A/N - Before anyone reads this, remember there are INFINITY WAR SPOILERS. BE WARNED.
Next, I want to say Infinity War was amazing, although I 100% intended to make a fix-it fic changing Loki's death when I walked out of the theater.
But then….this happened. This fic was probably the hardest thing I've ever written. It's not the longest but after reading dozens of these heart wrenching Infinity War fics I wrote one myself. And this is the result.
I appreciate reviews and all feedback!
"Your brother's head for the Tesseract."
Thanos' voice echoed around in Loki's head. Loki knew, all along, which choice he would make in the end.
Yet anyways he'd smirked, denying it. "Kill away."
And that's exactly what Thanos did. Thor threw his head back as he screamed in agony, eyes bloodshot with face caked with dust and sweat and blood. The Mighty Thor was dying.
Goddamnit, Loki. Loki wished he could take a knife and cut out his heart, because his heart was aching too much for him to bear. Piercing green eyes prickled with involuntary tears, sharp nails dug into his palm.
Maybe Loki could have resisted if Thor had met his eyes pleadingly. But the Prince of Asgard didn't even try, as though he knew what Loki's answer would be. Loki had backstabbed him too many times to count.
It was only a matter of time before Loki would've given in, he knew, but still the word brought the feeling of defeat. He had failed. Thanos would have yet another infinity stone.
A cruel smile twisted Thanos' lips as Loki pulled out the Tesseract with steady fingers.
And when Thanos took the Tesseract, Thor murmured in a low voice, "You really are the worst brother." It was perhaps meant for a joke, but the words stung more than Thor would ever know.
As Loki watched Thanos crush the cube and pull out the Infinity stone concealed in there, he realized with a hollow, dull feeling that he was going to die.
Loki had been prepared for death when he let go of Gungnir on the Bifrost. He had been prepared for death when he fought the Avengers in New York. He'd been prepared for execution when taken to Asgard after his failed invasion of Earth. He'd been prepared for death when he fought at Thor's side on Svartalfheim.
He was not ready for death now.
He wasn't ready to die, Loki thought with a panic and urgency he hadn't felt in a long time. He couldn't. He didn't want to go leave this world, leave Thor. For the moment, it was now just Thor and Loki against the rest of the world. The idea of leaving Thor on his own did not seem like the best course of action.
Yet Thanos had told Loki he would kill him for failing to take the Tesseract the first time. Loki was going to die at the hands of Thanos—best get this over with.
He watched the Hulk be inevitably defeated by Thanos with numb, unseeing eyes. Loki wanted to send Thor a quick glance, a hey-I'm-going-to-die-for-real-now-so-bye-brother glance, but he didn't dare attempt to shoulder the heavy weight of Thor's stare.
Loki was barely aware of what he was saying to Thanos—lying came so easily to him now. But after that, now, that was the important part. These were going to be the last words of Loki.
He held himself up proudly. "I, Loki," he said, voice echoing into the silence.
"Odinson," Loki declared. The word no longer felt like shards of glass in his mouth, instead, it felt warm, like home.
"Prince of Asgard," Loki went on, "Rightful king of Jotunheim, God of Mischief."
He let the dagger forming in his hands be clearly visible to Thor, taunting him with it. Loki knew he was going to die. Thor knew Loki was going to die now, too.
Thor began to trash wildly, mumbling something incoherent behind the metal over his mouth. A faint, bitter smirk tugged at the corners of Loki's mouth, and he turned towards his brother.
"The sun will shine upon us again," Loki promised, forcing back tears, but Thor's impossibly blue eye was frantic now, screaming at him. Loki felt a sliver of doubt. Maybe this wasn't the best idea, perhaps he should try to escape….
No! Loki was not backing out now. Thor had already seen him die twice, he'd mourned for him twice too. Does it get easier after a certain point?
If Loki kept thinking about this, he would never do it. Gritting his teeth, Loki forced the dagger forward with all of his strength.
It wasn't a surprise when Thanos stopped the blade's path without even twitching.
As Thanos' fist began to squeeze Loki's neck, life draining out of his body, he felt the need to say something, anything. "You—you will never be a god," Loki managed. Not like Thor. Stupid, noble, loving, golden Thor.
Thor was screaming behind the gag, No, no, no, but his voice was rapidly fading into the background.
Loki wished he'd turned his head so he was looking at Thor, because he didn't want to die staring at Thanos.
As Thanos hurled Loki's limp body to the ground, Thor's screams of grief, rage and despair ringing in his ears, Loki drew his last breath, knowing that when he opened his eyes again it wasn't going to be in Valhalla.
He hopes when all of this is over, when Thor looks back on the moment, that he hears everything Loki so desperately wants to yet cannot say. That Loki said 'Odinson' for Thor, because Thor was the last Odinson and Loki wanted to be his kin, his brother in Loki's final moments.
Forgive me, brother. I was a fool.
I was always your brother. I never stopped.
I'm so sorry.
I love you.
Loki was up to something.
Thor always knew by the way Loki spoke. He spoke jauntily to Thanos now about being an escort on Earth, words easy, flowing and loose, but Thor knew Loki wasn't hearing what he was saying. There was a fear, and nervousness underneath, the faintest tremor that only a brother would note.
Many times, Thor cursed Loki's unreliability, traitorous ways. But now he was grateful for it. Loki would talk his way out of this, of course he would. Loki would escape.
Loki would be alive, and that was enough for Thor.
But now, there was something wrong.
"I, Loki. Odinson." Thor knew the cost it took Loki to say that word. A knot of uneasiness formed in his stomach, especially when Loki sent him an undecipherable look.
"Prince of Asgard," Loki went on, "Heir to the throne of Jotunheim, God of Mischief."
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll always be the God of Mischief, but you could be more. A lump caught in his throat.
You are more, Loki, Thor wanted to say now, because he had a horrible suspicion of what Loki intended to do. You are so much more. Please, just leave now Loki, don't do this. Please don't.
Loki was turning now, staring straight into Thor's wild eye. "The sun will shine upon us again," he promised, and Thor wanted to scream, because those were last words.
The dagger that Loki formed in his hands might as well have stabbed Thor in the heart.
Thor began to thrash wildly, screaming muffled behind the gag. Why, oh why did Loki have to be courageous now?
And as Thanos choked the life out of Loki, something inside Thor shattered.
Because this wasn't like last time, or the time before that. Loki was dead, and he would stay dead.
Just an hour ago, Loki had been hovering at Thor's elbow, laughing at something Thor had said. If only Loki had left. But no, Loki had to stay. The one time he didn't backstab Thor, and look at what happened.
"No, no, no," Thor was crying out in disbelief. Loki looked so small, so tiny and frail in Thanos' hands. That was Thor's little brother.
His little Loki, who tagged behind Thor for a thousand years.
Thanos tauntingly tossed Loki's limp body down at Thor's feet. "No resurrections this time," he mocked, and Thor's stomach turned. Tears were already on his cheeks, though he couldn't remember crying.
Thor had lost so much.
And no matter what Loki had said, Thor knew the sun would never shine upon him again.
A/N - I—I'm sorry.
*bursts into a flood of tears*
EDITED: Sequel is now up, and it's called 'Aftermath'. Feel free to check it out!