Later that afternoon, after Remus and Andy had left - Remus off to whatever it was he did for the Order, Andy visiting her husband - Bellatrix sat in the drawing room, attempting to read a book. Reading was getting easier again much more quickly than she had feared, and without the pressure of being watched, she could take as much time as she needed to refamiliarize herself with the written word.

The drawing room door opened. Bellatrix glanced up, half-expecting to see Sirius had finally stopped sulking in Buckbeak's room. Andy strolled inside, holding a stack of parchment, a quill and an ink bottle. She stopped at the desk, set down her supplies and held out the quill in Bellatrix's direction.

"Do some writing exercises for me, please."

Bellatrix looked at her, bemused. "Why?"

"You had difficulty reading again this morning. I want to see how much you remember of writing."

"I did not have difficulty reading," Bellatrix snapped, bristling at the realization she had not hidden her difficulties as well as she had thought. "I never have."

Andy scoffed. "I could tell you were struggling with reading Hermione's potions homework, and you got that little furrow in your brow this morning that means you're frustrated and trying to hide it."

"My brow does not furrow, and it certainly didn't this morning."

"It did." Andy smirked. "Your facade slipped."

Bellatrix rolled her eyes.

"I know you, Bella. Spare me the act."

"How can you know me," Bellatrix asked with barely restrained fury, "when you left at the first chance?"

Andy froze, the smirk slipping from her face.

Bellatrix felt a savage pleasure. Andy's expression was tense, a slight flaring of her nostrils as if she were taking in a deep breath and letting it out but trying to hide it.

"Struck a nerve, have I?"

Andy drummed her fingers against the back of the desk chair - once, twice - and spoke in a deliberate tone. "I will remind you that I have spent close to a year as your caretaker."

Bellatrix narrowed her eyes. It took obvious effort for Andromeda not to rise to the bait, but perhaps another little push...

"On behalf of the Order."

Bellatrix ignored the niggling sense of guilt in the back of her mind that she was being unfair to Andy, bits and pieces of a late night of drinks and resentment and crumbling walls filtering through her memory, previously contextless accusations taking on new meaning.

Andy's arm had lowered slightly, but she lifted it again, jabbing the feather of the quill in Bellatrix's direction. "Bellatrix Black, get over here and do your damn exercises."

It shocked Bellatrix how much Andy sounded like their mother in that moment, and she hated even more how she instantly sat at attention. No longer lounging, she sat straight up, posture perfect. She scowled.

Andy stared, shock clear on her face. She swallowed. Tense, she said, with a hint of shakiness, "Come over here. Please."

Bellatrix considered refusing, railing against Andy out of spite, but the tension around Andy's eyes gave her pause, old instincts coming to life. She sighed, ran a hand through her hair and shook it out. "Fine," she said, with barely restrained aggravation. She jumped to her feet, stalked over to the desk, kicked the chair back from it forcing Andy to step away, and snatched the quill still in Andy's hand. "Give me the damn exercises."

Andy tapped another piece of parchment next to the pile. "Just some simple ones to test how much you remember."

It was less than Bellatrix had thought. The quill felt clumsy in her hands.

"Here, try holding it this way." Andy adjusted her grip on the quill.

Bellatrix frowned, annoyed. "You don't have to teach me how to write. You aren't Mother."

The comparison hit its mark. Andy's jaw clenched, her eyes flashing - but to Bellatrix's aggravation, Andy did not lash out. She gently adjusted Bella's grip on the quill again.

When she spoke, her tone was mild. "Neither are you."

Bellatrix slapped the quill down on the desk, knocking the bottle of ink. The ink threatened to splash over the rim.

"What does that mean?"

Andy put the quill back in Bella's hand and tapped the parchment. Bellatrix wanted to throw the quill in the fire, demand an answer - but the look in Andy's eyes was far away and thoughtful. If she pushed - if she pounced - now, it was unlikely she would get her answer. She had to be patient... Hunting for answers couldn't be that different from hunting food, surely...

A few minutes passed in relative silence with Andy occasionally correcting her as she wrote. When she spoke, she sounded thoughtful, her words careful.

"There's a lot you don't tell us, isn't there? Because you don't want us to worry, or maybe you think we wouldn't understand. But Cissy and I aren't children. We can take care of ourselves. You don't have to protect us - not by yourself. Let us help you like you've helped us. You don't have to do it all alone."

Bellatrix didn't respond. Didn't even know what she could say. Andy wasn't wrong about her keeping things from them. But what else was she supposed to do? It was her duty to protect her sisters.

Andy took a deep breath. "How are you feeling? Honestly. You've been remembering a lot of things lately."

Bellatrix kept her eyes on the paper in front of her, focusing her attention on keeping her letters neat. "I'm fine."

"Bella...please. I want to help you."

Bellatrix sighed and looked up. "With what, Andy? Stop playing this game. Say what it is you want to say."

Andromeda looked pained. "Are you planning on returning to the Death Eaters?"

The smart answer would be 'no', but Bellatrix was not one to hide her loyalties, and Andromeda already knew it would be a lie. She said nothing.

Andy swallowed and looked away. "Can you at least tell me why ?"

"He is my Lord, and I am his most loyal."

But was she? The answer had been automatic yet something felt wrong...a sense of fear and guilt and hesitancy...

Andy blinked back tears, her voice wavering with anger and grief. "But why? Why would you join him? When you knew what it would mean for me? For my family?"

Bellatrix didn't answer. There was no explanation she was willing to give that Andy would find satisfying.

"Was it because of me? Did you hate me that much? Did you blame me for you having to marry in order to save Cissy's relationship? I know Cissy does."

Bellatrix's head snapped up. "Who told Cissy that?"

Andy smiled sadly. "No one. She always knew." She placed a hand over Bellatrix's. "Just because you don't tell us things doesn't mean we don't know that they're happening."

Bellatrix took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "She wasn't supposed to know. I didn't want...it's not her burden to bear."

"Well, she bore it anyway. She blames me too, but it's been a hard burden for her bear..."

Bellatrix stared at the parchment, remembering that night in the kitchen again. The yelling and crying, the declarations she hadn't fully understood at the time. Andromeda and Narcissa still caught in the trajectory of decades old decisions, struggling to reach each other, laying bare old wounds and vulnerabilities. The kinds of things that Bellatrix felt duty bound to keep bundled close and secret to protect her sisters from pain.

She had not been as successful as she had thought, it seemed, but there were still things that her sisters did not know, but perhaps she could reveal a little: missing information and little things that Andromeda would have been able to piece together had she been present.

With effort, Bellatrix lifted her eyes from the parchment and spoke, the words coming with some difficulty, fighting against her desire to remain dutifully silent. Protective and supportive without seeking either in return.

"I didn't join him because I hated you. I joined him because of what he promised me."

"What did he promise you?" Andy asked in a soft voice.

"Freedom. Power. Recognition. He saw me , Andy. He taught me, guided me." Bellatrix knew Andy understood certain things she left unspoken: he did not expect her to be a simple housewife, did not concern himself with whether she had children, did not want to force her into a mold which she did not - could not - fit. "He is a great wizard."

"He would destroy my family. He would destroy me."

Panic spikes through Bellatrix at the thought, the dream she had months ago of Dora and Andy dead by her hand at the Dark Lord's orders vivid in her mind.

"No, he promi - " She cut herself off, jaw snapping shut.

Andy eyed her shrewdly. "He promised. You've said that before. Cissy thought it meaningless - just something from a nightmare. But he did promise you something, didn't he? Something about me."

It would be pointless to lie, to try to pretend that Andy was wrong, but Bellatrix instinctively withdrew, closed her off, wanting to keep that secret close and safe.

"I deserve to know, Bella!"

Knowing she had to say something, Bellatrix said reluctantly, "Yes, he did. But it doesn't matter now, and it's not - "

"My burden to bear, is it, but I've already born it, haven't I? Terrified that one day Death Eaters would find us - that you would show up at my door to... Tell me , Bellatrix, and don't you dare tell me it's not important: what did he promise you?"

Bellatrix swallowed. Terror and resentment and shame rose up inside her, a hard lump forming in her throat. It went against everything she knew, had been taught, had been molded to be to tell Andy the truth. It was not Andy's responsibility, not something she needed to know...but she was right. Bellatrix had failed to protect her and had let things slip that she should not have.

Andromeda scoffed. "I should have known. Very well. I'll find out myself - somehow. I don't need you - "

"He promised me we would be together again," Bellatrix said, her voice low, unable to meet Andromeda's gaze. She could not let Andy endanger herself by poking around in places she should not. "He promised you'd be forgiven. That we'd be a family again."

Andromeda did not respond. Bellatrix picked up the quill, dipped it in the ink, and copied the next line of letters with slow careful strokes, desperate to keep her mind occupied as Andy's unbearable silence dragged on.

Andromeda shifted behind her, and a moment later something landed beside Bellatrix with a gentle thud on the carpet. Bellatrix kept her eyes locked on the parchment in front of her as Andromeda moved again, and she heard the gentle creak of an old chair as Andromeda settled in it.

Bellatrix felt Andromeda's eyes on her. She refused to give in to the temptation to glance at Andromeda. What more could she even say? Andromeda had gotten what she wanted.

A soft intake of breath, and then, gently, Andy said, "Tell me about it. About meeting him, his promises. Tell me everything. I want to understand. I need to understand."

Bellatrix eyed her warily.

"Please."

"You don't need to know any of this, Andy. It's not... This is my burden, my duty. Not yours."

Andy smiled sadly. "Do you remember that morning after Cissy snuck in? We agreed that we should all stop leaving each other?"

The words jogged a memory in Bellatrix's head. The three of them standing by the front door, Andy and Cissy speaking in low voices to avoid disturbing the portraits. Andy's explanation for why she left without saying goodbye, her fear of Bellatrix's reaction, of their parents .

"We wouldn't have let them hurt you."

"And risk you getting hurt because of me? Whatever I did, it would have hurt you, but I could minimize the damage. It was safer if you didn't know..."

Bellatrix set down the quill, her chest aching.

"You're just like Bellatrix...you both left me... Both of my sisters think what's best is to leave me without explanation or even a word of goodbye, and you think you're the one who's disposable?"

She let out a shaky breath. "I remember. I didn't understand the conversation at the time, but..." She met Andy's gaze. "I have only ever tried to protect you. Both of you."

"Maybe you really believe that, but - "

"It's true!"

"Then make me understand, Bella, because I don't understand how joining the Death Eaters was supposed to protect me - a blood traitor."

"I already told you."

"If you want me to believe you, then make me understand."

"You don't need to understand, Andy! I protect you and Cissy, and you don't need to understand how or why it works because you're not supposed to have to worry about it, you're only supposed to be alive and safe and happy . Look at Cissy! I failed to keep it from her how I secured her happiness with Lucius, and what favors has understanding done for her?"

"But Cissy didn't understand. Not really. Because she never put the blame where it really belonged with all this pureblood nonsense."

Bellatrix bristled, and Andy raised a hand.

"But maybe, if the three of us had tried sharing these burdens together instead of trying to shoulder them all on our own - for ourselves and for each other - or even just out of fear - then maybe Cissy wouldn't have had to feel any guilt at all. Maybe you could have been in a happy marriage. Maybe I wouldn't have spent so long thinking you hated me, terrified that you would come after my family."

Bellatrix frowned. "I won't apologize for what I've done to keep my family safe."

"I'm not asking you to," Andy said gently. "But we aren't children anymore, and it should never have been your burden to keep us safe in the first place."

"I'm the eldest, it's my duty - "

"It should have been our parents duty to keep us safe. It should never have fallen to you to keep us safe from them. "

Bellatrix swallowed. The words left a fragile feeling in her chest. She didn't want to discuss this anymore. "It doesn't matter. What's done is done."

"Then help me understand what's been done so that we can move forward. Together ." Andy leaned forward and grasped Bellatrix's hand in hers. "Please, Bella."

Andy's gaze was open and pleading. Bellatrix's resentments fell away in that moment, leaving only the longing to connect, a constant weight and ache in her chest she had almost forgotten she had once lived without.

She took a deep breath. "Okay."

And she told her. All that she remembered about the ball, about meeting Voldemort and taking the risk in admitting that she would gladly take Andy back if she came home, in having that risk rewarded, about the conversation on the balcony. About her nightmare, her fear that Andy would do something she couldn't protect her from. Andy listened in silence, her expression neutral. There were occasional flickers of emotion that Bellatrix could not identify. She resisted the urge to pace the room or snap at Andy to say something, anything.

When Bellatrix finished speaking, she lowered her eyes, once again unable to bear meeting Andy's gaze. The silence weighed on her, a physical sensation constricting her chest.

It felt like an eternity before Andy reacted. She let out a shaky breath, running a hand through her hair. "Oh, Bella...you're such an idiot."

Bellatrix frowned. She opened her mouth but paused, no words coming to her. She had expected Andromeda to be furious or tearful. It had not crossed her mind that Andromeda would sit calmly, almost passively, as she spoke, and she had not anticipated a scenario where Andromeda remained collected, if slightly shaken. She had not expected to be telling Andromeda any of these secrets at all.

Andy gazed at her with wet eyes. "You honestly thought you could get me to come home by joining the Death Eaters and destroying the family I made?"

Bellatrix looked away. "As I said, there's a lot more reasons than just you for why I joined..."

"I'm not talking about those right now," Andy said firmly.

"I had...hoped...that you would return of your own free will. I was always ready to accept your daughter. I never imagined you would turn your back on her, and I would never ask that of you, no matter how...unfortunate her father is."

Bellatrix expected Andromeda to take the bait, to move the conversation away from such emotional and vulnerable topics, but while Andy's lips twitched in a frown, she remained focused, curious.

"You were ready to fully accept a 'filthy half-blood' as your niece? Give her the same standing as Draco?"

"Is that so surprising? After I already saved her life?"

"Why did you?"

"Because she's your daughter."

Andy leaned forward and took Bellatrix's hand in hers. "I love Ted. He's a good man, a wonderful husband and an amazing father. I think you would like him if you just gave him a chance."

Perhaps Andy was right, Bellatrix considered, remembering bits and pieces about the time she spent in their home. He clearly made her happy...

Something about that thought struck her as dangerous. Confused thoughts rose again about packs and bloodlines. What she had not understood in her more wolfish mind state made more sense to her now. Mudbloods were a disease, to be avoided, to be fought, to keep the pack strong. If Bellatrix accepted Ted, she would weaken the Black family, her pack. He had broken apart their family before.

And the mudblood Granger girl has made you weak, whispered a voice in her head that sounded suspiciously like Aunt Walburga. Begging and whimpering for forgiveness from a mudblood for doing your duty to protect the purity and reputation of this family.

She felt the ripping of skin and muscle against her teeth and the taste of hot blood filled her mouth. A fresh rush of guilt and shame washed over her at the thrill she had felt as she sank her fangs into Hermione's arm. Fear followed close on its heels: she had done far worse and had felt no guilt.

Following her around like a lost puppy, giving her your attention at all... Shameful. Disgraceful. Disgusting. You are a failure to the Black name.

Bellatrix stood up and started pacing, desperate to change the subject. "Well, you understand my reasonings now. Or some of them. Is the part where you give me a lecture on morality like Sirius?"

"If you're referring to your fight about the Longbottoms, I'd say describing it as a 'lecture' is quite the stretch," Andy said with a humorless smile.

Bellatrix stopped, her whole body tense. "Sirius was quite clear about what he thought, I assure you." Sirius's words replayed in her head: If anyone thinks Regulus deserved what he got, it's you... What makes him any different from Frank and Alice? Just someone in your way... "I expect you agree with him."

"You absolutely went too far, Bella. What you did is...unjustifiable, but...honestly you've always been this way. You've always needed someone else to act as your moral compass. I doubt you found any good ones among the Death Eaters."

Bellatrix didn't know how to respond, but Andy wasn't done.

"You are incredibly loyal - and you protect those you care about and punish anyone who would harm them. It was what was so terrifying about thinking you hated me... You are such a warm and caring person, but you're also...so cold and unfeeling. What would you do to me after I left? You admired You-Know-Who so you latched onto him for moral guidance. You thought highly of him. Cared for him. Probably even loved him in some way. Then he disappeared, and you lashed out. And I understand that because if anyone hurts my daughter or my husband, I will do everything in my power to make them pay."

Andy stared at Bellatrix with a sharp gaze that Bellatrix understood.

"So, yes, it bothers me. Immensely. But it did not surprise me, and I won't pretend that your motivations are somehow foreign to me."

Bellatrix was quiet.

"Make no mistake, I may understand why you did it, but I do not agree with it." Andy patted Bellatrix's arm. "But I don't think Hermione will be quite as understanding."

Bellatrix tugged her arm away. "I don't care."

Andy rolled her eyes. "Don't insult me, Bella. Everyone can see how drawn to her you are - or were, at least - even if they can't understand it."

"What's there to understand? She was kind to me," Bellatrix said simply. "Most people here aren't, and wolves do not understand the concept of blood purity and magic. My mind wasn't equipped to understand why I shouldn't trust her."

As if she had not heard Bellatrix's last statement, Andy said, "I think...if you try to do better ...then perhaps you could repair that relationship. If you wanted."

"If I wanted." Bellatrix had her doubts just as she questioned whether she thought it was worth the effort. She did not want to think too hard on that question or on why the thought of Hermione continuing to think badly of her caused a pang in her chest.

But she welcomed less the topic Andy brought up next.

"I want you to know...I don't blame you for Regulus... He made his own decisions."

Bellatrix swallowed hard. "I told him I was proud of him, you know. When he joined. And I was. He was taking a stand and fighting for what he believed, fighting for the future of wizarding society, but I wonder...if this is my fault. If Regulus is dead because of me. I should have done a better job preparing him for what it was like... I should have protected him better..."

Andy spoke gently. "And Regulus could have made different choices. It's not all on you to make sure none of us make any bad decisions or never get hurt. Regulus didn't have to join the Death Eaters. It isn't fair to pin the blame on you. There's plenty to go around."

It helped a little to hear Andy say that even if did not completely erase her doubts.

"I think it's easier for Sirius to blame you than to blame himself - or to blame me."

"Perhaps," Bellatrix said noncommittally. She felt tired. Exhausted. Her Animagus form pulled at her, where the noise and turmoil would lessen, where things would seem a little bit simpler.

Andy leaned forward and took Bellatrix's hands in her own. "I missed you, Bella."

Bellatrix swallowed and blinked. "I missed you too."

Andy smiled and squeezed her hands. Thoroughly exhausted, Bellatrix gave into the pull to transform, her hands turning to paws in Andy's grasp. She hopped down from her chair and padded over to the couch, Andy following close behind. Andy sat on the couch as Bellatrix climbed onto it. She laid her head in Andy's lap and fell asleep to the soothing sensation of Andy running her fingers through her fur.