Lanky Kong, by Dickfart

"Uweehe," said Donkey Kong, in a tux with no pants. He handed Lanky Kong a virgin bananatini.

In the distance, Princess Peach was having explosive diarrhea in the woods. She ran out of Toad hats to use as diapers.

"We've all been there," said Lanky. She then turned to her ape buddy, DK
Donkey Kong

He's the leader of the bunch, you know him well
He's finally back to kick some tail
His coconut gun can fire in spurts
If he shoots ya, it's gonna hurt
He's bigger, faster, and stronger too
He's the first member of the DK crew

and said, "My friend Dickfart gave me two tickets to see Gay Boys Fuck, a really straightforward tale about two uomini omosessuali and the act of UTDZ-UTDZ-UTDZ-UTDZ-UTDZ-UTDZ-UTDZ-UTDZ-UTDZ-UTDZ-and I wanted to know if you could come?"

"Ooooweh," said Donkey Kong, holding up one finger. Then he crept toward the Mario Kart track and tossed a banana peel right in front of Toad, where he spun out into a ditch and, for some reason, in a very Michael Bay sort of way, Toad's kart exploded, and Toad chunks flew onto everyone's eyes, blinding the entire Mushroom Kingdom.

At least until they remembered what tissues were.

"Whoa," said Lanky. "What's in this virgin bananatini?"

Donkey Kong took a shit and threw it at Toad's chunks. Lanky wound up taking Luigi to see Gay Boys Fuck instead.

The End