Disclaimer: I don't own the characters the end. Non-Canon. Forgive me for errors.

A/n: I wrote this to relieve some Barley tension off of my system. Damn, I know this sucks but bear this bullshit with me.


She felt contented watching the busy streets and people passing by. She was blissfully enjoying the morning and fully unaware of her future that would later ruin her humanity ... and her mind. Turning her magazine, she sipped her coffee and let out another sigh. "Good Morning, Ms. Quinzel." A baritone voice greeted her, making her jump and look up.

She chuckled nervously. "Mr. Wayne, you scared me."

He smiled and took off his coat. "Is this seat taken?" He asked politely.

"Oh, no. Please do seat."

He nodded and took a seat. Harleen fixed her thick glasses and solemnly looked at the handsome man. What was the billionaire playboy of Gotham doing in a coffee shop whereas he has a butler to snap at for coffee? "What brings you here, Mr. Wayne?"

He raised a dark brow softly at her, his blue eyes perusing her. Harleen blushed and lifted her cup to, if possible, hide her pink cheeks. "I hear the cappuccino here tastes good." He said, not giving further information.

"You're in the right place." She smiled. "Lucky for you, you found me here." She teased.

He chuckled lightly. "Right. It just so happens that my prescribed psychiatrist is here to confirm the coffee."

A waitress sauntered towards their table with a pen and paper. "May I take your order, sir?" She asked, almost flirtatiously. Harleen rolled her eyes subtly. Her eyes found Bruce and found him looking at her in amusement. She blushed and diverted her eyes away.

"1 cup of Cappuccino. Not too much sugar. And 1 chocolate scone." Bruce looked at Harleen. "Ms. Quinzel, do you want ...?"

"No, Mr. Wayne, but thank you for the offer." She replied.

When the waitress finally went away, Harleen frowned. She brushed her blond fringe and scowled where the waitress was standing. "How unprofessional." She mumbled.

Bruce tapped his fingers on the table. "Can't blame them."

Harleen scoffed uncharacteristically. "Can your ego be higher than the Mt. Everest, Mr. Wayne?"

He winked at her. "Does it bother you, Ms. Quinzel?"

Oh damn, was he flirting with her? She almost snorted. Idiot! He's with that Talia! "Feel free to cavort it, Mr. Wayne."


The first time she met the love of her life was complicated and crazy (no pun intended). She was sitting across him. A table being the only thing in between and he was shackled, grinning at her lazily.

"You must be the doctor they sent me."

Harleen pushed her think rimmed glasses back to her eyes and smiled. "I'm your psychiatrist, Mr. J. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"How was he?" Her co-doctor asked. Harleen looked back at the door where the Joker was in. She bit her lip.

"He's insane." Sarah rolled her eyes.

"I already know that, Harls."

"Well, what do you want to know besides his mental instability?" She laughed.

"For a fine specimen of male, how was he?" Sarah persisted.

She looked surprised before clearing her throat. "He was ... charming."

"And?" Harleen blushed at her friend's prodding.

"Hot. However, I know my limits, Cooper. Do not get emotionally attached to thy patients." The brunette raised her hands.

"I'll just pretend, I didn't hear that. Okay, back to business. Will you be reporting your record of him?" The blonde smiled in response and excused herself. She unconsciously touched her heated cheeks.

To tell the truth, she was mildly intrigued by the Joker. He was different from her other patients and he seemed to understand her. She shook her train of thoughts. Gosh, she must be definitely randy to think of her patient like that!

The last time she ever fucked was when she was in College. She seduced her male professors just so she could pass her course. She was a slut. She was acutely aware of that and she wouldn't even try to deny it. But then again, that was years ago. She's changed and moved on. She didn't fuck her boss or the Arkham guards, or especially her patients. Although the idea of fucking Mr. Wayne was tempting, she refrained herself and just held her platonic and professional part in the billionaire's life.

She hadn't had the slightest clue why he was seeking her though. Since, he was perfectly sane - halting her thinking, she remembered the tragic incident when he was 9. When Thomas and Martha Wayne were murdered in front of their son 21 years ago. But why now? Why seek for curing his nightmare when he was already an adult?

There must be some reason why.


The last time she'd seen Bruce Wayne was when she and the Joker became the infamous criminals of Gotham. 3 weeks before she had been stripped off of her license. She had to admit that losing her license was depressing. Years of her college life! Wasted!

But her puddin was worth it.

"Where's Joker?" Batsy's deep voice startled her and she sat up.

"Good morning, Bats!" She cheered. The vigilante didn't answer and glowered at her.

"Lemme guess, ya wake up in the wrong side of bed?" She giggled. "Or did ya fall from your upside down slumber from the ceiling?"

"Where's Joker?" He asked again, ignoring her questions. Harley grinned up at him.

"Why do ya want to know, Batsy?"

"Where did your clown plant the bomb?"

He took a step towards her and Harley got up from the cot. Sheets cascading from her body and leaving her with her lace bra and panties. She put her forefinger on her lips slowly. "It's a secret."

"Tell me." He growled.

She only giggled. "Batsy, have ya not heard what I said? I can't tell ya. That's why it's called a secret." She drawled slowly, winking at him.

"There're also words called detained until you die, Harleen. Ever heard of them?"

She moaned and pouted, crossing her arms. "Oh, Mistah J's going to find and rescue me! I need not to worry about imprisonment. Oh and by the way, your place looks gloomy. Ya should add more light and colorful decorations!" Harley circled Batman. Perusing his muscular form and eyeing his blue eyes with such ferocity. His black armor covered his lithe muscles. Even though they were covered, they begged to be touched. Licking her lips, she noticed his jaw was set as if holding his contempt and anger.

... well, she couldn't blame him.

"Have ya a woman, Bats?" She asked.

He narrowed his eyes. "I'm the one asking questions here, Harleen. Sit down."

She pouted before slumping back on the cot. His commanding tone made her obey. She did always like being dominated. It made her feel so ... womanly. "Now, Where did your clown plant the bomb? Is it somewhere near a bank? A school?"

She shrugged. "No reference whatsoever."

He stared at her before sighing. He turned around and exited the cell. Locking up, he spoke, "You know he's not coming for you." While keeping his eye on the lock.

"He will, Bats." She replied, sounding confident. "He needs me."

She watched him smirk. "Yes, indeed. He will come for you. Only when you are needed, Harleen. But if he really needs you, where is he now?"

"My Puddin is scheming. Just ya wait." She puckered her lips. "He loves me."

"Tomorrow." He said, ignoring her words. His tone not promising. Nevertheless, she held onto it.


He let her go after a week. She was no use to him anymore. She didn't relent and kept stalling him. And the bomb exploded in the City Hall. He wanted to kill her for it, she knew, but held himself back. 3 people died. 2 Municipal staffs and a teenager. A lot were injured and had burns.

When she came back to Joker, he embraced her and explained why he didn't come for her. Harley's heart melted and immediately forgave her lover. "I love you, Puddin!"

He laughed maniacally. "I know, Pumpkin Pie."


The first time she truly wanted to kill the Bat was when he stabbed Joker in the stomach. They were robbing a bank ... stealthily, of course when he threw a knife towards him as soon as he arrived. God, how she wanted to feel his blood in her hands.

"How dare ya hurt my puddin!" She screamed at him in fury.

"And how dare you let people suffer!" He shot back. The always quiet and only work hero had had enough of her. Of them. His blue eyes seemed to be darker than usual and he seemed frightening than ever.

"I only did all of these for him. All for him! You don't know how I feel because ya never loved someone!" Her tears poured down her cheeks as she tried to stop the bleeding. She only noticed now that she was kneeling in the pool of blood of her love one and she cried in agony.

Batman just watched the scene before turning back and pressing the button to alert the cops. "Please, Bats." She choked silently.

He stopped. "Please don't let him die." She whispered.

He turned around glaring at them. "How do you feel now that you're in their shoes, Harleen? Painful, isn't it?" He clenched and unclenched his jaw in anger.

"Please! He's losing too much blood!" She begged frantically.

He took a step towards them. The pallid Joker had shallow breathing and he watched the criminal spurt blood from his midriff. His cold eyes went to her crying blue ones. "You two disgust me." She shook her head.

"Please bats."

Hesitantly and begrudgingly, Batman knelt down beside Joker. "We have ..." he checked his watch. "Approximately 2 minutes ... or less."

He took the needle, gauze, bandages, water, betadine and cotton. He started by deftly washing his wound and dabbing the area with clean cloth before applying betadine. He instructed Harley to arrange the needle and thread for the stitching. Joker moaned in pain. Batman almost wanted to laugh. He was treating the wound he had caused and to add with the insanity, he was treating the joker! Had the world turned upside down?

"Hey, take it easy with your cotton! You're pressing harshly!" Harley scolded.

He blinked "A minute." He snatched the needle from her grasp and plunged the needle point through his skin. Joker gasped and he laughed hysterically. "Having fun?"

Batman scowled and hastily stitched his skin without a flinch. "Done."

"15 seconds." He stood up before tying them up and with a flash of his black cape, he was gone. Harley stared at the spot where he left, her heart pounding loudly. It was so Batman of him to not just leave without giving a fight.

"The cops are here, darlin'" Her Joker groaned. "Help me untie this."


Dammit. He was there. All debonair and handsome. From her sources, Bruce Wayne was founding the event. She wanted to see him again personally and closely that she took the opportunity without hesitation. Luckily, Joker was gullibled by a small excuse. She told him she was just going for a late night walk. Not that he minded if she were to be snagged anyways by some pervert.

Sipping her wine, she watched him talk animatedly with a woman who had a big smile on her face. His blue eyes scanned the crowd and it stopped on her. She flushed and moved away from the crowd. She'd changed her appearance, courtesy of brilliant make up, as well as her name - Alice von der Lippe. But she was still recognizable.

"Hei nydelig." She paused and closed her eyes in a silent plea.

"Mr. Wayne." She greeted back warily. "How do you find the evening?"

"Splendid, Ms. von der Lippe. Yours?"


Bruce lent his hand to her. She accepted and let him lead her into a deserted hallway. "How are you fairing, Ms. Quinzel?" She coughed in surprise and looked at him to check if he was joking.

Unfortunately, he was not.

She composed herself. He was an observant man. No wonder he recognized her instantly. "It's Harley, actually." She grinned. "Ya're not calling the cops, are ya?"

He shook his head calmly. "No. I don't want to ruin this charity event."


The day she found out Bruce Wayne was Batman was the day she fucked him like there was no tomorrow. The revelation was overwhelming.

"Harleen, tell me how you like it." He whispered in her ear, licking it, while positioning his hard-as-rock cock in her slick entrance. Her eyes rolled in the back of head and she gasped in ecstasy.

"Fuck me rough, Brucey! Fuck me until my cunt bleeds!"

He pushed his head into her tight entrance, nudging and parting her swollen flesh. She shivered and attempted to slam herself on his hardness. He stopped her from pushing it in further and bit her nipple, suckling and tasting it. She threw her head back and moaned. "Brucey." She gasped and almost cried at the sensation of being deprived.

He was long and thick and she arched her body as he pushed himself into her. She screamed and Bruce muffled her moans with a kiss. Harley felt delirious. Years of experience and she felt like a virgin going through her first orgasm.

Her walls clamped on his cock greedily and he grunted. He pulled away from her lips and looked down on where they were connected. Fascinated as he drew his cock out, her juices coated him while it shone in the moonlight. Harley tightened her legs on his waist and smirked lustfully at Bruce, whose eyes seemed to darkened with need. He thrusted and pounded into her tight, wet hole, burying himself to the hilt.

Harley was almost close at fainting. "Look at me, Harleen." He commanded. "Don't you close your eyes." Biting her lip, she looked at him.

Bruce slowed his movements as if savoring the moment. Harley circled her arms around his neck and pulled him for a sensual and long kiss. "Ya sure do live up to the expectations." She commented on which he gave a particular hard thrust. She shuddered.

"What were you planning anyway?" He asked, his voice hoarse and husky. Harley flipped them around and now she was on the top. She lifted herself, moaning and throwing her head back in the process, before slamming down on his cock.

"I was - oh god" Bruce thrusted into her fastly.

"So fucking tight." He gritted out. His fingers found her clit and rubbed it profusely.

Harley gasped "oh god, Brucey! Yes! Like that, please!" Her voice sounded pitchier than ever.

"What were you doing, Harleen?" He asked, kissing her jaw while altogether penetrating her and rubbing her clit. This man's a fucking god!

"I- I was planning to - oh Brucey, harder!" She can barely concentrate. Constructing sentences was suddenly hard. "To just - oh hit that again! Fuck!"

Bruce let out a sexy laugh and thrusted into her more forcefully. She squealed and matched his pace. Sweat building up on her forehead and she held onto his broad shoulders. Sound of skin slapping and moaning became the melody of their love making.

Bruce pulled her to level her face into his. Their eyes stared into each other while they fucked harmoniously. He watched as she moaned uninhibitedly and her pupils dilated. The sight before him was erotic and it made him more arouse. He grabbed her breasts and kneaded it. Harley leaned onto his ear and moaned and spoke into his ear sinfully, whispering words of encouragement.

"Come inside me, Bruce. Use me until you're spent." He grew even harder and Harley bit a loud moan as she felt his cock jerked inside her. "Fill me with your seed."

"Did you know I've been dreaming of fucking you ever the moment I've laid my eyes on you?" He whispered back, chuckling darkly. "I've longed to enter my cock into your wet walls. One of my fantasies was you on top ..." he paused and bit her earlobe. Harley squeezed his cock, trapping him for a second before releasing him. He hissed. "Pregnant."

Kinky, she thought. Must be a fetish of him.

She felt her heart plummeting and she slammed down onto him. "We have to work on that now, Brucey."

"I already have a name." He grinned and he switched their places. Now him on top, he slammed into her promptly. His sweaty abs compressing in restraint. Harley bit her lip in pressure and felt her stomach twisting in knots.

"What?" She was fucking coming! She joined his pace and even thrusted faster than ever.


She moaned desperately as she came on his hard cock. Her slick, creamy walls milking him. She could only moan now that her throat was dry and hoarse from screaming. She felt bliss and satiated as she smashed her head into the pillows and blew her blond tendrils away from her face. Not before long when Bruce gave a final thrust and spilled long threads of cum inside her battered, swollen cunt.

"Charles." She whispered, out of breath. Her blond hair spilled on the sheets like a halo. "I've always liked the name Charles." Bruce exhaustedly rested himself on top of her. His head on her shoulder, kissing it. "What if it's a girl?"


She nodded, smiling. "Lillian Lucille Wayne it is."

He grinned at her and slowly pulled out of her. Her eyes grew into dinner plates as she felt it was still hard as rock. "You're insatiable." She giggled. He said nothing and plunged into her once again. Harley arched her back and she moaned.

"Marry me, Harleen." He proposed. She bit into his shoulder and her mind could barely register what he said. He slammed into her, his mouth slightly hanging. His face contorted in pleasure.

He hit the right spot and this earned an "Oh, yes!" From a certain woman.

So that folks was how Bruce Wayne got his wife, Harleen Quinzel Wayne.