Let me just take a single moment to say that this is the Tenth Portrayal. As well as the 21 Follows this got, I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone who enjoys all of my Cancerous chapters. And now, without further ado, read away.
Warning: The following One Shots MAY Be unsuitable for those who are easily offended by rude humor. You have been warned.
Portrayal X: Self Inserts
~Yeah, I just said the Author~
~The Single Greatest OC on the Archive~
~And before we start pointing fingers, It's The British Dogoo~
~Next Dogoo is gonna be his cousin whose either from Russia or Scotland. Or Ireland~
~Guess who started the Campaign above~
~Still Not any stories about this evil Neptunia character~
~Adu- Okay, No. It's ULTRA Neptune. U-L-T-R-A. She came from Ultra Dimension, so she's Ultra Neptune. Okay, Neptunia Archive? Did we clear that up alright? I mean it's the technical term, but people just like using Adult for some reason. I mean, she's not going to be in this portrayal but I feel like this had to be said~
Written By: The Author was partly drunk when he wrote this and he fell down the stairs and passed out.
Co Written By: That one guy who laughed his ass off at the author falling down the stairs
Beta Read By: One of the author's friend's who wasn't high and/or drunk who edited and corrected anything that seemed written by a drunk dumbass.
"...So, why am I here?"
"The better question is, How are you here? And the answer to that is simple: I have no nepping Idea. Nor do I care."
Kurome Ankokuboshi, a villain who had tried to fuse both Hyper Dimension and Zero Dimension together in the past, now sat on the other side of a booth table in a classic 90's restaurant as she stared Neptune, the CPU one, not the Ultra one. Now, she would have billions of better things to do if not chained down to the booth and forced against her will to remain seated. But the likelihood of being released seemed unlikely.
"That did not answer my question."
"Never mind that, You must help me." Neptune said, as Kurome simply raised an eyebrow. "Why would I ever do that?" She asked with a unamused tone and expression.
"My good boss has pushed the deadline for me, and now I must get him a idea for him by the end of the day or I'm fired!" She answered as he opened her laptop. "Now, let's start off with setting. It's has to be Planeptune, because fuck every other nation."
"I hate Planeptune."
"Nobody asked for your Opinion, Uzume! This is what the fans want!" Neptune yelled, Kurome simply staring at her with a twitching eye.
"Alright, now for our Character! I already have the info for it, and it's perfect! He's called "BIG DICK JOSH"! What do ya think!?"
"That name is horrid-"
"YESYESYES! We are getting some where to-DAY!" Neptune yelled as he pounded at his keyboard. Kurome grit her teeth in anger, holding back her desire to yell at the dumbass as she kept ignoring her.
"Okay, now we have to give this guy some powers! Let's give him Powers so Overpowered no one could match him, and have him dominate everyone even though he has no battle experience whatsoever! With a expected twist revealing he was NEVER human but some godly entity from another Universe!"
"You are just ignor-"
"ALIGHT, YES, THIS IS GOLD! Okay, now love interest!"
"I hope you die in a hol-"
"OH WHO THE NEP AM I KIDDING!? LET'S HAREM THIS SUCKER! Except the Makers, Oracles, and any other character that aren't the CPU's, FUCK those characters!" Neptune yelled, typing down the information she came up with. It was at this point, Kurome finally had it. But before she could unleash unholy wrath against him, Neptune suddenly pointed at her.
"Now, let's try to find out some villains! Should we go with the main story and use the main villains in that, and come up with something that has has no relation with the gaming community at all? Of course, it has to be some old guy talking about how the world is being destroyed by the CPU's and that the world would be better off without them, even though it makes no sense since Hyper Dimension technically needs them to survive."
"...If I assist you, will you let me go?" Kurome asked, as Neptune simply stared at her with suspecting eyes. "...Maybe."
"...Then, how about this? You don't be some stupid jackass, write this idea without sounding like fool obviously infected with large doses of Retardation, and stop ignoring me?" Kurome began. "Why does this OC have to be Overpowered? In fact, why have any powers at all!? If anything, why not make it normal powers? Nothing special or superior to the CPU's, who have possibly centuries of experience at their backs, if at all having powers, and to hell with the CPU's, pair up with someone who is neglected and isn't used in a fic."
"So...what about historical powers? Like a werewolf?"
"Yes, that even! I don't really care what you do, just don't make it overpowered!"
"Okay okay...anything else?"
"Don't make yourself a stoic, uncaring, edgy, asshole. Make yourself original, not something anyone could be, people have seen it all before. Try something no one has seen or made yet."
"THAT...is thee most horrible Idea I have ever heard! This isn't what the fans want! They need to KNOW the OC has a gigantic dick and OP powers, how else is he gonna be shipped!? He has to be absolutely perfect with no flaws whatsoever!
"Honestly, I have better ideas that THAT Kurome! Jeez! This baby is near completion! The Boss is gonna love this!"
"I hate this. Every detail about it."
"WHAT!?" Neptune yelled in utter shock. "WHAT"S WRONG WITH BIG DICK JOSH!?"
As a few hours had passed since Neptune had kidnapped Kurome for little to no reason, and she had come to turn in her hard work. This, obviously, did not go well with the author, who had hired her to create this, due to how horrible it was.
"Let me just go over the self insert I'm paying you to write for me. Ahem...'After getting magically transported to Gamindustri, Big Dick Josh ventures through Gamindustri in search of a way home, and totally gets a Harem of Goddesses, Overpowered abilities that no one can dare match, and defeats every random threat that comes his way...and just so we are clear, Planeptune cute and sexy CPU is the Protag!'" The author repeated with a mocking tone. This, however, did not pass through to Neptune, who took the sarcasm as truth.
"Yep! This is gonna be the breaking point!" Neptune cheered, clearly seeing nothing wrong with her work. The author simply stared at her with a blank expression before tossing the transcript in the trash, and then several men in suits holding machine guns pointed at the transcript in the trash and shot it relentlessly, even taking time to reload the guns and shoot it for even more long periods of time.
"NEPU!?" Neptune yelled out as she was forced out of the room by even more guards, who would later violently throw her out into the street. The author rose up from his seat and turned around, and opened up the blinds. Outside, in the city which appeared to be Planeptune, was fire and chaos. It looked like a New York in Escape from New York, but why? Does this represent something? Was it because Sweet Victory wasn't played at the Super Bowl last night?! Maybe. Who knows! But that's not the point here.
"The world is ending...the Gods have abandoned us...a savior is needed in order to bring Balance to the Force...we can't summon one because we don't have enough money in the budget for that, and we are pretty tight on Money right now..." he mumbled, seeing a explosion occur in the distance. He let his forehead hit the glass as he closed his eyes and exhaled. "Will it continued to be destroyed by the new saviors...? Or will it be destroyed by the ones trying to save it...? Only Time will te-" Cut off by his phone ringing, the author looked over at his smartphone, seeing it vibrate. He picked it up and held it up to his ear after answering it.
"Hello?" He asked, and stood where he was for a few seconds before widening his eyes. "Oh, we have more budget money now? Okay...okay...yes, thank you...okay, bye." He said as he hung up.
He then shot his sight over to the other side of the room. "Boss, pack your bags! We going to r-18 Island!"
Thank to you who stuck around and continue to enjoy reading these portrayals (Despite some of them being crap.) Now, before I either continue to hate the super bowl halftime for failing humanity or continue Resident Evil 2, I think now is a good time to say this.
I'll try to be focusing more on my actual stories rather than this. If I just continue this, I'll kinda lose purpose, plus they're doing better than I had expected when I posted them before honestly. As to why they havent been uodated was quite simple: Lack of Motivation and writers block. So I tried wht most people do when they have writers block, take some time to just refresh myself a bit and relax. But now that I have done that I'm back and at it.
Also, I've been Beta Reading a story called Multidimension Blue Sun by Authoria - The Heart, if anyone knows who that is.
So, I'll try to get another actual story chapter out soon, but still might be awhile. But I will tell you what the next portrayal is.