Aha! Thought you wouldn't be seeing ME again, didn't ya! Well, I'M BACK BABY!

...For this chapter.

Wondering where I got the idea for this? I was thinking of the ice cream man song my brothers/friends would sing as little kids, then I thought of white vans, then I thought of candy, THEN I thought of our favorite Shiro duo. AFTER THAT, I thought of this. It was a very strange train of thought.

Prompt: First Meeting

Characters: Toshiro, Ukitake

Genre: Humor

Rating: K-T

Warnings: Mentions of all the bad things that can happen to little kids on the streets. While placed in a comedic situation, it is still there. You have been warned.

For first year academy student Hitsugaya Toshiro, this had to be one of the most boring things in existence. Where others were frantically scribbling down notes, he sat in his chair lazily, already knowing the material despite only being here for a week.

What was so hard about this place anyways? All the Shinigami he overheard made this place sound like hell! ...Well, in a way it was hell, but of the "bored to death" variety, along with "surrounded by idiots bigger than you." He heard there were seven levels of hell. He wondered; was there a level of hell for those who died that way? Maybe it was there was level for good-for-nothingness.

His attention was brought up to the front of the classroom as an unexpected change of pace. Apparently, they decided to bring some classes to various divisions to see how things really worked.

Why in the world were they choosing a first year class to do this?

Meh, either way this would be way more interesting than just regular class. Maybe he would actually learn something new for once. Listening intently, he made a mental note to research the Thirteenth Division. It wouldn't do to go unprepared, after all. He was not going to know less than any-freaking-person in this gosh darned class if he had anything to say about it. He had an already earned reputation to keep, dammit!

Not that he cared that he was better than the snobby rich kids who always taunted him in the halls, tormenting his every waking moment since he stepped into this horrible place. Nope. Not at all.

… Okay, maybe a little.

He walked at the end of the small crowd of ecstatic, smug, and overly nervous academy student his class and another formed. While it was annoying being in the back of the mass of people, he would much rather be behind everyone, unbothered, instead of in front of them all, or God forbid, surrounded by them.

No, much better for his nerves (and health) to stay back and more or less unnoticed.

Eventually, they stopped at the courtyard of the Thirteenth Division. He tilted his head and blinked nervously when they were told to buddy up and wander around on their own for an hour. He instantly knew that anyone buddying up with him was a lost cause.

What the teachers didn't know wouldn't hurt them, right?

Eventually, Toshiro wandered into one of the gardens of the division.

There, on the deck, he saw a man sitting down, looking at the flowers. He observed the Shinigami curiously. He had long white hair, reaching his waist, and dark black eyes. Over his standard shikuhasho was a white haori.

A captain, Toshiro realized. Not a regular Shinigami, a captain.

The captain turned his head towards Toshiro. The boy hurriedly bowed, not daring to look at the man in the eye. He was going to get in trouble, obviously people weren't supposed to be here, he's so dead—

"Oh, you don't have to bow. Stand up! What's your name?"

Toshiro's thoughts crashed to a halt. He blinked, and hesitantly straightened. Okay, he could do this. Apparently, the Captains were not nearly as strict with protocol as he had been lead to believe. Who knew?

"H-Hitsugaya Toshiro, sir. First year academy student."

The Captain's eyes lit up, and he clapped his hands joyfully. "Oh, your with he academy students visiting today!" Obviously, Toshiro thought, twitching, considering I'm wearing the uniform.

"Ooh, and you're a Shiro-chan, just like me!" Wait, what? "Tell me, do you like candy?" What? "Wait, of course you like candy! Let me get you some!"

Without waiting for an answer, the man seemingly teleported inside—shunpo, Toshiro vaguely recognized—and came back out with a bag of candy, and shoved it in his face.

"Here you go, Shiro-chan! I have more if you want some! In fact, if you ever want more, feel free to come to me, okay?"

Staring incredulously at the man, Toshiro's eyes widened as his mind flashed back to the many warnings Granny and Momo had given him in his younger years

"Shiro-chan, NEVER EVER trust old guys giving you candy, okay!? If they ever do, be sure to run away and scream—"

"RAAAAPE!" Toshiro screamed, running away with wide eyes and a pale face. "CHILD MOLESTER! KIDNAPPER!"

Later on, after everything was cleared up, it was universally agreed upon to never mention it again.

Funnily enough, despite the entire fiasco, Ukitake-taicho had gained a very, very large soft spot for him. With the notion of a terrible childhood in his head (which was, admittedly, not to far of the mark), he resolved to give his fellow Shiro-chan even more candy than before.

Toshiro just wished everyone would forget the entire thing.

To his dying day, everyone who mentioned the incident earned a sword to the face—and later on, a bankai to the face.

I feel really guilty joking about those subjects, but when the subject hits me... Meh.

Quick service announcement: don't ever, ever joke about this in real life. Seriously. DON'T.

Welp, on that cheerful note, read, review, fave, follow whatever. Give me ideas, people! Or criticism! PLEASE!