The Akatsuki: Death Pineapple

YO this is Redshamin:
This is my version of the Akatsuki..and it is my retelling of it. so forget all you think is supposed to be in the akatsuki and strap in for my version...And i have no idea where the title came from just...fits in an odd way. now my previous story Akatsuki:new dawn kinda failed i think though i am going to revive it later...probably... PLEASE REVIEW i will also take all Good and Bad comments to upgrade my style so please REVIEW!.

Ps: this is rated "M" for later usage and there is going to be several OC characters... no no not the ones with rainbow colored hair either, some actual good ones...

Chapter One: The Five Tails

It was late at night, and the rain came down heavy in the busy capitol of a modern "land of fire" called "Kohona". People filled the streets going to and from work, driving their auto-mobiles. centurise after the fourth great ninja war they had a peace treaty and made an alliance that joined all the great nations under one symbol. but with that came problems as well, over the years the people began to slowly forget about chakra and began thinking more on controling the people. the world became fat and lazy thinking chakra control was too dificult and with the development of guns swords got played out, and who needs to learn to jump on trees when you could catch a bus or just drive...

The young blond haired man stood on top of a high sky scraper over looking the city. he had long hair and a odd little ponytail above his head and a bang covering his left eye. he stood their intently watching the Payless shoe store from above with a wicked smirk plastered on his face. "Come on..." the young blond wispered to him self as thirty muinutes just waltzed on by. while watching the shoe store he tried to recall the missions details.

As the young blond sat in McDonalds using his laptop for a virtual meeting with his boss, along with his other companions that where scattered around everywhere. the leader who calls himself "Pein" called all his gang, which he calls "Akatsuki" for a collective large scale mission and as mutch as the blond wanted to sleep in he knew it had to be very important.
"The Tailed beast" pein started on the the laptop meeting as soon as he knew all nine of his members (excluding himself) were present.
The laptop titled "Fish master 9000" boomed as a loud scratchy voice came from it "Oh my God, The Tailed Beasts!"

"Dude shut the fuck up man!" screamed "The Sexiest Man Alive's" pc

"whatch your language hidan..." said a very beautiful woman with a cold expression as she came up behind pein on the screen.

"Oh look it's the blueberry" said "Sexiest Man Alive" now known as hidan.
the two started to bicker back and forth for a full five muinutes until Pein roared and the E-net was silent. resuming his meeting he then began to state that the "Biju" have been revived and found new hosts and that is the point of this meeting to capture the nine "Biju" and take them to Akatsuki HQ. "now here are your assignments..."
end flashback
the young blond now known as deidara sat atop the building wishing this assignment of his would be over quickly but that wont be the case... his assignment was to capture the "Five tails" (a hideous goat like monster that has the capability to jump over mountain ranges. ) after what felt like forever he noticed a office worker scramble out of the shoe store wobbling like he's drunk, but what was so odd about him was that he has a enormously feirce chakra that could be felt for miles and he had goats eyes...
"" deidara rose from the roof and in a quick swift motion summoned a clay bird and began silently flying through the night around the target. then he dropped two clay figures in his hands, one resembled a woman the other a man and using his "color jutsu" gave them human like colors before they poofed into life size people and landed with a loud thud in the alley. as the two clay figures became animated and began to follow the target the unexpected happened, he was faceing them as if expecting them to be after him. Which honestly startled deidara, but deciding now was time to take him down he followed his instinct and made his figures lunge at the man only for another unexpectation to happen, he grew fifteen feet goat legs and leaped in a instant and disapeared in the night somewhere.

fresturation was eating at deidara as he began to grip at his hair and look to the sky, "Damn!" he punched the clay bird he was riding on, disapointed that he waited several hours for no reason and the fact he only has two days left to find the beast to complete his sceduled objective...pissed he returned to his motel after a few more searches.

The Next Day
it was the next morning. the blond had passed out due to exaustion on the couch wearing his favorite white button shirt un buttoned down to the third button. groggily he looked up at the clock which read "10:00am" jumping up he leaped into the shower and ate some cereal before heading out into the city, but before he could leave he got a text from a very unexpected someone...Kakuzu,
now kakuzu was a nasty person who would do any thing for money, even go against Akatsuki if need be and he would never call someone with out the factor of money being involved. he fliped his phone open and opened the text.

Kakuzu- i will help you if you pay me at the "krusty crab".

deciding it was get kakuzu's help or die by the hand of pein the choice was simple, he got his leather jacket and headed to the "krusty crab" in his yellow camero. as he was driving down "Konoha street" he noticed that the place was a beautiful city and even still had the old hokage mountain in the distance, which surpassed the test of time... his freind sasori loved looking at them saying it is a masterpiece of the ancients, but to the blond that was rubbish he truly wanted to blow it up in the name of "his art".
as he rounded the corner acording to "gogle maps" he found an old street that was greyed out and had cracks in the road. as he proceded he noticed lots of beer bottles that littered the ground like grass, and cigarett butts everywhere. thugs on the corners totaly tated up stared at him as he passed in the yellow camero. "shit..." he thought as he pulled up to a strange place blasting loud music with two girls out front twerking as guys where "riding" them, from behind, the stentch of weed filled the air as he slipped out of the camero and looked up at this "Krusty Crab" place that Kakuzu told him to meet him at.

as he headed to the building a homeless looking man with five teeth ran up to him "aye guu leme borrow five dolla" sticking out his hand expectantly to deidara who was now pissed he called him a girl. "who the hell you callin a girl" an angry blond then he shoved the man out the way and continued to head to the building but was stoped again by yet another man who out of no where slugged deidara across his face making him hit the ground. dazed a little dei looked up to see a dark skined man wearing several gold chains and a nike hat looking down at him skiping to the sides in a fighting stance.

"Aye bitch, dat my cousin" said the man as he attempted to kick the blond but thanks to his ninja training he was able to see it coming and rolled out the way just in time. then did a hand stand and using his legs leaped on the man catching him off guard and did a head chop on the man knocking him unconcious. after dusting himeslf off he stood up and looked around to see a rather large beefed man with a high top haircut walking fast at him.

deidara already asuming what he was going to do took his stance not wanting to blow his cover using his explosives. the man was with in arm range and dei decided to make the first blow which the man caught easily and slamed him on the ground. making him a little dazed again then the large man straddled the blond and began punching him over and over.
people with Iphones poped out of no where and began filming as the man beat dei into unconciousness. the last words he heard before darkness over took him was "Bitch dat my daddy".

Now this is my second fic tell me what you think and i will update, i love it when people talk about or critisize my work so please review
ps: i know i am not the best speller...