It took me a while to find a hotel in London that was affordable but in the end I found something. The room is quite small but it has a bed and a bathroom and that's pretty much all I really need. Right after I arrived in my room I texted Tegan to le t her know how I was doing. I didn't tell her too much about the reason why I left, I'm assuming Sienna will tell her soon enough. At least with her knowing I'm alright and I'm not in a ditch somewhere she'll stop to worry.
Looking at the clock on the nightstand Kim saw that it was already nearing seven o'clock. The day past had gone very fast, a lot had happened in a short period of time. Going from having a girlfriend, a home and a family. To staying in a crappy hotel in London with no one familiar around her. Kim kept telling herself that it was for the best that she had chosen to leave, not wanting to do anything she'd might regret. Just little over a year ago she had tried to kill Grace for sleeping with Esther. She hadn't been in a right state of mind back then and it was something she still deeply regretted doing. During Kim's search for a hotel she had a lot of time to think about her day. Some dark thoughts crossed her mind and she came to the realisation that if she would have stayed in Chester, she might have hurt someone. She never dealt well with loss and heartbreak. Her emotions could get the better of her very quickly and without really realising it she could do things she never had even imagined doing. Being in London would give her the time to heal and see things more clearer. When Kim walked around London she had felt the most free in a long time. She wasn't constantly scared of people walking behind or close to her. Wasn't afraid when she'd hear a loud noise. None of the people she saw made her suspicious. Here in London was where Kim could possibly start all over again, a new life, a new job and hopefully new friends. The people in Chester hadn't even crossed her mind. Here no one knew about her past and more importantly her sister's. Maybe here Kim could finally be truly happy. But what about her Farrah, Tegan and Sienna? Kim wondered for a bit if they would miss her if she'd choose to stay.
In the village
Farrah: Sienna wait up. Have you heard anything from Kim yet?
Sienna: I have.
Sienna: And what?
Farrah: Well where is she? Why did she leave?
Sienna: I wonder why you care so much, it seems like you've been quite busy lately.
Farrah: What do you mean?
Sienna: Two words, Grace Black. Kim caught you guys together. I expected better from you, after everything Kim's been through how dare you treat her like that.
Farrah: Let me explain.
Sienna: There is no right excuse for this. You broke her heart and now she's gone because of you. She couldn't handle seeing you anymore.
Farrah: It was a mistake.
Sienna; Yeah that's what they all say after they've been found out.
Farrah: I do love Kim, I really do. It was just…. I tried so hard to make her happy, to try and make her better. And she just didn't seem to be getter any closer to her normal self. I felt so alone, I needed someone there to take care of me. And Grace was there.
Sienna: So you chose to forget about Kim completely, despite how much you supposedly love her and get into bed with her number one enemy.
Farrah: We didn't sleep together.
Sienna: That's what Grace said too, still how can I expect a cheater to be truthful?
Farrah: I never meant to hurt her, she doesn't deserve that. I let myself go.
Sienna: Well I hope you and Grace become really happy together. Though I do wonder what Grace is going to do about Glenn. I somehow think that she isn't that willing to break things off with him. Would be sad though. You losing an amazing woman and relationship and for what? For a meaningless fling that won't even go anywhere. Have you ever discussed it with Grace, her breaking up with Glenn?
Farrah: No we never had.
Sienna: I'm not surprised. I bet she is with him right now, not thinking about you in the slightest.
Farrah: I was never planning on leaving Kim for Grace, I couldn't. I never wanted to lose her but I let my feelings take control over my actions, which I regret so much. If I could only explain it to Kim. Tell me where she is please.
Sienna: No can do. She didn't even want me talking to you, well she didn't want me confronting you. Which I didn't you did. So I kept that promise to her. And I will keep another one and that is not telling you where she is. If she wishes to speak to you she will call you. But I would advise you to let her be. She deserves a chance to be happy with someone that actually respects her and treats her right. You had a chance to do that and you ruined it. So let's hope for your sake that Grace leaves Glenn else you'll be ending up empty handed from all of this.
Farrah: If you speak to her, tell her how sorry I am.
Sienna: Won't promise you anything.
My first day as a single woman again, I really hoped it wouldn't happen again. That this time I had found the one to build a future with. Now I'm in a shitty hotel in London all by myself being miserable. When I woke up this morning I saw that Farrah had texted me, begging me to speak to her. I've been considering calling her after all, just to make it clear that we are done. But I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it. To call her and tell her we are truly finished. What if hearing her voice makes me want to come running straight back in her arms and tell her that everything is going to be alright. I know that could never happen. Forgetting about her infidelity is impossible for me. I don't have the faintest of clues how any couple could get over that. I know that Esther forgave me for my affair with Grace. But the situation was different back then. Not trying to justify my actions but I wasn't particularly in control over my feelings or actions. Still I treated her badly and she forgave, still can't understand why or how. I don't even think I really deserved it. So why can't I forgive Farrah for her mistakes? A part of me does think she's sorry and that she regrets it. OR maybe she's feeling guilty and only want to clear her conscious by apologizing and after wards still ending up with Grace.
This is making me realise that I do have to talk to Farrah, clear things up. I need to know if this is really where the road ends for us or if there is still something worth fighting for.