Chapter 6: Fred and George

"Such a wonderful day it is, Gred."

"Indeed it is, Forge."

"The sun is shining,"

"The firsties are playing,"

"And the view from up here is quite excellent."

"Indeed. Though you know what would make it better?"

"A bit of proper mayhem?"

"True, but perhaps something more pressing?"

"If we weren't hanging upside down from the Astronomy tower?"

"Spot on, brother."

*sigh* "Do you two ever quit?"

"Us?"

"The princes of pandemonium?"

"The causers of calamity?"

"NEVER!"

"Hmph. Are you at least learning your lesson?"

"Oh indeed, our dear lady!"

"We have certainly learned,"

"That if you are going to prank a knight,"

"Then be sure to bring your A-game!"

"Silly of us to think otherwise."

"Oh, quite. And we were so sure about the rubber-chicken-in-the-scabbard trick."

"Juvenile of us, Forge."

"Insulting even, Gred!"

"Are you done? Keep in mind I am more than willing to drop you and see if you bounce."

"...Done."

"Quite done, yes."

"Good. Now that I have you here, I wanted to ask you a question or two."

"Such an honor."

"Truly."

"First… why are you hiding your abilities?"

"Er…"

"What?"

"In class. As ridiculous as you two are, you have to be rather clever to invent such trifles. I was nearly fooled a few times, and frankly that is exceedingly difficult to do."

"Er… well…"

"Uh…"

"Keep in mind I could get bored at any moment…"

"Right then, full disclosure Forge?"

"If you can't trust a knight, who can you trust Gred?"

"Right. Y'see, good lady…"

"The answer to your questions can be summed up in two words;"

"Our mother!"

"...What? I would think she wants you to succeed!"

"Oh she does!"

"Quite energetically."

"She wants us to get excellent grades."

"Get all our OWLS and NEWTS."

"Maybe even that most dreaded position…"

"PREFECT!"

"The horror!"

"The scandal!"

"Well what on earth is wrong with that? Many opportunities open up in such a case."

"And where do those opportunities lead, oh lady of pointy bits?"

"To Gringotts and musty old tombs or dull ledgers like brother Bill?"

"To a dragon reserve to get burned and bit like brother Charlie?"

"To the Ministry to sell our souls and lose hope like dear old dad?"

"To Hogwarts to spend even MORE time in the same place as Snape?"

"To responsibility?"

"To respectability?"

"BUGGER THAT!"

"...And what does your mother have to do with this?"

"Mum wants us to be so bloody respectable,"

"So mind-numbingly responsible,"

"No fun,"

"No color,"

"No character,"

"No pride,"

"AND WE WON'T DO IT!"

"We love her,"

"We really do,"

"And she means well,"

"She really does,"

"BUT WE WON'T DO IT!"

"...I see. Interesting. And incredibly stupid."

"What?!"

"What!?"

"Honestly boys, why not do well in your courses? You're plenty clever enough, and it would give you more than enough options to do as you like."

"You haven't met our Mum."

"If we do well she'll nag us into Ministry jobs at all cost."

"Oh? But you mentioned two brothers that are most definitely not in the Ministry."

"Well yeah…"

"...but Mum still nags on them all the time."

"Frankly it seems like your mother needs to get over her protective instincts and let you be. And would I be wrong in thinking you both are looking for a life more adventurous and 'colorful' than the Ministry?"

"You would be-"

"-spot on, dear lady."

"Then, perhaps, you two would be interested in becoming my squires?"

"...Fred?"

"Yeah George?"

"I think the blood has gone to my head, because I could have just sworn the lovely knight offered us a position as her squires."

"Ah, then I must be having a similar problem. I heard the same thing, but there is no way such a noble woman would consider two vagabonds like us."

"Oh indeed, one would have to be barmy."

"Mad."

"Looney."

"A complete nutter."

"I assure you both, this is a serious offer."

"Oh!"

"Well, since it's a serious offer,"

"Then I think we can safely say,"

"No,"

"But thank you!"

"...Misters Weasley, this would allow you travel widely, see the world and have more adventure in a month than most would find in a lifetime."

"Indeed it would."

"We have no doubts there!"

"But we want to make people laugh!"

"We want to make people smile!"

"Sticking swords in dark wizards,"

"Hunting dangerous creatures,"

"Kissing gorgeous foreign women,"

"Does sound quite appealing,"

"Especially that last one."

"But while knighthood is a nice place to visit,"

"We wouldn't want to live there."

"...So you two want to be… what, precisely?"

"Well, since 'professional prankster' isn't currently a job,"

"We thought we'd make it one,"

"And open a shop when we graduate!"

"'Weasley's Wizard Wheezes!'"

"It's got vim!"

"Vigor!"

"Alliteration!"

"We figure we'd make some nifty little gadgets for the Aurors too."

"Shield cloaks and stuff."

"Though we're still working it all out."

"But we have four more years here."

"We have time yet."

"...Well, I admit to being disappointed. But I can understand that. Though I would like to point out something."

"Yes?"

"Starting a business takes quite a lot of capital, how do you intend to go about it?"

"Well, we figured we'd start selling by mail order in a year or two."

"Then get a loan from Gringotts for a storefront."

"And why, exactly, would the goblins be willing to risk a loan on two hoodlums with few OWLS with a reputation for pranks and tomfoolery?"

"...huh. George?"

"...Yeah, Fred?"

"I think we've overlooked a key factor in our master plan."

"I think we may have, my less-attractive brother."

"You know what this means, right?"

"That we have to actually pay attention to the greasy git in class?"

"NO! ...well, maybe a little, but even worse… Percy was right!"

"OH GODS!"

"Well, I think you two have learned your lesson. Good evening."

"Wait!"

"Aren't you forgetting something?!"

"Hmm? Oh, of course."

"See, she wouldn't leave us up here all night, Fred."

"A true paragon of forgiveness, Georg- er, why's she got her sword out?"

"Wha- oh dear."

"Have a nice trip boys."

"Er, is it too late to apologi- AAAAAAAH!"

"Hah! ...Professor McGonagall? Are you there still?"

""I heard every word. Thank you for speaking to them."

"Such a shame. Brilliance like that is to be cultivated and cherished, and their mother is stifling it."

"I shall speak to her in due course… though…"

"They will reach the bottom of the tower unharmed. I cast the Featherweight charm on the both of them earlier, and a Softening charm around the base of the tower."

"Good, good. Though I admit I am rather jealous."

"Oh? Why?"

"I've wanted to throw those two off a tower for three years now."

AN: Who wouldn't?

Surprised they got considered? They're brave, cunning, loyal and smart, if incredibly chaotic and undisciplined in the extreme. I think the idea of them being knights is simultaneously funny and terrifying to consider. XD