Would you look at that? Another fanfic about David. Who saw that coming? Have any of you heard the song "Evelyn, Evelyn"? If so, I'm sure you can see how this will escalate quickly. Not to say this is a song fic, just inspired by a song. The only song fic I wrote was when I was like 12 or some shit and I killed Scooby-Doo with cancer. Because of MCR's "Cancer", you see. The funny thing about that is that I have a friend now who really loves Scooby-Doo and telling her that I wrote that upsets her every time, which gives me great joy.


When Gwen came barging into his room to announce the new "Help Wanted" ads, David wasn't to sure about the idea. He and Gwen were doing a dandy job, not a single camper had died so far and he had only been injured a handful of times. Of course, Gwen didn't see it that way and had a feeling sometime this week they would be dead. The grenade that came crashing in did not help. So maybe they did need help and maybe a few extra people around would be fun! David would give anyone who came by a chance. Who knew, maybe they could be a new addition to the CBFL's! When the aggressive knocking started and he heard the voice say they were here for the job, he thought it sounded familiar.

"OMG, " Gwen jumped over to the door and swung it open. David stood up and dusted himself off, "Yes! This is-" her excitement immediately deflated.

"Smell that fresh mountain air!"

Gosh, that voice was way too familiar.

"Gosh, now that's the kind of nature you don't just find in any ol' neck of the woods."

Eerily so.

"Oh dear lord no…" He heard Gwen mumble out. David finally poked his head out of the cabin.

"Hel-" the word died on his lips as his eyes landed on the blonde haired version of himself, "D-Daniel…?"

Daniel looked over to David and his smiling face turned to a look of shock, his eyes scanning over the red haired version of himself, "David?"

As the two stared at each other, Gwen awkwardly stood by.

"Uh, you guys know each other or…?" No response.

"I'm… I'm just gonna use my vacation days. You guys can handle it right?" Still no response.

Seeing it was useless to get a response out of either of them, Gwen jumped into her car and drove off. Once Gwen was gone, the silence seemed to stretch on. The tension was thick and barely allowed any movement. David squeezed the doorframe tightly. Why was he here? He hadn't heard from him in so long, he thought he might of even been dead. It was like he was seeing a ghost. Eyes scanning over the man, the all white attire didn't sit well with him. He remembered those clothes and seeing the other still in them unnerved him.

"Brother…"

David snapped out of his thoughts as Daniel reached out to him. He backed away from the hand and redirected his eyes to the ground, "Um, why don't you come in?" He quickly entered the cabin, Daniel close behind.

David still couldn't face the other, the memories he left behind coming back with a vengeance. The abuse they endured together. The lonely nights locked up in their room. Those awful, misguided teachings the compound tried to force onto them. Oh god, he should have kept looking for Daniel after he ran away. He should have-

David jumped as a hand landed on his shoulder. He looked to Daniel, seeing concern in his eyes.

"David, calm down."

David wrapped his arms around himself as he looked to Daniel, "Daniel, I… How…? What are you doing here?

"Well," Daniel smiled, "I came back to Camp Campbell to become a counselor and to enlighten all these wonderful new campers! I didn't know you'd be here, even after all this time. I thought you hated the place?"

David stiffened at the word "enlighten" and he gently brushed the other's hand off, "I've grown to love Camp Campbell and I don't think you should be… enlightening anyone while you're here."

Daniel's neck gave a vicious crack as he tilted his head in confusion, "Why not, Davey? Have you forgotten the teachings after all this time? Do you not believe anymore?"

"No. No, I don't," David gulped when piercing blue eyes glared at him, "Why did you stay there? You always said-"

"I changed my mind. Zemuug is great and shall ascend us when the time comes! Once we were separated, the people of the compound could finally really teach me the truth! And I'm so glad they did!"

"They hated us, Daniel! You always talked about leaving. Why didn't you run too?"

Daniel sighed as he took a seat on David's bed, "As much as I hate to admit it, they threatened to hurt you, Davey. They would have tracked me and would have used me to get to you. And as much as I wanted to leave back then, I couldn't risk them finding you. So I stayed and I'm glad I did! Their teachings showed me a whole new world!"

David was touched and felt extremely guilty that his brother stayed behind just for him, but seeing him brainwashed like this was awful. He remembered all the trouble they used to get into. How everyone thought they were a horrible monster and didn't bother to know them as individuals. It was an awful life, but they tried to make the best of it. Then that day happened…

"Remember when we were together?" Daniel mumbled, reminiscing. He pointed at his chest, right where the rib cage ended, "Just this little bit of bone held us together. So strong. Do you miss it?"

David locked eyes with Daniel. He hadn't thought of being a conjoined twin in a long time. Sure, he still had the scar from when they were cut apart from each other, but the thought hadn't been so heavy on his mind until now. He placed a hand on his chest, gently rubbing at the scar through his clothes. Seeing Daniel now felt like seeing a part of himself he had forgotten he had missed.

"Yeah, I think I kind of do," David sat next to Daniel, who shuffled close to him.

"Then let's be together again," David looked at Daniel in confusion, "I mean at least let's just be around each other again. Just as close even if we're separated. Remember when we used to share the same bed and even wear the same clothes? Let's do that. It'll be fun!"

David sighed, "We really didn't have a choice in either of those options, but sure, we can do that. As long as you promise me one thing."

Daniel smiled, "Anything for my brother!"

"Please don't "enlighten" the kids."

"But David this is the perfect time for them to be purified of all their negative energies!"

"No, Dan. Get to know the campers first. Learn about them and what makes them who they are. Don't try to force your ideologies onto them. Besides, I'm sure you'll have fun around the camp! There's plenty of great things to do! Just like old times!" David held up his pinkie, "Pinkie promise?"

Daniel sighed and held up his pinkie, locking it together with David's, "Fine. Anything for you."

David smiled then stood up, "Great! Since you're going to be a counselor here, you'll need the uniform!" He rummaged through his own clothes and pulled out all the required pieces of clothes, "This should fit just fine."

David walked out of the room to give his brother privacy as he changed. He still felt anxious. He wasn't sure how much his brother had changed over the years, but judging from what he was spewing from his mouth, knew any of the changes weren't good. Maybe it was a bad idea, but he wanted to pull Daniel out of his twisted trance. He couldn't stand seeing him like that and who knows how many people he had hurt or killed. Daniel soon waltzed out of David's room and now really looked identical to David. The only thing left to differentiate the two were his blonde hair, blue eyes and lack of yellow necktie. Speaking of neckties, Daniel looked at David's necktie and touched at his own neck.

"Do you have another one of those neckties?"

"Oh," David gently tugged at the yellow fabric, "This is actually my old Camp Campbell shirt. So no, I don't have another one. Sorry."

"Oh…"

It was awkward and quiet and David wasn't sure why. Did Daniel really want to look that identical again? He used to talk about individualism all the time when they were younger. Where did all that drive go? David shook it off and grabbed Daniel's hand, "Come on, let me introduce you to the campers! I'm sure you'll love them!"

He dragged his brother to the Mess Hall, telling him all about the kids along the way, and called the campers' attention, "Ooooooook Campers! Do I have a surprise for you! I'd like to introduce you to our new co-counselor, Daniel!"

David did jazz hands as he presented Daniel to the group. The kids were unimpressed, though the majority of them were just weirded out that Daniel was literally a clone of David. It was fucking creepy.

Daniel gave a little wave, "Howdy kiddos!"

"Howdy do, Daniel," Of course Space Kid greeted back.

"You have got to be shitting me?" Max stated in exasperation.

"Whoa, watch the language little fella!" Daniel reprimanded.

"Watch the language indeed!" David smiled, placed a hand on his brother's shoulder and pulled him close, "Just because Daniel here is new, doesn't mean you should treat him any different than you treat me."

"Got it!" Nikki then chucked either dirt or poop onto Daniel's shirt.

"He IS you David! Clothes and all! Seriously, freakshow. Were you cloned in some lab or are you just his doppelganger?"

"I hear you're supposed to kill your doppelganger," Nikki stated matter of factly.

Daniel brushed the questionable gunk off of himself, "Well, you're close. David and I are twin brothers! The resemblance is striking, isn't it?" The two smiled as they tilted their heads towards each other.

"Jesus Christ, one was enough." Max groaned as he glared up at them.

David pulled away from Daniel, "Now, I'll go finish up your employment paperwork. In the meantime, try not to have too much fun without me! And Daniel… remember what I said."

"Of course, David! No problems here!"

David gave a little wave and skedaddled, leaving Daniel with the kids. The blonde looked down at all the kids. Sure, David told him not to force the religion onto the kids, but he could easily ask questions that could potentially lead up to a causal and not at all forced discussion of his beliefs.

"Sooooo, kids! Is there anybody here who has an interest in… space?

Some time had passed and David was nearly done with the paperwork. It was a good distraction from his suddenly reappearing brother. It was just… odd. Of course, he was happy to see him again! He was glad to see he was alive and well. Well, as well as one can be when having to grow up in a horrible cult environment. David just felt… claustrophobic. Like walls that had been torn down were slowly being built up again. Dan was clinging to him a little too much, but he was sure it was just because of how long they'd been apart. He just needed some time to adjust is all. Yeah, that's all. David was startled out of his thoughts when frantic knocking came to the door. David dropped his pen and rushed to the door.

He opened the door to see his three favorite campers, "Whoa! What's wrong?!"

"Your brother's a fucking cultist!" Max shouted up at him.

David's eyes widened. Oh no, what had he done? "What exactly did he do?"

"He asked us if we liked space and then started spouting some bullshit about Zeemuug and negative energies coming from space."

"Now he's recruiting the others for some kind of "ascension"." Neil airquoted.

David made a whining noise and rushed off to the Mess Hall, the kids close behind. Slamming the door open, David found Daniel sitting in circle with the campers. He seemed to be telling them a detailed story and the kids seemed intrigued and slightly uncomfortable as they listened. Daniel jumped when the door slammed open and looked up at David. David's panic turned to anger as he folded his arms over his chest and gave Daniel a disapproving frown. The blonde held his hands up in defense.

"Now I know this may look bad…"

"Daniel…"

"I was just sharing my teachings with the kids! They're very interested, aren't you kids?"

Some of them nodded while others shook their heads.

"Daniel, we talked about this."

"I know, but it just happened. The kids were just so curious!"

"Daniel…" David sighed as he ran a hand down his face, "Let's just do something else. Like… like Arts and Crafts! Yeah! Dolph! Why don't you gather up your art supplies so you all can make some beautiful work!"

"Oh! Ok!" Dolph jumped up and gave a salute that was most definitely not a heil. He skipped out of the building. The other kids took this chance to stand up and sit at the tables, far away from Daniel.

"You gonna do something about him?" Max looked up at David, arms folded over his chest.

David glanced at Daniel's sad form on the ground. His hair had drooped to the side as he frowned at the ground. He sighed and kneeled down to the kids.

"Kids… Daniel's been through… a lot. And though he may possibly have dangerous intentions, he's my brother and I want to help him. I promise I'll keep him from hurting any of you, but this will take some time."

"Are you fucking serious?!" Max threw his hands up, "This is clearly a disaster waiting to happen! By the end of the day, the whole fucking camp is gonna be dead!"

"Yeah, I'm going to just avoid drinking anything for a while." Neil said as he gave Daniel a suspicious look.

David sighed. He knew the kids had a point, but he couldn't just kick his long lost brother out. He knew it was a high risk, but there had to be something he could do.

He put on the most reassuring smile he could, "Don't worry kids! All Daniel needs is some good old fashioned Camp Campbell fun and love and I'm sure he'll drop all this cult talk!" David walked over to Daniel and reached a hand out to him, "Come on, Daniel! No need to be down in the dumps. Why don't you join us in arts and crafts?"

Daniel looked at David's hand then up to his brother's bright smile. He smiled right back, "Ok David. I'd love too!"

David lifted the blonde off the ground and took him to one of the tables. Max crossed his arms and glared at the twin idiots, "I knew David would get us all killed one day, but I didn't know it would be at the hands of an evil twin."

"So, what are going to do?" Neil asked, "We can't just let a crazy cultist run around camp."

"Or could we?" Nikki pondered.

"Don't worry, one way or another, this guy is getting out of here."

After the awkwardness that was arts and crafts, which involved Daniel making a paper cut out of him and David in all white with large smiles on their faces, making everyone uncomfortable, the Quartermaster came out with his top quality mash potatoes. He plopped the glop onto their trays and when he saw Daniel, he grumbled, "Hmf… You again? Best not cause any trouble."

Daniel waved at the QM, "Of course not, Quartermaster. And it's great to see again!"

QM just grumbled and left to the kitchen.

"You used to go here?" Space Kid asked, being the only one who genuinely was interested in Daniel.

"Indeed I did! Back when me and David were kids, our family would drop us off here for the summer. They wanted us to see how the negative energy had affected the outside world. It was truly enlightening!"

"Is the negative space energy affecting us?" Dolph asked in fear.

"Of course not!" David stepped in, "Honestly, all that negative energy stuff is nothing you all need to worry about. All you have to do is be a good person and life will work out just fine!"

"Oh but brother, we were the best we could be and that didn't stop the negative energies from mixing with us. Otherwise, our family wouldn't have-"

"Daniel… Please, don't bring that up."

Daniel's smile widened to an uncomfortable size, "Oops, sorry. I'm sure it still holds a sore spot for you, doesn't it?"

David glanced away, "Yes… yes it does."

"Then I promise not to bring it up again."

David sighed and gave his brother a small smile, " Thank you."

"Anything for you, David."

Max gagged, "If you guys start making out, I'll puke."

"Now Max, incest is frowned upon in our society. Besides, we just haven't seen each other in a long time, I'm sure Daniel's just giving the affection any brother would give their sibling."

Daniel leaned uncomfortably close to David and placed an arm over his shoulder, "Yes, just some well deserved brotherly love."

David gulped and pulled at his necktie nervously, "Right um… let's all just finish eating and go on to the next fun activity!"

After that awkward meal, David decided playing a game of tug-o-war would be a good way to release the tension. So, David filled a small baby pool with water, tossed a large rope down and separated the campers into groups. David had Nerris, Preston, Harrison, Dolph and Ered while Daniel had Max, Neil, Nikki, Space Kid and Nurf. Of course Max, Neil and Nikki were upset that they were on the crazy cultist's team, but David just said it was a way to build teamwork and friendship between them. When the tug-o-war began, it was even for a while until Nurf decided to play dirty and started tossing knives at David's team. This sent the kids into a panic as they all scattered, leaving David to get stabbed and dragged into the water. Nurf laughed as David cried over his wounds. Seeing his brother wounded and bloodied greatly infuriated Daniel as he went to help him out of the water.

"Nurf!" Daniel glared daggers at the bully, "I'll be back to deal with you! First, I have to make sure David's ok."

As Daniel took David back to the counselor cabin to wrap up his wounds, Nurf stabbed the baby pool, releasing all the water, "Ha! I love stabbing things to vent my anger issues and lack of a father figure!" He turned to the kids who were still standing there, "But in a seriousness, that tug-o-war really made me think about the imbalance that is my family life." Nurf and the other kids soon walked away after that, leaving Max, Nikki and Neil.

"Well, that went as well as expected," Max said as he kicked the deflated pool.

"Do you think we should leave David alone with that guy?" Nikki asked.

"Hey, if the moron wants to keep a psycho around then that's his problem. As long as he's not trying to rip our guts out, I'm good," Max started walking back to his and Neil's tent, his friends close behind.

Back with David and Daniel, the blonde had disinfected David's wounds and was wrapping him up. His blue eyes were filled with the utmost concern for his brother, "You should rest David. You lost quite a bit of blood from all those knife wounds."

"Gosh, you don't have to worry about me. I've been through worse," David tried to get out of bed, but was shoved back down by strong hands.

"Oh no you don't. You're going to rest until you're better. Let me watch over the campers."

"Uh, I don't think that would be the best-"

Daniel was already out the door. David laid there, worried about what his brother would do. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as he thought it would be, though there hadn't been anything to really give him confidence in his brother. He was tired though and maybe it wouldn't hurt to sleep for an hour or two. What could possibly go wrong in just a few hours?


Did you guys know there was a British sitcom made in 1990 called Heil Honey I'm Home. It was about Hitler and his wife living next to Jewish neighbors and experiencing "wacky American sitcom shenanigans!" Eleven episodes were made, but only the pilot aired once as it was not much appreciated by audience and critics alike, for obvious reasons. Honestly, trying to turn a one-off joke into a series was it's first mistake to me.