8Oneshot. Slight AU. Non-Yaoi. Haru's POV. Drama/Angst.
/Disclaimer: I do not own SD or any of its characters. /[rantz]
The idea for this fic actually came from… *shrugs* I really don't know. I was just bored and I needed something to take my mind of things for a while so I decided to write. It's kinda weird that I decided to write something about Haruko, since I don't like her much. But maybe its because we're both… never mind…
By the way, I terribly apologize to all the readers of my other fic, Out Of Reach. I would just like to make it clear that I am NOT abandoning that one (on second thought… maybe I am). I just ran into a really bad case of writer's block and I still have to revise the whole story, if you don't mind. (though it'd probably take a couple of years before I do… =p)
Anyway, please be kind enough to review. Comments, suggestions, questions, etc. are all welcome. You can also email me if you want. Don't worry, I'm a friendly person and I don't bite… just as long as you don't bite me too. :D
No matter what I did, you never liked me. No matter what I said, you never listened.
No matter how hard I cried, you wouldn't pay attention…
I guess that just proves you really don't care about me, huh?
That even if I tell you I love you…
You won't bother at all.
Why can't he love me?
I spent the whole breaktime alone in the restroom today, in front of the mirror. No. I wasn't admiring myself. I just wanted to see why couldn't he love me. I know I'm not pretty. But I know I'm not ugly either.
Why can't he love me, then?
I'd spent countless nights crying myself to sleep, asking that same question over and over again. But of course, no one would answer. No one would come comfort me.
I still have other unanswered questions in my mind. In fact, there are so many that often, I feel as if my head is already bursting with all the pain and the confusion.
Would he like me if I was taller? If my hair was longer? If I knew how to play basketball much better? He doesn't even notice me. I don't know if he even knows I'm here.
Sometimes, I wonder if its because of something I did that might've offended or irritated him. But then, I barely even talk to him. And whenever I do, I always tried to please him. Always tried to make him see me. Make him love me.
Still, he treats me like I was some kind of creature not worthy of even a word. Just like the way he treats everyone else… so cold, so indifferent.
Why did he have to be like that anyway?
Is he afraid? …and of what? Does he hate the world? …why?
I could make him happy. I would take away his fears, his frustrations, everything that's making him want to shut himself away from the world. And I would make him love me… we'll be at peace together. He wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore. Because I was with him.
Yes… That's what I want… that's the only thing I've been wishing for the past 4 years of my life.
I want him to love me… just like, I love him…
But…
Am I really in love? Or is this just like what my friends always say, an exaggeration of feelings? Purely infatuation? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't really know… I'm so confused…
Now I just want to believe that I love you.
I know you don't care about me. You may actually hate me…
I know Sakuragi-kun would be there for me. I know he could be the one to dry my tears and make the pain go away. He could make me happy too. He's nice, and I know he cares for me a lot… And there would be other guys… maybe not from this school… maybe not at this time… but there will be some that I know would be willing to love me, and protect me, and even die for me.
Still, no one could ever make me stop loving you…
I couldn't and never would stop dreaming and longing for you.
Because you make my life complete, fill my everyday with hope and make my heart feel love.
And even if you wouldn't care, even if my love is unrequited, I'll still and forever will, love you…
Gah! Sucks. ~