7Raoul's carriage came into view as we reached the gates of the cemetery. Behind, I could hear Erik cursing the both of us, his beautiful voice distorted by rage. The driver started to scramble down to assist us but Raoul waved for him to stay at his post. He aided me up the step and followed me in, waiting only long enough for me to be seated before tapping on the roof to signal the driver. The carriage lurched forward and Raoul collapsed onto the bench across from me.
"Christine, are you hurt? If I hadn't arrived when I did…" He lowered the hood of my cloak and smoothed my hair with gloved hands. Perhaps I should have thanked him for his care and concern. Instead, I asked how he knew where to find me, still attempting to untangle my feelings about what had just occurred.
"Meg told me that you seemed distraught and left rehearsal early. I suspected you might come here. Dieu merci..."
He brushed my cheek with his knuckles and I shied away, feeling smothered. As he pulled back I saw the hurt in his eyes and felt a pang of sympathy. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Raoul," I offered, squeezing his elbow apologetically.
"It was foolish to go alone," he chided. "He found you, just as you feared he would."
"He didn't hurt me. He could have taken me away by force, but he didn't…" He wants me to choose, I added silently.
"And I'm glad of it!" he interrupted, shrugging off my hand. "But he was more than prepared to kill me!" I stammered, unsure of what to say, and he let out an exasperated sigh.
"Please help me understand, Christine." He tossed aside his hat to run a hand through his hair, voice growing strangely calm. "Not long ago you were nearly faint with terror at the thought of him carrying you off. But I saw you. The two of you, together. You looked at him as if he were your father risen from the grave! Or something else entirely..."
A hot flush crept up the side of my neck and I crossed my arms, not wanting to hear what would come next. "What are you trying to say, Raoul?"
"Oh, you've told me you do not hate him, but now I see the truth. You want him to take you away." I willed him to stop, but he pressed on. "Why else would you hide my ring? Or sing his infernal music, after refusing so fiercely?"
Raoul had never spoken to me this way before, and it felt as if he had struck me. I lashed out, selfishly seeking to return blow for blow.
"If anyone wants me to go back there, it's you!" He started to object but I held up a hand to stop him. "Why would I sing? Wasn't that exactly your plan, to offer me up as a lamb to the slaughter?" My eyes were stinging, and when he reached for me this time, I did not resist. I felt so weary and welcomed the comfort he offered.
"Forgive me." I sensed his anger dissipating as he moved to sit beside me and gently brushed away a tear. "If there were another way…" he murmured, unknowingly echoing Erik's earlier words. My head settled in the crook of his neck as his arms folded around me. "What if we didn't wait for the première?" he proposed, even though we both knew it was impossible. "We could leave in a few days - go back to the sea, or to Sweden. It may take time, but the Sûreté will find him eventually." I weighed my next words carefully.
"To sing is to condemn him, and still...I feel it would be cruel not to sing." I heard Raoul's sharp intake of breath and pulled back to meet his gaze, taking his dear face in my hands. I would keep my promise to both men as well as I could, and only pray that Erik would heed my warning. "Whatever happens, I must sing for him. One last time."
"You owe him nothing, Christine. Yes, he was your teacher, once. But that doesn't matter now. Everything has changed. You understand that, don't you?"
I shook my head in an attempt to clarify my muddled thoughts. "Please, Raoul, do not ask me to explain. I don't think that I could. But I can say this this for certain - I love you. You mustn't doubt that." Yet even as I drew him closer to reassure him with my lips, I saw the flicker of hesitation in his eyes.
God save us all.
A/N: Christine and Raoul's dialogue here was inspired (clearly) by Chapter XII/Apollo's Lyre from Leroux.