Yamada Sato. An average man from an average family with average Japanese appearance. His name also was totally uncreative as his parents blatantly admitted they just had copied his grandfather's name.
It had created some problems when his grandfather still alive, but overall it's not a major problem.
Like an average Japanese man he was, he lived his life wholly and follow every wisdom that his grandmother has bestowed, together with her fiery passion for cooking. As the result, Sato vowed to become a top-notch chef to honor her dream. Luckily his parents supported his decision. They even rolled him to Tootsuki and sacrificed a big amount of cash.
Best parents ever.
Sato counted himself as a lucky person for surviving in Tootsuki for over two years before he was expelled. Even though he didn't gain the [Tootsuki's Alumni] title, he at least gained enough experiences to gain a decent reputation.
And after few events, he was accepted as one of the specialized tutor of Tootsuki. He remembered how sore his throat was after hours of howling in excitement.
As a teacher, a specialized one on boot, he'd expected for drama. Burning passion of youth. Element of surprise. High tension rivalry. Blood. Tears. Anything that related to youth and their dramatic tendency!
But, nooooo. It seems fate wants some sacrificial lamb to be her plaything and for all of the people, it had to be him. The average Joe whose name can be found on Google in the top five of common name.
For all of his listed job, he was, most of the time, stuck with paperwork. Precisely, regarding students information and their necessary formal education documents.
He seriously wanted to cry. Oh, wait, he already did it. But he still wanted to cry again.
Maybe it was his fault for bragging his talent as wannabe secretary back in college days. Yes, he might have some experiences handling abundant information and sweet-talking, but he didn't know anything regarding being Ministry of Education's underling, goddammit. And he thought Tootsuki was a school for cooking only. Oh, how naive he was.
And paperwork. God, if only he could just simmer them with herbs and honey and grill them thoroughly one by one–
He sighed. At least his salary is higher than average, courtesy being an employee in such prestige academy. On the plus side, he didn't have to be strict all the time with student, as his job that requires social intact are only documents correction and consultation.
Sato whistled as he went to the single class of Third Year with papers tucked on his hand. Even though it's obvious at least most of them want to be a chef (it's Tootsuki what do you expect), filling career questionnaire is still an official requirement.
Well, it's for formality only. It's not like a bizarre answer will pop out–pfft, please, it's the 90th Generation. He could trust them to fill such a simple document in short time.
He could, right?
From Sword to Knife
Interlude II: Confusion
Warning: Unbetaed, some miss typos, unreliable narrator, not based on fate lore, pure crack a.k.a. just for fun only. Timeline is a few weeks after Autumn Leaf Viewing. Use your imagination to fill the plotholes.
Satou sorted out the papers while idly staring at the chattering students. Weird, he thought as he noted the unusual sight among them. Usually, they would chatter around or even immediately left the class... Why are they still here?
He was referring to the five people who sat on Elite Ten Council throne–Saitou Soumei, Akanegakubo Momo, Megishima Tousuke, Kobayashi Rindou, and last but of course not the least, Tsukasa Eishi. Sato wasn't an Elite Ten member back then, but he had some friends who joined them. He perfectly knew how busy they were, especially the First Seat. Knowing his perfectionist character, Sato didn't surprise if Tsukasa chose to handle all the paperwork by himself.
He had prepared to dismiss them as soon as their paper on his hand, yet here they were. Sitting on their respective seat, trying to look busy (and failed) or just straight-up giving him a blank stare.
He then realized what's wrong when he noticed some of them discreetly stole glances at papers on his hands while others tried to not meet his stare.
What on earth...? He stared at the papers on his hand before shifting it to the silent students. Dread slowly crawled into his stomach.
...Something is wrong here.
"Guys, you didn't write anything strange, right? If you did, you all in a big problem with me!" He joked, trying to fish some answer from the quiet quintet.
He was answered with several shouts, either denied it or jokingly challenged his threat. But nothing came from them. Only a thousand-yard stare.
–oh, wait, no. The famous white knight gave him half-glare half-pleaded stare as if he was holding his chuunibyou diary. It's his first time seeing the usual charismatic First Seat looked so pathetic.
Sato wanted to scream in frustration. It's just a career forms for God's sake! What the hell did you write down, marriage proposal!?
He gave a long sigh and finally decided to check it all up. "Just to be safe, I'll check it up now. Anyone who dares to leave the class without my permission will be reported to Sanzaemon-sama and won't get another chance to correct their career forms."
There was a loud protest but Sato didn't care. My job is on the stake, goddammit.
"Chef... Head chef... hotel owner... chef...–huh?"
Sato squinted his eyes as he found a messy scrawled at the very bottom of the text.
'I need a scratchsoumascratch hero lol'
Huh. That's new.
Usually, some would write some references but never someone's name. Maybe it's their crush?
...Better not to dwell over it. At least they write it right.
"Toori-kun, I know you want it so much, but sadly you can't be a food."
"But, Satou-sensei, isn't that mean you're not worthy for chicken nugg–"
"Oh my God, so it truly happens... Tachibana-kun and Sugono-kun, first of all, yes I understand the reference. Second, no, you can't be Tracer."
"What about wido–"
"Then I'll be–"
"Tachibana-kun, not you too!"
'Can I have uuuuhhhhhhhh one yukhera sumo plz'
Y-Yukhera Sumo? Does she mean Yukihira Souma? Sato scratched his head. If he remembered correctly, he was the rumored genius yet humble student from 92nd generation. He never met him personally, but even Nakiri Sanzaemon had a high opinion about it. Is he really that interesting?
Well, not his problem. At least this one remembered to write down her chosen career.
'Yukihira Souma's imouto'
Satou did a double check on the written box. Rather than written as a small footnote or messy scribble, it was written in a big letter as if, yes sensei, it was my career path.
He was lost at words. He kept glancing at the girl who did nothing but glaring at his way. Uwah, scary. B-but still, I don't want to lost my job! Man youself up, me!
"Akanegakubo-kun, we will have a talk after this session, okay?"
He needed to straighten this up.
Subordinate!? Sato wanted to bash his head. Hard. You think he is a gang leader!? I thought you're a samurai, not a goddamn Yakuza!
"Saitou-kun, you too."
'Yukihira's scratchpetscratch wife uwu'
No comment. Honestly, no comment.
...still, how kink–nO COMMENT GODDANGIT!
"...Kobayashi-kun, we will have a very long talk regarding your career path."
'Yukihira's business partner'
Oh thank God, at least Megishima's is still normal.
"Megishima-kun, thank you for writing it seriously," said Sato trying to conceal his grateful tears. He considered to bow but the desk was on his way.
The large man only nodded back. "Nn."
"Wait a minute!" Rindou slammed her desk and stood up. "Sensei! I also serious with my career, ya kno! Why it's only him?"
"Both of us know why, Kobayashi-kun. Please, go sit down."
'Become Yukihira's partner forever'
...Uh. Sumimasen, nani the f–?
Satou checked the writer's name. Again. And again. And again. It was written in German–thank god he took German course–with a cursive letter. As if it wasn't extra enough, the writer had a gut to draw rose petals and tiny twinkle.
By the writer, the career form has transformed into maiden in love's front page diary.
I thought Kobayashi's is already bad, but this takes the cake! Sato didn't know whether he should cry or laugh. So that's why he glared at me... He better has a good reason to dare writing something like this.
He stared at the writer who blushed hard from top to bottom long and said,
"Tsukasa-kun, it seems we will have a very nice talk about... this."
God why have you forsaken me?
Satou really, really, wanted to cry now.
After a while
"Haaah..." Sato breathed out a suffering long sigh and massaged his tired neck. "So tireed..."
God, why Elite Ten members consisted with crazy people? He lamented as he reminisced his previous conversation with them. Not only it was totally uncalled for, he didn't expect all of them to be so passionate for the same person.
"Sou-myan said he always want a little sister, so I want to be Sou-myan little sister."
"Uh–but, why? You're clearly older than him so why?"
"Because little sister is the one who gets spoiled. I want to be spoiled by Sou-myan. Imouto is justice."
"I also don't want to lose to Eri-nyan."
"Have you seen the beauty of him, Satou-sensei? Not only he is an expert with his knives, he is also a talented swordsman who has marked his history at such a young age. Every time I saw him either wielding sword or knife, I can't help but be amazed. All of his creation mirrored his never-ending passion and endless story. Every stroke never without meaning. He is what I've been striving for. And for that, I, Saitou Soumei, has made an oath to–"
"Whoa, wait, wait, wait! So, you've pledged loyalty to him!?"
"Yes, sensei. Is something wrong?"
"Is he accepting it?"
"Of course he isn't, Saitou-kun! Please don't create such worrisome scene again!"
"I mean, sensei, have you eaten his dish? It's ve~ry delicious, ya kno~ Even the so-called experimented one was certainly top-tier! Even I, who supposed to be the exotic ingredients master, still pale compared to his orthodox wide knowledge. And to think he always cooking for everyone in the dorm, and his stored experiment, aaah, I am so jealous~! What's better than being his wife, to secure him for me only?"
"...Kobayashi-kun, before that you wrote 'being his pet'..."
"Oh, that! Hehe, I think my 'thirst' had gotten over me, te-he. Thinking about him sometimes make me lose my rational~"
"...Kobayashi-kun. This is Tootsuki, not some love hotel."
"But at least I tried to gamble my luck!"
"No means no!"
"Sorry! I'm so sorry for writing it! I won't do it again, honest! It just, um, Rindou's word triggered me and since I'm the first one who knows him and set my eyes on him first, without thinking I wrote that down! I'm so sorry if I am too selfish! I just want him to become my aide, or at least become my partner, but he keeps rejected me over and over. But I also don't want others take him away for me so I thought, 'why don't make him my partner forever?' and thus I added it! I'm so sorry for tarnishing Tootsuki reputation!"
"Okay, okay! Please, stop bowing, you're hitting your head on table–Tsukasa-kun, your forehead, your forehead!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
It was the most eventful day he'd ever experienced. And to think it all started from a simple matter such as filling career forms.
To think of it... Isn't that mean the next generation will be more hassle than this? Especially the 92nd one? With a big groan, Sato covered his face with his palms. Goddammit, how I suppose to say to Sanzaemon-sama, or worse, Ministry of Education?
Once again, Yamada Sato concluded,
I hate my job.
Hello, Aria here.
Yes, as you can see, this is a filler-slash-shitpost because I was a little bit tipsy, courtesy expired soda, and stressed out because starting from two weeks later I will be facing a chain of exams until, uh, 3-4 months later? Eh, yup. Maybe. I don't know. I want to run away from real life. And what's better than write a parody of the famous career form scene from Daily Lives of High School Boys, amirite?
And because of that anime too had triggered my chuunibyou back in middle school. goddangit
By the way, this filler-shitpost-meme-self-indulgent is showing how Souma/Shirou charmed ALL people in SnS, in one way or another. *shrug* Like I said, self-indulgent. This fic is really showing how thirsty I am with BL-related fic, isn't it...
Please forgive this incarnation of trash can.
By the way, have you sacrificed your luck to get Merlin? Because I had and for the consequences, my plane was delayed and I am stuck in the airport for three hours straight without notice. I was Suffering(tm).