53Opening Files: Wacky Races
The Wacky Races, an annual sports event that happens every year across the globe where racers, even hunters can participate in the sport, much like the Olympics and the tournaments they can use their abilities, resources, and weapons to win and survive for whatever tries to take them out of the race. Major companies and mostly military branches take part in it for the funds and test out the latest technologies and weapons. The reason for the name being given was for the world's most daredevil drivers to compete in the craziest race tracks ever made.
Celebrities and organizations have often participated in the races such as the WWE Wrestlers, the Rimba Grand Prix, and Hunters of the Huntsman Assciation for special events or charital causes.
Close Files:
"Tom I'm receiving a broadcast of the race, I'm excited and been a fan of the Wacky Races." Sara said with excitement as a screen pops up to get the channel, an AI and long time companion of TOM and helped him out often when in danger.
"Great, its actually pretty exciting to see people wanting to take on games and sports to compete to win. You know what I like most of all about winning?"
"The prizes and fun?" She asked him.
TOM nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah, but sometimes its best to have fun. Winning isn't everything, you gotta have fun. But being competitive would make you do things like cheating. There's the famous story about the Tortoise and the Hair, where sometimes even the slowest runner can win."
"Slow and steady wins the race. I know, even watched one on Looney Tunes. Oh, its on!"
A dark-skinned medium-built male with short fuzzy black hair and wearing a bright yellow suit with a pink shirt and red tie. "Ok, we're on? Better do my best. This good, Chrissy?" Speaking to his crew while live.
"Yeah, and your on now!"
Not showing signs of being nervous, he immediately turned to the camera and smiles with a microphone in his hand. "Good Morning sports fans, this is Brick Crashman speaking on behalf of the annual Wacky Races. Where the most daring daredevils of the world come to compete for the grand prizes, some companies and organizations are also sponsoring for charity. So let's go meet the racers who are competing in the Wacky Rac-AAHHH!" He jumps out of the way just before a fast-moving vehicle passed by, leaving a large trail of dust behind.
Brick coughed the debris and see it was one of the racers had arrived. "W-Well, looks like we may get a chance to speak to the competitors. Let's get a talk with them before the race starts." He reaches for the first racers who look like a hillbilly with a large yellow hat over his face, wearing a red shirt and brown pants, sitting what looks like a rocking chair with his feet on the… steering wheel? Behind him was a large brown bear Mobian wearing only a blue aviator hat with goggles and a green scarf wrapped around his neck
"Well, here's our first races…um, sir, are you awake? Sir?" Trying to wake the human racer up who began to stir.
"Huh, wha… Oh, is it morning already stranger?"
"Um, my name is Brick Crashman, announcer of the Wacky Races, I'm certain you are one of the competitors?" Brought his microphone to him for a response.
Lift his hat to reveal his face, showing his beard and a pipe in his mouth. "Why, yes I am! Names Lazy Luke and this big fella's Blubber Bear, you won't get much out of him, nervous wreck since we agreed to participate." Pointing his thumb to the Bear Mobian who was quivering in fear, mumbling something through his teeth. "Oh quit ya blubbering!"
"So, would this be the err… what is it exactly?" Scratches his head while uncertain how to describe the thing before them as it had some old pot-bellied stove in the rear of the vehicle and seems to be made out of wood and old car parts put together, along with the N.8 on the side.
"A beaut ain she! Built her myself then those high-tech gadgets the lot use these days." Speaking proudly of his design and prefers the old engines. "This ere is the Chuggabug, runs with some bit of coal and fire-dust for the boost."
"Did you say coal and fire dust? Is that safe?" Knowing that dust is the main fuel for their technology but not uncommon to use alternatives like solar energy and coal for other uses.
"Darn tootin'! But that's all I'm gonna say, that's a secret! Now you excuse me, son, we gotta get ready for the race!" Shuts his eyes and the car starts up, driving by with steam coming out of the pipe.
Brick turns to the camera once again. "Well, I would love to see them compete in the Wacky Race. Now to the next group, wait, is that… why yes it's Professer Pat Pending! He's one of the scientific members of DexLabs, let's see if he has anything to say. Excuse me, Professor, can we borrow some time from you." Rushing towards a man wearing a brown lab coat with green leather gloves, he was bald on the top but has wild fuzzy orange hair.
Standing beside something large under the sheets. "Oh, I don't see why not. It is a pleasure to meet you Mr. Crashman and I must say, this will be an exciting moment to test my latest development. Something I have been working on for months with the help of my dear friends. I present to you the Convert-a-Car!" Pulling down the sheets to reveal what looked like a hybrid between a wagon, plane, and boat.
Brick made a whistling noise when being amazed. "Imagine this being on the water, no doubt you have something up your sleeve with this baby."
"Oh it will, this one is one of the latest we come up with which will be tested here on the Wacky Races as the perfect choice for my invention." The professor said with confidence.
"So you're only in it for the personal interest and test out its limits? Sorry if I'm being blunt, but just being curious." Brick asked his question to the professor if he heard him right.
"Well, for your first I can't say it is the PERFECT without progress and knowing its limits. But yes, I find the Wacky Race most enjoyable and thrilling. If I were to win, the money would go to the scientific community and the extra funds would come in handy." Smiles and enters his vehicle and drove off.
"Well seems we found someone only in it for the sport and can't wait to see what it can do. On to the third contestant is… are those cavemen?" What he said was true, two males, covered in all brownish hair and only showing their arms, legs, and noses bare. The two were so identical and both wielding a club in their hands. "Um, I'm guessing they must be the Slag Brothers, two cavemen who were found frozen as I believe for thousands of years back to possibly the Age of the Forgotten World. I'll see if we could get a word from them."
"Ooga-radda woka me Rock. Him Gravel." Rock spoke in near English, pointing himself and his identical brother.
"Nice to meet you and uh, where is your car we would like to see what you are using."
"Racing care, here." Pointing their fingers to a large boulder, and a few rocks. Brick was confused over why they brought a few rocks and no racing car, he couldn't say anything offensive while on live TV, but if they don't have a car they won't be able to compete. Before the announcer would say something, the Slag used their clubs to hit the boulder, what's also surprised the announcer and his crew more by seeing it turn into a car-like structure. Their clubs glowed bright and the same for the rocks that changed shape.
"Wakka. Car!" The Slag Brothers shouted.
"Well, now I've seen everything! We probably just witnessed them using a semblance to turn a rock into a car!" Brick said to his viewers after seeing their abilities in amazement.
"Um, Brick, I think one of those wheels look a little square-shaped." Hearing Chrissy about the wheels, catching the brothers' attention to one of the wheels.
"Rah Dummyhead! You make square wheel!" The two started arguing in their gibberish words and then used their clubs to hit each other on the heads repeatedly.
Not wanting to get caught in the fight, the group moved away. Brick ducked when a large rock was thrown over his head. "Um, maybe we should let them sought it out before the race. It was an… interesting moment."
"HAHAHAHA! You call those walking carpets racers? You ain't seen nothin' when Sawtooth and I enter the race!" Coming up to them was a large buffed up lumberjack, wearing clothing fitted for the job, a red jacket and blue sweater under it are pair of grey pants. Wore a purple hat and has a 5 o'clock shadow. Sitting on his right broad shoulder was a Beaver wearing goggles, a yellow scarf, gloves, and a helmet. "Names Rufus Ruffcut and this little buddy of mine is Sawtooth. Please to meet ya, Mr. Crashman." Took his hand to shake, only to use most of his strength to almost crush Brick's hand for a moment before letting go.
Nursing his hand and not trying to show that he was in pain. "That's uh, quite a grip, Mr. Ruffcut. So what would you be using for the race?"
"Glad you ask, feast your eyes on the Buzz Wagon. Hey, Sawtooth show them the wheels." The Mobian jumped off his shoulder and brings in their racing car, which was made out of wood and had a pair of buzzsaws instead of wheels. "This here we made from hard work, not like this fancy-schmancy high tech weapons the Hunters use these days. There are those like us who had to survive in the wilderness when it comes to the Grimm or anything that wants a piece of ya, using the basic tools our forefathers used when they first settled in America. These are the main weapons I use." Pulls out his two axes in both hands. "In the race, your gotta use your wits and skills. They'll be on to you like a pack of wolves" Twirled an axe in his right hand with the other holding a spare log from the pile of wood, making a nice clean cut through the wood in half to show his skills as a lumberjack.
"Nice shot. Ok then, we won't hold you any longer, best of luck for the race. So now we introduced the first four racers, let's move on to the fifth, wait if I'm not mistaking, that's Peter Perfect! One of the top racers in the US! Mr. Perfect, Brick Crashman here." Catching the young man's attention as the drag racer pulls over to greet them.
Stepping out of the car and smiles at the camera crew. "Why hello Mr. Crashman, hope I'm not late." The young man wore a racing wearing a red jacket, black boots, and white pants with a white racing helmet, on his jacket were the double "P" initials as representing Perfect Industries, one of the finest corporations to make vehicles and sponsors for the Wacky Races.
"So how does it feel to be racing for Perfect Industries? I assumed that being one of the youngest CEOs you would be too busy for the race."
"Oh nonsense, for generations my family have been sportsmen and racers, even some took the roles as huntsmen and huntresses also for the thrill of excitement and adventure. The Turbo Terrificbeing the latest of my designs using the best technologies Perfect Industries came up with and I made several test runs." Giving a strong pat on the jet car, but what came next surprise the others when it suddenly fell to pieces. "Oh, fiddle sticks." Stumped his foot on the ground and looking sheepish. "Of course, it does have its kinks but nothing to worry about."
"Uh, well I'm sure we look forward to the main event, best of luck. But best get a move on to the remaining contestants. Wait, what's that in the sky?" The cameraman turned his attention to the sky where they could see a red plane. "Um, I'm seeing a plane coming towards the race, but wait I'm seeing… wheels, yes, wheels and if we could get a close up on the pilot… why it's none other than the famous Crimson Haybaler piloted by Red Max! Known for his time of facing the sky pirates under the command of the infamous criminal Don Karnage, and also a swarm of Lancer Grimm. Thus earning him the heroic reputation of taking the skies. We would have to wait for him to-"
"DUCK!" Chrissy cut him off suddenly.
Brick raised an eyebrow from Chrissy's sudden outburst. "Duck? I don't see any-"
"No! Duck as in-GET DOWN!" She threw herself at him to avoid the plane that was coming closer to the ground, soaring over the startled crew and hear the pilot shouting.
"SORRY!"
Brick got up, wiping the sweat off his forehead with a cloth. "Whew! That was a close one. Maybe we should wait a little longer, oh I see another car coming… At least, I think it's a car, or maybe a tank?" Before the crew was a large hybrid vehicle with a military jeep and an army tank with a steel wheel in front.
"Make certain the ammo is fully loaded and inspected before the race Private Meekley! On the double Private!" A short man in military uniform, barking at the tall lanky private officer who was adjusting the gears. "Yes, Sergeant Blast, Sir." The officer spoke timid but didn't seem frightened by his shouts. He climbed into the tank to get some work done.
"Um, excuse me, I'm Brick Crashman, announcer of the Wacky Race, me and the viewers would like to know-"
"And just what do you want to know, sonny? This is the latest model built by the military, the Surplus mark 6."
"A mk3? So there have been others before it?" Brick gave a question to the officer, in response the Sargearnt appeared shocked and surprised by how he knew something that was meant to be top secret.
"Wha-WHO TOLD YOU THAT?!" Glaring into his eyes and grabbed his tie to meet at his level, both their noses would press against each other.
Feeling nervous by his stern glaring eyes and replied with a stutter. "Um, y-y-you did... just now!"
"Oh, apologies, civilian." Once he s for his behavior and released Crashman's tie go after calming down. "I sometimes get carried away. Yes, this is one of our top models. It's faster, lighter, and armed by the best technicians put together. This baby could penetrate even the toughest carapace of a Death Stalker within 17 km."
Brick was impressed by the details of the vehicle. "Hate to be the one on the wrong end." Suddenly the tank's gun fired unexpectedly but nothing came out or hit anything.
"MEEKLEEYYY!"
Meekley popped his head out of the hatch covered in soot from the explosion. "Sorry, sir, the trigger still seems to be sensitive but luckily we put in blanks in case."
"Well you've seen our design. Now please excuse us as we must be ready for the race." Waving his arms to make them leave to resume their duties of getting the vehicle ready.
"So only four racers to meet while we still have some time. Oh wait a minute, I think that might be miss Penelope Pitstop. Best known as one of the most popular female racers ever." Driving by is a young blonde-haired woman with her hair tied in a ponytail, dressed in a pink racing uniform with white gloves, maroon tights, and a pair of white boots. Wearing a pink racing helmet with goggles on top. Her racing car the Compact Pussycat had some feminine features and was all pink.
"Well howdy, it's so pleasant to meet you Mr. Crashman." Penelope spoke to him and smiled.
"So what can you tell us about your racing car?"
"Oh, why the Compact Pussycat is the latest model of my fashion business. Not only will it be fast, but can keep me clean and fashionable at the same time." A demonstration to show by using one of the metallic appendages to pull out a powder puff and fluffed it on Brick's face, causing the announcer to cough. Once finished his face was all white before brushing it off. "Oh, well that is something else. But good luck on the race, miss Pitstop."
"Thank you, dear." Driving away in her Compact Pussycat. Cleaned up from the makeup and now on to the last three. Coming towards the next competitors, he was certain that one was a large giant twice his height, a mob of brown hair covering his eyes and green skin and a green top. Alongside him was a pint-sized purple-skinned vampire it looked some sort of 19th Century automobile with a haunted-looking house. "Here could be the Gruesome Twosome, ghoul-looking racers from the far east of Europe and…" Coming out of the window of the 'house' was a long serpentine creature with green scales and was something he thought to be a myth or rarely exists. a-is… that a dragon-AHHAHH!" The dragon glared at them and unleashed a powerful blast of fire at them, chasing them away before they could get a chance.
"Ok, m-maybe we could get one after the race. Now on to the next races." Making haste to avoid the dragon's fury. Next stop was a 1900s Bullet-Proof Bomb, a group of seven men at the same size as the Vampire wearing fedoras suits similar to the fashion between the 1920s-30s, they were the Ant Hill Mob.
"Brick Crashman, announcer of the Wacky Races, care to share some moments, fellas?"
"Yah, you can talk to me while my boys get the wheels rollin'." Speaking before the group was Clyde, the leader wearing a dark hat and suit. "Lemme save ya the trouble, bud. We came here to win the big green and earn some fame of course."
"Hope that car can take what's out there in the race."
"Not a thing we would worry about. Now, if you excuse me, I like to get ready for the Wacky Races. Come on you clogs, move it we got a race to win!"
"Ah, gee boss ya think we would win?" One of his men, named Dum-Dum, wearing a green suit and brown hat., while not the most intelligent of the group but loyal to his boss over the years.
"Ya damn right we would, plus we gotta make certain Miss Pitstop is safe, never know if the Claw shows up to snatch her. You just worry about your hide most of all. These guys look tough and could be Grimm out there."
One of the Ant Hill members, Kurby suddenly began to shed tears and sobbed. Earning the nickname 'Softy' for his habit. "It's so nice of you to worry about us, boss. Especially after how you wanna help Penelope."
"Ah knock it off, Softy." Getting his gang to stay focus on the race.
"Well, I guess that's all there is to-hold up, this one's unexpected." Approaching the next garage was different compared to the other racers, it had signs that say "KEEP OUT", "TOP SECRET!" "ENTER AND DIE!" & also "BEWARE OF DOG!"
"Hmm, wonder if we can get a close up." Knocks on the door and silently enters, inside the garage was a rocket-shaped car, with a dorsal fin over the dome-shaped hatch and rocket engines. Inside it was a male driver wearing a dark blue duster overcoat, long red gloves, and a red and blue striped hat with driving goggles attached. He also sported a handlebar mustache. Alongside him was a small scruffy Mobian dog that had black ears and a nose, wearing only a collar that had his name on it. These two were none other than the infamous Dick Dastardly and his sidekick Mutley, also members of the Vulture Squadron.
"Well, this is a surprise to be greeted by none other than Dick Dastardly himself. Wonder what brings him here." Brick spoke to the viewers and tries to get an interview from the last competitors. Approaching them as they stepped out of the vehicle. "I'm speaking to Dick Dastardly?"
Dick turned around and glared at him. "Who wants to know? Can't you see I'm busy preparing for the big race?"
"Well, I'm Brick Crashman and announcer for the Wacky Races, the viewers would love to know what your racing car."
Pulled away and gave a charming smile, as much as he can to impress the viewers. "Really? Oh, I do apologies, and I am here to win and prove to these losers that I am the best racer as have many in the Dastardly Family."
"But weren't you and your family have been known for their misdeeds and cheating, such as your cousin the Dread Baron in the Olympic specials?" Bringing up the events and misdeeds that his family had committed for they have been known for their devious acts in the games.
Receiving only a chuckle from Dastardly who only waved his gloved hands in response. "Oh that, what's wrong with a little bit of spicing things up for entertainment. But my latest development, theMean Machine! With this, you will never see a car like mine and surprises install for the race." Speaking with pride in his tone as Dick introduces his racing car to Brick and his crew. Standing beside it were two other members of the Vulture Squadron, the first one wore an overlong yellow flight coat, and a brown aviator's cap with a pair of goggles for the race around them. The second person was much shorter, inches taller than Mutley, he has black hair with the bangs mostly covering his eyes and only wore white goggles, wearing a reddish flight jacket and brown pants. "Over here are Zilly and Klunk, who are members of the Vultures, they make certain my racing car is in good condition."
Zilly looked adjitated when being filmed by the camera. "A C-C-C-Camera? N-N-No thanks!" His head ducked into his jacket like a turtle and quivered inside.
Klunk smiles at Brick and shook his hand. "A HEEHAW! CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! BROOM! BRRROOOMMM! WWWWOOOOOHH! Meet you."
Everyone but the Vultures had no idea what he just said and found it very odd to understand him.
Decided to finish up before they begin. "Uh, well there you have it folks that's the competitors for this year's event of the Wacky Races. We will start in soon, so be prepared for the race!" Now ending that part they leave to prepare for the race before the racers reach the starting line.
With them gone the Vulture Squadron now began their schemes. "Good I thought they never leave. That fool almost foiled our plans before we could even get started. Now then, have you brought all that we need for the race?"
"W-W-W-We were v-v-very c-c-c-careful n-not g-g-get caught. N-N-N-Not e-e-easy with security on alert." Zilly said through his stuttering, klunk nodded his head with a few tools and equipment they gathered.
Dick pulled a devious grin, liking the sound of it. "Good. Good." Turned to gaze upon his latest creation. "There's enver been anything like this one. Pure genius! Better then that Flonk's design and those so-called geniuses from DexLab. The finest parts and technologies to build the greatest vehicle known to mankind! The Mean Machine! Whether it be deserts, the swamps, blizzards or even the Grimm Horde we will take on anything. And I will make certain to life up to my family's reputation. What kind of Darstadly am I if I were to win FAIR? HA! They're just simple idiots."
Klunk approached his leader and projected the 3-D schematics of the vehicle. "We made certain to CLUCK CLUCK! CLUCK! MEOW!
"WHEEWWHOOO! BOOOMMM!" Made a sound of a horse rustling. "By using the quantities of Dust to increase ACHOOO! REEEEOOAR!"
Dick blinked his eyes in wonder what his squad member just said, it was always a mystery of what caused Klunk, a mechanical genius to have such a problem with his speech. "What? What? What did he say?"
Zilly was the only one around who could understand him and knows the mechanics. "H-H-HE s-says the Mean Machine is i-i-installed with gadgets and weapons enhanced by d-d-dust for the race, including a c-c-communicator to speak w-w-with each other."
"Ah good, least then we would be aware of what's happening to the other racers and make certain I am one step ahead of the fools with traps set for them. Luckily with the map we 'looked' into, it would give us an advantage." Dick said, feeling more confident that he would win by his way.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" Mutley completely agreed with his leader and was also excited.
"B-B-B-But what about those w-w-who are e-ex-experienced hunters? They would b-b-b-be better in combat." Something Zilly brought up would be logical point, half of the racers are strong and powerful without their vehicles so traps might not be enough.
"That is why we installed weapons to take them out of the race. Push the button, Mutley." Ordered his Mobian sidekick. Mutley did so and came out of the front was an advance missile launcher. "Even if nature may challenge us, the racers will also share the same fate! We are ready for them. We will blast them to kingdom come! We will rise above and are invincible!" Both he and Mutley laughed at the thought of it. "Now, get to your positions and wait for instructions. Now Mutely, take that missile down."
Giving orders to his squad and seeing Mutley confused. "Push the button, Mutley." Pointing to the button for him to push, the mutt smiles with a shrug of his shoulders and did so as he told him to.
Only that it was the wrong button.
BOOOOMM!
Instead of pulling the missile launcher back in, he inadvertently activated it and fired a blast that brought the garage to pieces, along with the entire squad.
"MMMUUUTTTLLLEEEYYYY!"
"Huhehehehehehe!"
The story is being fixed up using Grammerly with a lot of spelling mistakes and grammer so doing the wrest of the story to fix up.