Dumbledore Does Gay Things, by Dickfart

Dumbledore walked up to his office one morning, whistling a jaunty tune.

"Password," farted the ass portrait.

"Toffee Waffle," said Dumbledore, and the ass portrait allowed him in.

"Hello, office," he said. "Hello, desk.

"Hello, books. Hello, Fawks. Hello, Sorting Hat. Hello, jelly bean jar. Hello, Muggle Studs Daily."

to be continued