just depressing to see… a friend of mine having problems and I can't do a thing about it."
Something doesn't add up already. She's definitely lying about this to some degree, for what purpose… I do not know yet. Her habit of holding her clothes while doing so is just the proof I need to expose her.
"This situation doesn't warrant you speaking to me the way you did earlier. If it's about one of your friends at school, why does it matter that I absolutely do not get involved? You insisted pretty much on that point and from what I can hear so far, it makes no sense."
Looks like I'm on point. Komachi begins to fidget on her chair, and mess with her hair with her index. You're a shrewd girl and you know how to mask your feelings. What makes it so you can't even do that right now?
"I-… I just want to take care of it by myself. You just worry about your own problems, onii-chan."
"This is precisely one of them."
She appears shocked to some extent by my instant reply. I don't think I've been that bad of a brother up until now for my sister to be so surprised at me caring for her. No, it shows on her face she genuinely feels surprised I didn't hesitate to consider her problems to be a cause for mine as well.
"Stop it, please don't pry into it!"
She stands up from her chair as she says that in a louder voice. Why is she so adamant about this? Just as I'm thinking about what could be the reason behind it, I notice a torn page from her notebook slipping from her desk, resulting from the motion of Komachi standing up. I reach for it before she does, and her agitation as she tries to take it away from me doesn't escape my eye.
"Give it back! Give it baaaaack!"
I stand up as well, moving my arm as many times as possible to keep the piece of paper out of range from hers. While doing so, I try to read what's written on it since it looks like a great deal to Komachi. This is me, her brother, invading her privacy in some way but to hell with it. Drastic measures are sometimes needed.
I can see "You fucking creep", "Disgusting!" and "Dirty girl" on it just before Komachi tackles me, sending the both of us crashing onto the bed. She finally gets the page out of my hand and tears it apart hysterically. I'm in shock as I watch her do that on top of me. Small droplets of salty water pearl in the corner of her eyes, threatening to roll down her cheeks at any second.
My little sister is bullied at school… as I suspected.
Ten minutes ago, I got Komachi to spill out the beans thanks to the lucky event of that paper falling to the ground. I finally get why she was being so aggressive and distant from this morning on. I'm currently laying down on my bed, thinking about all this and letting my sister get some needed rest after she dropped the act in front of me.
The bullying is centered on Komachi and her… overly enthusiastic opinion of me she apparently shares a lot with her friends. Basically this is how it went: she got confessed to by a guy from her class, a certain Iwata Hiroki. She naturally rejected him. After all, I didn't give my approbation of this little bas-... guy.
A girl named Terada Ayame is really into him. She's a blond haired girl loved by most of the teachers and students, a typical angelic figure you would think to never become a bully.
In other words, she's the perfect suspect.
Jealous that her love interest went for Komachi instead of her, she started to bully her by accusing her to be a bro-con just because she rejected Iwata and talks a lot about me. The boy then joined Terada in her bullying, probably out of frustration of being denied.
A perfect plan thought up by this girl who gets him closer to her that way and can work on her confession to come. She kills two… no, three birds with one stone; getting rid of Iwata's love interest and comforting him from being rejected, while injecting her venom called "love" into his veins at the same time.
Putting everything I heard together, I finally get the whole picture.
Why Komachi didn't want to talk to me at all, why she was aggressive towards me even though I wasn't actively at fault, and why she didn't want me to pry into this; I'm the chess piece used by the bullies to put her into a checkmate position. I can't blame her for reacting the way she did, and I can at least understand why she wanted to hide it from me.
My little sister is too kind for her own good.
She'd rather suffer alone than telling me I'm basically the one being used to hurt her. If it was anything or anyone else used against her, she'd probably just get up to their faces and confront them directly. When it comes to me… it seems like she draws a blank.
She doesn't want to accept the fact that her affection towards me is wrong, but if she were to defend her point, she feels like she would admit theirs to be an opposite but valid one too.
This is the one thing Komachi wants to deny, by enduring all of it.
And this is the one thing I don't want her to go through.
I don't want her to go to class in the morning, seeing on the chalkboard "Hikigaya will marry her onii-chan" while hearing classmates laughing in the back. I don't want her to read hateful words on her school books when she takes them out of her desk. I don't want her to be isolated because they started to target everyone she's close to.
As a matter of fact, this situation still going on is purely relying on Komachi. Her strong personality is more than enough to put an end to this, she just has to voice her opinion. Who cares about what they think of the two of us being close siblings? It's not like we're doing anything wrong, and if they want to assume that, let them.
She knows that better than anyone.
All she has to do is stand up for herself, her friends and her belief; she does not need to care about me or our relationship. Nor will the first neither the second ever change because of this.
Then again, who am I kidding, uh? If I were to take this to another context, I should probably make use of this myself to put a stop to Yuigahama's plan. I'm the eldest but what I'm doing is plain stupid compared to the ordeal Komachi is facing.
We may be both suffering to some degree but there is a difference between us. One is a prideful sibling, enduring hardships for her belief and her brother's sake while the other is a coward, not even able to make a step forward for the balance to tip further.
And for me to have knowledge of that is nothing short of infuriating.
Dinner went by without trouble. Mom saw nothing… or at least I'd like to think so. She talked to my sister as usual, asking her how was her day and telling her about her own. Needless to say I didn't pay any attention to that, once I've made sure nothing fishy was happening. I had other things to think of.
Before going to bed, I've decided I have to pay a visit to Komachi again. Putting my own shortcomings aside for the moment, I have to convince her to stand for herself in that situation. This is the only thing I can do, since she's not in Sobu High yet. I can't just storm in her middle school and make any sort of claim I could think of.
It won't be long before she joins high school, and I want her to settle this before then. I know she wants this herself, deep within. No way would Komachi ever let something like this go unsettled. She just needs a push in the right direction, and I'm the one who should give it to her.
By pure process of logic and no ego implied in making this statement, Hikigaya Hachiman is the part of the equation which should be considered as the deciding factor in this.
I softly knock on her door.
"Komachi, I need to talk to you for a second."
"Come in, onii-chan. It's open."
Having heard her reply and approval, I allow myself in for the second time today. Komachi is laying on her back, reading some shoujo manga from what I see on the cover of the volume. "Dengeki Daisy" is a famous title in the genre, even if I do not read those I still heard about it.
I make my way to her desk and sit on the chair this time.
"Ne, onii-chan."
I look at her but she isn't looking at me. Her face is hidden by her opened manga volume.
"Mh?"
"Thank you."
I don't expect you to thank me for something I have yet to do, little sister of mine. I can feel myself smirking as I just think of a good way to answer that.
"Oooh. Thanking me, uh. I see you can be at least that useful."
I literally quote what she said to me this morning, and it has the effect I did expect this time. Way to go, me!
I'm the best.
She flinches and stops reading for a moment.
"Geh… Did you just come to rub on my face everything I did wrong…?"
She sighs before continuing.
"I know what you want to say, onii-chan. I know why you came here, don't worry I will just… do it. I promise."
Komachi puts her manga down next to her and supporting herself on her elbows, raised herself up to look straight at me. I can see her genuine intent and resolve in her eyes, but mostly in the way she speaks.
"I guess I didn't need to bother you then. I underestimated you, maybe. I just wanted to drop by in case you needed a little boost of confidence."
And this is the absolute truth. I'm hiding it right now, as much as I possibly can, but I truly underestimated my sister's mental resilience and recovery. If just forcing her shell and act to break was enough of a catalyst for Komachi to fight back… she's one hell of a strong girl, way stronger than I originally thought. I'm kind of ashamed of myself.
"You know… um… I'm sorry for everything I said and done. You didn't deserve any of it."
Looking at her, blushing and avoiding my gaze, I feel the need to protect her for her whole life. Screw her future husband, I'll take care of it!
Just kidding. In the end, I really want Komachi to have a happy life.
I'll just have to make sure she has proper candidates for marriage.
"Don't worry about that. I know now why you were so frustrated and angry at… ultimately… yourself. Regardless of that, I will always be your onii-chan. Nothing anyone can say, nothing you can do either will change this."
She looks at me with a slightly disgusted expression. I know she's back to her good old self.
"Uh… can you refrain from saying things like that though. I don't mind getting some points off for saying that too."
"My sister never loses points. She merely hides them for a surprise effect later on."
Komachi laughs at what I just said, wholeheartedly. It makes any joke totally worth it.
Welcome back, imouto.
I missed you.
I smile at the sight and stand up.
"Alright, that wraps it up I guess. Good night Komachi. I'm proud of you, really."
My back turned to her, I'm walking in the direction of the door to exit the room before I feel myself forcefully stopped by a pair of arms wrapped around my torso. Surprised, I feel Komachi hugging me from behind, her forehead connected to my back. I then hear her whisper something.
"Good night, onii-chan. Thank you for everything."
Life is bitter, so coffee at least should be sweet.
And my little sister, even sweeter.
Alright, next time we go back to Service Club matters. I hope the Komachi/Hachiman chapter didn't bother you too much, I really wanted to have one in there.
As always, thank you for reading.