IMPORTANT: While this can be enjoyed without remembering much about the official Mean Girls Trailer, you would have the best reading experience if you watch "Mean Girls Trailer" on Youtube (it's only 2-3 mins), just to refresh your memory on how the trailer goes :) I DO NOT OWN THE TRAILER NOR THE HP CHARACTERS

Dumbledore: We have a new student with us, she just moved here from Africa.

McGonagall: Welcome!

Random girl that Fred asked to the Yule: ….I'm from Michigan.

McGonagall: …great…!

(flashes to scenes of Hermione)

Hermione (narrating): I'm 16. And till today, I was in a regular school for muggles. And then it was good-bye Africa. And…hello, Wizarding School.

(Hermione walks up to Ginny and Harry and smiles politely)

Hermione: Hi, I'm Hermione.

Ginny: I'm Ginny. (nods to Harry) This is Harry.

Harry: Watch out! New meat comin' through!

Ginny: (takes out the Marauder's map) This map shows Hogwarts' central nervous system: the Hogwarts dining hall. (nods to Cho Chang) You got your cool Asians, (nods to Fred and George) burnouts, (nods to Victor Krum) jocks, (herself and Harry) the greatest people you will ever meet…..(Pansy appears)…And the worst.

(shifts to a scene where Pansy confronts Hermione)

Pansy: So you've never been to a real school before? Shut up. Shut up!

Hermione: …I didn't say anything.

(back to scene with Ginny and Harry)

Ginny: The Plastics!

Hermione: Who are the Plastics?

(shifts to a scene where three women are walking through the Hogwarts halls, looking like proud, smug models)

Harry: They're team royalty, representing authority of the Death Eaters taking over the Wizarding World.

Ginny (nods to Bellatrix): That's Bellatrix Lestrange. She's one of the dumbest witches you will ever meet.

(shifts to a scene where Hermione is talking to Bellatrix)

Bellatrix: I'm kinda psychic.

Hermione: Really?

Bellatrix: Yeah! It's like I have ESPN or something!

(shifts to a scene where Narcissa raises her wine glass while sitting at a table with Lucius, Snape, and other well-dressed pureblood adults and Death Eaters)

Ginny (nods to Narcissa): Narcissa Malfoy. She's got two Fendi purses, and a silver license.

(shifts to a scene where Pansy struts up to Blaise, Theo, and a group of Slytherin boys)

Ginny (nods to Pansy): And evil takes form in Pansy Parkinson. She knows everything about everyone.

Harry: That's why her hair is so big. It's…full of secrets!

(shifts to a scene where Pansy is talking to Hermione)

Pansy: We wanna invite you to have lunch with us.

Hermione: Pansy seems….sweet!

Pansy (honks horn from a flying car): Get in loser, we're going shopping!

(At the house at the Malfoy Manor)

Hermione: Your house is really nice…

Pansy: I know, right?

Hermione (narrating): Being with the Plastics was like leaving the actual world. And…entering girl world.

Narcissa: Have you seen any guys that you think are cute yet?

Hermione: There's this guy in my potions class…his name is Draco Malfoy.

Narcissa: No!
Bellatrix: No..!

Narcissa: That's Pansy's ex-boyfriend! Ex-boyfriends are off-limits. That's just like…the rules of pureblood feminism!

Pansy (sends an owl to Hermione with a letter): Narcissa told me that you like Draco Malfoy. I can talk to him for you if you want!

Hermione: Really? You would do that?

(shifts to a scene at a Halloween party at Hogwarts, where Pansy and Draco are standing in front of each other, talking in low voices)

Pansy (steps closer to Draco): You're so hot…

(Pansy and Draco kiss)

Hermione (gasps): Why would she do that?!

Ginny: She's a life-ruiner.

Hermione (narrating): I knew how this would be settled in the animal world. But this was girl world. All the fighting had to be sneaky.

Pansy: I wanna lose 3 pounds.

Hermione: There are these nutrition bars my mom uses to lose weight.

(at Twilfitt and Tattings, one of the wizarding clothing shops)

Bellatrix (tries to zip up Pansy's dress): It won't close!

Pansy: It's a 5!

Lady at the shop: You can try Madam Malkin's.

(shifts to a scene where Pansy and Blaise are leaving a Slytherin-only party at night, and Pansy pulls out one of the bars Hermione had given her)

Blaise: Why're you eating a Calteen bar?

Pansy: What?!

Blaise: They make you gain weight like crazy.

(random scenes of crazy stuff happening)

Pansy (looking murderous): Who does she think she is?! I like invented her!

(more random scenes of crazy stuff happening)


(at the Quidditch field)

Bellatrix: I'm sorry I laughed at you. (falls back for the crowd of Hogwarts students and teachers to catch her)

Parvati: I'm sorry I called you fat. (falls back for the crowd of Hogwarts students and teachers to catch her)

Narcissa: I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me. But I can't help it that I'm popular and have superior blood status. (falls back for the crowd to catch her, but only Bellatrix stands in place to do so, so Narcissa falls on top of Bellatrix)

McGonagall (steps forward to Narcissa and Bellatrix, who are groaning with pain): Walk it off! Walk it off!

(at a pureblood-only party, mostly with Death Eaters and purebloods who are friends/families of Death Eaters)

Bellatrix: You know who's looking fine tonight? (nods at Sirius Black) Sirius Black.

Narcissa (frowns with disgust): He's your cousin.

Bellatrix: What? He's a good kisser!

(end trailer)