Valid


*.*.*.*.*

"I've never said it out loud before," Alec said out of nowhere one night, sitting on the edge of Magnus' bed, dressed in only his boxers in the way he typically was whilst getting ready for bed.

He had been oddly still and silent this night, and Magnus had been worried, but he knew his Alexander better than he knew himself most days, and he knew when he was ready to talk about it, he would. And Alexander was always ready to talk about most things with Magnus sooner or later. And sometimes later meant much later, but it still came eventually, he had learned that the hard way some time ago.

Still, it had had Magnus on edge all night, that Alec barely said anything through dinner, through their leisure time, that he communicated mostly through his touches and kisses and glances more than he did through his words. It was worrisome when he did that. Lonely, some nights, but most of all worrisome.

That Alec had said anything while they were preparing for sleep made Magnus tremendously happy until the words sunk in, and Magnus turned from where he was standing in front of their closet to face him, confusion written on his face.

"Never said what, love?" he asked, eyebrows scrunched in concern.

"I've never said…" Alec faltered, glancing down and gesturing without direction as though he had a hard time saying what he had never said out loud before. At that, Magnus crossed the room and sat down on the bed next to him, took his hands in his own in a show of support and comfort, knowing that often times Alec just needed to know Magnus was there for him, wouldn't judge him, would support him no matter what, for him to do or say difficult things, just as sometimes that was all Magnus needed from Alec in turn.

"It's okay," Magnus murmured, stroking Alec's hand with one of his thumbs.

Alec looked back up with a grateful smile on his face, squeezed Magnus' hands before he took in a breath, seeming to steel himself against whatever it was he was going to say.

"I've never…" he began again, and Magnus held his breath, trying to make his support seem heavier than his curiosity. "... said that I'm gay. Not myself, not out loud," he said finally, seemingly pained and ashamed with the admission and looking to Magnus for more support and guidance as he did.

Magnus nodded, took a moment to gather his thoughts. He should have figured Alec was going in a direction such as that, should have known it would be something he wasn't expecting; Alexander just liked to surprise him like that.

"You don't have to," he said, reassuringly moving a hand to cup Alec's face.

"I know," Alec replied softly. "I just… I don't know, is it weird to not come out? Like… I kissed you in front of everyone at my wedding to a woman, and then… we started dating and fell in love and everyone knows about us… but is it the same as proclaiming in so many words to the world that I'm gay? Am I not valid if I—"

"No," Magnus interrupted, soundly, sternly. "You are absolutely valid, Alexander. You don't have to say the words out loud for you to be valid. You are valid because you exist. That's all," he promised gently, leaning in to brush his lips against Alec's softly, reassuringly. "Besides," he added when he pulled back. "You've just said it, haven't you?" he raised an eyebrow with the question, as good as saying that that was all there was to it. Alec had said it—and even if he hadn't, it wouldn't have mattered. All that mattered was him and Magnus and how they felt and damn anything else—and if he was happy with that, then so was Magnus.

"I guess I did," Alec replied, smiling in a thankful, appreciative manner. "Thank you."

"For what?" Magnus murmured, rhetorical, not allowing room for the answer he knew Alec had that would melt his very heart, as the Shadowhunter was prone to doing, as he leaned back in to kiss Alec again, coaxing him from that particular state of mind into a more relaxed one instead, and into bed, trying to put fears and worries and insecurities out of his mind for the rest of the night, if not longer.

*.*.*.*.*